Creeping back

Jun 02, 2015

I managed to keep my weight off for a few years. That plus a tummy tuck has put me in a place where I generally feel happy how I look and feel, though I always have my ups and downs. I got my sleeve, I slimmed down. I graduated college and worked in Houston- I fluctuated. I started law school, I gained. I got a tummy tuck, I slimmed down a bit. I was healing, I gained. I was studying for the bar, I slimmed down (and got myself in really good shape, thanks to my study workouts). I got a job, I gained. I got engaged, I slimmed down. I got married, I gained.

That's where I am now. I told myself I wouldn't let myself get to the point where I was buying a different size clothing, but I have. And I'm noticing more and more my negative feelings toward myself as a result of it. I don't like pictures as much, I don't like my clothes, I don't feel confident, I'm not as interested in sex, the list goes on.

But, doing this diet and exercise thing with a significant other... is fucking difficult. Doing it with a significant other who is content to round out is really really difficult. I don't want to have to isolate myself. I don't want to have to prepare different meals all the time, and say no to things to do/have because I need to take my health seriously. I don't want to. But something needs to change. I've had some luck before by doing sporadic times of calorie restriction/dieting, and then when I get back 'in the clear' I will relax a bit. That may be called for now. I've been attempting to integrate small things first, without doing anything that will sabotage the peace and tranquility of my epic new family life. But so far my efforts have failed, and the weight is still creeping on.

I'm evaluating options now, and may write more as thoughts develop...

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