LaurieBK

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I'm APPROVED!!!!!  I called my insurance company today to verify they had received my paperwork.  The representative told me that letters had been sent last Friday and that I had been APPROVED!  Wow!  I guess this really is going to happen!  My surgeon won't schedule the surgery until he has the approval in hand.  But tentatively, I will be scheduled for October 12 or the week after.  Keep your fingers crossed!

July 13, 2006
Just an update.  The paperwork is going very well.  I finally received a copy of my medical records......good thing my primary care physician and I are great friends and I used to work for him.....because his staff kept putting the job of copying off for more than three weeks, he actually let me make the copies myself in his office.  I was able to see a psychologist for my psychiatric evaluation and received that paperwork.  Had to pay $161 for this service and that was with insurance!  I also saw Dr Schweitzer's nutritionist.  Very sweet and attentive.....yet tough in her expectations.  I need tough!  Although I've done an immense amount of research, what she told me was helpful.  I like the way professionals approach my decision to have surgery......they use terms like "after your surgery" and "while you're in the hospital."  Makes me feel as though maybe this really will happen.  Anyway, I was able to hand deliver all my paperwork to Debbie, Dr. Schweitzer's secretary, last Wednesday.  She is such a burst of joy and energy.....so helpful and attentive and made me feel like I was one the most important patients they have!  It is obvious she loves her job and all she does for her patients.  She definitely deserves more than what I'm sure her salary is!  My next hurdle is an upper endoscopy which is scheduled for next Wednesday, August 2.  I am really dreading it as I've had them before, but I'll do what I need to do.  Having suffered from chronic pancreatitis and ulcers in the past, my gastroenterologist just wants to be really careful and I have to appreciate that.  Other than that, my clock is just ticking away waiting for insurance approval.  I can't believe they would actually approve me on first submission, but Debbie doesn't think there will be a problem.  I'm keeping my fingers crossed!

I have met my surgeon and have begun the mounds of paperwork!  Good thing I'm reasonably intelligent!  This is June and from what I understand, the soonest I could possibly have a surgery date is October!  GRRRHHHHH!!!  But everything happens for a reason!  I've taken 40 years to get to the point I'm at, a few more months certainly won't make a difference!

March 2006
Just beginning the process, but relieved and excited that I have finally made a decision to go forth with WLS!  I can't wait to begin my new life!  I made my appointment with a very reputable surgeon, Dr. Michael Schweitzer.  He is in such high demand that the soonest I can consult with him is not until June 12th.  That was little frustrating but I also realize there is a reason he is in such high demand.  He is one of the best -- if not THE best -- in the field.   I've actually placed a countdown on my calendar until my appointment!

It's amazing the amount of research I've done as well as the amount that is out there in cyber land.  Dr. Schweitzer has his own website (www.smallscar.com -- if you're anywhere near Maryland and even remotely considering any type of weight loss surgery, check it out).  I've poured over that site and studied until I nearly fall asleep on my lap top at night.  ObesityHelp is also a wonderful resource.  It amazes me how much we all have in common.  It has taken us quite a lengthy time to come to the decision to have surgical intervention to assist us with weight loss.  All of us have loved ones or friends who resist the idea -- and most of them have never had a weight problem.  And once the decision is made, we're all impatient with the process.  Birds of feather............

 

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March 2006
Just beginning the process, but relieved and excited that I have finally made a decision to go forth with WLS! I can't wait to begin my new life! I made my appointment with a very reputable surgeon, Dr. Michael Schweitzer. He is in such high demand that the soonest I can consult with him is not until June 12th. That was little frustrating but I also realize there is a reason he is in such high demand. He is one of the best -- if not THE best -- in the field. I've actually placed a countdown on my calendar until my appointment!

It's amazing the amount of research I've done as well as the amount that is out there in cyber land. Dr. Schweitzer has his own website (www.smallscar.com -- if you're anywhere near Maryland and even remotely considering any type of weight loss surgery, check it out). I've poured over that site and studied until I nearly fall asleep on my lap top at night. ObesityHelp is also a wonderful resource. It amazes me how much we all have in common. It has taken us quite a lengthy time to come to the decision to have surgical intervention to assist us with weight loss. All of us have loved ones or friends who resist the idea -- and most of them have never had a weight problem. And once the decision is made, we're all impatient with the process. Birds of feather............



June 13, 2006
I have met my surgeon and have begun the mounds of paperwork! Good thing I'm reasonably intelligent! This is June and from what I understand, the soonest I could possibly have a surgery date is October! GRRRHHHHH!!! But everything happens for a reason! I've taken 40 years to get to the point I'm at, a few more months certainly won't make a difference!



July 13, 2006
Just an update. The paperwork is going very well. I finally received a copy of my medical records......good thing my primary care physician and I are great friends and I used to work for him.....because his staff kept putting the job of copying off for more than three weeks, he actually let me make the copies myself in his office. I was able to see a psychologist for my psychiatric evaluation and received that paperwork. Had to pay $161 for this service and that was with insurance! I also saw Dr Schweitzer's nutritionist. Very sweet and attentive.....yet tough in her expectations. I need tough! Although I've done an immense amount of research, what she told me was helpful. I like the way professionals approach my decision to have surgery......they use terms like "after your surgery" and "while you're in the hospital." Makes me feel as though maybe this really will happen. Anyway, I was able to hand deliver all my paperwork to Debbie, Dr. Schweitzer's secretary, last Wednesday. She is such a burst of joy and energy.....so helpful and attentive and made me feel like I was one the most important patients they have! It is obvious she loves her job and all she does for her patients. She definitely deserves more than what I'm sure her salary is! My next hurdle is an upper endoscopy which is scheduled for next Wednesday, August 2. I am really dreading it as I've had them before, but I'll do what I need to do. Having suffered from chronic pancreatitis and ulcers in the past, my gastroenterologist just wants to be really careful and I have to appreciate that. Other than that, my clock is just ticking away waiting for insurance approval. I can't believe they would actually approve me on first submission, but Debbie doesn't think there will be a problem. I'm keeping my fingers crossed!



