Cynthia T.

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Two month bandiversary. I need to take pictures. I have lost a total of 30 pounds! Who hoo. I dont really count pre-op wt. loss seperate, I count from when I started my journey till now. I would not have lost the wt. without the surgery, be it a motivator or just the actual restriction. I have not decided if I am smidge too tight. Pete said that I should be able to eat 3 oz. I can eat 2. I am also picking softer foods, so maybe I can lose and it will be loser over time. I am still getting in between 900-1200 cal a day, so I am not starving. I just ate 2/3 servings of crackers and peanut butter, which is 11 crackers and 1.5 tbs of pb. Stuffed. I should have stopped at 10. I got into a streachy size 18 pants this week, from a 24. yea!.... I am glad I am banded. I will keep this posted to see if the too tight thing is a problem. My goal loss rate was between 6-8 pounds a month, right now I am at about 10-13. Obviously I am pleased.

Ok, so I think I am getting the hang of this fill. I measured. That was the key. I thought I was eating way too much, and I am eating about 3 oz which is what Pete the Dr. said I should be doing. It helped me to accept where I was. I do have to slow way down though, that is where I was going wrong. I find that at work at lunch, I get stuck alot, because I dont take the time to just sit, be mindful, and eat. I feel like I should not be eating at work. Weird. I suck at getting in water. I was inspired by my friend Sarah, as usual, when she told me she is getting in more water tonight, so her skin is healthy. I want that. I am also not as mad that I dont get to eat as much, so I think I am accepting this fill. I really feel like this is a learning/grieving process for me. I have to pout after each change till I accept that this is a life change not a punishment. I think I will join a yoga place and get some excersize. I like group excersize, so I may try that. Depends on the cost and the time of the classes. People are so very encouraging. It is easy to hold onto the people who are not, but I am letting them go faster and simpler than before. It helps to remember that those who are mean are the minority in my life. I have alot of cheerleaders. I also have started looking into rewards for each 10 pounds. I bought some pants, but they are still a bit small. I think I will get the dishes set I had my eye on, and my family has been sending me some pretty great suggestions. I have not gotten the reward for the 20 pound mark, and I am just a couple of pounds from the 30 pound mark. So I best get on pampering myself! I have been feeling prettier, and tonight I saw that I had cheekbones. Very cool. I also got to play on the swings with my child. She said "Mommy, you have never laughed on the swings with me before, this is my best day." Mine too.

I got my first fill yesterday. I drove to Denver, 5.5 hours one way. I got there and finally the dr. scale and mine are close. :) Pete the PA did the fill. He is nice. I joked around with him alot. I was not expecting to be nervous. I was not nervous all the way up, and seconds before I got on the scale my insides were DREADFULLY nervous about the fill. I really had not though about it. He said how much you want? I said, aren't you supposed to know? He said, usually patients tend to have a number in mind. I did, a way conservative .5. He gave me 2. I thought you only did this in tiny doeses. I wanted tiny because I did not want problems I would have to drive up for. I had no idea what I was supposed to feel like. It felt nothing going in, I drank water, I had to take way smaller bites. I did not realize how much I ate before, because it was still WAY less than I used to eat. So I was happy. Now, instead of 7 meatballs and a cocoa, I eat 3 meatballs and nothing else. Way less. I need to step up on the excersize. He told me to do weights. Ugh. I like weights, but I just dont like doing stuff all alone. Ugh. I am drinking more water, but that needs to improve. Overall though, for a total 180 life turnaround, today I feel like I am doing pretty well. (dr. thought so too) The drive back was long, I was tired, and pretty useless at work today. I dont like that part much.

I could not find someone to watch my kinderprincess while I drive 5 hours to denver and 5 back So I am waiting until the 28th.

I am eating about 1500-2000 cal a day. My fats are high, but my carbs are low. I really like hamburger more than fish. I feel pretty good. So I guess I can wait a week.

I keep trying to work out, and am doing well with the walking, but I keep getting shin splints from the elipitical. Grrrr. I am going to do some strength training stuff on tues, thurs, and sat. I joined sparkpeople and I just love it. 20 other people joined and used me as a referral. I am so very happy with that. It made me feel like I was helping others on their journey. I am working hard at developing a new lifestyle, not really at losing wt. I think I lost around 18-20 lbs depending on when I weigh.

