PlumpKitty

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My morning musings

As a cook and restaurant manager I have never found cook books to be very ummm practical. Most days just aren't cook book cooking kind of days. You know? Like a normal person eats cereal for breaky, a sammich for lunch and meatloaf n taters for dinner. No cook book required. I personally think the same people who used cook books daily pre op are the ones who shall bennefit from them post op. People like me, not so much. I found it far more advantageous to learn how to make my traditional everyday normal meals healthy and simple. The more simple healthy eating is the less likely I am to screw it up.

Learning how to shop healthy, now that is a technique that needs to be taught to most obese people. Healthy food isn't just salads and fruit. Its all through the grocery store in every food group if you know how to avoid the junk. For me I don't make a list of  foods I can eat, I keep track of  food I can't. I read every label and if its in there I don't buy :P

I don't eat white flour, enriched flour, or wheat flour (if they don't say WHOLE wheat flour it means its white btw) I don't eat white rice or products made from white rice. I don't eat trans fats. I dont eat corn sugar/syrup/stuff. I don't eat anything from fast food establishments. I don't eat anything I ate out of control pre op (chips, dips, fries, deep fried anything, crackers, cookies, cakes, ice cream etc.)

Now as it so happens I have a couple of "recipes" that I make but for me they aren't recipes since I've made them so often its just cooking. Like my meat crust pizza. You don't need a piece of fried white bread to make a pizza. Most of us are allowed all of the toppings to pizza (if its made healthy, unlike pizza places that put a lot of oil in their sauce and use whole fat meats and cheeses) so be creative. A WW tortilla, a hamburger patty, WW pita bread, a potato slice, a chicken breast, a whole wheat lasagna noodle and nothing at all can be turned into a pizza. I have made bottomless pizza and it was delicious. I just smeared a cookie sheet with my pasta sauce and topped it pizza style, baked for 15 minutes and it was pan a la pizza :P  

Weight loss surgery for me wasn't about turning into a new person. It was about taking out all the bad stuff that was me and leaving behind all the good. I have certain tastes, I like certain foods, I like a certain lifestyle. None of this has changed post op. I still eat the same flavours and foods and still have the same life. Im just a healthier version. PK4.01 version maybe :P 

Diets and diet cookbooks never worked because they always changed what I was. They were someone else's favorite food, meal time, portion size etc. My post op diet is all about me and what I love. It suits me just like yours should suit you :) I hope everyone is travelling their path learning more about themselves and focussing less on what others think WLS should be.

It was a terrible day all in all. My serverly rapid weight loss is catching up to me. Ive been on the verge of tears (for no reason) just about all day. Im too sad and frustrated to figure out the simplest of issues. Not that I'm complaining, horrific hormonal days are worth losing 14 pounds in 20 days :P For those of you out there who go through the same just know you aren't alone. Everytime I lose quickly I feel like I'm 13, pregnant and in menopause at the same time. It  is mind blowing to me to know Ive not only been hoarding fat I dont need but within that fat are chemicals and hormones too. I almost feel like my fat is parasitic. I will be happy when my body is clean of the worst impurities (like transfat which I have read takes at least a year to break down enough for the body to burn it for fuel) and have a reasonably normal level of toxins within my flesh. 

I am HOME for good now. My mom is as well as she's going to get. I could stay and take care of her longer but I really need to get back to my regular life things. I will likely go up once or twice a week and clean, cook, and make sure mom is feeding herself her proper diet and not smoking (she hasnt had one since her heart attack on April 25th) and also take her to her doctor appointments. 

Im going to sleep for the next 3 days and do absolutely NOTHING and then spend the next 10 days cleaning, organizing and getting my house ready for my sissy who is visiting on the 23rd. 

Wow its been a wild couple of months. I feel bad I have let my monthly posts get missed twice. Well here is an update of what has happened since March 19th.

