Steph Wiensz's Blog

MAY 2007 BLOG

May 03, 2007

5-3-7 WELL IT HAS BEEN A WHILE SINCE I POSTED, LIFE HAS BEEN BUSY. FIRST OF ALL THE LESION ON MY LEG IS FINE AND PATHOLOGY SAID IT WAS BEIGN. I GOT THE STICHES OUT TODAY AND IT IS FEELING BETTER. MY FRIEND HAD HIS GASTRIC BYPASS SURGERY YESTERDAY SO HE IS NOW AS WE CALL IT ON THE OTHER SIDE, SO THAT STRESS AND WORRY IS GONE. MONEYWISE MY JOB IS HELPING OUT AND GIVING ME A PROJECT TO WORK ON THAT WILL REALLY HELP ME. I GOT FILLED ON TUESDAY AND MY BAND IS AT 3.2 CC. NORMAL BANDS CAN HOLD 4 TO 5 CC, SO I AM DOING REALLY GOOD. I DON’T HAVE TO GO BACK TO THE DR FOR 3 MONTHS AND NO LABS TILL THEN. MY LABS WERE GREAT, CHOL IS AT 120, GLUCOSE IS AT 95 AND HGBA1C IS AT 5.5. BASICALLY THE DR SAID MY DIABETIS IS GONE. THAT IS THE BEST NEWS EVER. I FEEL GOOD AND CANT WAIT TO REALLY GET OUT THERE AND WALK. I WILL TRY THAT THIS WEEKEND. WELL LIFE IS GETTING AND GOING BETTER. I AM REALLY REALLY HOMESICK BUT I CALL AND TALK TO MY MOM 2 TIMES A DAY AND IT REALLY HELPS. MY PARENTS LEAVE ON MAY 13^TH FOR A TRIP TO EUROPE THAT THEY REALLY DESERVE. IT WILL BE HARD NOT TO TALK TO MOM BUT I WILL BE OK. WELL I AM OFF TO BED, I HAVE BEEN UP SINCE 3AM, SO GOODNIGHT FOR NOW.

5-6-7 WELL I HAVE HAD A BUSY WEEKEND. FRIDAY NIGHT I ENDED UP IN ER AND WAS OBSTRUCTED. BASICALLY I GOT CHICKEN STUCK IN MY POUCH AND IT COULDN’T PASS. I WAS TO TIGHT AND IT BACKED UP ANYTHING ELSE I PUT IN ME. I TRIED EATING FROZEN YOGURT AND IT STARTED COMING UP. THEN I DID WHAT THE DR SAID TO DO AND DRANK WATER AND THAT CAME UP JUST AS FAST AS IT WENT IN. I WAS SCARED TO DEATH. DR KLEIN WAS WALKING THRU ER AND I STOPPED HIM. HE TOLD ME WE NEEDED TO GET THE SALINE OUT OF MY BAND. HE TOLD ME WHAT TYPE OF NEEDLE WE NEEDED AND THAT I WOULD NEED AN ABDOMEN XRAY AFTERWARDS TO MAKE SURE THE BAND WAS OK. THE PEOPLE IN ER HAD NO REAL IDEA WHAT TO DO FOR ME SO I TOLD THEM WHAT DR. KLEIN SAID TO DO. THEY GOT THE NEEDLE, DR. KLEIN CAME DOWN STUCK IT IN MY STOMACH AND I FELT FINE THE MINUTE HE DID THAT. THE ABDOMEN XRAY WAS PERFECT AND THE BAND IS FINE. THE ONLY REAL PROBLEM I HAVE IS MY CHEST AND THROAT ARE REALLY REALLY SORE. I HAVE A VERY SCRATCHY VOICE. I WILL CK WITH MY DR TOMORROW. I DO NOT WANT TO GET FILLED FOR A WEEK OR SO THAT WAY I CAN HEAL AND FEEL BETTER. IT WAS A SCARY THING BUT I STILL WANT MY BAND AND HAVE NO REGRETS. I WOULD DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN. WELL I AM OFF TO BED, I TOOK A GREAT LONG WALK ON THE BEACH TONIGHT AND I AM TIRED. SO GOODNIGHT FOR NOW.

5-12-7 WELL IT HAS BEEN A BUSY WEEK. I AM WORKING 6 DAYS A WEEK AND I REALLY LIKE IT. I AM KEEPING REALLY ACTIVE AND BUSY. TODAY ZIRLEY AND I WENT TO WALMART, I TRIED ON SOME CLOTHES. I AM IN A 22-24 IN TOPS AND BOTTOMS. THE BIGGEST PROBLEM I AM HAVING IS MY WAIST IS GETTING SMALL BUT THE HIPS ARE A SIZE BIGGER. THE WAIST ON PANTS ARE HARD FOR ME RIGHT NOW. I AM GETTING A LOT OF DRAWSTRING PANTS. I ALSO GOT ME A BRA BUT IT WAS HARD FINDING A 44B. I WAS IN A 46D AND THAT WAS EASY. WELL THIS IS SHORT BECAUSE I HAVE A LOT TO DO. SO GOODNIGHT FOR NOW.

5-20-7 WELL I HAVE HAD TO MAKE A LOT OF DECISIONS LATELY AND STILL NEED TO MAKE SOME MORE. I AM GOING TO FOCUS ON ME AND NOTHING AND NO ONE ELSE. FOR A WHILE I AM GOING TO GO WITH THE BAND WITH NOTHING IN IT AND FOCUS ON OTHER ISSUES IN MY LIFE. IT DOESN’T MEAN THE BAND IS NOT WORKIING OR I DON’T WANT THE BAND BUT IT TAKES A LOT TO HAVE THIS TOOL AND USE IT CORRECTLY. I ACTUALLY GOT BACK ON MY SLIMFAST AND LEAN CUISINES AND I AM FEELING SO MUCH BETTER. THE ISOPURE PROTEIN SHAKES JUST WERE NOT DOING IT FOR ME. I WAS HUNGRY ALL THE TIME AND GETTING REALLY PISSED OFF ABOUT IT. I WAS BACK TO EATING EVERY 2 HRS AND WITH THE BAND THAT IS HARD. I ALSO COULDN’T GET THE WATER DOWN ME SO I WAS FEELING REALLY BAD AND STARTED FALLING BACKWARDS. I ALSO I HAVE A LOT OF LIFECHANGING DECISIONS TO MAKE AND TRYING TO FOCUS ON THOSE CHANGES AND WORKING WITH THE BAND IS HARD. IN THE LAST 2 WEEKS I HAVE HAD TO DEAL WITH THE OBSTRUCTION, THROWING UP, BEING VERY TIRED AND SORE, GOING THUR FINANCIAL AND EMOTIONAL DIFFICULTIES AND THROWING UP AGAIN. THE THROWING UP IS THE HARDEST PART. IT WIPES ME OUT. MY THROAT KILLS ME AND I GET REALLY TIRED AND SORE. ALSO MY CHEST KILLS ME AND BREATHING HURTS A LOT . I CANT WEAR A BRA AND SPORTBRAS EVEN HURT. I HAVE SAID I WANT THE BAND OUT OF ME HOWEVER IT IS JUST FRUSTRATION TALKING. IT WOULD BE LIKE IF I WAS IN A WHEELCHAIR OR TO HAVE A FAKE LEG. YOU GET ANGRY AND FRUSTRATED AND HATE THE SITUTATION. I AM VERY GRATEFUL FOR THE BAND AND WHAT HAS BEEN DONE FOR ME BUT SOMETIMES I JUST WANT TO GO AND EAT THAT BACON CHEESEBURGER AND FORGET FOR A WHILE ABOUT ALL MY PROBLEMS. OR GO AND GET REALLY DRUNK OR EAT A WHOLE THING OF ICE CREAM OR SPEND A TON OF MONEY OR EVEN GO TO THE EXTREME OF DOING THINGS WITH SOMEONE ELSE YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW AND SAY HELL WITH IT. THAT IS WHO I AM, AN EMOTIONAL EATER AND SHOPPER. WELL RIGHT NOW I HAVE NO OUTLET TO GET RID OF THOSE EMOTIONS. I CAN EXERCISE AND WALK AND I DO BUT WHEN YOU ARE SO TIRED AND EXHAUSTED IT IS HARD. MY ANGER IS A ISSUE AND I REALIZE THAT AND I KNOW THAT. I AM GOING TO BE WORKING WITH MY THERAPIST ON THAT AND FOCUS ON THAT FOR NOW. I NEED TO FIND DIFFERENT OUTLETS THAT SHOPPING AND EATING TO GET THRU THINGS. I WAS TO GET ADJUSTED TOMORROW AND I AM SO GLAD I CANCELED THE APPT. I AM SO SORE IN THE CHEST AROUND THE BAND FROM CRYING AND GOING THRU SOME EMOTIONAL STUFF IN THE LAST FEW DAYS. MY THROAT EVEN REALLY HURTS LIKE I HAVE A BALLON IN IT. I TIRED WALKING TONIGHT AND IT TOOK A LOT OUT OF ME. BREATHING EVEN IS HARD. IT WILL JUST TAKE TIME FOR MY BODY TO RECOVER FROM THESE EVENTS. I TALKED TO SOME PEOPLE WHO ARE IN MY SUPPORT SYSTEM AND THEY BOTH AGREED AND CONFIRMED WHAT I KNEW, WHEN YOU GET STRESSED AND EMOTIONAL IT TIGHTENS YOU UP. THE ADJUSTMENT TOMORROW WOULD OF JUST MADE THINGS WORSE. I AM GOING TO WAIT TILL MID JUNE TO HAVE IT. I ALSO HAVE JURY DUTY COMING UP JUNE 4^TH AND TO BE TIGHT AND HAVE TO DEAL WITH JUST LIQUIDS AND SIT ON A JURY WOULD NOT BE EASY. THE BAND IS A TOOL JUST LIKE A NEWBORN BABY AND YOU HAVE TO KNOW HOW TO WORK AND TAKE CARE OF IT. IT IS HARD WORK AND IT TAKES ALL YOUR FOCUS AND TIME JUST LIKE A BABY. RIGHT NOW THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IS TO FOCUS ON ME AND MY OTHER ISSUES. I DON’T WANT PEOPLE TO THINK THAT I AM OR HAVE GIVING UP BUT THE ROAD I AM ON IS HARD AND LONG AND NOT A CAKE WALK. SOMETIMES YOU JUST NEED TO BE YOUR OWN FRIEND AND LISTEN TO YOURSELF AND BODY AND THAT IS WHAT I AM DOING. DR. TAKAHASHI SAID IT WAS MY DECISION REGARDING THE ADJUSTMENTS. I DID FEEL I WAS READY FOR ONE BUT WITH THE RECENT EVENTS IN MY LIFE I FEEL I SHOULD WAIT AND REFOCUS MY ENERGY ON MORE IMPORTANT THINGS. ALSO THIS DOESN’T MEAN I HAVE GIVING UP. IT ACTUALLY MADE ME LOOK AT WHAT I WAS DOING WITH MY EATING AND I HAVE COME UP WITH A PLAN THAT WORKED BEFORE SURGERY. SO FAR IT IS WORKING AND I AM NOT HUNGRY ALL THE TIME. IT IS ALSO CHEAPER THAN WHAT I HAVE BEEN DOING. SO FOR NOW MY BAND IS LOOSE AND I AM LOOKING AT THINGS TO MAKE MY LIFE BETTER. WELL I AM OFF TO BED, SO GOODNIGHT FOR NOW.

5-26-7 WELL WHAT A MONTH THIS HAS BEEN. I HAVE BEEN STRUGGLING AND IT IS SO FUNNY HOW GOD SEEMED TO KNOW WHEN I NEEDED THE KICK IN THE BUTT. HE HAS BROUGHT SO MANY WONDERFUL PEOPLE INTO MY LIFE. ALSO SOME PEOPLE ARE NO LONGER IN MY LIFE AND I AM DEALING WITH THAT. I HAVE DECIDED THAT I WANT TO BE A STRONG VOICE FOR THE BAND AND EDUCATE SOCIETY WHAT AN AMAZING THING WE HAVE AVAIABLE TO HELP IN THE FIGHT OF OBESITY. THE BAND IS JUST ONE TOOL OF SURGICAL WEIGHT LOSS. THE BYPASS IS THE OTHER TOOL OUT THERE. IT IS AMAZING HOW MUCH THE BYPASS IS OUT THERE AND WHAT PEOPLE KNOW ABOUT IT. THE BAND NOT MUCH IS OUT THERE. LAST NIGHT A FRIEND EMAILED ME A GREAT ARTICLE. MOHAMMAD ALI’S DAUGHTER (NOT THE ONE ON DANCING WITH THE STARS) HAD THE BAND PUT IN 3 YEARS AGO. SHE HAS WRITTEN A BOOK AND A FRIEND OF MINE ORDERED IT FOR ME TODAY. THIS FRIEND JANELLE IS ALSO A BAND PATIENT. SHE JUST HAD SURGERY ON MAY 16^TH AND SHE IS WANTING TO BE A VOICE FOR THE BAND. TOGETHER WE ARE GOING TO START SOMETHING TO GET THE SUPPORT THAT IS NEEDED TO HELP OTHERS DECIDE WHAT SURGERY THEY WANT AND AFTERWARDS BE THERE TO SUPPORT THEM. I HAVE FOUND SO MUCH INFO ONLINE AND IT IS SO WONDERFUL. WELL I AM OFF TO BED, SO GOODNIGHT FOR NOW.

APRIL 2007 BLOG

Apr 01, 2007

4-1-7 WELL IT IS APRIL ALREADY AND 2 MONTHS SINCE SURGERY. I FEEL GREAT. I REALLY LIKE THE NEW AREA I AM WALKING AND IT HELPS ME CLEAR MY MIND AND GIVES ME A GOOD WORKOUT. I WALK FOR ABOUT AN HOUR. THE ONLY PART I REALLY DON’T LIKE ABOUT IT IS THE SWEATING BUT I WILL GET USE TO THAT. I JUST TAKE A SHOWER AND THAT HELPS RELAX ME. THE EXERCISING ALSO HELPS ME SLEEP BETTER. I CANT BELIEVE ALL THE CHANGES I HAVE GOING ON. WELL I AM OFF TO GO TO BED, SO GOODNIGHT FOR NOW.

4-2-7 WELL I AM JUST LETTING ANYONE WHO READS THIS SITE TO KNOW I AM OK. I AM GOING TO START JUST POSTING EVERY SO OFTEN. I AM SO BUSY WITH SO MANY THINGS THAT POSTING EVERY DAY IS GETTING HARDER. ANYONE WHO IS CONCERNED IS MORE THAN WELCOMED TO EMAIL ME AT MY EMAIL ADDRESS. IT IS [email protected]. I WILL KEEP THIS UPDATED BUT NOT AS MUCH. I AM DOING WELL AND FEELING GOOD. SO FOR NOW GOODNIGHT.

4-8-7 WELL IT IS EASTER DAY, I AM DOING WELL. I JUST NEEDED A BREAK FROM THINGS FOR A WHILE. I AM GOING TO START POSTING AGAIN BECAUSE I FIND THAT IT REALLY HELPS ME. I LIVE THIS 24HRS A DAY AND SOMETIMES IT GETS TO BE A LOT. I WENT TO THE DR THIS WEEK. I DIDN’T GET MY BAND ADJUSTED. SHE WANTS ME TO EAT REAL FOOD. SO I AM EATING A LOT OF TUNA, BEANS, SOUP, LEAN CUISINES AND STRING CHEESE. I ALSO GOT A BAGEL DOWN ME AND SOME BREAD. SO FAR SO GOOD, NO FOOD HAS GOTTEN STUCK YET. I AM REALLY CAREFUL AND CHEW A LOT. I AM DOWN 61LBS TOTAL SINCE JULY AND 24LBS IS FROM SURGERY 2 MONTHS AGO. I CANT BELIEVE IT HAS BEEN THAT LONG. MY BMI WAS 58 WHEN I STARTED AND NOW IT IS 45. I AM WALKING ABOUT AN HOUR A NIGHT AT THE BEACH. I HAVE FOUND A GREAT AREA TO WALK AND IT HAS STAIRS. WHAT I DO IS WALK THAT AREA AND GO UP AND DOWN THE STAIRS. IT IS A GREAT WORKOUT. I ALSO CAN WALK ON THE BEACH AND I STARTED THAT LAST NIGHT. MY LEGS ARE GOING TO BE IN SHAPE BEFORE I KNOW IT. WELL I AM OFF TO LAY DOWN SOME MORE. I WOKE UP AT 530AM AND NOW IT IS 730AM AND I AM GETTING SLEEPY. SO FOR NOW I AM OFF BUT I WILL BLOG LATER.

4-11-7 WELL I AM DOING OK. I HAVE OVERDONE IT AGAIN AND MY STOMACH IS HURTING, SO I HAVE TO TAKE IT A LITTLE EASY AND NOT RUN THE STAIRS AT THE BEACH. I WAS DOING REALLY GOOD WITH THE STAIRS AND WAS GETTING IN A GOOD WORKOUT BUT IT IS TOO SOON. SO FOR NOW I WILL JUST WALK AND DO THE STAIRS IN A FEW WEEKS. WELL I AM OFF TO RELAX, SO GOODNIGHT FOR NOW.

4-13-7 WELL I WENT FOR MY WALK TONIGHT BUT NO STAIRS. I HAD TO TAKE IT SLOW AND HOLD MY STOMACH AREA. IT HURT BUT I DID IT. I AM FEELING BETTER. I AM TRYING REALLY HARD TO FOCUS ON ME AND IT IS HARD. RIGHT NOW IT HAS TO BE ALL ABOUT ME AND I REALLY AM HAVING A HARD TIME WITH THAT. IT HAS ALWAYS BEEN STEPH HELPING OTHERS AND RIGHT NOW SHE HAS TO HELP HERSELF. I ALSO AM MISSING HOME REALLY BAD. I WANT TO GET UP THERE BUT CANT RIGHT NOW AND IT IS TAKING A LOT FOR ME TO GET THRU. I MISS EVERYONE SO MUCH. WELL I AM OFF TO BED, SO GOODNIGHT FOR NOW.