July 24th, 2006
I'm APPROVED!!!!! I called my insurance company today to verify they had received my paperwork. The representative told me that letters had been sent last Friday and that I had been APPROVED! Wow! I guess this really is going to happen! My surgeon won't schedule the surgery until he has the approval in hand. But tentatively, I will be scheduled for October 12 or the week after. Keep your fingers crossed!



July 25th, 2006
Nope......still no letter stating approval. I did call the insurance company back last evening though just to make sure I had heard them right. Maybe it will be here tomorrow or Debbie (Dr. S's secretary) will get if first and be able to schedule my surgery SOON!



July 27th, 2006

!

Woo hoo!!! I have a date! My letter arrived yesterday and I called Debbie today. October 12th! The first day of the rest of my life will begin on October 12th! Wow.....I'm so excited. I have a few things to wrap up beforehand, but it should be no problem. I have to meet with the anesthesia evaluation team, have a pre-op physical exam, EKG, chest-x-ray and blood work. That's all scheduled for the end of September. Sounds like a long time from now, but I suppose the way time flies it's really not! Once I found out this was really going to happen, I went on line and purchased some samples of Unjury protein supplements. I also need to start a list of things I need to have on hand before the surgery......vitamins, Biotin, jello, Crystal Light.....the list just goes on. But in the end it will be all worth it. Now, I suppose it is time to compose my list of things that will make all of this effort worthwhile.......



**After I have surgery, I will be so thrilled to................

..........be able to go to a baseball game and not worry if I'm going to fit in the seats.

.........be able to eat in a restaurant without worrying about who's watching me and what I put in my mouth.

..........be able to eat in a restaurant and not worry if I'll be able to fit in the booths.

..........be able to go to the movies and not worry about their seats.

..........be able to go to my children's school and not worry if they are embarrassed by me.

.........not be teased by little kids.....and actually allowing those little kids to make me cry.

..........go to the mall, or a carnival, or a fair and not sweat like a pig and becoming extremely overheated to the point of unconsciousness and exhaustion.

..........be able to go to the doctor's office and not refuse the weigh in.

..........have my yearly GYN checkup without crying about it days ahead of time because of what they will think when they see me naked.

..........not have my knees ache so bad that I'm in tears.

.........make love with all my clothes off......well, maybe not that one.

..........swim with my kids in our pool during the daylight hours.

..........go to the mall and park at the far end without wondering how I'll ever make it back.

..........go to a class reunion and not be ashamed.

..........go out in crowds of people I know and not feel paranoid about what they are saying about me.

..........just one morning, stand in front of my bathroom mirror without crying.

..........look nice in clothes.

..........just love me.



August 1, 2006
Tomorrow I have to have my upper endoscopy. Ugggghhhhh.....I hate those things. I get so panicked when they adminster the spray to numb your throat. I am so dreading it. I dread it more than the actual bypass. But I guess this is all part of it. I said I would do anything to have this surgery done, and I'm being put to the test. My gastroenterologist is kind of protective of pancreas......he more or less saved my life more than 12 years ago, and he doesn't want me doing anything that would jeopardize the health of my pancreas. So, I'll do as they say.....it will be sort of nice knowing that everything is okay and the surgery is a go! This time tomorrow it will be all over with!



Wednesday, August 2, 2006
Yeah! The upper endoscopy is done! My GI doc is so good to me. He knows how much I panic when they numb my throat and he gave me so much medication, I don't remember a thing! NOTHING! I had the test this morning at 9:00 and next thing I know, I'm in my bed waking up at 4:45 this afternoon! God bless the creators of Versed and Demerol! He did a couple of biopsies, which is fairly routine, but otherwise, he cleared me for surgery! This is the last thing I should have to do until the normal pre-op procedures and that won't be until the end of September. Now I can concentrate on getting ready for the big day.

I have started trying different protein drinks in hopes of finding one that I'll be able to tolerate in the long term. I really like the Carnation Instant Breakfast No-Sugar Added drink. Tough time finding it at first though......if you're looking try to find the Ovaltine and Hot Chocolate mix.....that's where it was located in my grocery store. I've also gotten some canisters of protein supplements to try from GNC. I ordered sample packs from Unjury which I hope to try this weekend. Unjury also sent me some very useful information about protein and a few great recipes for the Unjury product. I was pretty impressed......although I know they want my business. I'll have to let my palatte decide that one! I'll be sure to let you know! Happy journey everyone!



August 13th, 2006
Hi gang! Not ignoring you, just really have no news to report. I'm still waiting for the biopsy results from my upper endoscopy, but I'm not allowing myself to worry about them. If I don't hear by Friday, then I'll give my doc a call. My only other concern is whether an extension was granted for my surgery approval from my insurance company. The letter stated I was approved through September 30.....because of the terrific, greatly-in-demand surgeon I have chosen, my surgery was unable to be scheduled until October 12th. I'm fine with that date, but is my insurance company??? I wonder, but I'm afraid to make the call and find out.

I'm also trying to improve some personal areas prior to surgery. I've been swimming more to increase my activity level, I've been trying to increase my intake of protein, and I've begun taking Biotin. My biggest fear after the surgery, believe it or not, is losing my hair......pretty silly, huh????? I need to lose 130 pounds and all I'm worried about is my hair! What can I say? It's the only part of me that I kind of like and I'm not ready to let it go without a fight. So I'm hoping 1200 mcg of Biotin a day, beginning now, will help.

