kerry B.
I wanted to change my user Id because I wanted to keep this part of my life private from other places I have used my previous user Id and so this would not show up on web searches. This is my safe place and I want to keep it that way. OH does not allow you to change your user Id. I had to deactivate my previous account and start over but I copied everything from my previous account so that I could remember everything I have been through.
I suppose it is time I get this all down. My name is Kerry and I am a veterinarian. I am 5'9" and my starting weight is 316# (at initial surgical consult). I have been married for 21 years to an amazing supportive man who cooks and cleans and meets me at the door with a cocktail when I get home from a long day at work. All this while working a full time job himself. I am incredibly lucky. Which adds to the guilt I feel from being so unhappy with myself.
I have always been larger than my friends. As a kid I was just a little bit bigger, maybe 5-10 pounds and nobody probably noticed but me. I didn't really start having a noticeable problem until junior high. This is when I started to become a bit of a loner and I was around 180 pounds. I used to dream of a shower that would melt off fat leaving only smooth beautiful thighs. High school was worse. I was never picked on because of my weight, on the contrary I had a few close friends. I was the only one who picked on me.
In high school I grew a few inches. I also became more active but I didn't realize it. I simply would walk to a marina near my house while listening to my Walkman every single night. It was probably 3 miles each way. It never was about exercising. I just liked the marina and my music and being alone. The result, though, was that I was normal-sized for about a year. I think of that time like my favorite movie. I watch it over and over in my head. There would be a few more brief but perfect moments to come.
I met my husband in 91 and that was maybe the most perfect time of my life. We moved to Japan and were very outgoing, snowboarding, camping, hiking. I can honestly say I was mostly happy with my size despite being a size 18 or so.
Moving back to the states was when the backslide began. I decided to go back to school which meant my husband and I were apart for months at a time. I got up to ~ a size 24 although I am not sure of my highest weight then. That was the first time I tried Atkins. I was very successful for about a year. Got back down to my happy Japan size without much trouble at all. By this time though I was accepted to vet school which meant more separation for us.
I went to vet school on the east coast and my husband remained on the west. For four years. I was so happy to be accepted and vet school was a blast. I missed my husband though and pounds piled on like homework. I think I got up to around 250 at one point.
Over all my husband and I were apart for 10 years (under grad, vet school, internship, residency). We have stayed incredibly strong through all of this and for that I am especially happy. We are finally in the same state again and we are still the kids everybody tells to get a room.
The last year we were apart was perhaps the worst year of my life. That is when I broke the 300 mark. It is also when I decided I have had enough. I did not list the 13 or so diet and exercise plans I have tried.
I started seeing a weight loss doctor in Jan 2012 and I lost about 40 pounds. More importantly, I learned so many important habits that I still practice today. I take vitamins and have breakfast every day. My refrigerator is stocked with real food and not boxes of crappy food. I maintained the weight loss for over a year but it started creeping back up a few months ago.
I had considered weight loss surgery in 2006, Lap Band was the procedure I was planning. But I got accepted to a residency and it was probably a good thing. I believe I am better prepared now and from researching way too much I believe the Lap Band was likely not the right procedure for me. I am scheduled to have VSG in 12 short days (Nov 4, 2013).