4-14-7 WELL I HAD A GOOD DAY TODAY. I SLEPT REALLY LATE. I CLEANED THE HOUSE, TOOK A GREAT WALK EVENTHOUGH I HELD MY UPPER STOMACH, CKED IN WITH FRIENDS AND FAMILY AND NOW I AM WATCHING THE BUSCH RACE FROM TEXAS THAT I TAPED. I ATE GOOD AND FEEL BETTER. I AM STILL HAVING PAIN NEAR THE BAND AND I FEEL PAIN WHEN I PUSH ON IT. I PULLED THOSE MUSCLES OR SOMETHING IN THERE AND IT SUCKS. WELL I AM OFF TO FINISH UP THE RACE AND CRAWL INTO BED, SO GOODNIGHT FOR NOW.

4-15-7 WELL TODAY WAS NOT SUCH A GOOD DAY, I GOT A MIGRAINE AROUND 11AM AND I WAS DOWN WITH IT MOST OF THE DAY. I STILL HAVE A SLIGHT HA. I AM NOT SURE IF IT IS THE WINDS DOWN HERE OR WHAT. I JUST DON’T FEEL RIGHT. I ACTUALLY TOOK A DARVOCET THAT I HAD LEFT OVER FROM SURGERY. IT KNOCKED ME OUT AND I SLEPT A LOT. I HAD MY NASCAR ON AND OF COURSE I WOKE UP FOR THE END. I TEND TO DO THAT WHEN I AM WATCHING THE RACE. THE SOUND OF THE CARS PUT ME TO SLEEP SOMETIMES. SO I DIDN’T GET TO EXERCISE TODAY BUT ONE DAY OFF SHOULD BE FINE. WELL I AM OFF TO BED SINCE IT IS ALMOST 11PM, SO GOODNIGHT FOR NOW.

4-16-7 WELL I AM NOT SURE WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME BUT I AM NOT FEELING SO WELL. I THINK IT IS ALLERGIES BECAUSE THE WINDS HAVE BEEN SO BAD BUT I CANT GET A HANG ON THINGS. I TOOK A WALK TONIGHT BUT CUT IT SHORT BECAUSE MY STOMACH WAS BOTHERING ME. THE MUSCLES STILL ARE BOTHERING ME. WELL THIS IS SHORT BECAUSE I AM TIRED, SO GOODNIGHT FOR NOW.

4-18-7 WELL I AM STILL NOT FEELING SO WELL AND THAT IS WHY THERE IS NO POSTING FOR YESTERDAY. TODAY I HAVE A STUFFY NOSE AND A STOMACH ACHE. I THINK I AM JUST REALLY TIRED AND NEED TO GET SOME GOOD SLEEP. I AM NOT FALLING ASLEEP SO EASY LATELY. PLUS I REALLY HAVENT GOT TO WALK THIS WEEK DUE TO NOT FEELING WELL AND THE WINDS ARE REALLY REALLY BAD DOWN HERE. THAT IS WHY MY NOSE IS STUFFY. WELL I AM OFF TO WATCH A LITTLE TV AND THEN LAY DOWN, SO GOODNIGHT FOR NOW.

4-20-7 WELL I AM SO TIRED AND I STILL NOT FEELING WELL. IT IS REALLY COLD AND RAINING DOWN HERE. I HOPE TO SLEEP ALL WEEKEND. I AM TAKING MY VITAMINS AND DRINKING DECAF TEAS. I JUST HOPE TOMORROW I CAN GO FOR A WALK IF IT IS NICE. WELL THIS IS SHORT, SO GOODNIGHT FOR NOW.

4-21-7 WELL I HAD A GOOD DAY TODAY EXCEPT FOR THE FACT I GOT MY NEW UNIFORMS IN THE MAIL TODAY AND THEY ARE ALL WRONG AND DON’T FIT. I WAITED ALMOST A MONTH FOR THEM AND I AM REALLY FRUSTRATED. I CANT GET THE PANTS OVER MY HIPS AND THE TOPS MAKE ME LOOK PREGNANT. BESIDES THAT I FEEL MUCH BETTER TODAY. I WOKE UP EARLY, RAN MY ERRANDS, GOT THE HOUSE CLEANED AND DID THE LAUNDRY, TOOK A FRIEND TO THE HAIRDRESSERS, TOOK A NICE WALK AT THE BEACH, STARTED WATCHING MY NEXTEL RACE BUT FELL ASLEEP AFTER 12 LAPS AND WOKE UP WITH LESS THAN 50 LAPS TO GO AND SAW AN AMAZING RACE AT THE END. SO YES I AM DOING BETTER. THE WEATHER IS STILL FUNKY AND IT IS BOTHERING MY SINUSES SO HOPEFULLY THAT WILL CHANGE SOON. WELL TOMORROW WILL BE A LAZY DAY. WELL I AM OFF TO WATCH A MOVIE, SO GOODNIGHT FOR NOW.

4-23-7 WELL I HAVE BEEN WALKING AGAIN AND IT FEELS SO NICE. I CANT BELIEVE THE DIFFERENCE I FEEL OVERALL. IT IS AMAZING THAT IT HAS BEEN ONLY 2 ½ MONTHS SINCE SURGERY. I CAN WALK SO MUCH LONGER, STRONGER, AND FURTHER THAN I THOUGHT I COULD. IT HELPS ME ALSO TO CLEAR MY MIND. I HAVE A LOT OF STRESSES RIGHT NOW AND THE WALK HELPS A LOT . I DO IT AROUND 8PM WHEN NOT A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE OUT AND THE AIR IS SO NICE AND BY THE BEACH IT IS CLEAN. I DO A LOT OF THINKING AND FIGURING THINGS OUT. WELL I AM OFF TO WATCH DANCING WITH THE STARS AND TO EAT A FROZEN YOGURT, SO GOODNIGHT FOR NOW.

4-27-7 WELL IT HAS BEEN A LONG LONG WEEK. I HAD TO HAVE A LESION TAKING OFF OF MY LEG ON TUESDAY APRIL 24^TH. IT WAS INFECTED BECAUSE I HIT IT SHAVING THE OTHER DAY. IT CAME BACK AS NOTHING ACCORDING TO THE PATHOLOGY REPORT. THE ONLY PROBLEM I AM HAVING IS I HAVE 3 STICHES AND A 4 INCH INCISION ON THE LARGE MUSCLE ON MY THIGH RIGHT ABOVE MY KNEE. I AM NOT ABLE TO REALLY EXERCISE (WALK) LIKE I HAVE BEEN. I DID TRY LAST NIGHT BUT MY LEG BOTHERED ME ALL NIGHT. SO I WILL TAKE IT EASY. I DO HAVE TO WEIGH IN AND DO MY BAND FILL ON TUESDAY SO I AM NOT SO HAPPY ABOUT THAT. I AM STANDING STILL RIGHT NOW WITH MY WEIGHT. I NEED TO BE ADJUSTED BAD. I DID HAVE MY LAB DRAWN YESTERDAY AND IT WAS NO PROBLEM AT ALL. THE TECH WAS SO EXCITED. SHE COULDN’T BELIEVE HOW EASY IT WENT. WELL I AM OFF TO GO TO BED, SO GOODNIGHT FOR NOW.

March 2007 BLOG

Mar 01, 2007

3-1-7 I CANT BELIEVE TOMORROW WILL BE 4 WEEKS SINCE SURGERY. I WEIGHED AT WORK TODAY AND I AM AT 275LBS. THAT IS 14LBS SINCE SURGERY AND 51LBS SINCE THE START OF ALL THIS IN JULY. I AM FEELING REALLY GOOD TODAY. I TOOK A NICE WALK ON THE BEACH, FOUND A LOVELY SPOT TO SIT AND RELAX AND WATCH THE SAILBOATS. LATER I WENT WITH ZIRLEY TO IKEA AND WALKED AROUND. I DID A LOT TODAY AND I AM A LITTLE TIRED BUT FEEL STRONGER AND WILL EACH DAY FEEL STRONGER. WELL TOMORROW IS MY LAST DAY OF PART-TIME. I GO BACK TO WORK MONDAY FULL TIME. WELL FOR NOW I AM GOING TO DRINK A NICE HOT CUP OF TEA, WATCH MY SHOW, AND THEN OFF TO BED, SO FOR NOW GOODNIGHT.

3-2-7 YOU KNOW IN LIFE WHY YOU WONDER WHY CERTAIN THINGS HAPPEN TO YOU AND YOU ARE NOT SURE WHY THEY HAPPEN. WELL I AM TELLING YOU THIS THERE IS ALWAYS A REASON. SOMETIMES THE REASON IS GOOD AND SOMETIMES IT IS BAD. WELL I HAD A GOOD THING HAPPEN TODAY AND IT WAS ALL BECAUSE I AM A DIFFERENT PERSON WHO CAN OPEN UP AND TRUST AND SEE A NEW ME. I AM REALLY HAPPY THAT I HAD TO GO THRU ALL OF THE BAD STUFF IN LIFE BECAUSE WHEN THE GOOD HAPPENS IT IS WELL WORTH IT. WELL I AM OFF TO BED BECAUSE IT IS LATE, SO GOODNIGHT FOR NOW.

3-3-7 WELL I HAD A REALLY GOOD DAY TODAY. I AM NOT HAVING TO SLEEP LIKE I USE TO SO I WAS UP EARLY. I FINALLY GOT ALL THE PICTURES CD THAT MOM BROUGHT ME DOWNLOADED. THAT PROJECT IS FINALLY DONE. EATING WISE I DID GREAT, ONLY 1126 CALORIES AND 60 GRAMS OF PROTEIN. I AM GETTING HUNGRY BUT MONDAY AM I GET MY BAND ADJUSTED AND ONCE THEY PUT THE FLUID IN THAT WILL HELP. I WENT FOR A NICE WALK BY THE BEACH AND THEN A DRIVE. WELL I AM OFF TO BED, SO GOODNIGHT FOR NOW.

3-4-7 WELL THIS SURGERY HAS CHANGED SO MANY THINGS IN MY LIFE AND IT AMAZES ME EACH AND EVERY DAY. I LOVE BUTTERFLIES AND NOW I UNDERSTAND WHY. THEY ARE FREE AND THEY GO THRU SO MANY CHANGES. THAT IS WHO AND WHAT I AM DOING. WELL IT IS LATE AND I NEED TO GO TO BED, SO GOODIGHT FOR NOW.

3-5-7 WELL TODAY I HAD A WIDE RANGE OF EMOTIONS. I HAD THE FIRST BAND ADJUSTMENT AND IT WAS THE MOST AMAZING EXPERIENCE EVER. I ALSO HAVE LOST 20LBS SINCE SURGERY AND 57LBS TOTAL SINCE JULY. I DON’T EVEN KNOW I REALLY FEEL. SO MUCH HAS CHANGED IN THE LAST FEW DAYS AND I CANT EVEN PUT IT INTO WORDS. I WENT TO A SUPPORT MEETING AND THEN SPENT A FEW MINUTES WITH A FRIEND OF MINE. I THEN NEEDED TO BURN OFF SOME ENERGY SO I DID A 45MIN WALK AT THE BEACH AND I FEEL GREAT. IT AMAZES ME THE ENERGY I HAVE. WELL I AM OFF TO GO DO A FEW THINGS BEFORE BED, SO GOODNIGHT FOR NOW.

3-6-7 WELL 2^ND DAY AFTER ADJUSTMENT AND I AM DOING PRETTY WELL. I FEEL GOOD. I JUST ATE MASHED POTATOE AND GRAVY AND IT WAS OK. I DID FEEL A WEIRD THING AT ONE POINT BUT NOW I AM FINE. I TOOK A GREAT WALK AT LUNCH AROUND THE OFFICE COMPLEX. I STILL CANT EVEN THINK AND TAKE IN ALL OF THIS. IT IS AN AMAZING RIDE AND SOMETIMES I GET SCARED I AM GOING TO WAKE UP AND IT IS GOING TO BE OVER. I KNOW IT IS JUST THE BEGINNING AND SO FAR SO GOOD. WELL I AM OFF TO WATCH SOME TV, SO GOODNIGHT FOR NOW.

3-7-7 I AM SO TIRED AND JUST WANT TO GO TO BED AND IT IS ONLY 630PM. I AM NOT SURE IF IT BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN SO ACTIVE OR JUST THAT I NEED TO TAKE A REST TODAY. I FEEL GOOD BUT SLEEPY. I ATE A NORMAL LUNCH BUT IN A VERY SMALL PORTION. I HAD BLACK BEANS, SALSA, CHEESE AND SOUR CREAM FROM CHIPOTTLE. IT COST ME .81CENTS. THAT JUST CRACKS ME UP. WELL I AM OFF TO REST AND MAYBE CLIMB INTO BED, SO GOODNIGHT FOR NOW.

3-8-7 WELL I WAS REALLY TIRED LAST NIGHT BUT OF COURSE DIDN’T REST. I ENDED UP IN MY CLOSET CLEANING IT OUT AND NOW I DON’T HAVE HALF OF THE CLOTHES THAT I DID. I DON’T FIT IN A LOT OF THEM AND I AM GIVING THEM TO A FRIEND OF ME. IT FELT AMAZING TO CLEAN THAT CLOSET OUT. I NOW NEED A FEW PAIR OF SUMMER PANTS. I WILL CK AT TARGET AND SEE WHAT I CAN FIND. WELL THIS IS SHORT BECAUSE TONIGHT I AM RESTING. SO GOODNIGHT FOR NOW.

3-9-7 WELL THIS IS SHORT. I FEEL REALLY BAD TODAY. I FINALLY STARTED AND I AM MISERABLE AND FEEL LIKE A TRUCK RAN ME OVER. THE GOOD THING ABOUT IT I GET TO GO ON MY PILL AGAIN SO I AM HAPPY ABOUT THAT. WELL I AM OFF TO LAY DOWN SOME MORE. I HAVE BEEN SLEEPING SINCE ABOUT 3PM, SO GOODNIGHT FOR NOW.

3-10-7 WELL I AM SO MUCH BETTER SINCE I GOT A GOOD NIGHT OF REST. I SPENT TODAY WITH ZIRLEY AND WE SHOPPED ALL DAY. IT WAS SO MUCH FUN AND I FELT GOOD AFTERWARDS. IT AMAZES ME HOW MUCH I CAN DO AND HOW EASY IT IS FOR ME TO GO ALL DAY AND NOT TAKE A NAP. WELL IT IS ALMOST MIDNIGHT SO I BEST GO OFF TO BED. SO GOODNIGHT FOR NOW.

3-11-7 WELL NOT MUCH TO TELL ABOUT TODAY OTHER THAN I FOUND OUT THAT I CAN DETAIL MY CAR AND DO IT ALL BY MYSELF. I AM DOING THINGS THAT I NEVER WOULD OF DONE BEFORE AND IT IS SO AMAZING. I TRY NEW THINGS AND I HAVE TO REMEMBER EVEN IF I FAIL, I STILL DID OK. I HAVE TO TRY SOMETHING ONCE AND SEE IF I LIKE IT OR NOT. THAT GOES WITH EVERYTHING IN LIFE. I AM NOW GOING TO TRY TO PUT ON A TOLIET SEAT BY MYSELF. I HOPE IT GOES OK. WELL I AM OFF TO DO THE NEXT HOUSEHOLD THING. SO GOODNIGHT FOR NOW.

3-12-7 SOMETIMES IN LIFE YOU JUST NEED TO RUN AND GET AWAY FROM EVERYTHING. I FINALLY HAVE FOUND THE PLACE I CAN DO THAT, IT IS A SMALL STRETCH OF BEACHCOAST ABOVE FROM WHERE I WALK. IT IS PEACEFUL AND A TREE LIKE IN MONTEREY IS THERE. I SAT THERE FOR A LONG TIME TONIGHT JUST TO THINK. LIFE FOR ME EACH DAY IS DIFFERENT, SCARY, EXCITING AND SOMETIMES A LITTLE MUCH. I WONDER WHO THE PERSON IS IN THE MIRROR SOMETIMES. SHE IS STARTING TO LOOK LIKE SOMEONE THAT I HAVE NEVER SEEN. IT IS STRANGE THE CHANGES I HAVE GONE THRU AND STILL HAVE TO GO THRU. I AM VERY VERY HAPPY BUT SOMETIMES SO SCARED I WILL WAKE UP AND IT WILL BE A BIG DREAM. I HAVE MET SOMEONE THAT AMAZES ME, FASCINATES ME, LIVES LIFE, AND WHO IS SOMEONE THAT KNOWS WHAT I AM GOING THRU. I REALLY LIKE HIM AND DON’T WANT TO WAKE UP TOMORROW AND FIND OUT ALL IS GONE AND NONE OF THIS, THE SURGERY, HIM, LIFE AND ALL THAT HAS BECOME IS GONE. I KNOW I CANT BE SCARED ALL THE TIME BUT SOMETIMES IT IS HARD NOT TO BE. IN MY LIFE I HAVE HAD A LOT TO GO THRU AND GET THRU. ALL THE OBSTACLES IN FRONT OF ME HAVE NEVER STOPPED ME BUT MADE ME MAKE DETOURS. I THINK THOSE DETOURS HAVE LEAD ME TO THIS TIME AND PERSON IN MY LIFE. IT IS HARD TO EXPLAIN TO SOMEONE WHO DIDN’T KNOW YOU BEFORE WHY SOMETIMES YOU GET SCARED AND PANIC. HOPEFULLY ONCE ALL IS OUT AND LAID ON THE TABLE I CAN LOOK AT IT AND SAY OK YOU ARE THE PAST AND NOW NOTHING MORE TO LOOK AT. I ONLY LOOK AT THE FUTURE AND WHAT A FUTURE IT IS. I HAVE LEARNED THE HARD WAY TO LOVE AND LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST. SINCE I WAS 13 YEARS OLD I HAVE LOST SOMEONE THAT I LOVED OR CARED FOR DEARLY. FOR ME IT HAS SHAPED WHO I AM AND HOW I LOOK AT THINGS. IT SHOULD NEVER BE TO LATE TO TELL SOMEONE YOU LOVE THEM OR CARE FOR THEM. IT HAVE LEARNED THE HARD WAY TO NEVER WALK AWAY ANGRY AND NEVER TO NOT SAY I CARE OR I LOVE YOU. MY HEART IS SO BIG THAT SOMETIMES IT GETS ME IN TROUBLE BUT NO MATTER WHAT I STILL HAVE NO REGRETS. I HAVE AND STILL WILL ALWAYS LEARN SOMETHING NO MATTER IF IT A GOOD EXPERIENCE OR A BAD ONE. MAMA ALWAYS SAID NO REGRETS. I DON’T HAVE A ONE. WELL I AM OFF TO BED, SO GOODNIGHT FOR NOW.