Other than this, I'm just passing away the time. I can be driving down the road and begin to calculate the days left until surgery......or sitting at my desk at work.......or folding laundry........or peeing.......LOL! I understand now why it can consume you. I am so anxious to begin the rest of my life. I don't want a super-model body. I SERIOUSLY doubt you will ever read my profile and find that I'm seeking plastic surgery, unless it is truly medically indicated. I just want to stop feeling so terrible and disliking myself so much. Unless you've been there, you could not possibly understand the loneliness that obesity causes. Oh, I'll be the first to admit that I always try to be the first one in a group to crack a fat joke about myself, but after I do it, I'm crying inside. Don't ever fool yourself into thinking that it is okay to make a joke to someone about how big they are because they do it themselves all the time........if we do it first, it kind of takes the sting away in a strange sort of way. It amazes me that a little five year old child could reduce my heart to tears just by telling his mommy that "she's really fat." A car load of teens passing me by as I walk on the sidewalk, taunting me by hanging their heads out of the car window and 'mooing' at me as they go by, can put me in an tear-filled depression that will last for weeks. Almost every morning, I stand in front of my mirror naked, and through tears, wonder how this ever happened and how anyone could ever stand to look at me. I can't stand to look at myself without almost gagging in disgust. I wonder everyday how the person I love can tolerate what I've done to myself. The pain that rips through you is unreal. And, sure, thin people will automatically read something like this and say, "well, do something about it then." Unless they've been here, they have NO clue what they're saying. I can honestly say I am finally trying to do something about it. Drastic circumstances unfortunately call for drastic measures.....even if those measures include altering your physical make-up for the rest of your life. It's a last-resort decision that does not come lightly, nor does it rest easily on your mind, but it is a decision that is derived after years of trying and desperation. Finally, there is hope. My heart fills with joy everytime I read on this sight that someone has made the decision to go forth with this life changing tool, or that someone has been approved for surgery by their insurance company (whether easily or not), or that a surgery day has arrived and all went well. And of course, the hope that reading profiles of successful 'losers' brings to me is immeasureable. All I can offer to everyone out there in the same boat as I is to perservere and hang in there. There is hope and there is a way out. It will take work, both physical and emotional, but you can get there. Small words coming from someone who hasn't had their surgery yet, but true ones nonetheless! Thanks to everyone who has the courage to stand naked on this site and bare their very souls. It is you that gives courage to beginners like me and gives hope that there really will be a tomorrow!



August 14, 2006
I must be in a very thoughtful, deep mood of late....LOL! Yesterday's message was truly heartfelt, but more needs to be said. It amazes me as I read nightly through the many profiles, the support that morbidly obese people seem to offer one another. Only we can truly understand what it is like and the struggles that each of us have faced over many, many years. Perhaps it is unfair, but I have always said that the hard work of weight loss isn't in the losing, but it is in the maintaining. I've probably lost and gained the equivalent of five people in my lifetime and now weigh as much as I ever have. What a great group of accepting, caring people there are on this site. I've made a couple of great, life-long friends here (thanks Linda, you're the best.....I promise we will get through this together.....roller coasters and thongs, here we come!!!!!). I can actually feel the tears we all share with each other's disappointments, the laughter when I read someone has sent naked pictures to their insurance company, and the warmth when someone loses that unhealthy weight and is crying with joy. I only wish that people were more willing to continue updating their profiles after the weight has come off. I know that lives must blossom and life gets joyfully busy once that burdensome curse of excess weight has been lost, but it would be so wonderful to read post-op updates, even if only a few a year. Even if you are not at a place you had hoped to be, it would be nice to know exactly how things are progressing. I hope that I remember this after my surgery and two years after. I find I'm very curious as to how people are doing after this life changing event.

And, I wonder about the struggles people have with support from the people they love. I find I'm getting mixed reactions. One of the people I care most about in this world, really won't talk about it with me. I think it's because he is scared, but I really need to talk about this with him. I'm not sure if he's afraid of the actual surgery, or what he believes the future may hold, or maybe both. All I know is that he means the absolute world to me and although I'm doing this for me and not for him, he is unknowlingly giving me the courage to go forth with this procedure. But there are definitely things I have to say to him before my surgery date rolls around......he'll just have to pacify me and hear me out! My kids are worried about me and my well being, which is understandable considering they watched their father die just two years ago of that nasty beast cancer.....but when they see and hear what my life may be like afterwards, they tell me they are excited for me. I have kept very tight-lipped about the surgery, but not for the reasons you may think. I'm am very proud that I have found the courage to go through such a radical procedure in order to improve my life and longevity. But I've found that when I tell some people, they give me a look like I've lost my mind. Well, I feel like I lose my mind everytime I look in a mirror or everytime I let yet another year pass and don't visit my GYN because of the sheer embarrassment of her seeing me naked. So, although I promise you, I'm not hiding the surgery, I'm also not announcing it to the world either. Slowly, word is getting out, but not because I'm advertising. No one would believe the years it has taken me to come to this decision.......all the research (I feel I could almost perform the surgery on myself......sorry Dr. Schweitzer....LOL!), all the talking, and all the debating. I hate the thought that absolutely anyone, especially someone who has not walked in my extra-wide shoes, would have the nerve to judge me or my decision. But, I suppose that's what makes the world interesting.......I just can't wait to prove their opinions wrong!



August 20th, 2006
Hi gang! Well, I can honestly say I'm having my first case of 'nerves.' Late last week, it actually hit me and I asked "what in the hell am I doing." Why on earth am I going to mess what Mother Nature already made perfect (well.....perhaps a little too perfect!)? If it ain't broke, don't fix it, right? I know this is perhaps normal and perhaps I was just having a difficult couple of days, but damn, what on earth am I getting ready to do???!!!! It seems as though that I'm getting a lot of negative reactions from the very few people I'm choosing to tell. They all have a not-so-nice story to share with me about people they know who have had the procedure. The best thing for me to do is look at more before and after pictures for incentive and just hang in there. I'm doing this for a reason, and I can't lose sight of the end goal. I WILL make it!