I think that I am doing well. I have had only one pb on pork, a couple of what I would call "episodes" that were not exactly pb's just food sitting hard in my chest. I doing better adapting to the lifestyle.

I need to write on my OA questions everyday, because that keeps my head clear of the food hunger. Its just is a great way to touch base with God and say, "Yo, I have a food problem, today too."
I just plain old need God everyday to make my lfe work.

I realized that this was my one month bandiversary. Weird. It did not seem like it was a month ago. I healed so fast. This band just seems like part of my life. I was expecting so much weirder life. I get that I am to eat smaller. I am not eating as well as I want to be. I think I have to get my head in the game more. I am doing pretty well, and I am losing and getting the hang of the smaller meals. I am also excersizing more, and that is pretty cool. I get to where I miss it. I run Nick, walk Anna, and do the elipital for about 7 minutes. My knee gets kinda squishy after that. I think instead of that routine on the weekend I may do yoga instead, I just have to set my bedroom up for more room to bend. I am liking not eating as much. I need to work on the water thing. I was good about it at the beginning, but not as much now. I think when I get my fill on the 26th that may help. Both with the wt. loss and the inspiration. My brain has not caught up with the loss yet. I have lost this amount before so it does not seem quite "real"yet. I think it will feel more real when I get below 210. I am also more about the inches. I see pics on here and think, dang that gal is 120 and she is 150. Its all about it looks anyway. Once I lose some wt, I am more healthier, and then it is about not lookn like a cow anymore. So happy one month to me......go ahead sing along......

Ok this is funny

Your weight loss =

1 pound = a Guinea Pig
1.5 pounds = a dozen Krispy Kreme glazed donuts
2 pounds = a rack of baby back ribs
3 pounds = an average human brain
4 pounds = an ostrich egg
5 pounds = a Chihuahua
6 pounds = a human skin
7.5 pounds = an average newborn
8 pounds = a human head
10 pounds= chemical additives an American consumes each year
11 pounds = an average housecat
12 pounds = a Bald Eagle
15 pounds = 10 dozen large eggs
16 pounds = a sperm whale's brain
20 pounds = an automobile tire
23 pounds = amount of pizza an average American eats in a year
24 pounds = a 3-gallon tub of super premium ice cream
25 pounds = an average 2 year old
30 pounds = amount of cheese an average American eats in a year
33 pounds = a cinder block
36 pounds = a mid-size microwave
40 pounds = a 5-gallon bottle of water or an average human leg
44 pounds = an elephantï's heart
50 pounds = a small bale of hay
55 pounds = a 5000 BTU air conditioner
60 pounds = an elephantï's penis
66 pounds = fats and oils an average American eats in a year
70 pounds = an Irish Setter
77 pounds = a gold brick
80 pounds = the Worldï's Largest Ball of Tape
90 pounds = a newborn calf
100 pounds = a 2 month old horse
111 pounds = red meat an average American eats in a year
117 pounds = an average fashion model (and she's 5 11ï)
118 pounds = the complete Encyclopedia Britannica
120 pounds = amount of trash you throw away in a month
130 pounds = a newborn giraffe
138 pounds = potatoes an average American eats in a year
140 pounds = refined sugar an average American eats in a year
144 pounds = an average adult woman (and shes 5 '4)
150 pounds = the complete Oxford English Dictionary
187 pounds = an average adult man
200 pounds = 2 Bloodhounds
235 pounds = Arnold Schwarzenegger
300 pounds = an average football lineman
400 pounds = a Welsh pony

I am having such a hard time. I am re-reading my profile and just weeping. I have been out of surgery for 3 weeks and one day. I am not doing well at all. I ate mozzarella cheese stick and a peanut butter cup blizzard for lunch, I had about 3 p of bread for dinner....I am so ashamed. What is wrong with ME?! I am so afraid. I am so scared that I will fail. I will let down everyone, and not even give a second thought to letting down MYSELF. I ready why I wanted this in the first place and it is so CLEAR. I just can not see myself thin. I have to believe that if I just keep doing the stuff that they tell me to do, I will be there. I dont have to be thin, I just have to be doing what I am told. I am not follow directions. God gave me a book to do what I am told and I am doing my own THING!

I have to pray to submit each day, meal, moment. Tonight it is all I have left.