3-13-7 WELL I JUST GOT THE BEST HAIRCUT EVER AND I LOVE IT. THE COLOR AND CUT ARE AMAZING. I LOOK IN THE MIRROR AND CANT BELIEVE WHO I SEE. IT IS NOT THE STEPH THAT WAS THERE LAST YEAR OR EVEN THE DAY OF SURGERY. THE CHANGES I AM GOING THRU ARE AMAZING. WELL IT IS ALMOST 1130 AND I NEED TO GET TO BED. SO GOODNIGHT FOR NOW.

3-14-7 WHAT A DIFFERENCE A HAIRCUT CAN MAKE!! I FEEL AMAZING. I AM SO HAPPY AND BELIEVE I CAN AND WILL BE ABLE TO DO ANYTHING. I FEEL LIKE GOD REALLY KNEW WHEN TO BRING ALL THIS WONDERFUL STUFF INTO MY LIFE. I FEEL STRONG, I FEEL LIKE EVEN IF THE WORSE HAPPENS I CAN FACE IT AND NOW I KNOW HOW TO COPE WITH IT. TODAY I SAW MY PCP AND I TOLD HER I AM JUST FINDING OUT WHO I REALLY AM. SHE SAID SHE KNOWS THAT I DO KNOW WHO I AM AND SHE KNEW I DIDN’T REALLY KNOW MYSELF BEFORE. SHE IS SO RIGHT. WELL IT IS LATE AGAIN. SEE I HAVE SO MUCH ENERGY I DON’T REALLY SLEEP A LOT , SO I WILL TRY TONIGHT TO GET SOME SLEEP. SO FOR NOW GOODNIGHT.

3-15-7 WELL TODAY STARTED OUT GOOD BUT THEN I GOT FOOD STUCK AND BACKED UP IN ME. IT IS THE MOST UNPLEASANT EXPERIENCE. I AM SO TIRED AND AM OFF TO BED. I THINK THE FOOD WORKED
IT WAY
OUT BUT MY CHEST AND THROAT IS SORE. SO FOR NOW GOODNIGHT.

3-16-7 SHORT BUT SWEET, NOT FEELING SO WELL TODAY. STILL HAVING PROBLEMS SO THIS IS SHORT. I AM REALLY TIRED AND WISH I COULD REALLY BELCH AND GET THIS OUT OF ME. WELL I AM OFF TO BED, I NEED REST, SO GOODNIGHT FOR NOW.

3-17-7 WELL STILL HAVING PROBLEMS WITH MY FOOD SO I AM MOSTLY ON LIQUIDS. I AM ALSO REALLY TIRED SO I THINK THE COMBINATION BETWEEN THE FOOD GETTING STUCK AND NOT REALLY SLEEPING GOOD IS NOT HELPING. TODAY I RAN AROUND WITH ZIRLEY BUT TONIGHT I AM REALLY REALLY TIRED. IT IS ONLY 9PM BUT I AM READY FOR BED. I AM GOING TO TAKE SOMETHING AND GO TO SLEEP, SO GOODNIGHT FOR NOW.

3-18-7 SOMETIMES PATIENCE IS THE HARDEST THING TO HAVE. I AM HAVING A HARD TIME WITH PATIENCE RIGHT NOW. I HAVE SO MANY THINGS GOING ON AND BASICALLY JUST WANT ONE THING AND CANT HAVE IT YET. HOPEFULLY IN TIME IT WILL BE BUT WAITING FOR IT IS THE HARDEST THING TO DO. I AM TAKING THE FRUSTRATION I AM FEELING AND EXERCISING A LOT. I DID A 2 MILE WALK THIS AFTERNOON BUT IT WASN’T JUST A WALK IT WAS A HIKE AND IT WAS MY 1^ST HIKE. I FELT AMAZING AFTER IT. THEN TONIGHT I DID A 2 MILE WALK ALONG THE BEACH. I LOVE GOING OUT THERE AT 8 OR 830 AT NIGHT AND JUST WALKING BUT TONIGHT I REALLY AM FEELING THE WALK. I PUT ALL THE FEELINGS I AM HAVING INTO THE WALK AND BOY ARE MY LEGS PAYING FOR IT. I FEEL GOOD THOUGH. WELL I AM OFF TO BED BECAUSE NOW IT TAKES LONGER TO GET READY IN THE MORNING WITH THE NEW HAIRCUT BUT IT IS SO WORTH IT. SO FOR NOW GOODNIGHT.

3-19-7 WELL I FINALLY GOT THE NEW HAIRCUT STYLE DOWN BUT IT TAKES A WHILE TO WORK WITH IT. I FEEL AMAZING AND CANT BELIEVE THIS IS ME. I AM WANTING FOOD BUT KNOW I CANT HAVE IT SO I DON’T TOUCH IT. IT IS A MIND OVER MATTER THING. I REALLY WANT A SANDWICH AND CANT EAT THE BREAD AND THAT IS THE BEST PART. I ALSO WANT PIZZA BUT THE TOPPINGS ARE WHAT I WANT AND I CAN HAVE IT. WELL I AM OFF TO THE BEACH FOR A WALK, SO GOODNIGHT FOR NOW.

3-20-7 WELL IT WAS A COLD RAINY DAY SO NO WALKING TODAY. I AM SORE ANYWAYS SO IT IS OK AND I REALLY DON’T NEED TO EXERCISE EVERYDAY. I FEEL GOOD TODAY AND MY SKIN IS SO CLEAR IT IS WEIRD. I LOOK IN THE MIRROR AND I AM SHOCK HOW CLEAR IT IS. WELL THIS IS SHORT SINCE IT IS AN UNEVENTFUL DAY. SO GOODNIGHT FOR NOW.

3-21-7 WELL I THINK I OVERDID IT TODAY. I AM EATING AND IT IS NOT BECAUSE I AM HUNGRY. I NEED TO GET MY HEAD OUT OF MY BUTT AND GET ON THE RIGHT TRACK AGAIN. I AM SO SICK RIGHT NOW AND I DESERVE IT. I DID EAT BAD BUT I DIDN’T STOP EATING SO MY CHEST HURTS. NOTHING REALLY BAD HAPPENED FOR ME TO DO THIS, IT WAS MORE I WANTED TO SEE IF I COULD. WELL I WONT DO THIS AGAIN. SO FOR NOW I AM PRAYING I CAN GET SICK AND GET RID OF THE FOOD. I DON’T MEAN THROW UP. THROWING UP IS BAD FOR BAND PTS. I JUST WANT IT TO PASS. SO FOR NOW I SAY GOODNIGHT AND HOPEFULLY I LEARNED MY LESSION.

3-22-7 WELL I HAVENT LOST ANYTHING SINCE THE ADJUSTMENT BUT I HAVENT GAINED ANYTHING SO THAT IS GOOD. I AM STILL AT 269LBS, BUT I DID LOSE IN MY FOOT 2 SIZES. I WAS A SIZE 11 TO 12 AND NOW I AM A 9 ½. IT IS SO WEIRD AND AMAZING. THAT IS ALSO WHY MY FEET HURT SO BAD. MY SHOES DIDN’T FIT. WELL THIS IS SHORT BECAUSE IT IS LATE AND I AM TIRED. SO GOODNIGHT FOR NOW.

3-23-7 WELL I BOUGHT THE MOST KILLER 6 INCH HIGH HEELS. THEY FIT SO GOOD. I DID GET A 10 BUT THAT IS A LOT BETTER THAN A 11. I TRIED ON SOME CLOTHES BUT IT IS HARD. THE WAIST DO NOT FIT AND THE HIPS ARE TIGHT. IT IS FRUSTRATING. I KNOW IT WILL GET BETTER BUT I DID GET A SIZE 22 SHIRT WHICH I WAS AT ONE TIME IN A 30. SO THAT IS A PLUS AND IT MAKES ME FEEL GOOD. DIETWISE I AM DOING GOOD. I DIDN’T EAT FOR 8 HRS SO THAT WAS GOOD. WELL I AM OFF TO DO A FEW THINGS, SO GOODNIGHT FOR NOW.

3-24-7 WELL I AM IN SIZE 2X UNIFORMS. I NEEDED NEW UNIFORMS FOR WORK. I WAS LOOKING REALLY BAD IN WHAT I HAD. I WENT TO THE UNIFORM SHOP AND KEPT TRYING ON PANTS AND TOPS AND NOTHING WAS WORKING. WELL I FINALLY SAID OK JUST GIVE ME THE STORE BRAND IN ANY COLOR 2X TOP AND PANT. I TRIED THEM ON AND THEY FIT GOOD. I DID HAVE TO COME HOME AND ORDER THEM AND IT WILL TAKE ABOUT 2 WEEKS TO GET HERE BUT AT LEAST I AM DOWN A SIZE. WELL I AM OFF TO WATCH SOME TV, SO GOODNIGHT FOR NOW.

3-25-7 WELL HONESTY IN LIFE IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING AND HONESTY TO YOURSELF IS EXTREMELY IMPORTANT. I HAVE FOUND THAT EVENTHOUGH YOU MAY BE SCARED TO DEATH THE TRUTH IS THE BEST THING. I HAVE A WONDERFUL PERSON IN MY LIFE THAT HAS BEEN HONEST WITH ME AND IT MAKES ME FEEL THE RESPECT I DESERVE. ALSO IT MAKES ME BE HONEST WITH MYSELF. ALSO THE OTHER THING I LEARNED THIS WEEKEND IS I CAN RUN. I WENT TO THE BEACH LAST NIGHT AND RAN AND WALKED. I DIDN’T RUN VERY FAR BUT I STILL RAN AND IT FELT GOOD. IT IS AMAZING HOW MUCH I HAVE IN MY LIFE. WELL I AM OFF TO WATCH A SHOW, SO GOODNIGHT FOR NOW.

3-26-7 SOMETIMES GOD KNOWS EXACTLY HOW TO SHOW YOU HOW IMPORTANT LIFE IS AND WHAT IS MOST IMPORTANT. RIGHT NOW 2 VERY IMPORTANT OLDER PEOPLE IN MY LIFE ARE DEALING WITH LIFE ALERTING ILLNESSES. YOU BEGIN TO REALLY REALIZE WHAT SHOULD BE THE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS TO YOU. I REALIZE THAT IF I DIDN’T HAVE THIS SURGERY LIFE WOULD BE REALLY DIFFERENT AND I MAY NOT HAVE A LIFE. SO I AM VERY THANKFUL FOR EVERYTHING. LIFE IS SO GOOD. WELL I AM OFF TO WATCH A SHOW, SO GOODNIGHT FOR NOW.

3-27-7 WELL I AM SICK. I GOT THE COLD GOING AROUND. SO THIS IS VERY SHORT. MY HEAD FEELS LIKE IT IS GOING TO POP. WELL I AM OFF TO LAY DOWN, SO GOODNIGHT FOR NOW.

3-28-7 WELL I STAYED HOME AND I FEEL TERRIBLE. IT IS ALL IN MY HEAD AND I WANT TO BLOW IT OFF. ZIRLEY AND I TRIED TO GO TO THE BEACH TO SEE IF THE SALT AIR HELPED BUT NO. I DID PICK UP A BUNCH OF SOUP AND ORANGE JUICE AND COLD EZ, SO I HOPE THOSE HELP. WELL I AM OFF TO DRINK SOME OJ, SO GOODNIGHT FOR NOW.

3-29-7 WELL THE COLD IS GETTING BETTER BUT I STILL AM REALLY CONGESTED. I HATE THE DRAINAGE DOWN MY THROAT AND INTO MY STOMACH. THAT IS THE WORST BECAUSE IT MAKES ME NAUSEATTED AND THAT IS NOT GOOD WHEN YOU HAVE MY STOMACH/POUCH. I DID GO TO WORK BUT AROUND 2PM GOT REALLY SLEEPY, SO TONIGHT I JUST CAME HOME AND I HAVE BEEN RESTING. I HOPE I CAN SLEEP ALL NIGHT AND TILL 6AM. THIS WAKING UP A 4AM REALLY WASN’T GETTING IT. WELL I AM OFF TO WASH MY FACE AND BRUSH MY TEETH, SO GOODNIGHT FOR NOW.

3-30-7 SOMETIMES IN LIFE WAITING AND PATIENCE IS HARD TO HAVE. THIS WEEK HAS BEEN A LONG HARD WEEK. A LOT OF THINGS HAVE HAPPENED AND I EXPECT A LOT MORE ARE TO COME BEFORE THE END OF THE WEEKEND. BEING THAT I AM SO FAR FROM HOME SOMETIMES I WONDER IF I AM IN THE RIGHT PLACE. I KNOW I AM WHERE I AM SUPPOSE TO BE BUT WHEN SO MUCH IS GOING ON UP NORTH IT IS HARD. ALSO THIS WEEK ME GETTING SICK DIDN’T HELP. PLUS I CAN ACTUALLY EAT AND I AM STRESS EATING. I CANT EAT A LOT BUT I CAN EAT AND IT IS HARD. TUESDAY I GET AN ADJUSTMENT AND I CANT WAIT. WELL I AM OFF TO GO TO THE BEACH FOR A WALK. I NEED TO GET OUT OF THE HOUSE, SO GOODNIGHT FOR NOW.

3-31-7 WELL IT IS ALREADY THE END OF MARCH, TIME GOES SO FAST. WELL I DID A LOT BETTER TODAY AND DIDN’T REALLY EAT MUCH. I KNOW IT IS A MIND OVER MATTER THING. I DID FIND A NEW WAY TO WALK AT THE BEACH. IT TAKES ME ABOUT 50 MINUTES AND IT IS ABOUT 5 MILES. I DID IT TONIGHT AND I FEEL REALLY GOOD. I AM GOING TO TRY TO DO IT 6 DAYS A WEEK. WELL I AM OFF TO WATCH A SHOW AND THEN OFF TO BED, SO GOODNIGHT FOR NOW.

SOMETHING TO REMEMBER!!!!

Feb 23, 2007

GOD DOESN’T GIVE YOU MORE THAN YOU AND HIM CAN HANDLE TOGETHER!

FEBRUARY 2007 BLOG

Feb 01, 2007

2-1-7 well i am less than 12 hours to surgery. i am doing well. i have everything in order and i feel good about everything. i am actually getting tired. i have no doubts and all the past fears are gone. i think i really just needed to get off work and take care of the lose ends. well i will update once i get home on saturday or sunday. thanks to everyone that has been there for me and giving me there well wishes. so for now goodnight.

2-4-7 I AM SO HAPPY AND I FEEL SO GOOD. I AM HOME AND I FEEL GREAT. I AM TAKING IT EASY BUT I AM WALKING. I WENT OUT FOR A RIDE TODAY WITH MY AUNT AND MOM. THEY HAVE GONE HOME. THEY DID SO MUCH WHILE THEY WERE HERE AND I REALLY REALLY APPRECIATE IT. WELL THIS IS SHORT. I NEED TO REST BUT IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS I WILL TELL AND SAY MORE ABOUT THE SURGERY AND HOSP STAY. SO GOODNIGHT FOR NOW.

2-5-7 i FEEL REALLY GOOD. i AM NOT PUSHING IT TOO HARD BUT NOT BABING MYSELF. IT TOOK 2 HRS THIS MORNING TO GET READY WITH A SHOWER, MAKEUP, HAIR, PILLS, SHOT AND GETTING DRESSED. I THEN SAT DOWN AND RESTED FOR ABOUT A HOUR. I GOT UP TOOK A WALK TO THE NUTRITION STORE ON THE CORNER BY THE TIME I GOT BACK I WAS TIRED. I RESTED AGAIN. I DID REALLY GOOD THOUGH THRU OUT THE DAY. I FEEL ASLEEP AND TOOK A 3 HR NAP. LAST NIGHT WAS NOT A REALLY GOOD NIGHT, I WOKE UP ON MY STOMACH AND IT HURT A LITTLE SO I MOVED TO THE COUCH AND HAD TO GET COMFORTABLE. TONIGHT ZIRLEY CAME AND PICKED ME UP AND WE TOOK A 23 MINUTE WALK AT THE BEACH. I CAME HOME DRANK SOME FROZEN NON-FAT YOGURT AND RESTED. I KNOW EACH DAY WILL GET EASIER. WELL I AM OFF TO WATCH A SHOW I TAPED AND THEN GO TO SLEEP. SO GOODNIGHT FOR NOW.

2-6-7 I HAD A GOOD DAY AGAIN. THE SWELLING IS GOING DOWN AND I CAN SEE THINGS A LOT BETTER AND THE EXCISIONS LOOK GOOD. I ALSO HAD TO MOVE OVER THE 2 RINGS I WEAR TO OTHER FINGERS AND SWITCH FINGERS. THEY WERE FALLING OFF. I TOOK A WALK THIS MORNING AND WENT TO RITE AID AND TONIGHT ZIRLEY TOOK ME TO JCPENNEYS AND THEN DROPPED ME OFF AT THE NUTRITION STORE AND I WALKED HOME AFTER GETTING SOME MORE ISOPURE PROTEIN PACKS TO TRY. THE CHOC ONE IS REALLY GOOD. I GOT VANILLA AND A STRAWBERRY CREAM ONE. WELL I AM OFF TO WATCH A SHOW AND THEN GO TO BED. SO GOODNIGHT FOR NOW.