Thursday, August 24th, 2006
Well, I received my biopsy results today from my upper endoscopy. If I hadn't called, they surely wouldn't have. They told me that the biopsy showed significant inflammation in the lining of my stomach, but that I should be fine to proceed with surgery. Kind of explains some of the discomfort I've had. But, alas, surgery is still a go! I just hope Dr. Schweitzer doesn't find reason to postpone after reading the results. But if my GI guy thinks it's okay, I'm sure he will too. I guess now the real countdown starts.....49 days to go!



Thursday, August 31, 2006
Before I start on my life, let me say CONGRATULATIONS TO LINDA! I'm so happy for you!!! Its so nice to go through this with someone else! We have so much to look forward to. Next summer is all ours girl! We need to get started on those Victoria Secrets credit cards!

Now, for me, it's been a pretty rough week. My friend let the cat out of the bag and told me (and that's putting it nicely), that he didn't want me having the surgery. He's afraid I'll die during the operation. Then, if I survive, he's afraid that after I lose weight, I will no longer want to be his friend. I tried to persuade him otherwise, but all he would say was 'we'll see.' I was so frustrated and spent two days crying. Why on earth didn't he tell me all this back in March before I started this whole process? I've gone through so much to get to this point. For God's sake, I only have 42 more days til surgery! Well, I will do my best to convince him that I am doing this for health reasons. I hope he will come around to see my way of thinking. I have to do this or I won't be around five years from now. No one could possibly understand how a morbidly obese person feels unless they've walked in their shoes. The joint pain, joint swelling, lower back pain, edema in my lower legs, chronic headaches, shortness of breath, and constant fatigue let alone the hypertension, pre-diabetes, gastric reflux, and pancreatitis. The heart is a wonderful piece of human machinery.....it's quite fascinating and nothing short of a miracle. But it has its limits. I have to get healthy, or my heart won't last much longer. I want to see my kids grow up and be successful. I want to be happy with myself. Who knows, maybe someday I'll be able to stand nude in front of a mirror and not bust in to tears. I truly feel as though the first day of my new life will begin on October 12th. I just hope the people I care about the most will be there to help me through.



Sunday, September 3, 2006

Happy Labor Day Weekend!

Okay everyone......tell me that being nervous is normal??!! I'm finding more and more people that have had the surgery and some have some not-so-pleasant stories to tell. Let's see......one person who is about 3 to 4 years out became pregnant eight months ago and was so thrilled. Then she tells me that six months into the pregnancy (this past July) her bowels leaked from the baby pressure. The bowel matter killed the baby and she had to deliver a stillborn infant. That was really a nasty horror story. But, believe it or not, she still says she would do it all over again if she had to. She was unable to become pregnant before when she was overweight and she's very optimistic that she will be able to have another baby at another time. I'm not worried about this particular complication -- NO more babies for me -- but it was such a sad story. Her mother also had the surgery around the same time, has come off the diet, and is gaining weight steadily. Although this particular issue is not the fault of the surgery, but of the individual, it was still a little discouraging to think about everything you have to go through to have surgery and you could become overweight again. But, on the flip side, a friend of mine who had the surgery little more than a year ago has lost close to 200 pounds!! She looks wonderful and has to feel like a million dollars. I really don't think she has had any complications to speak of. I guess no matter what, you're always going to find unpleasant stories if you look hard enough. I just have such a good feeling about the surgery and feel it will be so good for me. I have a top-notch surgeon who I truly believe is one of the best in the country. Can't go wrong with a Hopkins doc who pioneered the laparscopic procedure on the East Coast, now can you?! I'm so sure I'll be successful with the weight loss. I have to just hold on to that thought. Oh, and to make you laugh, I also have a friend who is psychic (yeah, really!) tell me that the last time he saw me, he didn't see 'death' around me. He saw "some discomfort and challenging issues" but nothing worse. Well, think what you will, but I do believe in this God-given talent and his input really helped me a lot. Okay, you all can stop laughing now!

I'm actually in the 30's now.....39 more days till surgery. Geez, I can't wait for it to get here, but then again, I need time to slow up just a little. All those that are reading and researching and looking at Before & After pictures.....keep it up. They truly are incentive and I'm so grateful for the courageous people out there that are willing to expose the very core of their being to complete strangers like me just to inspire. Take care, friends!



Tuesday, September 5th, 2006
Hi everyone! Time rolls on....only 37 more days! And not until I'm a 'loser' but until I'm a WINNER! Today is a good day and I'm getting psyched. I must say that for a moment today, though, I was in tears. I saw a picture that was taken of me a couple of months ago, and I was astounded. It was horrible and I am so big. I've always heard that the camera will add 10 pounds to you, but I didn't think it would add 200! I was really upset, but honestly, it didn't last too long. I know that in 37 days, I will begin my new, healthier life. I can't wait to work my big ass off (pun definitely intended!) and lose as much weight as my body, and of course my surgeon, will allow. I AM GOING TO DO THIS!

I did touch base with my surgeon's office today. I waited until I had a couple of questions so that I wouldn't keep bugging poor ol' Debbie to death. I did check on the pre-op meeting I've decided to go ahead and attend. I usually dread these types of public meetings, but I kind of think I'm looking forward to this one. I think it will be a good 'refresher' of sorts as to what to expect before, during, and after.

I also found out that as of right now (subject to change with any gentle breeze), I am scheduled to be Dr. Schweitzer's afternoon case. I am thrilled with this......I'll be able to get the kids off to school and get the house straight before I leave for Baltimore. This will be great for me. I also asked Debbie whether or not Dr. Schweitzer planned to perform a proximal or distal RNY....she said he hadn't indicated that to her, so I may e-mail him with that question. I'm pretty sure I will have a proximal RNY.

