Pinkshell4u

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I'm feeling ill this morning. Had a bad night, tossing and turning. My CIB isnt sitting very well so I'm drinking water to try and wash it through. I'm still hovering at 215 but as I was examining myself this morning, I'm softer.  My fat isnt hard in the places it used to be. Oh and I can reach all the way around my back now, I couldnt before because of the second set of boobs on  my sides/back.  My face looks thinner to me and my waist looks a tad smaller.  I bet I've lost more inches. 

Today we're going to try going to the movies.  I dont know if I can sit in one position for 2 hours, I may have to get up and shake it out a few times.  I find I freeze up if I sit too long.  I'm also going to have to sneak in water and yogurt.  Ok, thats it for now.

Another pound gone, wheeeeeeee!  Why do I feel like I dont deserve to lose anything?  Probably because I'm not doing anything physical besides walking.  I feel like I need to work out more, sweat....I dunno. I'm not allowed yet.  I probably wouldnt be able to do much anyway, my incision is still pretty sore.  

So, lets see.  I'm sleeping better.  Most of the night (except when I get up to pee) and with no painkillers.  I havent taken anything but Tylenol in a week.  I can get up and down out of any position without crying out. My burps are coming up better or I guess I'm learning how to get them out more efficiently.  My lower intestinal (bum) problems have resolved for now.  I do fear poop though, I never know what I'm gonna get. Hehe. My incision looks good, its still coated with that industrial glue which is kinda curling up at the edges ( I pick at it, I know I shouldnt).  Physically I'm golden.  Mentally, I still get weepy and feel blue now and then.  I still have moments when I'm not so sure I should have done this.  It passes. I know its worse now because I can only have liquids and I'm very restricted.  It'll be fine, next week he'll graduate me to mushies and I'm sure that will help.  My face has cleared up, which is good. My hair isnt falling out anymore than it already does.  My fingernails are growing like crazy though.  Anyway, thats it for now.

No weight change.  I had the worst migraine of my life last night.  Took a BC powder and a hot shower to make my head calm down.  I feel better, although hungover, this morning. 

I want to eat something....different.  Not shakes, not smoothies, something with substance.  I cant. I have to wait until my doc says its ok. *cries* ok, i'm done whining.

I numbered my water bottles. I thought this would motivate me to drink all of my water. Instead its making me feel gulity. I'm trying to get down Bottle #3 (which has washed out what little dinner I had in me).  I had a few minutes today of weepy "why did I do this?" and "I've ruined my life!" but it passed.  I'm worried that when school starts in 6 weeks that I wont be as sharp or able as I was prior to surgery.  I have 6 classes this semester and am already feeling the pressure.

Anyway, I have a headache and its making me wanna smack someone.

I can't say I'm surprised, I've read alot of posts where weight fluctuates at this point. I'm not frustrated.  I'm doing pictures/measurements today to see if there's any change there.  I tried on a bunch of pants in 20 yesterday, some are loose.  I made a pile of 22's that I wont be wearing ever again.

I feel ok. I did sleep in my own bed last night and only awoke during the night to pee, that is a first.  My pouch has been nauseous before I go to bed lately so I drink some yogurt before laying down and VIOLA! no problem.
This is my last day of pampering, boo hoo.  I'll be getting a mani/pedi as my last indulgence. Yay.

Measurements for July 18, 2007 Weight 218.

Neck: 15
R. Arm: 16
L. Arm: 15.5
Boobs: 45.5
Under boob: 39
Waist: 40
Butt: 51.5
L. Thigh: 29
R. Thigh: 28.5
L. Calf: 17
R. Calf: 17.5
R. Ankle: 10
L. Ankle: 10.5

Ok, once I did a comparison, I gained .5 inches, which I know is wrong.  The measurements done before surgery were done by me and are probably not accurate. The ones done today were done by my husband, so I trust them more.  So, the above measurements will be our baseline.

I made a mistake yesterday, it should have been Day 8 not 7.  Another 3 pounds gone.  I'm having gas issues, not lower gas so much as a huge bubble developes everytime I swallow anything. I think I meantioned it before but its really beginning to cheese me off.  I feel pretty decent today, in fact, I feel better than I let on to my family. What can I say, I rarely get waited on and I am going to milk it for as long as I can.  The house isnt quite as tidy as I keep it which makes my OCD muscle itch but I'm resisting the urge to clean.  I'll be walking the mall again today.  I called the docs office yesterday and my follow up is on the 24th. Thats about it for now.

2:30 pm

Went to Panera today and actually ate something. Had their French Onion soup. Skimmed out most of the onions and the broth was excellent. Man, it was tasty.  I was nervous because I didnt know how much sugar was in it but I took it slow and listened to my body as I sipped.  I'm having a hard time getting my water in.  I usually try to drink 1 20 oz bottle before lunch, 1 20 oz bottle after lunch and 1 20 oz bottle before bed. BUT. Well, I'm just not getting all 3 in.  I also eat popsicles and my soup has water in it too. Too bad we cant run our own IV's at home, that would really be helpful, hehe.  As for protein, I'm trying dammit.  Probably getting half of what I should but I know I should try harder, i know i know. Grrrrrrr.  I sneezed today and swore that I blew out my entire incision. I looked down and expected to see my t-shirt start turning red with blood.  Brought tears to my eyes. Note to self: Never sneeze again.

