lissa386

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yesterday was a very hard day for me and today i feel better today i got my lab results back and it sorta explains why i am going through a little depression i am anemic and my dr says it can cause depression but today i am feeling alot better i just want to say thanks to latresha r you are my angel i am glad to have met you on here as my consultation nears i am getting a little nervous i know that it is just a consult but i know it is a beggining to a new me and a healthier me i have decided to keep a video blog of my thoughts and feeling of this on you tube so if interested go check them out i am bossladyjr on you tube it is not much  and you can also see other peoples journeys as well

    I SAW THIS ON SOME ONE'S PROFILE AND SAID TO MY SELF I MUST HAVE THAT ON MINE
SORRY FOR THE THEIVERY BUT I HAD TO HAVE IT




What I Won't Miss:
1. Having people call me “big mama.” 
2. Seeing the looks on the people’s faces that I knew from high school. 
3. Having family tell me I’ve gained a lot of weight. 
4. Taking pictures from the head up, only. 
5. Having bras cut into my sides. 
6. My feet and ankles hurting when I stand up. 
7. Legs hurting when I walk or try to climb stairs 
8. Being out of breath from walking. 
9. My back killing me during the day. 
10.Waking up in the middle of the night from back pain. 
11.Feeling exhausted all the time. 
12.Always being sleepy. 
13.Not finding any cheap stylish clothes my size. 
14.Having clothes from when I was smaller that I just don’t want to throw out. 
15.Not fitting my favorite top. 
16.Getting evil looks from the person next to me on the plane or bus. 
17.Feeling self conscious about how I look. 
18.Not being able to cross my legs. (I don't remember ever being able to do this) 
19.My fingers and toes being swollen. 
20.Having to spend more money than thinner people on my clothes 
21.Having men avoid eye contact with me. 
22.Not being able to give myself a pedicure comfortably. 
23.Having to do the fat people shoe tie. (u know, tie your shoes from the side.)  
24.My shoes being too tight on my feet. 
25.Having to wear flats instead of high heals. 
26.Feeling like I need a fork lift to get out of the bathtub 
27.Having people at a pool stare at me. 
28.Being treated like I can't do anything athletic by small people. 
29.People saying “you’re so soft, I just want to hug you.” 
30.Not being able to see my feet. 
31.Looking at pictures and not recognizing myself. 
32.Having people say "you’re pretty for a big girl." 
33.Using the big girls stall in the bathroom (aka handicap stall) 
34.Having my breasts be a net for my food. 
35.Having the bath water only cover half of my body. 
36.Avoiding all cameras 
37.Dreading my jeans in the drier, because you know it's going to be smaller when it comes out.
38.Taking blood pressure medicine. 
39.Distant family members thinking its ok to comment on my weight gain. 
40. Buying Big Beach Towels and using them as a regular towel. 
41. Always wearing my business shirts untucked. I look like a fool with them tucked in.
42. Being called "lil mama"
43. Being told you aint big

one thing i must say is i really hate when skinny people say they fat

I HAVE BEEN REALLY DEPRESSED FOR THE LAST COUPLE DAYS I SAW MY SELF ON VIDEO CAMERA DURING THE HOLIDAYS AND IT MAKES ME REAL MAD TO SEE MYSELF I FEEL LIKE A BIG FAT BLOB I DID NOT REALIZE I LOOK LIKE THAT UNTIL THEN I MEAN II KNEW THAT I WAS HEAVY BUT I DID NOT THINK I LOOKED LIKE THAT I REALLY AM DISGUSTED I DONT KNOW HOW TO REACT AND ME AND MY  HUBBY HAVE BEEN GOING THROUGH THE TIMES I TELL YOU THIS MUCH HEE DONTLIKE ME TO CALL MY SELF FAT CAUSE HE SAYS I AM NOT BUT I KNOW THAT I AM IT IS LIKE THE MOVIE SHALLOW HAL I HATE THAT MOVIE JUST LIKE I HATE ANY MOVIE THAT MAKES OR PICK FUN AT THE FAT PEOPLE AND SHALLOW HAL IS ONE OF THEN AND NORBIT IS THE SECOND I KNOW THAT IT IS SUPPOSED TO BE FUNNY SOME OF IT IS AND WELL THE FACT THAT RESPUSHA CANT FIT IN HER OWN CAR COME ON AND HOW SHE COULDNT FIT THROUGHT HE COUNTER AT THE AMUSEMENT PARK  THAT WAS NOT FUNNY TO ME I HATE THE WAY I LOOK I DONT REALLY CARE  ANY MORE I STARTED THIS SURGERY  BECAUSE MY PRIMARY DR  RECOMMENDED I GO THROUGH THIS BECAUSE OF THE MULTI HEALTH PROBLEMS THAT I HAVE THAT INCLUDE INFERTILITY, MENSTRUATION PROBLEMS, KIDNEY  STONES, HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE, AND SOME URINARY INCONTINENCE   I AM SO TIRED OF ALL THIS I WISH I WOULD NOT HAVE REALLY SEENT THE WAY I ACTUALLY LOOK  I KNOW THAT HE IS JUST TRYING TO SPARE MY FEELING WITH EVERY ONE ELSE BUT SORRY I HAD TO STOP FOR A MOMENT TO CRY BUY I AM BACK RO END THIS POST LATER GUYS

well i had my barium swallow done and my arterial blood gas the abg hurt like a little but but i took it ti think i am tuff well i will wait on my consult and hopefully all goes well i even met a lady named Charlene today whom had wls 3 months ago by the same surgeon she gave me her number and told me to call her if i have questions or just wanna talk thanks Charlene till next time oh fam i love you all

first and foremost i would like to say happy new year to every one i only have one more task to o before i have all of my pre consult task dome and that is an arterial blood gas which i do this wednesday at 7:30 in the morning i am not a morning person so i am already dredding this but hey i got to make some sacrifices if this is what i want to do i am so nervous my consult is coming up fast and being that i have done all i need to do it should go pretty fast i cant wait though i seriously want to thank all of you in chat and online here for al the info and answering my questions

well i had my psychiatric evaluation today  in a way i dont think he is gonna approve the wls because i was sexually abused when i was a child 3 times and according to him people or young ladies in my situation become obese so that men wont be attracted to me and he thinks if i have wls that once i loose the weight men will be more or more men will be atrracted to me and i will go crazy but that is not the case at all i use to have some resentment toward men but i realy dont feel that way any more to a certain extent it is according to how they the men come at me like i was told once before is you gone let me get that or am i gonna have to take it shit like that scares me and i go into a depressed and scared reality but after all that i went through who would not be afraid well i hope that he approves me for wls yall my family pray for me i really want to do this for me and my family and my health ya heard

hi all it has been since my birthday since i made a post i just wanted to say thanks to all of you for your support i am at home with a bad cough i am trying to quit smoking but the cough is due to a cold  when i went to seminar the Dr said we all had to quit smoking i am trying very hard i did not know that it would be as hard as it is everyday i keep praying i know that i can do it pray for me oh family  any suggestions on kicking the habit write me

well just lying in wait till the day i go for my consult i have been in chat will alot of people and ii thank you all for the info love all