Another issue I was worried about that I mentioned earlier in my profile was whether or not my insurance company was okay with my surgery date. My original approval letter stated I was okay through September 30.....my date is not until October 12. Debbie advised that she took care of this right away and received an extension until October 31. That's good.....this is one of those little things I was afraid would hang me up in the end while I was laying on the operating table!

I also e-mailed Dr. Schweitzer's nutritionist requesting an appointment post-op. I should have done this sooner, but I kept putting it off. The date seemed so far off that it almost wasn't reality. Hopefully, I'll hear from her tomorrow with a date.

Other than all this, I don't think I have any further updates. It's funny, but all the Before & After pictures on OH have always been such an incentive for me. But I think my biggest incentive was seeing myself today. Perhaps after my surgery and after I've lost a little weight (which I WILL), I'll post the picture that reduced me to tears today.

Take care everyone!



Friday, September 8th, 2006
Wow! I'm getting down there! Only 34 more days to go. It's really hard to believe. It seems as though word is really starting to get out where I work about my surgery and for the most part, people are being supportive. I'm not advertising the fact, but I have to take care of some issues that will need backup while I'm out. When I tell people I may be out for a month or more, they automatically ask if I'm going on vacation. So I tell them I'm having surgery and the bold ones ask if I'm okay. I tell them I'm having a gastric bypass. Most of the few I've told have been pretty supportive. Which is a good thing for my emotional health! It's kinda funny though......I had one girl at work tell me today that she heard I was having surgery and hoped it wasn't too serious. I told her I was having the bypass. Well, sadly, I would estimate she weighs anywhere from 400 to 450 pounds. As soon as I said it, you could see a wall go up. She asked me if it wasn't dangerous and I told her it was as dangerous as any other surgery, but I had come to a point where I thought carrying all this weight was more dangerous. Pretty much, that was all she said. You could tell she thought I was nuts, but I also sort of got a sense of envy from her, if that makes sense???? I know, in a sick self-centered way, it has always helped me to look around and see that my world of obesity wasn't a lonely world....I had plenty of company. I don't know, her reaction could have been my imagination, but that's okay. People are definitely entitled to their opinions.....who knows......after I do really well, maybe she'll think about how it would make her feel so much better and healthier. People are funny, but I guess I can understand. I may have reacted the same way when people at work would go on diets and lose weight.....I'd honestly be jealous and green with envy.....and don't tell me that most of you aren't! And, secretly, when they gain it back I couldn't help but gloat and tell myself "told you so".....that was so mean, but I admit I did it.....I would almost be happy that my obese world had its friend back. It's such a vicious cycle.....I just hope my cycle is coming to an end soon! I really think I will be one of the most sensitive, caring and understanding people out there when it comes to someone's weight issues. How could I not be??!!

Well, I don't want to bore you with paragraphs full of senseless thoughts tonight, so I'll stop here. Still getting ready for the 'big event,' but like everyone else, I really won't be able to do too much until the actual week of the surgery. Take care everyone!



Wednesday, September 13, 2006
Hi, friends! I can't believe that I'm under the 30 day mark now. Less than 29 days to go! Definitely time for all this to sink in. I'm nervous, but I have to admit that I'm so excited. Now it seems that I'm hearing of more 'good' stories and successful outcomes than not. And the people who are supportive, are REALLY supportive. Working in a medical atmosphere tends to elicits many reactions, but lately, they've been good. I do believe that the thought process in the medical world has changed significantly over the past five or so years. I suppose enough time has passed and results are so dramatic that you can only deny the success of weight loss surgery for so long. I also had third-hand contact with a friend today who had gastric bypass a year and a half ago. She was also successful in finding a terrific surgeon who was able to perform the procedure laparscopically. Drumroll please.......she's lost over 175 pounds in a year and a half. Unbelievable!! She must feel like a million bucks! She's actually getting ready to undergo skin removal....she never thought it would be an issue for her, but her life is so different now she feels she might as well go for it! I'm so happy for her!

Well enough for tonight! If you are reading this profile searching for answers as to whether to have weight loss surgery, keep studying! This site is a wonderful resource and holds so many answers for beginners, not to mention the wonderful people and friends you'll meet and keep forever (luv ya' Linda!). Hang in there and keep your chin high! A healthier lifestyle awaits us all, and I can't wait to be on the other side!



Thursday, September 21, 2006
Hi folks! Today, I went to my first and only pre-op support group meeting. Well, let me think a moment and be honest. This support group is best suited for the person who has done a moderate job of research but perhaps hasn't seen their surgeon, psychologist or nutritionist yet. The information I received was, at best, a really good review of what I already had read and researched, and what had been told to me during the nutritional consultation. Great, beneficial group, but if I knew before what I know now, I probably would have skipped the meeting. I did, however, get one question answered......with the laparscopic procedure, average time off work is about three weeks.....that made me happy. Again, though, this is a great group for those just beginning their journey and I would definitely recommend it for those people. On the flip side, though, I did get to meet up with my new friend and bypass surgery buddy!!! Thanks Linda for the great lunch and most of all, for the great company! I WILL pay you back!

One other note......I did stay with Linda for the next group meeting which involved post-op patients who were more than six months out. Most were more than a year out. EVERY ONE of them said THEY WOULD DO IT AGAIN and their only regret was that they didn't do it SOONER! What better testimony than that can you ask for??!! Anyway, it has been a long day.......us country gals certainly can't take much of that city driving.....I'm exhausted! Have a great weekend everyone!



