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SUCKS!!! lol

So I'm starving, I read it gets easier but today is my 4th day of this crap and I'm still starving. However I did lose about 4 pounds already!

My friends 4 year old daughter patted my belly and said "oh you have a baby!"

um....no, I'm just FAT!

For a second I wanted to just die, however I realized this may be the LAST time I ever have to hear that again or worry about someone saying it. Then I got happy!! 

Only 21 more days!

I can no longer sleep at night, I keep thinking about the surgery, and all the what if's! I know that's normal so I'm not letting it bother me too much. I'm just exhausted. 

Oh and if anyone has a tip on how I can make my almost 3 year old poop on the potty, I'de appreciate it. She pees but will fight tooth and nail not to poop in it. I just tried to bribe her and that didn't work. *I know, I know*

This coming week, I'm taking it easy before I start that pureed diet next Monday.

That's all for now.

I'm getting totally discussed with myself. My belly is always in the way, especially when I bend over. It's like I'm pregnant...but not. I start the 2 week pre-op pureed and liquid diet on Janurary 21st and I almost cannot wait, I know that sounds crazy but I'm hoping it'll take off some of this nasty belly. I'm still excited but getting a little nervous. I'll update more later!

I will be having my RNY Feb. 04th, 2008!!!!!!

Last night my husband and I went to a Christmas party and I was of coarse the biggest one there. I fel ashamed that my husband has to be seen with me. Then just now I tried to pick up my house and I had to stop after 15 minutes due to my back hurting and I am out of breathe. This surgery cannot come soon enough!

I feel like the most unattractive person on the planet. When I sleep on my side, my belly is like a huge tumor laying next to me, it's so gross. Oh and my belly sits on my lap when I sit. GET ME TO THE LOSERS BENCH!!!

I'm APPROVED!!!!!!!! They approved me on the first try. We submitted the paperowrk on Monday and got the approval on Wednesday! I couldn't be happier. I also couldn't be more nervous. I have the first consult with the Dr. on Monday in Frankfurt. I beleive he sets up the date for surgery then....HOLY CRAP!!!

Well everyone....my nutrician class was over yesterday and I saw the NUT today and she was very encouraging and just great to talk too. Monday I made an appt. to see my PCM to SUBMIIT THE PAPERWORK TO TRICARE!!! WOO HOO!! So hopefully by the end of next week, I'll have the approval. Gosh, I hope there are no problems with any of this. Wish me luck!!!

Oh and I'm hoping to have surgery in JANUARY!!!

I'm pretty sure everyone passes their psych eval but still! I'm very aggresive in my journey, more then most I think. I'm currently in a nutrician class that will end December 6th. I'm going to call and make the appt with my PCM for the day after that so she can give me the paperwork to submit to Tricare. Apparently they will approve anyone with a BMI over 40 and at least 100 pounds overweight, fortunatly or unfortunatly, I am both of those things. My goal is to get my BMI down to about 44 or so prior to surgery so that I'm in the best shape I can be in. I'm hoping to have surgery in January and I know that's an aggresive goal but I'm pretty sure I can make it happen.

1. I hate being the "pretty face" chick,  it's the most back handed compliment. EVER.

2. fat burn, the obove said problem when your thighs rub together and cause holes in my jeans. 

3.  my belly is the size of a pregnant woman and to bend over is a problem since my belly smashes agaist my legs and I cannot bend over properly. If I'm on the couch or in my car, it's a struggle to bend over in my seat and pick up something off the floor.

4. my belly's overhang, it's gross and uncomfortable.

5. When people feel sorry for me because I'm only 28 and weigh 300 pounds. 

6. back fat rolls

7. That I cannot play with my kids as much as I should.

8. I'm really uncomfortable when anyone, including my husband and kids touch me. It's sad and I know they can tell. They deserve better then that.

9. OMG we just moved to Germany and the plane ride here was a nightmare. I almost had to ask for a seat belt extention, it was a wrestling match to get the belt on. 

10. I love dancing, but I can only move for a few seconds before I want to sit back down.