catherineangel
HARD
Jan 01, 2010
So I've made it to 2010. The year of the tiger according to Chinese astrology. I have purposed to overcome. In every set back, to rise up, in every challenge, to meet it head on. When I am tired, I will rest, take a step back, reevaluate and come up fighting. I will not be discouraged, intimidated and frightened by myself or anyone else and should I become discouraged, intimidated I will see it from the one who loves me more than anything else GOD.
Be strong, be courageous for the plans I have for you are of good and not evil.
MERRY CHRISTMAS
Dec 25, 2009
Sorry I couldn't flip the tree right side up. Just wanted to wish all my friends a very Merry Christmas. Well found at that my surgery has been moved to May...so I fiugre it will give me more time to lose weight, and hopefully start exercising. I endulged a little today but it's good...i've come a long way from last year where all i did was eat, eat and eat. What was that about?. Too long to discuss now... so here's wishing all my ob.help peeps :) a wonderful christmas but more importantly cheers to a wonderful life...i will get there...i will get there....
All I've got are these Images....MY RAMBLINGS
Dec 22, 2009
The thing about image is that it is exactly that. IMAGE! What freaks me out about people is that we respect people based on how they look. After all that's all we really have to go on. Perception is everything. A whore could be a whore, but dressed in a suit. A thief is not a thief if he's the C.E.O of a top financial organization. At 34 I am so sick of people looking at me...the fat me and seeing nothing else. At 34, I am so sick of the image. Sick of hearing how pretty I am and waiting for the other shoe to drop, but if you only lose the weight. Who gives a flying fish what you think about me or any other person who is overweight. Are we not intelligent? Highly intelligent! Aren't we sexy? PLEASEEEEEEEEE ASK MY HUSBAND!!! OHHH BABY BABY!!!!! Aren't we ambitious, talented, multi-talented, worthy. Here's the problem. WE DON'T KNOW IT. We've been bombarded with image, after image of Beyonce (damn great body) Rihanna ( greater body) and countless other women who are fabulous in their own right. That's just the thing, they are fabulous as themselves, not trying to be in someone else's body. So I don't want to be told by any one that I am cute, or pretty or good looking (no one in particular. no one at all) I want to be looked at for the first time and be seen for the great talent I am. Wish the heads of my company would look past their crotches. MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
CHEW CHEW CHEW
Dec 21, 2009
Chew, chew, chew and when you slow down chew again. Oh Pamela, thanks for that little lesson, but how much slower must I chew? I went to my mandatory nutritional class on Saturday before the snow storm hit us. Which by the way, we got 12 inches or so.
The last few days were tough, cravings and food all over the office (why wasn't I born with the skinny gene?) I did pretty good if I compare my gains to last year. I had a little bit of this and a little bit of that. What killed me was, was i got home after not eating for several hours and saw a bag of chips. Needless to say 30 mins later, I had consumed half the bag of so called natural chips.
Disappointingly, i weighed and found that I gained 7 pounds, which I refuse to accept. Weighed at home and shows that my weight is up and down one pound not 7 pounds. Maybe it was the stupid scale at the office.
The session on Saturday was a small group and brought home the importance and seriousness of staying on track. This weight loss thing is not easy. In fact re-learning good patterns is damn hard. It's not easy. I don't want to sabotage myself and yet I have been trying my best. I think the key is to write, and to be honest with myself and take it one day at a time. So I am back to being very strict. God HELP ME! AND ALL OF US WHO STRUGGLE WITH THIS WEIGHT ISSUE.
God knows what's best
Nov 28, 2009
So we found out that our insurance rates have just increased and that starting with the first of the year, we have to pay a percentage of all medical services performed outside of a doctor's office.
At first, I panicked, but decided that God knew the date before I did and that I am sure He has already prepared the fattened calf for me. Even though sometimes I have doubts, I know that in every difficult situation in my life, I've seen God's hand come through.
So like so many other times in my life, when it's been so dark and you - God have come through for me. I will continue to trust you because I need this for me.
HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE
Nov 26, 2009
Wishing you all a wonderful Thanksgiving. I know we all have a lot to be thankful for.
MY RAMBLING MIND
Nov 21, 2009
So last night on MTV Rhianna is taking over (which I love), and is doing a great job of hosting the show and promoting her new song and because I LOVE TO DANCE
- I can't get down like I love. I really wanted to get up there and dance. Sometimes I feel like I missed my calling to entertain people, but oh well. It's back to the writing course for me and to try to make enough money to be independent. I need to put it into perspective. Get well, get stronger. I found a site that might help me with the PCOS. I will look into it. I've been taking vitamins and minerals of all kinds. I think I need to look into something else.
My foot feels pretty much the same some days and better other days. THe dr. says if this continues then I need to come back in. Ohhhhhh how the heck did this happen?
Then since my DNC on October 2nd - my period came a month later and now i haven't stopped bleeding. THIS IS DRIVING ME CRAZYYYYYYYYYY. I want to be healthy and want this bleeding to STOP.
God please heal me of this PCOS and foot fracture...please.
Big Girls Don't Cry...at least not anymore.
Nov 14, 2009
First time travelling to Livingston on my own. My hubby was too tired.
Oh wow! The adrenaline rush from waking up soooo early and traveling all the way to Livinston was not exactly my idea of an ideal Saturday morning. Rain, rain and more rain. I finally got there a little wet, but I was there. I was a little nervous. You know first time and all. Not knowing what to expect... I saw familiar faces and brand new faces. I signed in and the room was half full,
- by the end we had a full room and I made one more friend. At least, I HOPE SO. I guess I forgot to go to the back and weigh, 'cause one of the staff had to call me up...ooooppps the big moment. The reading...437. Wooo hoo. My scale at home did not lie.
I lost 6 pounds! 6 pounds!
I did not think I would. I have been up and down between plans, but watching my portions. It's working. I haven't been this excited about something in over a year. Visited my poediatrist and he told me I could remove the boot. Hallelujah!!! This week has just gotten better and better.
The meeting went by really quickly. Pamela is awesome! I can't wait to zip away the old me and have the new me step out. The me that I have always been in my mind. :) Sometimes knowledge and strength in numbers is all we need.
My next class is in december and I am going out later to buy something cute for myself. Maybe a pair of shoes, or get a hair cut...I am learning not to use food as my only means of celebration.
A little psycho
Nov 07, 2009
So this week, I've heard more about weight loss surgery nightmares than I care to hear. My baby sis is worried about me, and I get it.
I am finding it hard this past week to stick to my 1200 calorie healthy lifestyle, but I am trying. I want so badly to change. I want so desperately to come out of this 453 pound foreign body and become the body that I am supposed to be. I have pain all over. My feet from stress fractures, my shoulder and clavicle and just general malaise feeling.
My life has been caught up for so long in what every one else wanted for me that I got used to doing it every one else's way. I got used to eating like every one else, I got used to living like everyone else, doing what everyone else wanted me to do. Even losing weight for everyone else instead of ME.
That's all changed now and different now. I will give this one more try in terms of another weight loss plan, just to show myself, that I am giving myself the opportunity to see if it will really succeed. I will not sabotage myself.
I know that I can do anything I put my heart and mind too. I am willing to strip away the vulnerabilities and hidden things that got me to 453 pounds. I know surgery is not the be all and end all. I know that I willhave to work. Work out, work at eating again re-learning those things that I forgot.
This time I will live for me.