Ok drove to Denver for my first post-op deal. I was with Pete the Assistant guy about 3 minutes, he checked my cuts and said they are looking good. What I cant get outta my head was that my wt. was 251. That was 3 pounds more than what mine said. I was going to go by the dr.'s scale only, but I learned I hate that scale! LOL... So we are going by mine baby. I will blame the long car ride. I have no clue how that would change my wt by 3 pounds but so what. I decided to pick the lowest number I can find, its more encouraging.

I bought a watch that beeps at the top of the hour and I am doing something that they taught me in the food classes. I eat on one hour- rest on one hour- drink on one hour. Today will be my first full day trying it. I have not worn a watch in about 4 years so it feels like a dinosaur is sitting on my wrist. I think my food intake is too much too. I want to measure, but I think I will do it via container. I will measure what I can eat in those little tupperware containers, and never eat more than that. I HATE measuring. I hate making my meals into a math problem. I need to use fitday more too. Ugh. I feel like I have more energy. Which is good because I have to drive my daughter too school every day at noon. Yuck. In the below pics you can probably tell, she cut her own bangs to get ready for school. The beauty shop did what they could. I told her she looks great. I actually mean it. I think the new do gives her face character.

Last night I was loading these pics and the face shot on the boards. She said, "Mommy you look pretty. " I grunted (I was distracted and frustrated) and she said, "MOMMY WELL JUST LOOK AT YOU!" I looked at her. She grabbed my chin and said, "JUST LOOK!" I did. I do look rather pretty. "See, I think you are so beautiful."

That girl has a direct line with God.

I am back from surgery kids! Ok here is the long verson of the surgery and the last few days. As I remember it.

Dad, Olivia and I left Junction on Wed, drove forever, only hearing Olivia saying "are we there yet 531 times. On that afternoon, we plugged around paying everyone, and seeing the dr. I had been on liquids for 4 days prior to that, so I was not really enjoying myself. I got all the tests done. There were more, EKG, more blood, more pee, all that. Dad, Olivia and I met with Dr. S and I liked him still. He was excellent with them and me. I was assured. We went back to the hotel and hung out. They ate, I answered the phone. I got alot of calls. It was awsome. I even got called from folks in Junction as well as support staff with the surgery.

Next am, 5 am. I woke at four. I was not really nervous, more like wanting to get it started. We got to the hospital (Olivia was great and awake) and they checked me in. While my family stayed out. They started the IV, gave me a shot for blood thinning in my stomach, and talked to me alot. Asked me the same questions they had been asking for DAYS. "Anything to eat or drink" "You have any questions" and "Do you know what you are here for today?" They all cracked me up. Everyone involved with the surgery came in and asked me these (and 19 more) questions. My dad and daughter rejoined us. We hung out in the room, and I was kinda thinking "man, I am really doing this." They gave me some happy juice in the IV. I kissed my family and they wheeled me in. It was bright, folks were busy, and the gas guy says, ok, this is just to relax you. That was it. The next thing I remember was being wheeled out and I asked if the dr. was over his hangover. I also asked the size of my band and he said 2.5. I went to recovery.

Recovery, stage one was to last for an hour or so, then they were to wheel me to stage 2. That was not how it went. I had an OUTSTANDING nurse. She was very kind and talkative. She answered any question I had. She said that they may not have enough staff to open stage 2, so I might have to wait it out there. I was sad. My family could not be in there, too many recovering people. So I started on my breathing machine, liquids, and sleep. I was groggy, but I just so wanted to see my little girl, I was not going to relax. I worked as hard as I could to come around. They took me down the hall for the upper GI. I was expecting to puke with the liquid. I did not. I never did puke. That was a shocker to me, I did not even need anti nausia meds that were perscibed. The Upper GI was cool looking. I drank some NASTY cherry niquil tasting stuff, and watched on a screen as I could see it go into my tummy. It was a trip. I passed the GI no problems. So I came back to the room and drank. and drank and peeked into my chart and looked at PHOTOS of my tummy and new band and drank. I also begged them to tell my family what the heck was going on so they knew why they could not come see me. I did not want them in a waitin room for 5 hours. I had no idea that they already had been there forever. They promised they would.