2-7-7 well i am really tired today and sleepy. the weather is cloudy and overcast, but not sure if that has anything to do with it. well i tried the vanilla protein shake and it is ok. it is not my favorite. i figured out an easy way to do laundry and the dr said i could as long as i don’t lift more than 5lbs. i did one load today. i have a bag that holds one load and i did my uniforms. it was easy because i had a small round tupperware container and i put the degrent in it. i did really well with it but rested afterwards. well i am not sure if i said it but when i weighed at the hosp at ck in on friday morning i was at 285lbs. that is a 42lb weight loss. well i go for my post op appt on monday so we will see where i am at. i have to go do post op labs on friday. that will be the 1^st time i will of driven since surgery. i am not taking the pain meds so it is ok plus the lab is less than a mile from my apartment. it is next to my work. well i am off to rest. i am really sleepy. so goonight for now.

2-8-7 WELL THIS IS SHORT BECAUSE I AM REALLY TIRED TODAY. I THINK I HAVE OVERDONE IT EVENTHOUGH I HAVENT BEEN DOING MUCH. SO I AM RESTING AND WORKING ON THE COMPUTER A LITTLE BIT. PLUS THE NERVES IN MY STOMACH WHERE THEY DID SURGERY ARE WAKING UP AND SENDING SHARP ELECTRICAL PAINS. NOT ALL THE TIME BUT IT IS NOT COMFORTABLE SO I AM TAKING THE TYL EVERY 4 HRS. WELL I AM OFF TO DRINK SOME SOUP. TODAY I ONLY HAVE HAD 4OZ OF ORANGE JUICE WITH THE PULP STRAINED OUT OF IT, A 42GRAM PROTEIN WEY TUBE, A SLIMFAST AND SOME WATER. PLUS I FIGURED OUT A EASY WAY WITH THE PILLS. I CRUSH THEM THEN PUT THEM IN A LITTLE TUPPERWARE CONTAINER I HAVE THAT IS A MINI ONE AND PUT A LITTLE WATER AND SOAK THEM. THEN WHEN I NEED THEM I GO SWALLOW IT. IT IS SO MUCH EASIER AND THE TASTE IS NOT SO BAD. WELL I AM OFF TO WATCH SOME TV. SO GOODNIGHT FOR NOW.

2-9-7 WELL I AM REALLY TIRED AND HAD A LONG DAY TODAY. I DROVE MYSELF FOR THE 1^ST TIME SINCE SURGERY A WEEK AGO. I WENT TO GET LAB WORK DONE. IT WENT GOOD WHICH WAS A RELIEF. I WEIGHED AT THE OFFICE AND I AM AT 282. THAT IS 7 LBS SINCE DR APPT ON LAST TUESDAY 1-30-7. THAT IS ALSO 45 LBS SINCE JULY. I FEEL REALLY GOOD ABOUT IT. I ALSO HEARD MY STOMACH TODAY GROWL FOR THE 1^ST TIME IN THE DAYTIME. I HAVE BEEN HEARING IT AT NIGHT AT 11PM OR SO. I NEED TO ASK THE DR ABOUT IT AT MY APPT ON MONDAY. WELL I AM OFF TO DRINK SOME SOUP. SO GOODNIGHT FOR NOW.

2-10-7 I HAD A VERY SORE DAY TODAY. I THINK I OVERDID IT YESTERDAY. I AM TAKING THE TYL EVERY 4 HRS BUT MY ABDOMEN IS VERY SORE TODAY. I didn’t REALLY DO VERY MUCH TODAY. I DID GET ONE PLANT AT TARGET TO ADD ON TO THE NEW PLANTS I GOT YESTERDAY FOR THE PATIO. SINCE I WAS GOING TO HAVE TO LOOK AT THE PATIO A LOT I WANTED SOMETHING PRETTY TO LOOK AT. I WALKED AND THEN RESTED MOST OF THE DAY. I DID GET A 4OZ FROZEN NON-FAT YOGURT AND THAT WAS JUST enough FOR ME. I AM LEARNING A LITTLE BIT BETTER WHEN I AM HUNGRY. WELL I AM OFF TO BED BECAUSE I AM REALLY SLEEPY, SO GOODNIGHT FOR NOW.

2-11-7 i HAD A GOOD DAY TODAY AND I AM FEELING GOOD TODAY. I AM LEARNING TO TAKE IT EASY BUT IT IS HARD. I DID 3 LOADS OF WASH BUT IT WAS ACTUALLY 1 ½ REG LOADS OF WASH. I DID THEM IN SMALL LOADS AND TOOK BREAKS IN BETWEEN EACH LOAD AND DRY. I ALSO MADE THINGS EASIER TO GET TO INSTEAD OF HAVING TO BEND OR SQUAT TO GET THINGS. IT IS AMAZING HOW MUCH YOU LEARN AS YOU GO. I didn’t THINK ABOUT THE EASIEST OF THINGS THAT ARE NOW HARD FOR ME TO DO SINCE I CAN’T REALLY BEND. I HAVE A DR APPT FOR MY 1^ST POST OP APPT AT 830AM TOMORROW SO I AM INTERESTED TO SEE HOW I AM REALLY DOING. I THINK I MAY HAVE FIGURED OUT WHEN I AM FULL BUT I HAVE TO ASK THE DR. I GET A PAIN ON MY LEFT SIDE UP BY MY COLLAR BONE AND I ONLY GET IT when I AM EATING/DRINKING. I AM NOT SURE IF THIS MEANS I AM FULL. WELL I AM OFF TO WATCH A SHOW AND THEN DO MY EVENING ROUTINE. MY LIFE IS NOW A BUNCH OF ROUTINES AT CERTAIN TIMES OF THE DAY. IT IS GOOD BUT STILL TRYING TO GET EVERYTHING DOWN AND TOGETHER IN MY HEAD. WELL I AM OFF, SO GOODNIGHT FOR NOW.

2-12-7 I DID MY POST OP CK AND I AM REALLY HAPPY WITH THE RESULTS. I AM AT 283 AND I FEEL REALLY GOOD. THE DR SAID I AM DOING GREAT AND TO KEEP UP THE WORK. I ALSO GET TO ADD IN SOFT/PUREE FOODS NOW. I ATE COTTAGE CHEESE TODAY AND IT STAYED DOWN. YEAH. I ALSO NOW CAN GO BACK TO MY NORMAL LIVING ROUTINES AND ONLY RESTRICTION IS NOT TO LIFT OVER 20LBS. I CLEANED AND DID LAUNDRY THIS AFTERNOON. I AM REALLY TIRED BUT THAT COULD BE BECAUSE I WAS UP AT 2AM AND HAVE NOT GONE BACK TO SLEEP YET. I HAD A PRESSURE IN MY CHEST AND THOUGHT IT WAS GAS BUT THE DR SAID IT WAS PROBABLY A MUSCLE SPASM. IT HURT FOR A LONG TIME WHEN FINALLY I TOOK A XANAX AND THAT HELPED. ALSO I MADE A MISTAKE GETTING READY THIS MORNING, I PUT ON MY REGULAR UNDERWIRE BRA AND ABOUT KILLED MYSELF. IT FELT LIKE A TON BRICKS ON MY CHEST. THE BRA WAS OVER THE AREA WHERE THE BAND IS AND IT PUSHED ON IT. IT TOOK MY BREATHE AWAY. WELL I AM OFF TO EAT SOME FROZEN NON-FAT YOGURT, SO GOODNIGHT FOR NOW.

2-13-7 oK WELL I FIGURED OUT WHAT BEING FULL IS LIKE AND IT IS NOT THAT MUCH FUN AT FIRST. IT FEELS LIKE A BURB OR A MUSCLE SPASM IN YOU LOWER CHEST AREA BETWEEN THE BREAST. I ATE COTTAGE CHEESE AND MAY OF NOT CHEWED IT WELL ENOUGH OR HAD TOO MUCH. IT WAS 8OZS AND TOMORROW I WILL TRY 6OZS AND SEE HOW THAT GOES. I MASSAGED THE AREA AND THEN FINALLY BLECHED AND FELT BETTER. IT IS A WEIRD FEELING. BESIDES THAT I FEEL GOOD. I SLEPT IN MY BED LAST NIGHT AND SLEPT THRU TO THE MORNING FOR THE 1^ST TIME SINCE SURGERY. I ALSO didn’t TURN OVER ON MY STOMACH SO NO PAIN IN THE CHEST OR STOMACH. I CAN TELL THE BAND IS TIGHTER IN THE MORNING AND IT SEEMS TO RELAX AROUND 11AM. I ONLY DRINK FLUIDS UNTIL THE PRESSURE FEELING GOES AWAY A LITTLE BIT. WELL I AM GOING TO TRY TO GO BACK TO WORK ON MONDAY 2-19-7 AND SEE HOW I DO. I MAY NOT MAKE IT THRU THE DAY BUT THAT IS OK BECAUSE I CAN LEAVE WHEN I NEED TO AND I PROMISE NOT TO PUSH IT. I AM LEARNING A LOT ABOUT MYSELF AND HOW I NEED TO LISTEN TO MY BODY AND SLOW DOWN WHEN I NEED TO. WHATEVER NEEDS TO BE DONE WILL BE THERE LATER. WELL I AM OFF TO DRINK SOME PEPPERMINT TEA WHICH SEEMS TO HELP MY STOMACH, SO GOODNIGHT FOR NOW.

2-14-7 well it is valentine’s day and i had a wonderful new day. i went with my neighbor to run errands. she has a 1 year old son and it was fun being around both of them. i am discovering a whole new life and i love it. i can see so much that is to come and i still cant believe it is all happening. i also found so many new things i will be able to do. i am finding that i really am outgoing and not the little turtle in the shell i was becoming. i am happy and excited. well it is late and i still need to do my shot, so goodnight for now.

2-15-7 well i am not feeling all that well tonight, i got really emotional earlier and now my chest area is tight. i am not sure if it is the result of the emotional problem or something to do with the band. i am really tired today so maybe i have been doing too much. i get burst of energy and then i am sleepy. well i am off to go and buy flinstone vitamins. i cant get the prenatal pills down me anymore. then i need to come back and hopefully get the flinstone’s down me, so goodnight for now.

2-16-7 well this is a learning experience each and every minute of the day. i went today and picked up some baby food stuff that i hope will help me. i got rice cereal with bannana flavor, finger food apple cinnamon treats that melt in your mouth, and some cheese flavor crackers (looks like cheeze its) that melt in your mouth. i also went around target and ralphs (grocery store) and found stuff that i can try. it is amazing how much is out there to eat and have in your diet that is good for you and sugar free. i got a bunch of sugar free candy to suck on when my mouth tastes bad. the meds and some diet products leave a bad taste in your mouth. i did get all my meds down today and the flintstone vitamins are ok. my chest area and back are bothering me from the problem with the meds yesterday. plus today someone hugged me really hard and both of us didn’t realize that was also a no no. i hurt really bad from it and the person was really scared and sorry. i told them that it was ok and this is how i learn what i can and cant do. i went and took 2 xanax to help relax me. i took a long nap and then zirley and i walked at the beach. the walk really helped also. i also got a call from the dr’s office and my 1^st band adjustment is march 5^th. the whole thing is such a wonderful, weird, and sometimes frustrating experience but all well worth it. i am so happy and confident and it amazes me what i can do now. sometimes i wonder why i didn’t do this sooner but i have to remember things happen when and how they are suppose to and it is all in god’s plan for us. well i am off to bed since it is so late, so goodnight for now.

2-17-7 WELL I AM NOT FEELING GOOD TODAY, I HURT AND I AM REALLY TIRED. I THINK IT IS FOR A BUNCH OF DIFFERENT REASONS, THE HUG, may have been DOING TOO MUCH, LACK OF SLEEP, JUST 2 WEEKS OUT OF SURGERY. I RESTED ALL DAY. I ACTUALLY TOOK A DARVOCET AND SLEPT THIS AFTERNOON. WELL THIS IS SHORT BECAUSE I don’t FEEL GOOD, SO GOODNIGHT FOR NOW.

2-18-7 well i am feeling better today. i didn’t really do anything but watch the daytona 500 and get ready to go back to work tomorrow. i packed a little diaper bag to take to work full of the things i will need. i am only working 8 to 12 so we will see how it goes. my back is really hurting me so i used the ice/heat pack that i had for headaches and heated it for my back and it really helps. i probably pulled the muscles in my back around the area where the band is. i will tell the dr when i am at work and see what she says. foodwise i did really good. i am KEEPING THE Calories BETWEEN 730 TO 1100 A DAY WITH PROTEIN BETWEEN 72 GRAMS TO 46 GRAMS A DAY. THE PROTEIN IS THE MOST IMPORTANT PART OF MY DIET. I AM TO GET 40 TO 60 GRAMS A DAY. TODAY I HAD A 1100 CALORIE DIET DAY AND IT wasn’t BAD FOOD BUT THE CALORIES ADDED UP. I WILL WATCH IT CLOSER BUT IT WONT BE HARD WITH ME GOING BACK TO WORK. I AM GETTING A ROUTINE DOWN TO BE ABLE TO WORK AND NOT HAVE TO WORK ABOUT THE DIET. I DID PACK 3 SNACK LIKE FOODS TO TAKE WITH ME TO HAVE JUST IF I NEED THEM. THEY ACTUALLY ARE BABY FOOD PRODUCTS AND JELLO AND THE TOTAL CALORIES ARE 65 AND 1 GRAM OF PROTEIN. I AM GOING TO DO MY ISOPURE DUTCH CHOC SHAKE IN THE MORNING BEFORE WORK THAT HAS 300 CALORIES AND 50 GRAMS OF PROTEIN SO I PROBABLY WONT NEED THE SNACK. WELL I AM OFF TO WATCH A SHOW I TAPED AND THEN HEAD OFF TO BED, SO GOODNIGHT FOR NOW.

2-19-7 well i down to 277lbs. that is 12 lbs from surgery and 50lbs total since july. i feel amazing, happy, excited and pretty. i went back to work today and i am doing testing/scheduling now. it is a nice change. i had done records for 5 years and since i started a new life i think it is good to start a new poistion at work. i worked 4 hrs and then came home and took a 3 ½ hr nap. i went to the support meeting tonight and it was packed. we had 3 rows of people and they had to bring out more chairs. people were there from just learning about the surgery to people that have had gastric surgery for 5 years. the support meetings are very good and important. well it was a good day today and i feel really good were things are going. so now i am off to watch a show and get to bed, so goodnight for now.

2-20-7 well 2^nd day back at work and i made it thru the 4 hrs but i get really tired by the end of the time. i am enjoying learning something new and it is like i have started over in everything in my life. tonight i went and walked at the beach and caught myself almost running. i had to slow down and i was also holding my stomach when just walking. it hurts at times. my back is still bothering me so i am being really careful and not bending over. well i am off to have some non-fat frozen yogurt and watch one of my shows, so goodnight for now.

2-21-7 bad day today with my back. i have a bunch of stress, pain, tension up and down my back like i cant relax and no matter what i take it is not helping. the dr called me after i left her a msg and i am trying aleve to see if it helps. so far not much relief. i am now going to go lay down and try the heating pad again. i pray the band hasn’t slipped. i also hope i didn’t go back to work too soon but i don’t think it is that. i actually really like what i am doing at work, i just get tired easy. well i am off to bed, so goodnight for now.

2-22-7 well another bad day, but i think i got the muscle spasm thing figured out. i just need to rest my back when i can, take the xanax 2 times a day to keep me calm, take tyl when i need it, and wear the sports bra at all times as support (even sleeping). i took a long nap today and got a lot of rest. i am feeling a little better. well this is short because i am tired, so goodnight for now.

2-23-7 well it is my 36^th birthday today but really not feeling like a birthday. My back is still bothering me. the dr said it is not the band just the back giving me problems. i got a rx for flexril and it knocked me out. i slept for 5 hrs. i still feel funny from it. besides the back i am doing good. well i am of to rest, so goodnight for now.

2-24-7 WELL THOSE MUSCLE RELAXANTS AND TYL ARE REALLY HELPING ME WITH MY BACK. I TOOK IT EASY TODAY AND JUST DID A FEW THINGS I HAD TO DO. IT IS HARD WHEN YOU CANT DO EVERYTHING THAT NEEDS TO BE DONE HOWEVER WHAT I NEED TO REMEMBER IT WILL BE THERE TOMORROW SO IF IT doesn’t NEED TO BE DONE JUST WAIT. I ALSO PICKED UP A BLENDER TODAY AND WANT TO TRY TO MAKE SMOOTHIES OUT OF MY ISOPURE SHAKES. I AM TRYING TO GET THINGS DOWN AND ON A DIFFERENT SCHEDULE WITH FOOD BUT I AM GETTING HUNGRY NOW. I THINK IT IS BECAUSE THE BAND AND STOMACH AREA IS NOT AS SWOLLEN AND TIGHT. THE 1^ST BAND ADJUSTMENT IS IN 1 WEEK FROM THIS MONDAY ON MARCH 5^TH SO I AM SURE ONCE THEY ADJUST IT THINGS WILL BE DIFFERENT. WELL I AM OFF TO GET MY UNIFORMS OUT OF THE DRYER. I AM ONLY DOING ONE LOAD AT A TIME. SO GOODNIGHT FOR NOW.

2-25-7 well i had an ok day, my back is still bothering me. i am learing how to move and do things without stretching or pulling the muscle that is bothering me. i also am learing how to sleep and be comfortable. i have 3 pillows and prop myself up on them. the back problem is not from the band but from the laying around and not being able to sleep or bend like i use to. i have to squat and can only sleep on my r side. the muscle relaxants do help but i don’t want to take too many of them. my dr was concerned about taking them with all the other meds i am on, so i am on a very low dose. well eating wise i am getting hungry now and having to have something small every 3 hrs or so. my stomach tells me when it is hungry. i have the biggest loudest growling coming from my stomach. well i am off to watch the oscars, so goodnight for now.

2-26-7 well i figured it out why my back hurts, my butt is too big for me to sleep on my back. that may sound weird but my back is not getting the support it needs and i need not such a firm mattress, so tonight i will try to sleep on the top of the bed with all the covers under me and see how that is. i am learning and trying stuff each day. some days i get tired of all of this but it is so so worth it. eating wise i am doing better. i am suppose to eat 3 meals and no snacking. well i cant figure out a meal and when i am full so i have 4 or 8 ozs of something and then 2 or 3 hrs something else. so basically i eat 6 times a day but only 4 to 8 oz at a time. i am only on liquids and soft/puree foods. mostly i do liquids because it is fast and convient with me working now. i also really like applesauce and puddings and baby food so i have a weird but healthy diet. well i am off to walk with zirley, so goodnight for now.