Saturday, September 23, 2006
Uh-Oh!!!!!!!!!! Wouldn't you just know it?! The little sore throat I started with last Wednesday is now a full blown bronchitis! I have only 19 more days till surgery! I've contacted my great primary care physician who also happens to be a close friend -- he's going to see me tomorrow at a local 'doc-in-a-box.' I've got to get on an antibiotic now to clear all this mess up. Plus, my anesthesia appointment is on Tuesday. If they hear even one little wheeze in there, I think I'm screwed! Hopefully, 48 hours of antibiotic will clear things up. Just when you think you're on the home stretch, something happens! Keep me in your thoughts!



Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Well, I'm down to 16 days! Maybe. Probably.

I had my anesthesia appointment today at Hopkins/Bayview. For all you folks who have Dr. Schweitzer, Dr. Lidor, Dr. Steele, or Dr. Magnuson, I'll share with you what this appointment entailed. Super easy, actually. Anyway, you have to fill out paperwork AGAIN. Yup.....the same paperwork you've filled out numerous times during this journey......past illnesses, past surgeries, medications, past problems with anesthesia. It consisted of the front and back of one piece of paper. So not too bad. Then a nurse calls you back and reviews your history with you. She weighed me (hey, I've lost 3 pounds!), took my blood pressure, listened to my lungs, heart, and neck, then looked at my throat. That's it. She did sort of walk me through from the beginning to the end of my hospitalization which was reassuring and kind of nice. She gave me some sketcy post-op instructions (the actual instructions will be more tailored to my specific case before I leave) and that was about it.

She did tell me that if all goes well....meaning the procedure is performed laparscopically..... I won't have any drains (Wow! I found that hard to believe because I thought everyone had drains!) and no NG tube. Yeah! I will have a catheter in until the day after surgery and may have oxygen on when I wake up. They will give me some sedation as soon as they get the IV started in the pre-op area. That should help with the anxiety I always experience as I'm being rolled down to the OR. And, best of all, again if all goes well I will be coming home in two days. My surgery is on Thursday October 12 and I should come home on Saturday, October 14.

That's basically it. It was just another day of driving! Lots of driving! Rednecks and city driving don't mix too well, but I made it. The anesthesia nurse was a little concerned about the bronchitis I have right now and did confirm that if it gets worse, they will have to cancel surgery. Isn't that just dandy.....that means another four month wait! But, I'm sure it will be gone by then as it is much better now.

That's about all I can say about today's appointment. Tomorrow is another big one, but hopefully the last hurdle and hola-hoop I have to jump through before October 12. My pre-op physical, chest x-ray, EKG, and blood work are tomorrow. I really don't have any worries about any of that, but watch something show up and that be what throws a wrench in to everything. Now I understand why people get more and more anxious as their surgery dates roll near. I'll also start worrying about my results from tomorrow reaching my surgeon and the admitting department within 72 hours of my surgery. My primary doc's office staff is horrendous with these types of details and I'm going to have to stay on them like a fly on sh*t! But believe me, I will. I've come too damn far to let incompetent staff be the cause of this not happening for me.

It's funny, but I'm going through all the 'last meal' anxieties. Everything I eat right now, I can't help but tell myself that this is it, pretty much the last time I'll ever have it. I must admit that I was really, REALLY bad last night and had my last Maggie Moo's chocolate milkshake. So bad, but damn it was soooooo good! Then I tell myself that once the weight loss nears where I hope it will be for good, I'll still be able to have some of those foods I love (okay, maybe not the milkshake), but I will have to learn a lot of moderation. And I will. My new motto will be "eat to live, don't live to eat." And that's a hard philosphy to follow in a society where most social events focus on food. When I go shopping with friends, the question is always "where will we have lunch?" If you go out in the evening, everyone wonders where dinner will be. Parties and get togethers always focus on food. It will be a different way of living and may end up being harder on everyone else than it is me. Just today, my new supervisor asked me about going out to lunch with her and my newly-retired supervisor after I get back. I just said okay, but then I thought that she just doesn't have a clue. I'm not going to really be able to eat much solid food for the first couple of months, so I think they'll be really uncomfortable with me just sitting there slugging back a big, ol' chocolate protein shake. LOL! Though the sacrifices will be many, the rewards will be more and I can't WAIT! The weight loss, boost to my self esteem, and heightened confidence will be euphoric!



Wednesday, September 27th, 2006
Okay, time is rolling along a little too quickly! I'm down to 15 more days. I'm getting a serious case of the nervous jitters! Help out there! But I'm excited as well. Once I get past the scariness, that is. Anyway, I had my pre-op physical today. It went fine just as I expected. My primary care physician and I have been good friends for more than 20 years so it was relatively easy. A med student came in and took my history and did a rudimentary exam.....blood pressure, pulse, auscultated my lungs and heart, oral exam, etc. She did an EKG which was an interesting event to say the least, but we finally got through it. I checked it on the computer while she was out of the room and it was fine (having even a little bit of medical knowledge can be truly dangerous!!). Then I had my chest x-ray, which again looked fine to me but I'm not too great at reading radiographs. Unfortunately, I'll have to go back tomorrow to have my labs drawn as the facility was closed by the time I left my physician's office. But now the real anxious time starts for me. My physician's office staff is not too great about details and they have to have my results to Hopkins in the next 12 days in order to meet their 72-hour pre-op window requirement. I plan to start bugging the hell out of them next Tuesday and everyday thereafter until it is all sent up.

Everything else is status quo. I have a super busy couple of weekends coming up, so I'll do my best to update my profile. Have a good one everybody!



Wednesday, October 4th, 2006
Hi out there! Wow! Okay, tell me these butterflies are supposed to be squirming around in my stomach! I'm in the single digits now.....only 8 more days! I'm getting really excited about the healthier, new life I may be gaining, but geez, I'm scared too. Not too scared though. I have a feeling that the next 8 days will fly by. I received a call from the Admitting Department of Hopkins today, but I missed the call. I'll call first thing in the morning. I also have to check to see if my paperwork from my primary care physician's office has reached them yet. I'd be willing to gamble quite a bit that it hasn't. I'd actually be shocked if it has!

