iserene17
a shitty day...
Dec 13, 2007
today i saw dr chokshi, my cardiologist.
poor little impatient girl is gonna have to wait until april whether she likes it or not. and i am NOT liking it. dr c explained that my blood pressure could spike on the table, causing my stents to shift and collapse. he said that was the worst case scenario, but it COULD happen. since i was his favorite baby patient (his youngest patient), he didn't want to lose me. no matter how much i tried to cajole or bully him he said no.
i'm also disheartened because he said he wants me home for the same period of time - 6 months without any cardiac issues. so pretty much, no RTW until april. even though i know it's in my best interests, and i KNOW he's a very good doctor, i'm pretty crushed.
so for now, i'll keep walking, going to the y and filling up on mostly fruits and veggies. this at least will keep my syndrome stabilized.
DAMMIT!
so-called lightweight...
Dec 12, 2007
sometimes the stories i read on the message boards are so poignant that i'm on the verge of tears as i read. at other times, i practically pee my pants - the stuff people say is so dang FUNNY. but then, sometimes people are just downright mean and evil spirited. of course i know that's the way people can be - me included- but that doesn't make it right.
on one of the boards, a woman was being COMPLETELY stink to this girl because she wasn't 400+ lbs. it seemed like she pretty much assumed because that the girl was only
in the high 200's, her journey was any less arduous or important. other people started to stick up for the girl, so this woman was saying things like she wouldn't understand because she was never teased in school, that the girl truly didn't get what wls is about, she just wanted to 'take the easy way out'.... WRONG! kids are mean and EVERYONE gets teased.
i wasn't fat - i was dark-skinned and skinny with big feet. 40 years later, should i kick YOU for it? should i tell people they just don't get it because they don't have the same bad circumstances? and who said getting cut was easy??? that's just like two new mothers fighting about which one is harder, a caesarean or natural birth. DUMB!
of course, me being who i am, i stuck up for the girl and said pretty much what i just wrote. the woman sent me a personal message that i should mind my business because i didn't really know what was going on. i BACKED AWAY from the machine, cause hey, i don't know her and didn't wish to jack up my day by continuing the bullshit. i just thought the boards were for encouragement on this journey, not hate-filled vemon. i guess it goes without saying that i have now blocked that bitch...
there, i feel a little better now. a little venting every now and then really helps. besides, i took it personally because i, too, have "ONLY" 100 lbs to lose.
a little stink attitude is cool. but to totally gang up on one person just doesn't cut it with me. as someone once said on BAF (my favorite board), before you start schitt in here, fix your own schitt.
on one of the boards, a woman was being COMPLETELY stink to this girl because she wasn't 400+ lbs. it seemed like she pretty much assumed because that the girl was only
in the high 200's, her journey was any less arduous or important. other people started to stick up for the girl, so this woman was saying things like she wouldn't understand because she was never teased in school, that the girl truly didn't get what wls is about, she just wanted to 'take the easy way out'.... WRONG! kids are mean and EVERYONE gets teased. i wasn't fat - i was dark-skinned and skinny with big feet. 40 years later, should i kick YOU for it? should i tell people they just don't get it because they don't have the same bad circumstances? and who said getting cut was easy??? that's just like two new mothers fighting about which one is harder, a caesarean or natural birth. DUMB!
of course, me being who i am, i stuck up for the girl and said pretty much what i just wrote. the woman sent me a personal message that i should mind my business because i didn't really know what was going on. i BACKED AWAY from the machine, cause hey, i don't know her and didn't wish to jack up my day by continuing the bullshit. i just thought the boards were for encouragement on this journey, not hate-filled vemon. i guess it goes without saying that i have now blocked that bitch...
there, i feel a little better now. a little venting every now and then really helps. besides, i took it personally because i, too, have "ONLY" 100 lbs to lose.
a little stink attitude is cool. but to totally gang up on one person just doesn't cut it with me. as someone once said on BAF (my favorite board), before you start schitt in here, fix your own schitt.
thoughts...
Dec 09, 2007
over the weekend, i had another serious and very emotional talk with my mom about my decision to have the surgery. she'd started telling family members to call me and get me to change my mind. like THAT'S gonna happen... anyway, i finally got her to say that even though she is scared and doesn't want me to do it, she'll support any decision i make. WHEW! that at least got all the aunts and cousins off my back. plus, the aunts know i wouldn't do anything stupid - i would never jeopardize my health just to lose weight. if that were the case, i'd be taking diet pills right now.
anyway, i remembered that dr sapala told me if i got my cardio to write a strongly worded letter of support, he'd reconsider doing my surgery. not for nothing, if he doesn't want to do it, i could always get someone else - i need to get this thing together.