2-27-7 well soup in the blender is really good. i took a can of progresso rice and chicken and it was so good. i am finally figuring out how to eat and enjoy it. tonight i went to the beach for a walk but it was so cold the walk was short but i got some pretty pictures of the sunset. i tried sleeping on top of the bed and it worked. my back is not as sore as before. well day by day i get better and learn more. so now i am off to go to bed since i was up at 4am this morning. the other thing i am dealing with is not needing as much sleep as before. i didn’t even nap yesterday and still only slept 6 hrs, so goodnight for now.

2-28-7 i cant believe it is the end of feb. things went so quick and this friday will be 4 weeks since surgery. today i had my 1^st experience with somehthing getting stuck in the pouch. i had peach yogurt and thought i chewed all the peaches but i didn’t and boy did it hurt. it took a while for the pain to go away. it is the weirdest thing to have happen and i will not do that again. well tomorrow i go for my 4 week labs and then monday i get a band fill. so i am a bit nervous. well i am off to have some soup. it is so cold and soup sounds good. so goodnight for now.

SURGERY DATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jan 01, 2007

YEAH I HAVE A SURGERY DATE. IT IS February 2, 2007 AT 730AM AT TORRANCE MEMORIAL HOSP.

JANUARY 2007 BLOG

Jan 01, 2007

1-1-7 WELL IT IS A NEW YEAR AND I HAVE STARTED IT OFF with a BANG. I DID REALLY NOTHING TODAY BUT TAKE A LOOK AT ME. I ATE REALLY GOOD. GOT DOWN 3 LITTERS OF WATER. TOOK A NICE WALK AT THE BEACH TONIGHT. I ALSO HAVE 4 BOXES OF CLOTHES TO SEND TO A FRIEND. IT FEELS REALLY GOOD TO START OUT THIS YEAR WITH A POSTIVE OUTLOOK. I KNOW MORE IS TO COME AND IT WILL ALL BE GOOD. THERE WILL BE HARD WORK AND TRYING TIMES BUT BRING THEM ON. I FEEL AND BELIEVE I CAN DO ANYTHING. SO FOR NOW I AM GETTING TO BED SO GOODNIGHT FOR NOW.

1-2-7 so i know exactly what i want and i am going for it. for the 1^st time in my life i am just going to let everything go and do what i need to do. no over looking stuff a lot of times to make sure it is ok or right. of course it will be morally right but either than that no holds bar. i have so many things that i want to do and see that i am not going to let anything or anyone stop me. not even myself. i have been listening to a trace adkins song that tells me everything i want to hear. it is so much of what i want to be. carefree and open. i have a 2^nd chance at life and i am doing it. i went tonight with zirley for a walk and i feel great. so each night we are going to try to do that. if she cant go i will go. also on the weekend i can ride my bike. i ate good today and got all the liquid in me. Tomorrow i have to do lab for my appt with anita on friday. hopefully it goes better than last time. well i am off to drink a slim fast and watch some tv. so goodnight for now.

1-3-7 WELL LAB didn’t GO SO WELL. THEY TOOK 8 TUBES OF BLOOD. I GOT POKED 3 TIMES. I AM NOT FEELING WELL SO THIS IS SHORT. IN THE MORNING I GO TO MY PCP FOR A MED CK AND EKG. SO FOR NOW I AM OFF TO REST AND GET SOME SLEEP. SO GOODNIGHT FOR NOW.

1-4-7 had a good day today but still bruising from lab. i went to my pcp and got meds updated and ekg. she cked me over and i am ok for surgery. tomorrow i weigh in and see what my labs are. i went with zirley walking but we didn’t go to the beach. it is raining here and really windy. well i am off to drink a slim fast and watch tv. so goodnight for now.

1-5-7 WELL I AM AT 289LBS AND ALL MY BLOOD TESTS CAME BACK MUCH BETTER THAN IN JULY. I FEEL GREAT. I AM JUST 4 WEEKS TILL SURGERY AND THE NURSE PRACTIONER SAID I AM READY. I JUST NEED TO KEEP LOSSING THE WEIGHT TO HELP OUT WITH THE SURGERY AND STAY WELL. EVERYONE AROUND ME IS SICK AND I AM TRYING REALLY HARD TO STAY HEALTHY. I GET PLENTY OF SLEEP. I AM NOT PUSHING MYSELF. I DRINK AND EAT WELL AND TAKE ALL MY MEDS. SO WHAT SEEMED LIKE A TAKING FOREVER PROCESS IS JUST AROUND THE CORNER. WELL I AM OFF TO WATCH A MOVIE I RENTED. I AM WORKING 3 HRS TOMORROW TO STAY CAUGHT UP AND GET AHEAD. SO FOR NOW I SAY GOODNIGHT.

1-6-7 I WOKE UP EARLY EVENTHOUGH I HAD SET MY ALARM FOR 8AM. I AM REALLY TIRED RIGHT NOW. I HAD A NICE PRODUCTIVE DAY. I WENT TO WORK AND CAUGHT UP A LITTLE BIT. I BROUGHT SOME STUFF HOME WITH ME TO WORK ON. I ALSO HAD MY NAILS DONE AND CUT DOWN. THEY WERE GETTING TOO LONG TO TYPE. I TOOK A NICE WALK AT THE BEACH. I SHOULD OF RODE MY BIKE BUT JUST NOT FEELING TO HOT. I AM GOING TO GO WATCH ANOTHER MOVIE I RENTED. LAST NIGHTS WAS YOURS, MINE AND OURS. IT WAS REALLY FUNNY AND GOOD. I LAUGHED A LOT. WELL I AM OFF SO GOODNIGHT FOR NOW.

1-7-7 WELL BAD DAY NOT FEELING TOO WELL. MY STOMACH IS UPSET. I DID THE LAUNDRY, PICKED UP THE HOUSE, WATCHED FOOTBALL AND TOOK A 4 HOUR NAP. I HOPE I SLEEP TONIGHT. RIGHT NOW I LIT A BUNCH OF CANDLES AND I AM GOING TO WATCH SOME SHOWS. I HAVE BEEN EATING GOOD BUT I THINK MY MEDS GOT TO ME TODAY. WELL I AM OFF SO GOODNIGHT FOR NOW.

1-8-7 well i am feeling really sick and not sure what is wrong. i feel fine one minute and then i get sick. i wanted to walk but Zirley said no and i am going to go a die on the couch. well for now hopefully it is nothing. so goodnight for now.

1-10-7 well i missed yest because i was so sick i couldn’t even sit up or take a shower. my immune system is low and i caught some kind of flu with fever, ha, achiness. i didn’t wake up till 340pm yest. i slept a lot. i still feel really bad and am trying to hang in there. i am ?ing a lot of things right now. so i have a lot of thinking to do. well for now i say goodnight.

1-11-7 well i am feeling a little better but still sick. i talked to the dr today and she said to try over the counter cold ease. i have no colored mucus or fever now. i just have a hoarse sexy voice and cough. the mornings it is worse. i also want to eat now. i drank 2 15 ozs of orange juice today and a ton of water and a diet 7up. Eating wise I did ok. I Also finally got my meds down me. It is hard to take all of them when your throat hurts. well this is it for now. so goodnight for now.

1-12-7 well it was a good day today. i am feeling better. it was really cold today. my knees were bothering me a lot. i am resting all weekend except for picking up a few things i need at target and the health food store. i rented some movies and plan on watching football. well today is 3 weeks till surgery. i am getting nervous and try not to but it is hard. well i am off so goodnight for now.

1-13-7 WELL IT WAS ANOTHER GOOD DAY. I didn’t WAKE UP TILL 10AM SO I GOT TO SLEEP IN. I HAD WEIRD DREAMS AGAIN LAST NIGHT. I GOT A REALLY COOL ARTICLE FROM MY AUNT AND UNCLE. IT WAS ABOUT A LADY IN TRACY WHO HAD GASTRIC BYPASS SURGERY. SHE TALKED ABOUT ALL THE THINGS SHE COULD DO. IT IS SO TRUE THAT A WHOLE NEW WORLD OPENS UP FOR PEOPLE. I ALREADY ENJOY SOME OF THE BENEFITS FROM JUST LOSING THE WEIGHT THAT I HAVE. I FEEL SO GOOD THAT I CAN DO SO MUCH MORE. I WENT OUT TODAY AND SHOPPED FOR THE HOUSEHOLD STUFF I NEED AND GOT IT ALL DONE AND EVEN GOT IT ALL UPSTAIRS AND PUT AWAY. BEFORE LOSSING THE WEIGHT THAT WAS A TOUGH THING FOR ME. YES I AM TIRED AND MY BACK HURTS BUT I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER. WELL I AM OFF TO WATCH A MOVIE AND RELAX. SO GOODNIGHT FOR NOW.

1-14-7 WELL IT WAS MY TYPICAL SUNDAY EXCEPT FOR THE FACT I didn’t WALK. IT IS SO COLD AND I CAN’T CHANCE GETTING SICK. I didn’t SLEEP REALLY WELL SO I AM TIRED. I DID THE HOUSEWORK, LAUNDRY AND GOT STUFF READY FOR TOMORROW FOR WORK. I REDID MY MP3 PLAYER WITH MY FAVORITE MUSIC. I ATE AND DRANK GOOD TODAY SO I FEEL HEALTHY. I JUST WANT TO GO TO BED BUT IT IS ONLY 6PM. I AM GOING TO WATCH ONE OF MY MOVIES AND THEN GO TO BED. SO FOR NOW I SAY GOODNIGHT.

1-15-7 WELL I HAD MY TEACHING TODAY AND MY SUPPORT GROUP MEETING. I AM SO GLAD I WENT AND THEY BOTH HELPED ME A LOT. I AM NOT AS SCARED BUT I STILL HAVE SOME FEARS. IT WILL BE AN INTERESTING JOURNEY SINCE THIS IS SO NEW FOR OUR OFFICE. I WILL HAVE TO LEARN TO TAKE IT DAY BY DAY, STEP BY STEP. I WILL HAVE GOOD TIMES AND BAD BUT THIS IS WHAT I SIGNED UP FOR. I HAVE NO REGRETS AND I CANT WAIT. WELL IT HAS BEEN A LONG DAY SO I AM OFF TO GET READY FOR BED AND CRASH. SO GOODNIGHT FOR NOW.

1-16-7 i had a really good day today. i feel good. i also have an outlook on everything that is so postive. yes i have a lot to do and think about in the next 2 weeks but it is here and my dream is going to come true. i also cant believe i have made it this far. i knew i could do it but on those bad days i had my doubts. i also have a few loose ends personally to tie up but those things are coming along. well this is short because i am going to try the exercise tape my friend gave me. so goodnight for now.

1-17-7 WELL I GAINED 6 LBS. AND I KNOW WHY. SINCE GETTING SICK I INCREASED MY PROTEIN INTAKE AND STARTED DRINKING ORANGE JUICE IN THE AM AND PM JUST ONE GLASS BUT THE SUGAR IS NOT HELPING. SO TODAY I REALLY ATE GOOD AND WILL TRY TO DECREASE TO ONE GLASS OF OJ AND HOPEFULLY THAT WILL HELP. ALSO I HAVE WATER WEIGHT RIGHT NOW SO I AM NOT WORRIED. I FEEL GOOD AND HOPEFULLY WONT GET SICK. PEOPLE AT WORK ARE SICK AND IT IS HARD TO STAY AWAY FROM EVERYONE. WELL I AM OFF TO EAT AND WATCH A LITTLE TV. I DID WALK EARLIER BECAUSE IT IS WAY TOO COLD TONIGHT. SO GOODNIGHT FOR NOW.

1-18-7 SOMETIMES IN LIFE YOUR WILL TO DO SOMETHING IS TESTED. YOU WONDER AND QUESTION IF WHAT YOU ARE GOING TO DO IS THE RIGHT THING AND REALLY WORTH IT. WELL THIS WEEK I HAVE BEEN TESTED AND I KNOW THAT YES I AM WILLING TO RISK EVERYTHING FOR A BETTER LIFE. I KNOW AND REALIZE THE RISKS that ARE AHEAD OF ME AND I AM BEING TESTED IF THEY ARE WHAT I WANT TO DO. I FEEL THAT GOD ONLY GIVES YOU WHAT YOU CAN HANDLE AND HE KNOWS HOW MUCH YOU CAN HANDLE. I ALSO FEEL THAT WE ARE JUST ON LOAN HERE ON EARTH AND EVERY MOMENT NEEDS TO BE LIVED TO THE FULLEST. I ALWAYS didn’t BELIEVE THAT BUT LATELY I REALLY DO FEEL THAT WAY. WELL I STILL HAVE 2 WEEKS TILL SURGERY AND I KNOW THERE WILL BE MORE DOUBTS PUT AHEAD OF ME AND MORE CHALLENGES BUT I SAY BRING THEM ON. I HAVENT COME THIS FAR TO GIVE UP. PLUS I don’t GIVE UP. WELL enough OF THAT. I AM REALLY TIRED AND IT IS LATE SO GOODNIGHT FOR NOW.

1-19-7 WELL I HAD A LONG WEEK AND DAY. I FEEL BAD TODAY AND MY STOMACH HURTS A LOT . I THINK IT IS A BUNCH OF DIFFERENT STUFF. I AM GETTING NERVOUS. WELL THIS IS SHORT. I AM OFF TO DO SOME SHOPPING FOR STUFF FOR THE SURGERY. SO GOODNIGHT FOR NOW.

1-20-7 well yesterday when i got home from work i opened up the mail and i got my final divorce papers. I am free and finally have some closure. why am i writing this, well i really see what god is doing with all of the things he has done lately. i am clearing up all the loose ends before i start my new life on feb 2^nd. at first yesterday i was in shock but now i see the blessing in front of me. i love jason and always will but it is a different love and one that i only feel. it is who steph is and always will be. i can forgive but i will never forget what has happened to me. but i feel that if all the stuff didn’t happen to me i wouldn’t be here even typing this. i cant wait for all of the amazing things to get going. today i picked up more stuff for when i am off. basically diet juices, sugar-free popicles, a garlic press for crushing my pills, and lean cuisines. i also hung out with zirley for a while. well i am off to do some more computer stuff. so for now goodnight.

1-21-7 I HAD A LAZY DAY I WOKE UP AT 6AM AND couldn’t FALL BACK ASLEEP. I TOOK ONLY AN HOUR NAP TODAY. I AM REALLY SLEEPY RIGHT NOW AND IT IS ONLY 5PM. I AM GOING TO TRY AND STAY AWAKE TILL AT LEAST 9PM. I SLEPT GOOD LAST NIGHT AND I THINK IT WAS THIS TEA I TRIED CALLED SLEEPYTIME. I AM GOING TO TRY IT TONIGHT AGAIN. I don’t SLEEP REALLY GOOD AND AM TRYING TO GET MYSELF TO WITHOUT TAKING MY TYL PM EVERY NIGHT. THIS IS NOT A NEW PROBLEM I HAVE BEEN LIKE THIS FOR YEARS. EATING WISE I DID REALLY GOOD. I HAD BOUGHT THESE SUGAR-FREE POPICLES AND THEY ARE ONLY 10 CALORIES AND REALLY GOOD. WELL I AM OFF TO EAT A LEAN CUISINE AND A CHOC SLIM FAST SO GOODNIGHT FOR NOW.

1-22-7 I HAD A REALLY GOOD DAY. I AM BACK TO 291LBS AND FEEL BETTER ABOUT MY WEIGHT NOW. I WANT TO LOSE 5LBS AND I HAVE TILL NEXT THURSDAY 2-1-7. I ONLY HAVE 7 DAYS OF WORK AND I HAVE THE 1^ST OFF. I STILL HAVE SOME THINGS TO GET DONE FOR THE SURGERY BUT THEY ARE ALL SCHEDULED. WELL I AM OFF TO GET SOME SLEEP. SO GOODNIGHT FOR NOW.

1-23-7 well i am only 10 days till surgery. today i think i started to have a panic attack and i am not even sure why. my heart was racing and everything was bothering me. i had to get out and go for a walk. i went over to the phcy and picked up the stuff i need for surgery. i also must of slept on my neck wrong because it is really stiff. i am getting caught up at work and i really feel good about that. i am going to just try to take it day by day. well i am off to go to sleep so goodnight for now.

1-24-7 OK SO I AM STUPID I ATE A BUNCH OF SUGAR FREE CANDY AND THOUGHT NO BIG DEAL IT TASTED SO GOOD AND ONLY 10 CALORIES. WELL GUESS WHAT I FORGOT THAT SUGAR FREE CANDY ACTS LIKE A LAXATIVE IF YOU EAT TOO MUCH AND YES IT DOES. I FEEL SO SICK AND MY STOMACH IS KILLING ME. SO THE EASY WAY TO LOSE WEIGHT IS EAT A LOT OF SUGAR CANDY. HA HA!! EITHER THAN THAT I FEEL GOOD. I DID MY PRE-REGISTRATION TODAY AND I HAVE TO STILL GET MY CHEST XRAY. I WAS TO GO TONIGHT BUT GUESS NOT. I AM JUST GOING TO TAKE IT EASY. I DRANK THE SLEEPYTIME TEA LAST NIGHT AND IT WAS GREAT SO I WILL TRY IT AGAIN TONIGHT. WELL I AM OFF TO TRY SOMETHING BLAND. SO GOODNIGHT FOR NOW.

1-25-7 OK I AM NOW GETTING SCARED AND TRYING TO MAKE MYSELF BACK OUT OF THIS SURGERY, BUT I WONT. I AM GETTING ANXIETY ATTACKS AND MY STOMACH IS A MESS. I KNOW THIS IS JUST PART OF WHAT I AM DOING BUT I HAVE NEVER BEEN IN THE HOSPITAL AS A PATIENT AND I HAVE NEVER BEEN PUT UNDER. I ALSO HAVE THIS FEAR OF HAVING NO ONE HEAR TO HELP ME. MY MOM AND AUNT WILL BE HERE FOR 3 DAYS BUT BEING ALONE AT NIGHT IS whaT SCARES ME. I CAN DO THIS BUT JUST NEED TO GET THRU THE FIRST FEW DAYS. ALSO THE UNCERTAINITY OF NOT KNOWING WHAT TO EXPECT WITH THE SURGERY, AFTERWARDS AND ALL THE CHANGES. I AM TOLD THIS IS NORMAL TO FEEL THIS WAY BUT IT IS STILL HARD. WELL I AM OFF TO DRINK A CUP OF TEA. SO GOODNIGHT FOR NOW.