I bought a picture album tonight that will be just perfect to capture my journey in. I'll start by taking before pictures as well as measurements this weekend......egads! I can't believe that I'm actually going to volunteer to take pictures of myself! Then I hope to take pictures every four weeks for the first year. I can't help but sometimes close my eyes and try to picture myself a year from now. It's really sort of impossible, and I don't think I'll ever see myself as anything more (or less....whichever the case may be) than what I am now. Hopefully, pictures will prove me wrong.

Have a great rest of the week out there.....I plan to get real busy getting ready for the big event and my trip to the 'winning' side!



Saturday, October 7th, 2006
Well, in a little more than an hour, I will have only four days left before the second part of my journey begins. The first part was all the leg work it took to make it to the surgery day. It's hard to believe that it is almost here. All the anticipation, nervousness, and even excitement are right in front of me now. Unless something terrible happens, this time next week I'll be sitting in front of this computer telling you about all the sordid details of my surgery from beginning to end. One week. Oh my God.

Of course, one little thing could very well screw all this up. As of Friday morning, the staff in my primary care physician's office had yet to fax my paperwork to Hopkins' Admitting Office or Dr. Schweitzer. It's pretty sad when I was able to predict this all along. I'm going to have to march down there Monday morning and make an ass of myself until they hand me the paperwork so I can just fax it myself. Sometimes....no, most of time....you're just better off doing things yourself to ensure they get done right. I adore my primary care doc.....he's a great friend.....but his office staff sucks. To think I've come all this way only to have his staff screw this up for me is infuriating! But believe me, I will get it straight on Monday!

Tomorrow, I plan to go shopping to stock up on groceries in the house for my kids as well as for when I get home. I'm going to buy a lot of the Carnation Instant Breakfast as well as some baby food.....no baby food meats though....yuk! But I figure I can handle the fruits as long as they are natural with no sugar added. Hopefully, I'm not going to be too interested in food anyhow.....but I know how important protein will be to me. If I have any chance at all of keeping most of my hair, I have to eat!

Also tomorrow night, I'm going to go ahead and start my photo journal. I dread taking pictures of myself but know that a year from now I will hopefully be really happy that I did. If this surgery is successful for me, it will be kind of neat to see the changes. I'll do measurements as well. Not sure if I'm going to post all this on here now.....my numbers are so embarrassing to me. But I see that most other people do, so I may dive in and go for it. I'm also going to start with fresh, new batteries for my scale. ALTHOUGH, I must warn you......I'm hoping to have enough self discipline not to weigh myself until my two week check up with my surgeon. Not sure if I'll make it, but I would be so disappointed if I don't lose. Actually I'm terrified of stepping on the scale and seeing that I haven't lost anything. And if I do wait the two weeks and am fortunate enough to lose, it will be kind of exciting to see how much.

Let's see......I can't think of anything else to share. I'm planning a couple of 'last meals.' Couple of my favorites.....spaghetti tomorrow night, big ol' steak on Tuesday night from Lone Star, and perhaps a chili hotdog from Anne's (in Glen Burnie.....Marylander's probably know this place well!) on Monday. Really bad stuff! As you can tell, sweets don't really bother me.....but oh my, the other stuff! On Wednesday, I really plan to eat light. My doc doesn't require a pre-op fast, just no food after midnight the day of surgery. But I certainly don't want a big meal in me only hours before I'm being operated on.

Take care out there everyone. I'll probably post my measurements and weights (well, maybe) tomorrow or Monday. Keep good thoughts and no matter where you are in your journey.....keep plugging along! Dreams do come true!



Wednesday, October 11, 2006
Well, well, well. In less than an hour, my day will be here. Oh my God. I can't believe it. All the months, all the paperwork, all the worry, all the frustration......in less than 24 hours, it will be over. Am I scared to death? No. Am I nervous? Hell YES! But I know the end result will far outweigh my nervousness. I need to be at Johns Hopkins Bayview tomorrow morning at 10:50 a.m. I assume my surgery is scheduled for 12:00 or 1:00. I just hope once I'm settled in and my IV is running that they give me something to calm me down. I can get pretty anxious while I'm waiting for surgery. I've cleaned my house, set out two days worth of clothes for my son as well as two days worth of lunch money, I've written lists for both he and my daughter of things that need to be done, I've closed up at work. I've even paid a couple of bills ahead of time. I've pretty much packed everything I could until at least tomorrow morning. I think I've covered everything. Now I need to sit back and reflect and concentrate on getting through this.

I'm not much of a pray-er. I've been very hurt by church 'leaders' in the past so I'm not too keen on organized religion. But I can't help but turn to myself and our higher being to ask for the strength to get through this so I can be home with my children as soon as possible, as well as for the long haul. My 17 year old is just beginning to peak in her difficult teen years and our road is becoming bumpy. But she is one of the loves of my life and I have to be here for her. My son is certainly a challenge and he needs my strength as well and also shares a part of being the love of my life. My parents are the world to me as well and so is my special friend. I want to be here and be healthy for them. Tomorrow, I will receive the tool to do just that.

As I sit here, I can't help but wonder and get my hopes up that I may never sit in this chair, in front of this computer again weighing what I weigh at this second. Tears of joy are actually streaming down my face at the prospect. I'm so disgusted when I look down at myself. Aside from all the things I'm supposed to say.....you know, I want to be healthy, I want to live, blah, blah, blah.....damn it, I want to look nice for the first time since I was 16. I was told recently that even if I didn't have the surgery, I would still live 30 or 40 more years. Well for some reason, that really hit home. If I'm really lucky, I have 30 or 40 more years to live. I certainly don't want to live those years being as miserable as I am at this very moment. I want part of the life I see others living. After tonight, hopefully I will be on the road to that life.