i just finished speaking with my cardio's secy. she says dr will probably give me a clearance and say it's a good thing to do now, as opposed to waiting, when i might gain weight and be in a worse predicament. so i have an appt with the cardio this thursday at 2pm. if i can get these drs to clear me (if i stay healthy), maybe i can get this done before my next b'day - 4/17!!!
anyway, i remembered that dr sapala told me if i got my cardio to write a strongly worded letter of support, he'd reconsider doing my surgery. not for nothing, if he doesn't want to do it, i could always get someone else - i need to get this thing together.
i just finished speaking with my cardio's secy. she says dr will probably give me a clearance and say it's a good thing to do now, as opposed to waiting, when i might gain weight and be in a worse predicament. so i have an appt with the cardio this thursday at 2pm. if i can get these drs to clear me (if i stay healthy), maybe i can get this done before my next b'day - 4/17!!!
the waiting game...
Dec 06, 2007
saw dr sapala today, as well as initial consult w/mary the nutritionist. i'm impressed by both, and feel comfortable with having chosen dr s for surgery. problem is, he only does micropouch and lap band, and micropouch is open. i wasn't expecting open surgery, so that's something to think about. of course, if i really want lap surgery, i can go to dr terzli or dr castro (in the same practice). i think i'll stay with dr s, but i have to think about this some more.
eveything was going well til we started talking about my medical history. because of the stents (i have 4), dr s wants to wait until 4/08. he did say that if i got a strongly worded letter of support from my cardio, he might consider doing it earlier. i'll wait. my last stent was placed 10/24/07, so april will be 6 months from then. i just have to be patient.
i'm out on disability right now for my cardiac issues. i was hoping to have the procedure soon, then go back to work. since i can't have it soon, i'll have to stay out and apply for ssdi. i'll have an atty file my papers so i don't get denied.
i feel so guilty about staying home. all my drs tell me i shouldn't feel this way and that my health comes first. i KNOW this, in my head, but because i don't feel pain or feel half dead everyday, i feel guilty. of course, i know that stress and this metabolic syndrome are my 2 biggest enemies, and that if i go back to my very stressful job at verizon, i could have another mi or a true stroke. i can't chance it until after this procedure. both dr s and dr kazeem feel this procedure will resolve many of my issues within 2 to 4 weeks. i'm excited about that. i freakin can't wait!
on a brighter note, i spoke to my brother bobby about the procedure, and he's very supportive. i'm not even going to mention it to my other brother right now, because his wife sells herbalife. i don't think they'd understand. i know they'd say i should keep trying to diet and exercise.
eveything was going well til we started talking about my medical history. because of the stents (i have 4), dr s wants to wait until 4/08. he did say that if i got a strongly worded letter of support from my cardio, he might consider doing it earlier. i'll wait. my last stent was placed 10/24/07, so april will be 6 months from then. i just have to be patient.
i'm out on disability right now for my cardiac issues. i was hoping to have the procedure soon, then go back to work. since i can't have it soon, i'll have to stay out and apply for ssdi. i'll have an atty file my papers so i don't get denied.
i feel so guilty about staying home. all my drs tell me i shouldn't feel this way and that my health comes first. i KNOW this, in my head, but because i don't feel pain or feel half dead everyday, i feel guilty. of course, i know that stress and this metabolic syndrome are my 2 biggest enemies, and that if i go back to my very stressful job at verizon, i could have another mi or a true stroke. i can't chance it until after this procedure. both dr s and dr kazeem feel this procedure will resolve many of my issues within 2 to 4 weeks. i'm excited about that. i freakin can't wait!
on a brighter note, i spoke to my brother bobby about the procedure, and he's very supportive. i'm not even going to mention it to my other brother right now, because his wife sells herbalife. i don't think they'd understand. i know they'd say i should keep trying to diet and exercise.
referral? CHECK!
Dec 03, 2007
i'm on my way! my pcp gave me a referral and told me i should have no problem. he actually said he thought it might be a good idea for me, as long as i knew what i was getting myself into. we talked about how long i'd been researching the procedure, what i expected and which dr i'd chosen to see. he placed the referral in my hands and told me i met all the qualifications. he said if there were any problems i should call him, and made me promise to see him once a month until i had the procedure.
i called my co-worker, charlie, to let her know what was going on. she also has diabetes and htn, and we have the same pcp. she's excited for me too. now i feel as if someone close to me is on my side. what a feeling.
my initial consult w/dr sapala is thursday, 12/6. i can't wait! thank goodness i didn't switch insurance companies. in november, i almost switched to bcbs - GOD is good!
first real post...