This morning my Dad and I went out, I thought it would be good to get out and I needed to pick up a few things.  We went to the library, no big strain there and I was feeling still pretty chipper.  Next was the mall, just for a light walk to show him where some things were.  Needless to say I fagged out after 1/2 of a lap, I was getting worn down.  We hit Walmart, picked up some dog food and soap, I was wilting fast and my knees were jello.  Only had to drop movies at Blockbuster now.  Dragging my feet thru the store, on the edge of total exhaustion.  We got home at 1 pm and I was what I call "hungry" , which translates to nauseous as hell.  I magic bulleted some soup and here I sit, braless and having my backmassaged by that automated chair insert thingee I bought for Joe 5 years ago.  I never used that thing until I realized it did wonders in getting the gas outta me!  Now I wish I could duct tape it to my torso and drag an extension cord around the house.  Hehe. I'm very gassy, especially after I eat....er, drink lunch. Anyway, I think I'll retire for abit and get my strength back.  I weighed in at 219 this morning and no one is thrilled but me. oh well. I started at 225 (240 was highest pre-op, 225 was after liquid diet) and am down in a few days to 219.....to me that is significant so everyone else can just sit and spin.

3:51 am.  I wanna hurt someone.  I'm frustrated and over-tired. I walked alot yesterday and didnt nap all day just for the sole reason that I thought I would be able to sleep through the night tonight.  I feel worse because I know I've kept the old man from sleeping as well.  My stomach aches and I cant get comfortable, no matter how many freekin pillows or what kind of propping I do.  I got up and took 2 Tylenol and am eating a SF pudding.  I'm hot too.  Not like fever hot but like I cant have a blanket or sheet on me or I sweat. Nice. It seriously feels like I'm being punished.

My step-father has emphysema, he's had it for a few years now but has managed it.  He calls me tonight to say he wont be going back home anymore (he lives on an island in the Bahamas, yes, thats where I grew up) because the doctors have told him its too dangerous for him to fly.  Basically, he's dying.  Thats hard for me. I love him and want to be near him but we have been geographically seperated for a long time.  He has a girlfriend who takes very good care of him, Deb.  She has been with him longer than anyone and I like her.  He has other adult children who live near him but they are addicts and do nothing but use him.  I guess I'm angry and sad that I wont be near enough to share more moments with him before his death, because I'm the only one who would appreciate him.  Anyway, it was preying on my mind, maybe its what inspired tonights sleepnessless.

I feel the pills beginning to work so I'm back to bed, hopefully to doze until sunrise.  I want to thank everyone who PM's me and comments to my blog, its always nice as a writer to hear compliments and even criticisms.  Until later then.

Here it is, 5:23 am and everyone is snoozing except me.  I slept for a good 5 hours straight which is a record so far. I guess I should be grateful.  We had a scare last night, I started getting hot at about 6pm.  My temp fluctuated between 99 and 99.7.  I didnt want to go to the ER unless it was over 100 for at least an hour so we waited.  I guess I was just hot flashin cause it eventually evened out.  I do have a niggling little cough, only when I lie down of course.  I'm going to double my walking today in an effort to rid myself of this gut-wrecking problem.  My nose runs too, probably from the spontaneous outbursts of crying for no reason (fun).  I'm still bleeding intermittantly, one day will be close to nothing and the next will be full gushing force.  I'm hoping that by this week I'll even out in that respect too.  This morning my belly feels alittle less distended, more like 6 months pregnant than the full 9.  The incision looks awesome and I'm very pleased with it.  I weighed myself last night and am finally down to my pre-op weight, 225. So I guess this is where my actual weight loss will start, on July 15th.  I get to thinking about what I have done to myself and honestly I get very scared.  How can I live the rest of my life like this?  Will I ever be Normal again?  Should I have done this? I mean I really wasnt that big?  Buyers remorse.  
My taste and smell has changed.  My dog smells bad, my husband smells bad, my couch smells.....the outdoors reeks. Geeezuz.  Its like I'm hyper-sensitive now, like everything smells 500X more than it did.  My mouth is either so dry that my tongue is stuck to the roof of my mouth or tastes like I've been chewing on spoons.  Terrible.  I brush my teeth alot.  And even the toothpaste tastes like shit.  
Anyway, I'm going to try and lay back down. I may post more later.

LATER*
Hiya. Its almost 9am, I managed to lie back down and catch a few more winks. Took a shower and now feel partially human.  My bath towels stink, weird.  Anyway, weighed myself just out of habit and guess what?! 222! HA! Imagine that.  I'm drinking my CIB (gag) and took my vitamins. I think I may visit the mall today and try alittle walking.

So far the worst things are : getting up and down from sitting and laying. Coughing. Nausea. Gas.

Okay. Not too bad. Other than I cant sleep in my bed because its too high and soft for me to be able to get in or out of (esp. in the middle of the night to pee) So I've been exiled to the short couch. Its not so bad. I'm a night owl anyway so I'm up watching tv until 12.  I took some of the narcotic yesterday and it made me feel terrible so no more drugs for me. Tylenol only.  I drank a CIB this morning, 11g protein, so that will up my total for the day.  Not so good yesterday, only about 11 g for the whole day. I did get all of my water in though so yay me.  Doing my Flintstones 2X a day.  I have other supplements but I think I'm gonna wait until I'm further out to add those.  My belly is still pretty swollen.