1-26-7 well i am not feeling really strong today, i have doubts that i can get thru this surgery. it is probably just my fears coming up and trying to discourage me but i am getting really scared. i have never had any kind of hospital stay or surgery under anesthesia. it is funny i watched the surgeries on my face and stuff and i have tattoos, but this is different. my entire life will change. yes this is what i want but facing it with only a week to go is really really hard for me. also the uncertainity of what is going to happen with many aspects of my life is really hard. i am feeling a lot of things but mostly all alone. i know i have the love and support i need but it is hard to do this. i have overcame so many things but am i strong enough to get to the next level. i don’t really know. i don’t want to back out but it is getting harder just thinking of all the things i still need to get together and do. i don’t usually get everything done and have nothing to really worry about but i still have stuff to do and also i am really stressed and wanting to eat anything. i did last night and i am feeling bad about it and paying for it today. i also am tired and want to sleep but last night couldn’t really sleep, hopefully i can this weekend. i know i can do this and i know this is fear talking but i feel like i have nothing to hold on to when i get to the other side of this thing. i also am scared because some other stuff in my life is going on and i really need those people by me and they cant due to their life. i understand that everyone has lives but sometimes i would love to not feel like no one is there for me. i have had a hard week and probably the devil is standing on my shoulder getting me to doubt myself. i do find it helpful just to write this blog. it makes me put it all out there. i am not doing this for pity or anything, it is just how i am feeling lately. so goodnight for now.

1-27-7 WELL I AM DOING BETTER TODAY, I AM STILL SCARED BUT IT IS FUNNY MY AUNT AND UNCLE ALWAYS KNOW WHEN I NEED SOMETHING TO ENCOURAGE ME AND SENT ME A REALLY NEAT ARTICLE ON A LADY THAT HAD THE SURGERY. SHE HAS CREATED A WEBSITE CALLED BARIATRICEATING.COM. I WENT ON IT AND IT REALLY HELPED ME AND GAVE ME IDEAS. I ALSO AM GOING TO GET HER BOOK THAT SHE WROTE. I ALSO CALLED A FRIEND OF MINE WHO IS TO HAVE SURGERY THE DAY BEFORE ME AND SHE IS FEELING THE SAME WAY I AM. IT IS SO EASY FOR US TO HIDE AND BE FAT BUT TO COME OUT OF OUR SHELLS IS ONE OF THE BIGGEST CHALLENGES AHEAD OF US. WELL I AM OFF TO WATCH SOME TV. I HAVE BEEN SO BUSY AND NO TIME FOR RELAXING. I AM ALSO GOING DOWN TO SEE MY NEIGHBOR. SO GOODNIGHT FOR NOW.

1-28-7 I AM 5 DAYS FROM SURGERY BUT FEELING A LITTLE BETTER ABOUT THINGS. I THINK ME BEING AROUND MEDICAL STUFF ALL DAYS REALLY HAS MADE SOME OF THIS PROCESS HARDER. I HAVE BEEN REALLY RELAXED THE LAST 2 DAYS. LAST NIGHT I GOT A BUG UP MY ---- AND CUT MY HAIR. I PUT IT IN A PONYTAIL AND CUT IT. IT CAME OUT REALLY CUTE. I COLORED IT TODAY AND STYLED IT AND I REALLY LIKE IT. I ALSO GOT ALL THE LAUNDRY DONE AND CLEANED. I AM GETTING A LOT DONE AND FEELING MORE COMFORTABLE ABOUT THINGS. WELL I AM OFF TO WATCH A SHOW AND THEN HIT THE BED. I PUT THE FLANNEL SHEETS ON LAST NIGHT AND SLEPT SO GOOD. I GET COLD REALLY EASY NOW. WELL I AM GOING TO WEIGHT TOMORROW AND I HOPE I AM OK. WELL GOODNIGHT FOR NOW.

1-29-7 i am 4 days till surgery i am at 292lbs and see the dr tomorrow for my pre sx appt. i have a list of ?s to ask her. i am scared and not sure what to do at times. i really don’t know what is going to happen and i really don’t know if this is what i want now. i figure i will really need to think about this for the next few days. well i am off to take care of some stuff. so goodnight for now.

1-30-7 SOMETIMES IN LIFE THINGS don’t ALWAYS SEEM OR GO THE WAY YOU PLAN. I ALSO SEEM TO LEARN THAT THE HARD WAY. I AM HANGING IN THERE AND STAYING TOUGH BUT IT IS REALLY HARD RIGHT NOW. A FRIEND TOLD ME LAST NIGHT I AM STRONGER THAN I THINK. HE SAID TO NEVER DOUBT THAT. I don’t DOUBT IT BUT IT IS SOMETIMES HARD TO BELIEVE IT WHEN THERE IS SO MUCH GOING ON INSIDE OF YOU. THE FEAR, STRESS, HORMONES AND EVERYTHING ELSE IS REALLY HARD RIGHT NOW BUT I AM STAYING TOUGH. I WILL NOT GIVE UP AND I WILL NOT GIVE IN. THIS MAY NOT MAKE SENSE TO SOME BUT TO ME IT DOES. ALSO PEOPLE WHO TRULY KNOW ME WILL GET WHAT I AM SAYING. THE LOVE AND SUPPORT I AM GETTING RIGHT NOW FROM A LOT OF PEOPLE IS GREATLY APPRECIATED. I MAY NOT BE ABLE TO TELL EVERYONE PERSONALLY THANK YOU BUT I HOPE THEY ALL KNOW I REALLY DO APPRECIATE IT. I don’t FEEL ALL ALONE ANYMORE AND I DO REALIZE THAT I AM NOT ALONE. EVENTHOUGH MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY ARE SO FAR AWAY THEY ARE ALL HERE WITH ME CHEERING ME ON IN SPIRIT. SO THANK YOU. I HAVE 3 DAYS TILL SURGERY AND JUST NEED TO PICK UP THE LAST MINUTE STUFF SUCH AS THE PROTEIN DRINKS AND WATER. I HAVE MY MOM AND AUNT COMING IN ON THURSDAY. I WISH A FEW OTHER PEOPLE WOULD BE THERE AT THE HOSP BUT IT IS NOT POSSIBLE SO I JUST WILL GET BY. WELL I AM OFF TO BED. I AM NOT SLEEPING MUCH AND I AM MENTALLY AND EMOTIONALLY DRAINED. PLUS HORMONALLY I AM SO MESSED UP. CANT WAIT FOR MY BIRTH CONTROL PILLS TO GET RESTARTED. WELL GOODNIGHT FOR NOW.

1-31-6 OK A MUCH BETTER DAY TODAY AND I AM NOW OFF WORK SO I CAN FOCUS AND GET THINGS DONE AND REST. I AM SO SO TIRED AND HOPE I SLEEP REALLY GOOD TONIGHT. I HAVE TO GO TO A CONSENT APPT TOMORROW AT 430 AND THEN I START MY PREP. TOMORROW IS AN ALL DAY LIQUID DIET. YEAH NOT!!! WELL THIS IS SHORT BECAUSE I AM GOING TO CRASH. SO GOODNIGHT FOR NOW.

DECEMBER 2006 BLOG

Dec 01, 2006

12-1-6 well we are in december. i am really doing good today and i am happy. i scheduled appts to go to 2 support meetings, pre-surgery class, teaching with the nurse from the hosp and a dr visit with my primary dr for med review and ekg. i still need the surgery date but i have all the other stuff set up. i need to do lab and chest xray also but 3 to 10 days before sx. i cant wait. i am tired tonight. i work a little bit tomorrow, trying to get enough work done for when i leave this wednesday for home. i cant wait for that either. well i am off to my warm bed. it is cold here, if it is nice tomorrow i will go for a walk at the beach. lately i have been walking on breaks at work. so for now i say goodnight.

12-2-6 hAD A GREAT DAY, wOKE UP, WENT TO WORK, GOT NAILS DONE, TOOK AN HOUR LONG WALK AT THE BEACH, ATE MY FAVORITE YOGURT, DID MY LAUNDRY, AND NOW RELAXING WATCHING TV. TOMORROW ZIRLEY AND I ARE TO GO SHOPPING. I ALSO ATE GOOD TODAY. Didn’t GET ALL MY WATER DOWN ME YET. IT IS SO NICE TO HAVE ENERGY. WELL I AM OFF TO DO A LITTLE PREP WORK FOR NEXT WEEKS APPTS AT WORK SINCE I WORK ONLY MONDAY AND TUESDAY. I HAVE OFF FROM WED AND GO BACK ON TUESDAY. CANT WAIT. LONG TIME SINCE THAT MUCH TIME OFF. NEED A BREAK AND TO SEE MY FAMILY. SO I SAY GOODNIGHT FOR NOW.

12-3-6 ok so my stomach was hurting yesterday and didn’t feel good, so i took some mom. well last night i was up at least 8 times just dying with stomach cramps and running for the bathroom. i feel better but i wont do that again. i must of lost at least 5 lbs. i felt better this morning but was a little leary about going shopping with zirley. i did go and did ok. we wen to ikea, ate at chilli’s and went to drop off a table at her house. i had a good time. i at the guiltless chicken sandwich at chilli’s and it was really good, something like 480 calories and 8 gms of fat. it is the sandwich , black beans and veg. that is my new favorite at chilli’s. i dropped off the table and zirley’s and drove back home along the coast. i love it that i live down here. i am so lucky. well i am really tired and it is only 6pm. i am off to wash my face, read a little bit and sleep. so for now goodnight.

12-4-6 i DID IT. I AM AT 291. I HAVE A BMI OF 49.9 AND I AM UNDER 50 WHICH IS WHAT THE DR WANTS FOR MY GOAL WEIGHT FOR SURGERY. I AM SO HAPPY AND EXCITED. I ACTUALLY GOT TO MY GOAL AND FEEL ON TOP OF THE WORLD. I HAVE EVERYTHING AHEAD OF ME AND CANT WAIT. I HAVE achieved A LOT IN MY LIFE BUT THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING SO FAR I HAVE DONE. WELL I HAVE A LOT TO DO. I HAVE ONE MORE DAY OF WORK AND I AM SO TIRED. I STILL HAVE TO GET THINGS READY FOR MY TRIP. WELL I AM OFF SO GOODNIGHT FOR NOW.

12-5-6 Yeh I am on vacation. one more day and i get to go home. I feel so good. I woke up again at 330am and couldn’t sleep. i have been up since then and now it is 9pm. well this is short because I am off to do stuff around the house. Just got home at 730. so goodnight for now.

12-6-6 i HAD A GREAT DAY TODAY. I FINALLY GOT TO GO AND MET ALL THE PEOPLE THAT I TALK TO WHEN I CALL TO GET REPORTS. I REALLY APPRECIATE THESE PEOPLE AND WANTED TO GO MET THEM AND SEE A FACE TO THE VOICE I TALK TO. EACH ONE OF THEM HAVE BEEN SO SUPPORTIVE OF ME. I AM SO HAPPY AND BLESSED TO HAVE SUCH GOOD PEOPLE IN MY LIFE. THAT INCLUDES ALL MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS. A STRONG SUPPORT SYSTEM IS ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT PARTS OF THIS PROGRAM. WELL I AM PACKED AND READY TO GO TOMORROW. I HAVE A 6 TO 7 HR DRIVE. I AM PLANNING OF STOPPING AT THE OUTLETS IN TULARE AND WALKING AROUND SINCE I CAN DO THAT NOW WITH NO PROBLEMS. IT IS THE HALF WAY POINT BETWEEN LA AND ESCALON. I GOT EVERYTHING DONE SO ALL I HAVE TO DO IS GET UP IN THE MORNING, SHOWER, GET READY, PACK MY SMALL PERSONAL BAG AND LEAVE. THE GAS TANK IS FULL. THE SUITCASE IS ALREADY IN THE CAR ALONG WITH MY SMART WATER AND SLIM FAST BARS AND SHAKES. I AM GOING TO TRY TO STAY ON MY PROGRAM WHILE I AM AT HOME. THAT INCLUDES THE DIET, WALKING AND SLEEPING. I MIGHT FUDGE A LITTLE ON THE DIET ON SATURDAY AT THE PARTY BUT NOT MUCH. I REALLY HAVE COME A LONG WAY AND DO NOT WANT TO GO BACK WARDS. SO I WONT BE POSTING TILL I GET BACK ON MONDAY. WELL I AM OFF TO BED. SO GOODNIGHT FOR NOW.

12-12-6 I AM BACK HOME AND I HAVE GREAT NEWS. I AM SCHEDULED FOR SURGERY ON FEB 1^ST AT TORRANCE MEMORIAL HOSPITAL AT 7:30 AM. i AM SO HAPPY, SCARED, EXCITED AND CAN’T WAIT. I FEEL REALLY GOOD. I HAD A GREAT TIME WITH MY FAMILY. I ALSO GOT A BIKE. IT IS MY MOM’S AND SHE LET ME HAVE IT. SHE HAS HAD IT FOREVER AND hasn’t REALLY USED IT. I RODE IT A FEW TIMES AND WENT 2 MILES IN 20 MINUTES. IT FELT REALLY GOOD. I ALSO AM GETTING THRU THIS WHOLE HORMONE THING. I ALSO HAVE A LOT TO DO IN THE SHORT 7 WEEKS BEFORE SURGERY. I HAVE A TON OF APPOINTMENTS TO DO. I ALSO HAVE A CLASS THIS MONDAY WITH THE SUPPORT GROUP AFTERWARDS. WELL I AM OFF TO GO WATCH A LITTLE TV AND RELAX. LONG DAY TODAY AND I ALSO ONLY HAVE 8 WORKING DAYS TILL I GO ON VACATION AGAIN TO GO HOME FOR A WEEK FOR THE HOLIDAYS. SO FOR NOW GOODNIGHT.

12-13-6 NOT FEELING WELL. JUST WOKE UP FROM COMING HOME WITH A MIGRAINE. I GOT BLOODWORK DONE TODAY AND MY VEIN BLEW. MY ARM IS BRUISED AND HURTS. WELL I AM BACK TO BED. STILL HAVE A HA BUT MIGRAINE IS GOING. SO FOR NOW GOODNIGHT.

12-14-6 WELL I AM FEELING BETTER. STILL HAD HA THIS MORNING BUT GOT A PAIN PILL AND THAT REALLY HELPED. I STILL FEEL A LITTLE FUNNY. I HAVE A GREAT BIG BRUISE ON MY ARM. IT IS UGLY. I WEIGHT IN TOMORROW. I HOPE TO OF LOST AT LEAST A POUND. I HAVE A LOT TO DO BEFORE SURGERY AND ONE OF THEM IS TO STILL LOSS WEIGHT. WELL THIS IS SHORT. I NEED TO GET TO BED. I AM REALLY TIRED. SO GOODNIGHT FOR NOW.

12-16-6 wELL I didn’t POST YESTERDAY BECAUSE I GOT DEHYDRATED AND HAD TO GET AN IV. I HAVE BEEN SLEEPING A LOT AND RESTING. i STILL NOT FEELING REALLY WELL. SO THIS IS SHORT. I AM DOWN TO 290LBS WHICH IS A 37LB WEIGHT LOSS. I HAVE 6 WEEKS TILL SURGERY AND A LOT OF STUFF TO DO AND GET READY FOR IT. WELL I AM OFF TO LAY DOWN. SO GOODNIGHT FOR NOW.

12-17-6 well still feeling weak and tired. voice is really weak and not coming back to good. i did laundry and then slept for another 3 hrs. i need to eat something so i have soup and crackers. trying to keep the salt in me. so this is short. hopefully tomorrow i feel better. so for now goodnight.

12-18-6 well i feel better today. i got tired at 3pm today and didn’t think i could go on working but i pushed thru it. i still have a weak voice. my bp and pulse were better. i have to increase my water to 3 litters a day. 2 of them smart water. i also am not really exercising so i don’t wear myself out. well i am off to bed. so goodnight for now.

12-19-6 i feel so much better. i am back to normal . still got tired at 3 today but then i am wired now and need to get myself ready for bed. i am having such a hard time sleeping. i have 2 more days of work and then i am off for 10 days. well i am off to download some new pictures of me. i don’t have a double chin in this bunch. it is so cool. so goodnight for now.

12-20-6 I FINALLY LET GO OF ALL THE HURT AND PAIN TODAY. I FEEL SO GOOD AND FREE. IT TOOK TIME BUT I DID IT. THE HURDLES I HAVE GONE OVER ARE SO MANY AND I KNOW THERE ARE SO MANY MORE TO GO OVER. I HAVE 1 MORE DAY OF WORK AND THEN I CAN HEAD HOME. IT WILL BE A GOOD VISIT. I BELIEVE THINGS HAPPEN WHEN THEY ARE SUPPOSE TO. I KNOW THAT LIFE HAS

A FUNNY WAY

OF THROWING CURVE BALLS AND I KNOW MORE ARE TO COME. WELL I AM OFF TO WATCH A MOVIE. SO GOODNIGHT FOR NOW.

12-21-6 WELL I AM OFF WORK FOR A WHILE SO I AM GOING TO REST AND RELAX. I AM REALLY TIRED TODAY SO THIS IS SHORT. I DID GOOD ON MY DIET EXCEPT FOR 2 WONDERFUL CHOC CHIP COOKIES THAT MADE ME SICK DUE TO THE SUGAR. WELL I AM OFF. SO GOODNIGHT FOR NOW.

12-22-6 WELL I AM OFF WORK AND SLEPT TILL 1PM TODAY. IT WAS A NICE RESTFUL DAY. I FEEL BETTER BUT STILL TIRED. I HANGED OUT ALL DAY AND FINALLY HEADED OUT TO BIG LOTS. PICKED UP A FEW THINGS AND THEN GOT A FEW FROZEN DINNERS SINCE I HAD NOTHING IN THE HOUSE TO EAT. I WENT FOR A NICE WALK BY THE BEACH. WELL FOR NOW I AM OFF. SO GOODNIGHT FOR NOW.

