AshleyInTexas

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When I started this WLS journey I wanted to reach a mini goal of being in the 150's by my Birthday  on December 28th!!!  

Today, I reached that goal!!!  I weighed in at 159 this morning!!!  It feels good to have reached this goal, even before my b-day!!!  I see the numbers and can't belive it!!!  I have 39 pounds to go until I reach my surgeons/nut. goal for me!!!  WOWZA!!!  That's all for today.....thanks for reading.....Tah Tah for now..........


Ash :)

Life.....it's a hard, never ending story.  A person who has never battled OBESITY, wouldn't understand the feelings, thoughts, questions, that I have everyday in my life after WLS.

I have battled my weight for so long, I can't remember a time when I didn't think about it?!?!  I thought that by having WLS, that I would never have to think about "my weight" ever again......Boy, was I so wrong......  I think I need to come to terms that "my weight" will be on my mind for the rest of my life, and I just need to learn to adapt a deal with it!!!

In my mind, hidden deep, I have a fear that one day, I am going to wake up and my "tool" isn't going to work anymore.  I know that's not true, but you can't seem to convince my brain that!!!  It's almost like I have unknowingly prepaired my self for the day that I am OBESE again?!?!  

Then there is the scale, mirror, clothes, compliment problem.....  I can step on the scale, like this morning and see 162 and think dang....I am skinny compared to pre-op!  I can receive a compliment and feel good, and feel thin.  I can go clothes shopping and buy an 8/10 and be very happy and excited!  When it comes to looking in the mirror, I feel as if I look OBESE!!!  I fear this will never change, no matter how skinny I am or how much I lose!!!  

We have plans to have another child some day.  I fear I will freak out if I gain weight during my pregnancy?!?!?  I for sure, don't want that to happen!!!  Will I be able to lose the weight after the baby???  Will the baby be okay???  Yes, tons of fears.....

Will these thoughts, issues ever go away???  Am I a crazy headcase?!?!?   Are these normal post-op feelings that us ladies have???  

Funny story.......

For months now, my DH has been telling me how skinny I look, how sexy I look and how proud of me he is.  Well, I always smile and say, THANK YOU HONEY!  Deep inside I don't feel any of those things!  I tell him how I feel....I feel like a big fat pig!!!  He says, NO, not true!  I tell him, well, when you have been fat for so long, it's hard to see yourself any different.

Well.....My husband has lost about 5-10 pounds here in the last month by cutting back on his portion sizes.  I have been telling him how great he looks since he lost some weight.  My dad, and my friend Kristi told him the same thing... He calls the other day from work, to tell me that a guy said, "what ya doing man, you're losing weight"???  He said, nawww just a little!  So, he then says.....Honey, I know now what you mean about not feeling skinny after losing weight!!!  

I was never so happy to know that he "got it" and so the light, now he feels what I feel!!!!  That was such a good feeling to know that he is on the same wavelength as me.....

Well, I think I have gave out enough of my feelings for one night.....

Tah Tah for now....

Ash :) 

This morning I started my cycle.  UGH!!!  It's really a good thing though!  I have PCOS and having a cycle after 5 years without one, it's a blessing.  This means my female parts are working again and I am getting closer and closer to normal!!  YEAH for that!!!  On a better note, while I was dealing with AF this morning I was curious to see if she packed the pounds with her arrival.  Much to my suprise, she didn't in fact, I was down 1 more pound!!  Waaaaay Coooool!!  I'm sitting at 165 pounds and that cheered up my day!!  Here's to you AF!! LMAOOO!!!  Tah Tah for now.....


Ash :)