Dec 02, 2007
for the past couple of weeks since i joined, i haven't updated my site. i've been too busy reading, gathering info, researching the surgery and gaining strength from the words i read on this site. but here goes:
only one person i know supports my decision to do this, and she really doesn't know me that well. however, this really doesn't phase me. it's MY life, and i have to think of myself and my kids first. my best friend and my mom will probably come around, once i've reached my goals. that sucks, but it is what it is, right?
today, dec 3, i have an appt with my pcp. i've been told this is my first real step, because the HIP process requires an initial referral to bariatrics from the pcp. i'm sure she'll give me the referral without too much fuss. not only is she my pcp, she's also my endocrinologist. i have diabetes, high cholesterol and heart disease, as well as being obese. plus, i had a heart attack in april this year and a tia in august. i'm taking 7 prescription meds. the doctors don't know where this all came from - as far as i know, no one in my family has anything but the high cholesterol, and no one's had a heart attack. my maternal grandmother lived to be 87, but no one knows anything about the males on my mother's side. heck, no one knows anything about my OWN father, so this stuff could have come from anywhere. i was slim until i got pregnant with my son at 31, but lost all the weight. the most i ever weighed back then was 188 the day I had him. i went all the way back down to around 150, a size 10. at 37, i had my daughter and i don't know WHAT happened. not only is it more difficult to LOSE weight, but once i've lost it, it FINDS me again, and brings friends! i carry my 238 lbs well, so they say. i wear a 16, but i'm SO uncomfortable. i feel as if i'm sitting on myself, and i keep getting chafe areas under my bra and in between my thighs.
anyway, i'm excited about having this surgery. all i can think of is the possibility that i will be HEALTHIER, won't have to take all these meds and will be able to run around with my kids like i used to. i never was a clothes person, but my daughter likes them. who knows, maybe once i lose this weight i'll enjoy it.
if i am allowed to use this tool to curb my hunger and disallow me to overeat so i can relearn how to feed my body, i'm sure i can lose the weight and keep it off. as far as the auth, i'm confident things will go easy because of my comorbidities. also, i heard that HIP never gives a problem authorizing the GB. per the info on their website, i already qualify, and it said nothing about having to have been on a diet. but we shall see...
whew! can't believe i wrote so much. and there's so much more to say. i'm almost bursting to get it out, but i hate to type heeheehee!
anyway, i have dishes to wash, then i'll take my shower. gotta take my son his basketball gear after school, then haul this rear off to dr iyer. i pray everything goes as i'd like. but even if it doesn't, this surgery is still gonna happen for me. either they'll give me what i want or there's gonna be some trouble!
only one person i know supports my decision to do this, and she really doesn't know me that well. however, this really doesn't phase me. it's MY life, and i have to think of myself and my kids first. my best friend and my mom will probably come around, once i've reached my goals. that sucks, but it is what it is, right?
today, dec 3, i have an appt with my pcp. i've been told this is my first real step, because the HIP process requires an initial referral to bariatrics from the pcp. i'm sure she'll give me the referral without too much fuss. not only is she my pcp, she's also my endocrinologist. i have diabetes, high cholesterol and heart disease, as well as being obese. plus, i had a heart attack in april this year and a tia in august. i'm taking 7 prescription meds. the doctors don't know where this all came from - as far as i know, no one in my family has anything but the high cholesterol, and no one's had a heart attack. my maternal grandmother lived to be 87, but no one knows anything about the males on my mother's side. heck, no one knows anything about my OWN father, so this stuff could have come from anywhere. i was slim until i got pregnant with my son at 31, but lost all the weight. the most i ever weighed back then was 188 the day I had him. i went all the way back down to around 150, a size 10. at 37, i had my daughter and i don't know WHAT happened. not only is it more difficult to LOSE weight, but once i've lost it, it FINDS me again, and brings friends! i carry my 238 lbs well, so they say. i wear a 16, but i'm SO uncomfortable. i feel as if i'm sitting on myself, and i keep getting chafe areas under my bra and in between my thighs.
anyway, i'm excited about having this surgery. all i can think of is the possibility that i will be HEALTHIER, won't have to take all these meds and will be able to run around with my kids like i used to. i never was a clothes person, but my daughter likes them. who knows, maybe once i lose this weight i'll enjoy it.
if i am allowed to use this tool to curb my hunger and disallow me to overeat so i can relearn how to feed my body, i'm sure i can lose the weight and keep it off. as far as the auth, i'm confident things will go easy because of my comorbidities. also, i heard that HIP never gives a problem authorizing the GB. per the info on their website, i already qualify, and it said nothing about having to have been on a diet. but we shall see...
whew! can't believe i wrote so much. and there's so much more to say. i'm almost bursting to get it out, but i hate to type
heeheehee!anyway, i have dishes to wash, then i'll take my shower. gotta take my son his basketball gear after school, then haul this rear off to dr iyer. i pray everything goes as i'd like. but even if it doesn't, this surgery is still gonna happen for me. either they'll give me what i want or there's gonna be some trouble!
About Me
brooklyn, NY
Location
27.6
BMI
Surgery
06/03/2008
Surgery Date
Nov 29, 2007
Member Since