12-23-6 OK I AM HEADING HOME IN THE MORNING FOR THE HOLIDAYS. I wasn’t FEELING WELL AND HAD DECIDED TO STAY HOME BUT I THINK I CAN MAKE IT HOME AND BE OK. I HOPE EVERYONE HAS A GREAT HOLIDAY . I WILL BE BACK ON FRIDAY 12-29-6. SO FOR NOW GOODNIGHT.

12-30-6 WELL I AM HOME FROM MY TRIP UP NORTH TO HOME. I HAD A GOOD TIME. I SPENT TIME WITH THE FAMILY AND FRIENDS WHICH IS WHAT I REALLY WANTED TO DO. I ONLY HAD ONE BAD DAY AND IT wasn’t THAT BAD. I SLEPT A LOT DURING THE DAY AND THAT NIGHT I FELT BETTER. I ATE OK. I didn’t GAIN ANY WEIGHT. I WEIGHED AT THE HOUSE WHEN I GOT THERE AND WAS 290LBS AND WHEN I LEFT I WAS 289LBS. I AM GLAD TO BE HOME. I AM GETTING SETTLED IN. I GOT A COOL MP3 PLAYER AND JUST DOWNLOADED ALL OF MY FAVORITE SONGS. I ALSO GOT SOME REALLY COOL EXERCISE TAPES FROM A FRIEND, SO I AM SET. WELL I AM OFF TO WATCH A LITTLE TV. SO GOODNIGHT FOR NOW.

12-31-6 well it is new year’s eve and what a year it has been. i feel amazing. i am so blessed to be given such a wonderful chance at a new life. i have 5 weeks till surgery and it will be here before i know it. i have been eating really good since i got home. i have a lot of energy and have got a lot done. well i am off to go out. so happy new years. here is to a wonderful 2007. so goodnight for now.

NOVEMBER 2006 BLOG

Oct 31, 2006

1-1-6 Well today was a hard day. I had to go off my birth control pills that I was on for over 17 years. I am miserable. I finally had to call the dr to give me something to help with the pains and cramps. Got a terrible headache also. I have to be off the pills for at least one month so my blood is not thin. I got word today that there may be 2 other people to do the surgery on Nov 30th, if not I will do it when I have to. I really need it to be soon because it is getting really hard for me to stay good. The stress is really bad right now with work and my personal life. I am keeping the eating in control but it gets harder every day. So for now I just keep trying and doing what I can do. I am ready for the surgery just need to try to lose more weight. So for now goodnight.

11-2-6 So I just talked to my mom and she is making my favorite food, Polenta and Lasagna. I love those both plus her chili beans. I will never really be able to eat those or any of her cooking like I use to but I will be able to have at least a small bite once in a while after my stomach is keeping foods down. I am really tired today. I know it is because of the cramps and stress I am under. I just want to get to the weekend to rest. I will probably work a little bit this weekend to get ahead. I am trying to catch up from the computer conversion. Also if surgery is at the end of the month I best have things in order. Well I am off to bed. I hope to sleep thru the night. So goodnight for now.

11-3-6 Well I am tired, grumpy and irritated. I am not really going to put much down tonight. I want to go to sleep and wake up in about 100 hours. I am so tired. I have a lot to do and not enough time. So for now goodnight.

11-4-6 Ok so I am feeling better. This hormone thing sucks. I now know why I stayed on the pill for such a long time. I slept till around 930am and then ended up going into to work around noon. I got a lot done. It is nice when no one is around to bother u or the phones arent ringing. I have been so stressed out with everything the diet and exercising is not my focus right now. But I told myself that tomorrow I start all over again and go for it. I want this surgery and need to stay on top of the diet and exercising. I just have to really work at it. Sometimes it is really hard but I have to do it. This is my life and future. I plan on walking each day at least 30mins. The eating has been good but I could be a little bit better with keeping the fluids in me. It is hard when you are so busy. I forget to eat and drink sometimes. Well it is late and I am tired So for now goodnight.

11-5-6 Well I slept most of the day till around 4pm when I got all this energy. I washed the car, went to the nutrition store and picked up stuff, and now I am doing laundry. At the nutrition store I picked up this protein drink I need to try and figure out what flavors I like. It has 40 gms of protein in it. The passion fruit was ok. It isnt really the taste but the thickness of it. I also picked up some Atkins Advantage products to try. They have only 1 gm of sugar compared to the 17 gms in Slim Fast. Also the protein is higher at 15 gms and the Slim Fast has only 10 gms. I am trying things now so when I have surgery I will know what to get. I think I have to try to get 100 gms of protein in me a day. So I am working on finding stuff now. You know me I like to be prepared. Well I am off to get the laundry. So goodnight for now.

11-6-6 So I had my 1st weight loss surgery support meeting tonight. At 1st I was really scared to go but once I got there and people got talking I became comfortable. I was asked ?s because I was having the lap banding and I think I handle them good. Also I asked ?s about the protein drinks. Everyone was really helpful and gave good ideas. I also got to talk to people afterwards and felt good about the vibe I got off of them. I had a really good long talk with a really nice girl. She is wanting to have the gastric bypass done and is to have it next month. She will do fine and I will be her cheerleader all the way. I know that we both will come thru this healthier and better people. It is time to take care of ourselves for the 1st time in our life and it is very scary. I feel so much more confident and stronger about my decision. Well it is almost 1030 and I need to get to bed. So goodnight for now.

11-7-6 I am so tired. I am just heading off to bed even though it is just 7pm. My body is going thru so many changes and I hate it right now. I also hope I am not getting sick since everyone else at work is sick. Well I am off to bed. So goodnight for now.

11-8-6 Ok well I think I may be getting sick. I have a sore throat that just seems to be getting worse as the day goes. I also am hormonal as my boss said. I am going to watch the results of dancing with the stars and hit the sack. Diet wise I am still eating good but not losing. I know it is a lot of the stress I have right now but it is irritating me. I see the nurse practioner on Friday so I am asking her about the Atkins stuff. I am off to eat my non-fat frozen yogurt. I want something cold. So goodnight for now.

11-9-6 Well I have weigh in tomorrow. Today I weighed to give me an idea of where I was. It said 296.6. Well that puts me at 31 lbs lost. So tomorrow will be the real thing. I feel better today. I am still tired but hope to get some rest this weekend. I did really good on my diet today. I just have to remember to get that water in me. Well I am off to bed So goodnight for now.

11-10-6 I did it I am in the 30’s. I have lost 32 lbs and I actually feel really good today. I weigh 295. I can’t even believe I am in the 200s. This whole process has saved my life and given me a strength I didn’t know I had. I am finally healthy, happy and hopeful. It is nice to feel so good after what I have gone thru in the last 2 years. I saw the nurse practioner today and I am starting on the Atkins products to see how I do on them. I have to get lab on Wednesday and see her next Friday. I had a caramel fudge brownie bar today and it was really good. Well I am off to bed. I am working tomorrow. So goodnight for now.

11-11-6 I felt so good today but at 4pm I got so sleepy. I also am having bad stomach cramps. I hate it when I feel great and then I dont. Diet wise I did good. I tried the Atkin's Cafe Mocha shake this morning and it was good. It is not sugary like the Slim Fast is. I also worked for about 3 1/2 hours today and got a lot done but still have a lot to do. I am trying to get ahead and feel comfortable. The new computer system is not as fast and easy as our old one. I like it a lot better but a lot more clicking and moving around the screen is needed. I wore a pair of sweats today that are getting really big on me. The legs are baggy and I thought looked funny but I felt so comfortable in them. Well I am off to watch some TV and get to bed. So goodnight for now.

11-12-6 Lazy day today. I only cleaned and did laundry. I didnt even take my walk. I was so tired. I slept thru most of my Nascar race. I am awake now but I am going to go lay on the couch and watch football. It feels good since I have been so busy. I tried the Vanilla Atkin's Shake and it is not good. The Slim Fast vanilla shake wasnt good either. I drank it so I didnt waste it but the taste was horrible. I had a bar later in the day and it was really good. I am amazed at how good some of the food is and some of it is so bad. Well I am off to lay down. So goodnight for now.

11-13-6 Life is wonderful. I feel really good today. I think the new depression meds are much better than what I was on. I am actually happy and feel happy. I have a really positive outlook today and it is nice. I am not saying my life is prefect or anything but I see the end of the rainbow almost. I put on my uniform pants this morning and they were really loose. It was strange. The top was also nice and loose and not clinging to me. 32lbs to me is nothing but when people hear I have lost 32lbs they say that is great. I still have about 145lbs to go but it will happen. I am waiting for the surgery date and I cant wait to get it. I tried the Strawberry Atkin shake tonight and it is good if you add a package of Splenda. Also the caramel cookie dough bar is good. Well I am off to bed. So goodnight for now.

11-14-6 Ok the splenda works with the Atkin shakes really well. I had the choc royal today and it tastes so good. I also had the peanut butter granola bar and that really didnt taste so good. I have to go get lab tomorrow done. I am not really looking forward to it. Hopefully she can get me in my try. Well I am off to watch the finals of Dancing with the Stars. So goodnight for now.

11-15-6 Ok labwork went great today. One poke and that was it. I had another good day and felt good. I think the new meds are also helping me sleep better. I really didnt want to get up this morning. I just drank a different choc shake by Atkins. If I add the splenda it is good. I need to go tomorrow to pick up more. I have a few Slim Fast shakes to use up since I dont want to waste them. I had the choc granola bar today and it was ok. Not my favorite. The taste was kind of bland. Well I am off to do my bills and then watch the Results of the final Dancing with the Stars. So goodnight for now.

11-16-6 Ok so I have weigh in tomorrow. I feel good about it. Today I tried 2 more Atkins bars and I didnt like them. I like the Slim Fast bars and th Atkins shakes. I feel good today. I actually didnt wake up in time for work this morning. I usually get up at 6am and I woke up at 7am with my cell in my hand. I could of slept more. This new med is really helping. Well I am off to eat something and water the flowers. So goodnight for now.

11-17-6 Ok I lost 1 lb this week. I am switching back to the Slim Fast. I cant do the Atkins stuff. Just doesn’t do it for me. I feel really good today. I slept great again and had a hard time waking up. I also have no more aches and pains. I will have to wait till January for surgery but I can do it. I just have more time to lose more weight. I bought more Slim Fast but only 2 flavors of shakes and 2 flavors of bars. I don’t want to give me too many choices. I was told that less of a variety is better to stay on the diet. Well I am off to bring stuff up from the car from my trip to Target. So goodnight for now.

11-18-6 WELL I HAD A ME DAY. I WORKED FOR A LITTLE BIT TO GET READY FOR THE NEXT WEEK. I REALLY LIKE GOING IN AND HAVING NO ONE AROUND, NO PHONES GOING OFF AND BE ABLE TO JUST DO WHAT I NEED TO. I HAVE SUCH A SENSE OF ACCOMPLISHMENT WHEN I CAN GET EVERYTHING DONE. I THEN SPENT THE AFTERNOON GETTING A PEDICURE, NAILS DONE AND EYEBROWS WAXED. IT WAS A GOOD PAMPER. I ALSO GOT THE CAR WASHED AND CLEANED OUT. TOMORROW IT IS TIME TO DYE MY HAIR. I HAVE ALWAYS TAKING CARE OF MYSELF BUT NOW IT IS MORE IMPORTANT AND FULLFILLING TO DO THINGS FOR ME. I ATE GOOD AND ALSO TOOK A NAP. I FELL ASLEEP WATCHING THE BUSCH RACE TONIGHT. I TEND TO DO THAT. I SEE THE START AND THE FINISH OF THE RACE AND THEN I SLEEP THRU THE REST OF IT. I LIKE HAVING ME TIME BUT MISS HAVING JAS AROUND TO SHARE THING WITH SOMEONE. YESTERDAY WAS 6 YEARS FROM OUR 1^ST DATE. I WILL NEVER FORGET THAT DAY. THE 1^ST THING HE SAID TO ME WAS I WAS BEAUTIFUL AND I WILL NEVER FORGET THAT. WHEN I AM HAVING A BAD DAY I SOMETIMES THINK OF THAT. WELL I AM OFF TO BED. I AM REALLY TIRED AND HOPE TO SLEEP IN LATE TOMORROW. IT IS FOOTBALL, NASCAR AND LAUNDRY FOR ME TOMORROW. SO GOODNIGHT FOR NOW.

11-19-6 Well it was a nice quiet day. i did my hair, watched nascar and football, got the laundry done and feel really good. i have so much more energy. i plan on going to bed early. i keep reading how important sleep is to weight loss. this will be a busy week since we only have 4 days of work. also i leave in a few weeks for about 6 days at home, so i have to get ahead for when i am off. tomorrow night i have another support meeting at tmh for the weight loss surgery. i enjoyed the last one. it is nice to see how others are doing and what their results are. well i am off to get the last load of laundry. so goodnight for now.

11-20-6 tONIGHT I WAS WATCHING SOMETHING AND A VERY SMART MAN HAD A SAYING HE SAID AFTER HE WAS TOLD HE HAD CANCER. HE DIED 6 MONTHS LATER. THIS IS WHAT I WILL KEEP WITH ME FOREVER. “THERE’S A LOT OF THINGS TO THINK ABOUT BUT NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.” THAT IS SO SO TRUE. LIFE IS SHORT AND VERY PRECIOUS. I WILL HAVE THAT TO HOLD ON TO AND REMEMBER THRU THE REST OF THIS JOURNEY I AM ON. I AM SO THANKFUL FOR WHAT I HAVE AND WHAT I HAVE BEEN GIVEN. MY LIFE BEGAN AGAIN 5 MONTHS AGO AND I WILL LIVE IT TO THE FULLEST. YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT TOMORROW OR THE NEXT MINUTE MAY BRING YOU. THIS IS THE WEEK WE GIVE THANKS. I AM VERY THANKFUL FOR THE BLESSINGS IN MY LIFE. I AM REMINDED THAT I HAVE A SECOND CHANCE AND I WILL NOT THROW IT AWAY. TODAY WHEN I WAS GETTING READY AND FINISHED WITH MY HAIR I SAW SOMEONE THAT I HAVENT SEEN IN A LONG TIME. I SAW THAT BEAUTIFUL GIRL THAT I REALLY AM. THIS IS NOT TO SOUND FULL OF MYSELF IT IS ME SEEING WHO I AM AND WHO I AM BECOMING. SO FOR NOW I SAY GOODNIGHT.

11-21-6 sometimes in life you never know why you have to go thru what you go thru. you don’t think anything can get worse than it already has. well tonight i talked to a young mother who is going thru a lot . i got to pay it forward. in the last few years i have had a lot on my plate and went thru a lot. tonight i found out why. this young mom is going thru a lot . she is feeling fat, unloved and alone. i got to take the experiences that i have lived thru and tell her it will be ok. she like all of us just need to take it day by day or minute by minute. i know and i feel that if i hadnt of been given the wonderful gift i was given in the last 5 months i would not be here to help anyone but most of all myself. i look back over this blog and i see someone with no hope and now i see all the hope in the world. i am thankful and grateful for what i have and what i am about to do. i feel great. i look good. i have my life back. sure i have my days or moments but this blog and the memories i have show me what i have and where i have and will be going. so for now goodnight.

11-22-6 ok i am getting sick. i was feeling kind of weird today and tonight i am getting a cold or something. i overslept again. my stomach hurts and i just want to feel like if someone put a pin in me all the fat bloated air feeling i feel will be gone. i am so glad i am off tomorrow. i have rented 5 movies not due back till monday. i workon friday but that is ok with me. i am planning on spending the rest of the time on the couch and resting. well i cant keep my eyes open and i could fall asleep here. so goodnight for now.

11-23-6 WELL IT IS THANKSGIVING AND I AM JUST RESTING. I WATCHED THE DALLAS FOOTBALL GAME. I AM going TO GET OUT ONE OF THE 5 MOVIES AND WATCH IT. IT HAS BEEN A NICE PEACEFUL DAY. I didn’t CRAWL OUT FO BED TILL 1PM. I HAVE A LEAN CUISINE DINNER TO EAT AND A SMALL BOWL OF BERRY SHERBERT. SO FOR NOW GOODNIGHT.

11-24-6 ok so i am still the biggest romantic at heart. i just finished watching the lake house with sandra bullock and kenau reeves. it is the most amazing beautiful movie to me. it gives me hope and the sense that love can be the most wonderful thing ever. it gave me back that spark i needed. today i told a friend that this diet thing was slipping away from me. i couldn’t do it like i had been. well as we all know society is critical of larger people. i do not want to change for the reason of love. i need to change but i also know my life will change in all different ways and i need to really prepare for that. i have a whole new world ahead of me and i need to be ready for it. not just for love but all the different things that weight puts a stop on. well i feel ok today. i am tired so i am off to bed. i get tired a little earlier now. i think it is my time clock getting use to the new schedule i started. so for now goodnight.

11-25-6 OK I AM SLEEPING WAY TOO GOOD. I couldn’t WAKE UP TILL 1030AM TODAY. I FEEL REALLY GOOD. I HAD A NICE PRODUCTIVE DAY. THE HOUSE IS CLEAN, THE LAUNDRY IS ALMOST DONE, THE CATS ARE TAKING CARE OF. I HAVE A LOT OF STRENGHT THAT I didn’t KNOW I HAD. I CARRIED UP A BUNCH OF STUFF FROM THE GARAGE AND NO PROBLEMS. EATING WISE I DID BETTER, STICKING TO JUST TWO FLAVORS OF SHAKES AND TWO FLAVORS OF BARS HELP. I don’t GET A WIDE CHOICE TO HAVE TO DECIDE WHAT TO EAT. WELL I AM OFF TO GET THE REST OF THE LAUNDRY. SO GOODNIGHT FOR NOW.