I want to take a moment to say thanks to everyone on this site who takes the time to read, read, read. You have all gotten me through many sleepless nights, this being one of them! You have helped me make a decision that will hopefully help transform me for life. I owe so much to total strangers. The unconditional love and honesty are invaluable. Only we can truly understand one another and the trials and tribulations that each of us has faced. Frankly, life has been pretty miserable. We all have stories that would make anyone cry. Tomorrow, I may begin to find a glimmer of happiness and all of you have helped me find the right path to begin that journey.

As I sit here typing, I'm weighing in at 317 pounds and my BMI is 47. It makes me so sad to say that and I can't help but cringe in disgust. If asked what my dream weight is, I suppose I would have to say 185. I really don't think I'll even come close to that. I would be satisfied with 215. But you never know. When I was 16, I weighed 160 and looked terrible and felt worse. Can you believe I was too thin??? I was great at 185. But then again, I was 16. I'm 41 (YIKES!) now and my body is different. We'll just have to sit back and watch and wait and work our asses off to see what we are capable of achieving.

I'm going to sign off for now. I plan to look at a few more before & after pictures to build up excitement again, take my very last sip of Coca-Cola before midnight, probably have a good cry, and then drift off to the thoughts of what may be in store for me a year from now. A year is not very long, at least not the way time flies. Thank you all for your good thoughts and wishes. I promise to return them all to you. Good night and skinny dreams everyone! I promise to post just as soon as I'm able, hopefully as soon as Saturday night!



Sunday, October 15, 2006
Wow! Where do I begin??? Yes, I'm now a winner because I've joined all you losers. I may have to post all this is sections, as I'm still fairly worn out. I guess I should start at the beginning. We left my house on Thursday morning (October 12) at 9:10 in order to get to the hospital by 10:50. I was there by 10:30. My surgery wasn't scheduled until 1:00 p.m. so I had LOTS of time to stew and wonder if I should back out. Yes, I finally did get really nervous on my way over and during the pre-op 'stuff.' I did even more paperwork when I got there. Then they called me back to a pre-op area to get my vital signs and have me change in to an ever-so-lovely hospital gown. I actually swam in that gown, believe it or not! After sitting in an uncomfortable recliner for more than an hour, I had to walk down a hallway to the true pre-op area. That's when things really started happening. I had three anesthesiologists come speak to me. They were all super nice. They told me they would give me something to relax me, but that really didn't come until they were rolling me away. They had to wait until everything was explained and papers were signed. Dr. Schweitzer's resident, Dr. Sebastian, spoke to me. Then the man himself, Dr. Schweitzer, spoke to me. He told me and my father that that he thought surgery would take about four hours at most because of my scar tissue. My cousin and aunt came in at about this time, so my dad was blissfully distracted. After that another anesthesiologist came in who was funny as hell and told me it was time. He hit me up with some glorious Versed and all I remember is that I started talking a mile minute. I hope it was all appropriate. I remember everyone laughing a lot, so I'm guessing it wasn't. Once in the OR, I transfered to the operating table which was narrow as hell. Once I was down, my arms were strapped down and then I remember by legs being strapped. That's pretty much it. Next thing I know, I was waking up in my room......at 11:00! My poor father! Apparently, they had some pretty major complications because of my scar tissue and I had a LOT of it. I think I was seconds away from having to convert to an open procedure more than once during the surgery. But, Dr. S was finally able to get it done.....this is why I chose him. If anyone could do it, I knew he could. Of course, when I came to, all I wanted to do is vomit and dry heave. The nursing staff spent a lot of time rushing around pushing meds to keep me from doing that. The last thing they wanted me to do at this point was vomit. I had a catheter in so I really didn't have to worry too much about getting up during that night. And let me tell you, I had some pretty major pain. I can't imagine what the people having open procedures must go through. The morphine in the self-administered PCA really did very little to control it. And on top of that, I think it made me pretty nauseas. One problem I think I had was that I wasn't giving it to myself on a regular enough basis. I would go hours without when I could actually push the button every six minutes. Once a nurse caught on to the fact that I needed to give myself more, the pain did start to diminish. So, I guess the reality is I was going for quite awhile with no pain meds and that's why it hurt so much.

On Friday afternoon, they brought me my Stage I diet which consisted of exactly what it was supposed to consist of.....Crystal Light, chicken broth (more like water a chicken had walked through), and jello. Jello is pretty nasty. Everything tasted way to sweet and was hard to get down. To be honest, I couldn't get most of it down and just didn't. They weren't too worried though because of my being immediately post-op. Later in the day, I had to walk with a physical therapist and walk up a flight of steps for him (four or five). He said I passed with flying colors. I walked the hallways three more times that day and of course was exhausted after each time. My roommate.....oh boy.....that is another story. If you can get a private room, do it! She was a very loud person who was partially deaf, she left her TV on all night long with the sound turned up very loud. She was not a bariatric patient. Get that private room!

On Saturday, I had much of the same. More food from the Stage II diet that I couldn't eat (milk, Carnation Instant Breakfast, Yougurt, jello, and beef broth), more walking that wore me out, and boatloads of doctors coming in and out poking and proding all day long. Dr. S wanted me to stay an extra day or two because of the complications, but his resident came in and said I was fine and wanted to release me. Wonder who will get in trouble for that??? They finally came in and told me I could go home. Then, the same resident came in to take out my TWO drains. I did forget to mention them. I had all the nurses laughing earlier because when I would walk, these drains would bounce against my knees. I told them that I felt like I was 60 years old and had grown testicles! You can imagine their reaction! Back to the main story, the resident came in and removed the drains. OH MY GOD! Not the worst pain I've ever felt, but certainly most unpleasant, especially the second one. I was home by about 8:00 last night. Although moving around in my bed was difficult to say the least, it was so