Soon, I knew I would feel better UP. I just wanted to walk. So I did. I had the cool nurse walk me, and we walked down to recovery stage 2. They said "what are you doing here?" I said "taking a walk", so they said, "we better open this up this area then". and they did. I was so very happy. My family joined them. There were 2 nurses who had never done Lap-band diet, so they were reading MY book to figure out how much to give me. I just wanted to WALK. I felt so much better moving. On one of my strolls I opened (ever so slightly)my port inscision. (For you newbies, that is the biggest one) It was just glued together, and is quite ugly. So they had me lay back while they steri stripped it back together. I bled alot because I was on the thinners. I did not want to sit there while they did that, I wanted to walk. Whatever they said to do I did. They said, "your oxygen is low" I grabbed that little breather thing and worked it out. I just wanted OUT.

One of my favorite moments in the hospital came when I was dressed to go, walking and waiting for my family to get the car ready. One of the pre-op nurses looked at me and said, "I know you don't I?" I said, "Yeah you got me ready for surgery this morning." She said "Holy Damn you look GREAT!! Oh my God I did not recoginize you!!!" By 3 I was out the door.

I had recieved a big ole bag of goodies from my angel Carol, and all the nurses where Ohhh-ing and awwwing over it. I was pretty moved too. More than anything, she talked to my dad, and I think that helped even more than visiting me.

We went to my aunties for Friday and Sat. I rested alot. Codine makes me ichy and sleepy. So the next couple of days were hazy. I was off them by Sat, took OTC meds once, and that was it. I walked every time I could, and on the first night that was the top of every hour. I would walk and drink. It was a long night, but not HARD, I would sleep enough to rest and then say, 3 am up I had to be. Walking and breathing deep in the machine killed the gassy tummy. Even though it was uncomfortable, I was going to do those alot. I knew that this was temporary so the more I did those two things the better I would be.

I REALLY messed up my liquids on the first few days. In my haze I was thinking tsp were Ounces. BIG MISTAKE. I obviously did not drink near enough the first day. On the second day, I drank more, but was so angry at myself that I was not doing it perfectly, that I decided to toss away my record book and just drink. I was freaking out over the numbers. I would overfill my pouch and be in pain for an hour. I realized I needed to be easy on myself. Carry water and a bottle of protien and just sip all day. Instead of trying to live by the schedule in the book they gave me. That just made me sad and frustrated and angry with myself.

Today we came home. The drive was fine, we had to stop for 3 hours in greeley for my step mom's family reunion picnic. I just held my daughters plate every chance I got so people would not bug me to eat. I am tired from the drive, and kinds sick of drinking my dinners.

I dont miss food too much. I feel dorky not eating when others are, but mostly my food thing right now is in my head. Me and my Bandivia belly are getting aquainted. So far so Good. I get tired easy, so I am being gentle, but I am so proud of my quick recovery. I go to work tomorrow. 5 days post-op.

My circle here and in my direct life has been MAGNIFICANT. I could not have asked for more support and encouragement. I loved logging on the computer Sat, when I was kinda discouraged about how I was doing, to see all the great notes to me. Thank you all so very much.

Just a word about my family. I have a very "expect nothing" attitude. People always surprise me. When I got this surgery the people who surprised me the most were my family. First I want to talk about how great my dad is being. He has been easy to talk about the surgery with. I thought it would be different, I thought it would be "thats good for you, but lets talk about something else" (I do have people like that in my life) Yesterday we were up at his house, and I have been worried to death about what to do with Olivia during all this. I tried a couple of people to watch her and they delcined, so I was running outta time. My dad says "Cant I watch her while we are there?" I honestly never thought of that. I did not want to burden him anymore. He is driving me to Denver ON HIS BIRTHDAY is my surgery. I felt like I burdened him enough. But he said Olivia is no trouble and he would not mind at all watching her while I am in surgery. That is love in action. He does not get what I am doing completely, but he is there anyway. I have a good band of people like that, my friends Sarah, and Rachel, My sweet daughter Olivia, My mom, My Auntie and my Brother Cliff all come to mind. The people at work are real supportive to . I just feel loved. I can go into this life change knowing I am no alone, I have this band of people and I have faith that God is working through all this. I just wanted to thank people publicly for their support. I see all the time how vaulable it is, and how some WLS patients don't get it, and how hard that is for them. I just love my possie.