11-26-6 I HAD A NICE RESTFUL DAY. I TOOK A NICE WALK AT THE BEACH. FINISHED OFF WATCHING MY MOVIES. I GOT 5 MOVIES AND ONLY REALLY LIKED 2 OF THEM, THE LAKE HOUSE AND THE BREAKUP. THEY WERE BOTH REALLY GOOD. FOOD WISE I DID GOOD. I AM TIRED AND IT IS ONLY 6PM. I AM HEADING OFF TO BED EARLY. I AM READING A GOOD BOOK AND THEN HOPE TO SLEEP REALLY GOOD TONIGHT. SO FOR NOW GOODNIGHT.

11-27-6 i am so happy. i have reconnected with a friend that i have known forever. i am so happy to be talking to them again . diet wise i did really good today. i even took 2 nice walks during work. i feel good. i cant wait to go home in a few weeks to see everyone. i am making this a family trip. i havent seen them since june. i really miss everyone friends and family. work wise i almost had a heartattack due to a broken window, power outage, computer dying, printer acting up, and fax driving me crazy. well i am off to bed i am tired.

11-28-6 OK TODAY LIFE SUCKS. I FEEL LIKE I AM GETTING A COLD TONIGHT. I HAVE TERRIBLE CRAMPS. I HATE THIS PAIN. I AM BITCHY AND FEEL LIKE A LITTLE DEVIL IS INSIDE ME. I AM MAKING THIS SHORT BECAUSE I AM OFF TO BED. ALSO MY BREAST ARE KILLING ME. I HATE HORMONES. gIVE ME MY BIRTH CONTROL PILLS BACK SOON!!!! SO GOODNIGHT FOR NOW.

11-29-6 oK BEEN UP SINCE 4AM. WOKE UP REALLY SICK, COUGHING, HEADACHE, CHILLS, BAD CRAMPS, FELT REALLY BAD. I DRAGGED MYSELF TO WORK. I MADE IT THRU THE DAY BUT TONIGHT I AM OFF TO SLEEP. I TALKED TO THE DR I WILL BE ABLE TO GO BACK ON THE BIRTH CONTROL PILLS 4 WEEKS AFTER SURGERY. WE PUT IN THE AUTH TO THE INS COMPANY TODAY SO HOPEFULLY BY NEXT WEEK I WILL HAVE AN EXACT DATE. I CAN GET THRU THIS BUT NEED SOME HOPE. WELL I AM OFF TO SLEEP. SO GOODNIGHT FOR NOW.

11-30-6 YEH SURGERY GOT APPROVED FOR THE SURGERY. I AM WAITING FOR THE EXACT DATE. I AM SO EXCITED. I WANT IT RIGHT NOW. I AM GOING HOME NEXT WEEK FOR MY MOM AND DAD’S CHRISTMAS PARTY. I WANT TO SEE ALL MY FAMILY BEFORE SURGERY. I HAVE BEEN UP SINCE 3AM, I AM SO HYPER AND ALSO VERY TIRED. SO IT IS 10PM AND I CANT SLEEP. WELL I AM OFF TO TRY TO SLEEP. SO GOODNIGHT FOR NOW

OCTOBER 2006 BLOG

Oct 30, 2006

10-1-6 64th day on Diet. I was really tired today because I just woke up from a 4 hour nap. I woke up the morning did the laundry, cleaned the house and then laid down to watch the NASCAR race and fell asleep. Luckily I TIVO the race. I am still tired. I tried the choc chip granola bar by Slim Fast and it is so good. It is now one of my favorites. Also the choc chip cookie is good. I also tried a Lean Pocket Pepperoni Sub. They are really good. Not too many calories either. No exercising today. I did move around with the laundry and house cleaning. It is so nice that I can do these things and not feel bad afterwards. Well I am off to watch the football game between Seattle and Chicago. So goodnight for now.

10-2-6 65th day on Diet. Well I had a great email today from a dear friend and she reminded me that this week I may hit the 200s. I cant remember the last time I was in the 200s. I am so hyped. I had a good day. I got thru work great. My diet was good. Drank all my liquids. I feel really good. I looked in the mirror a minute ago when I was washing my face and I look happy. It has been a long time since I looked like this. I am truly blessed. I realize that I will have bad days but what I do is look back what I have put on this website. This website helps me a lot more than I thought it would. It is like my personal diary. Well I am off to bed. So goodnight for now.

10-3-6 66th day on Diet. Well another great day. I am so lucky to live by the beach. I had a great walk tonight along the beach. The sun was setting and it was so pretty. Diet wise did really good. The Slim Fast is easy to do and I am getting into a routine with it. Well I am off to watch Dancing with the Stars. So goodnight for now.

10-4-6 67th day on Diet. Well I feel good but my hair is thinning on top again and that bothers me. I use to have thick curly wavy hair but in the last few years my hair was thinning and getting fine. Tomorrow I am going to go and see what I can buy to help it. I was using a shampoo and all the other products but my hair reacted and got really greasy. I weighed today to see what I weigh today and then on Friday. I have water gain and want to see the difference. Well I am off to go to bed. So goodnight for now.

10-5-6 68th day on Diet. Well it was a long day. I didn’t sleep really well. I felt terrible all day. I just have to make it thru the next few days and then I will feel better. Tomorrow is weigh in so hopefully I get in the 200s. I am not sure I will I have a lot of "water gain" right now. If I don’t it is ok. I also have my echo tomorrow. I had to cancel it last time due to dad's surgery. Well I am off to bed to hopefully get some sleep. So goodnight for now.

10-6-6 69th day on Diet. Well I gained a pound but I expected that since I am on my period. We call it water gain. I am going to weight myself again on Monday. I am not at all disappointed. I would be upset if it was more than a lb or 2. I feel good. I used the new shampoo and conditioner I picked up yesterday. It is called Mane N Tail. It is for horses but my hair today looks really good. My friend Shannon at work said give it a week and I will love it. I have a lot of energy and feel really good. It is almost 11pm and I am still wide awake. I have to get to bed I am working tomorrow for awhile. I have some projects to do to get going on bariatric records. So Goodnight for now.

10-7-6 70th day on Diet. Well I have so much energy today it is amazing. I got up went to work for 4 hours. Took my friend Estelle to the hair dresser. Shopped around Big Lots. Came home cleaned a little and watched TV. Got my nails done. Washed the car and dried it myself. Did the laundry and finished cleaning the house. I have not been able to do that much in a long time and not have to take a nap. It is 930pm and I was going to take a walk but too late and dark. I like this feeling. I laid out my clothes to get up in the morning and go to the beach walking. I got a little sleepy getting my nails down then when I finished the car I got a burst of energy. Tomorrow after my walk is football and NASCAR. I was to go to work for a while with a coworker but I got almost everything done. I just need to look at Tuesday's schedule and prep it. So basically mentally, physically and emotionally I am so much better. This is great. So goodnight for now.

10-8-6 71st day on Diet. Well today I woke up and never felt good. I slept a lot. Not sure if I am catching up from last week or getting sick. The flu is going around. It was really cold all day. I had on socks, sweats and 2 blankets. It is overcast outside and looks like it could rain. That is what is so strange about living down here. The weather is always changing. I didn’t walk today. I am now watching the Steelers game and going to go to bed early. Well hopefully I don’t get sick. So goodnight for now.

10-9-6 72nd day on Diet. Well I did it I hit the 200's. I am at 298. I am so proud and happy. I knew I was losing more but wasn't sure how much more. My uniform this morning was even looser. I love it. No more hiding behind the white jacket. I was so excited I could of ran around the entire complex at work. I also feel so beautiful and alive. It is so amazing. I also am so thankful to be alive. I look back and cant believe where I was just 6 months ago. The pain of losing Jason is getting less each day. I wont lie I wish he would knock on the door and things would be different but I take each day at a time. I do know how lucky I am. Well I am off to bed. I am trying to get at least 8 to 9 hours of sleep a night. Plus I am reading a great book. Well goodnight for now.

10-10-6 73rd day on Diet. Ok so I took on another project at work. I prep medical records for 15 surgeons. I know it like the back of my hand. Now I prep the bariatric medical records. They are different and have a lot more to do than just my plain surgery records. It is a challenge I am willing to take but it really stressed me out today. I did good for my 1st real day with it. I have to concentrate a lot more than I do with surgery records. I was doing really good today with the diet and drinking. Well once I got on this project I forgot to drink and eat. It is hard to remember to do 2 things at once when you are tackling something new. I do love that I have a new project to work on and it will show me and make me stronger than I am already becoming. I am so different and it excites me and scares me. Well I am off to bed. I have to go get lab in the morning for my appt with Anita on Friday. Hopefully all goes well with the lab it has been 3 weeks since my last draw. So goodnight for now.

10-11-6 74th day on Diet. Well I am so hyper I can’t stand it. I feel so good. I feel alive. Today I can really say is a good day and I am really happy for no reason. I worked on the record project today and I am getting a little more of a handle on it. I think it is going to be a good thing. Well this is short. I just got home and I need to eat and I am tired. So goodnight for now.

10-12-6 75th day on Diet. Well it was another long day and I am really tired. I weigh in tomorrow so hopefully all this stress doesn’t hurt my weight loss. I have to get things organized with records and then everything will fall into place. Well I am off to bed. So goodnight for now.

10-13-6 76th day on Diet. Well I weighed in today and I am at 299. I am up one lb since Monday but no big deal. I still lost 3 since last official weigh in last Friday. I also found out my BMI is at 51. I have only 8lbs to go till I am at 49 BMI which I need to be at to have surgery. I can’t believe that when I see the surgeon on 10-23 10 days from now I will know about surgery. I am so excited. I had decided that today was a fun day and I had been craving a bagel with cream cheese so I got one for breakfast. Well I paid for it. I was so so sick. I can’t eat that kind of food any longer. So I came home early finally. I toughed it out till about 3pm. I am now going to curl up in my blankets and sleep. It is suppose to rain so the weather is so weird. Tomorrow I work to try to get things going with my new record project. So goodnight for now.

10-14-6 77th day on Diet. Well I feel so great and I have so much energy today. I worked 5 hours today and then went shopping with Zirley. I didn’t buy anything but saw things I will be able to buy when I get to buy clothes. It would be so stupid to go buy clothes now and in a few weeks they won’t fit. I am going to buy a special outfit as my goal outfit but I am going to be picky about it and look a lot before I just buy something. Well I am tired now and hope to get a lot of sleep. I have a really busy week next week so I am resting tomorrow and just doing laundry. Football all day is on TV so it won’t be a problem resting. So goodnight for now.

10-15-6 78th day on Diet. Well I just spent 2 hours on this new profile. I am not sure how it will work out. I feel good today. I am tired since I cleaned all day and did laundry. I didnt get to rest much. The day flew by. I am happy though that I got a lot done today. I pulled out clothes from my closet that no longer fit. I am going to send them to a friend of mine. Well I am off to eat and watch some of my shows. So goodnight for now

10-16-6 79th day on Diet. Well I had another good day and I think I will keep having good days. I am IN A GOOD PLACE and I feel I can handle anything. Today the girls at work and I were talking and they asked me if I was really ready for surgery, I said yes and I want it ASAP. I can’t wait to get on with my new life and make the most important changes I probably have ever made. Well I am off to walk and then to watch some shows. So goodnight for now.

10-17-6 80th day on Diet. Well reality hit me in the face today. We are getting new uniforms and I didn’t know what to do about ordering me some. I see the surgeon on Monday and could have surgery next month. Work wise I am not ready. I have so much to do. Me myself and I ready but if I am not ready with work it will not help me mentally and physically. Rebecca and I are to sit down and talk about it. So the rest of the afternoon was a mess. I am tired and can’t wait to sleep. So goodnight for now.

10-19-6 Well today is a little bit of a better day. My stomach is killing me. I cant eat rich foods. I have to stay on this diet because after eating bad I pay for it. I got to work down in the bariatric clinic today and really enjoyed it. It is busy and crazy but I like it. Well I have 4 more days and I get to see the surgeon. I am getting nervous but it is ok. I will make it thru this. Just takes time. Well I am off to bed. So goodnight for now.

10-20-6 Ok well I had a good day today but the stress of everything is getting to me. I am going to rest this weekend and do nothing but take care of me. I have a really busy week coming up and need to figure out what I want and am going to do with certain things in my life. Also I am really thinking about this surgery and what I really have to do to get thru this surgery and what my life will be like. The girls in the bariatric clinic state that people get like this when things get close to the big day and decisions. So for now it is Steph and only me this weekend. I have a big day on Monday and I really need to think if it is what I want. I know it is but this decision about the surgery is really non reversible. So I better really be ready for it. Some people are telling me to wait and I really dont want to but I have to really think about if I should wait. I wont give up on this but I want to do it when I am ready. So Goodnight for now.

10-21-6 Well today was a better day. I slept till 1030am. Then I did my hair. I dyed it Dark Brown. I usually just use the wash out kind of dye but this time I did permanent. It looks good and I really like it. Mom told me to not put it on my ends till 5 minutes till the end of the process and that really helps. I also went and got my nails done. They look so nice. I feel really good today. I even went to the beach for a walk. I know I was getting in a funk and had to figure out how to get out of it. I will be ok. Time helps. So for now I am going to go day by day and try not to think too far ahead. So goodnight for now.

10-22-6 Ok today I am so tired and hurt all over. I hope I am not getting sick. I have a long week ahead of me and cant get sick. Tomorrow I see the surgeon and hopefully will have an idea of when surgery will be. I am having a wide range of emotions but for some reason I am calmer today than I was last week. Today I still got the laundry done and watched football and NASCAR. Now I am off to watch the World Series. Yes I like sports but that is what happens when you are around sports your whole life. I never played but everyone else did. In fact Nicole my sister and her husband Chris ran in a marathon today. I am so proud of them. So for now I am off to eat a Lean Cuisine and watch the game. So goodnight for now.

10-23-6 Ok so I went to the surgeon today and I have a tentative date for surgery of Nov 30th. There are schedules and authorizations to get so I don’t have an exact date but within the next week or two I will have a date. I am excited, nervous and have a range of emotions . I feel so good about this. Yes I am scared but I do know I am making the right decision. It is a big decision but a lot better than doing nothing about my weight. Well I am physically and mentally tired. So goodnight for now.

10-24-6 Ok so today I am so confident and ready to do what I need to do to help myself. I watched Oprah today and on it was about Gastric Bypass surgery and addictions. I know I am an addict. I am addicted to food and shopping. Well being on this diet and also being on my own is helping me learn to cope and deal with those two addictions. On the show it talked about people who had the surgery and since they couldn’t turn to food to cope they turned to alcohol, sex, and other addictions. I do know that this is possible for me to turn out this way but I really doubt I will. I feel this way because I have the most amazing support system behind me. I also am learning why I am fat and what I need to do to get better. Stacey my cousin talked to me about the way we emotionally eat to comfort ourselves. Well it is true. I am not seeing anyone to help me thru this. I am doing it on my own for now and it doesn’t mean I won’t see someone. I feel that with me having to take time to lose the weight before surgery it is giving me not just a healthier body to work with after surgery but mentally a mind that is stronger. Don’t get me wrong I will fall at times but I have people to help me and support me. But most of all I have me. For once in my life I am putting Steph 1st. It is hard but I can do anything. I have a saying I am Bessie Ennis' granddaughter and I can do anything. My MAMA was the strongest and most supportive loyal person I have known in my life. I miss her greatly but I feel that she is right here with me and helping me thru this along with everyone else. I am on the most important journey of my life and I want to go ahead and keep going. So for now I focus on the diet and losing till I have surgery. I am ok with whenever surgery is. Due to some reasons it now may not be till January and I am ok with that. I feel God is in control of when things are to happen and he will let it be done what it is suppose to. So for now Goodnight.

10-25-6 Well today was a long day. I worked 10 hours and I am so tired tonight. It also doesn’t help that I was so hyper last night I couldn’t sleep. I was reading this really good book and lost track of time. I feel good with how I am doing with my diet. I haven’t been perfect with it but I am getting back into the swing of things. I am finally happy and like what I am doing. Well I am so tired I may not make it thru the result show of Dance with the Stars. So for now Goodnight.

10-26-6 So I will be gone for a few days. I am taking a weekend off and will be back on Sunday. I am doing well. I have tomorrow off which is nice. I have put in 10hrs of extra hours in this pay period. I am really tired and need a break from everything. I emotionally am dealing with some stuff. I will be fine just got to make it thru it. I feel strong and a lot better than I have in a long time. Well it is almost 1am and I am tired. So goodnight for now.

10-29-6 Well I am back from my trip. I couldnt put down what I was doing because it was a surprise for my dad's retirement. Mom got all of kids and mom and dad tickets to see Elton John. He was down here in Anaheim . We surprised dad on Saturday and all of kids went up to his room and surprised him. We had a good time and visit. I did ok on my diet. I did eat pizza and a chicken sandwich but I stuck to the diet as best as I could. It is hard being on a diet and traveling. I do realize that if I was heavier I wouldnt of kept up with everyone. We walked a lot and I would of never made it. It feels really good that I kept up with them. Well I am going to rest and watch my shows. So for now I am sign in off. Take Care.

10-30-6 Well we are up on our new system at work and it is really nice. I have a lot of work to catch up on. Diet wise I am doing well. I weighed today just to see where I am at and I am still at 299 which is good. I didn’t gain over the weekend. I didn’t join the gym yet. I will be but I think I want to after the surgery. I want to keep walking at the beach and exercising at home. Also I am a little scared to go to the gym yet and get discouraged by looking at other people. It sounds weird but it is mostly in my head. I am taking baby steps. So for now I just keep at what I am doing. So for now goodnight.

10-31-6 Well it is Halloween. I don’t do much on this day since I live down here. I am so busy it is hard to really do much other than work, diet and exercise. I am feeling good today. This afternoon I started to drag but by 4pm my energy came back. I ate good again today. The café we go to for lunch had chicken stir fry. It was really good but this afternoon my stomach acted up with all the vegetables. I hate getting sick. Well if the surgery goes on Nov 30th, I have just a month to wait. If we go to January I am ok with that. So for now I just keep at it. I have been off the exercising for a few weeks due to all the stress I am under. I need to really start focusing on it more. That is my goal tomorrow. Tonight I have the heater on and I am going to watch Dancing with the Stars. So for now goodnight

Steph Wiensz
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