I did most of the packing on my own and we were ready to go on April 13th when we officially owned our new home :) We spent the weekend moving the kitchen items and hanging pictures, fixtures. It had been beautiful spring weather for weeks but on April 16th when we moved it rained, snowed, hailed and sleeted. Luckily we hired a moving company so it all worked out well :P $625 WELL spent. On April 19th I weighed in at  219 and was feeling OK with my mere 8 pounds lost for the month.

April 25th I was enjoying life in my new home when the phone rang. It was my stepfather telling me he was in his truck following the ambulance carrying my mom to the hospital. I met him there to find my mom intubated and unconcious. After a 5 hour wait my mom was tucked into the ICU and we were told she had a heart attack, advanced heart disease and lung disease. Its a good thing she goes to her doctor every two weeks for the last decade (insert sarcasm here.) The heart attack was no real suprise, I knew it was coming just not when. 4 out of 5 diabetics die of heart disease, mom's been diabetic for 32 years so it was only a matter of time. She had a rough year of severe mental stress, 20 pound weight gain and morphine addiction.

Mom stayed intubated for a week while doctors worked on her and checked on her. She had 2 90% blockages and many 20 - 40% blockages. They were able to put a stent in one blockage and the others were not fixable at this time. She was not a candidate for bypass surgery due to pnemonia and general bad vitals/health. They were finally able to take her off of sedation and ventilation after a week and she woke up in cigarette, morphine and ventilation medication withdrawl. Wow talk about a mean lil grouch. She was dellusional, vile, abusive, violent and completely unlike her usual self. Her cognitive capabilities were massively diminished (she couldnt figure out hot to run the tv, remote, games, phone etc) After a week of being awake mom was strong enough to begin getting very violent and kept trying to run away. My stepfather and I decided to take her home against medical advice fearing her hurting others or herself while there. She was a little better at home and not completely obsessed with leaving like in the hospital. I moved in and have stayed here since she got out of the hospital to care for her.

My may 19th weigh in had me at 207 pounds with a 12 pound loss for my 8th month post op. I am currently at 296 and down 11 pounds for the month with 13 days left to go until my surgiversary :)

My pookey and I celebrate our 13th anniversary together this Friday and I think mom is well enough for me to go back home for the occaision.

Its been a very stressful trying time and I thank all of my Internet/yahoo/support group friends who have made it all less painful. I am so proud of not falling off the wagon. In the past I would have gained 20 pounds by now in binging this is the first time in my life that I lost weight during stressful times.

BIG HUGS
Kitty

Well scarring depends on how much you have removed and how low your nipples are on your breasts currently. Mine were pendulous in an 80 year old woman kind of way which sucked when I was only 20. I had the most invasive style of breast reduction due to my sag issues. There are many ways it can be done with less scarring for normal breasts. So if your breasts are still getting worse its a dont wait sort of issue. My PS said I should have had it done when I was a teen because all of the elastisity was gone from my skin by the time I was 21. I had to have the full nipple removal and re-creation higher up on my chest (so no, they dont just leave them there hanging.) They made the best possible version of normal looking breasts and over all I have been very happy with the outcome and wouldn't change it for anything. 
What I know now:
- getting a very well fitted, full back, thick strapped, front closure bra aleviates the back pain more than a reduction
- I should have asked the surgeon to trim my nipples as the 2" + aerola looked normal on my huge breasts and not so much on my small ones :P
- I should have known better how to care for the re-attached nipples as they healed as I have a permanent white blotch where the nipple skin did not take.
- I would rather have a female surgeon fix my female parts as the men who have worked on me just don't have the same expectations for looks and use.

details: usual pre op prep, it was an overnight stay 10 years ago so it could be daysurgery by now :P no lifting your arms over your head for 4 weeks, no heavy lifting for 4 weeks, you must learn to get out of bed using your lower body muscles as you arent to push up with your arms, I took a week off work but felt good enough to go back after 3 days, had to wear a bra (cotton without underwire only) 24/7 for a month after, the stitches were disolvable and I was kept wrapped in bandages for the first week until the incisions were healed. You do need someone to wait on you for the first few days - week dependng on how you feel. It took about 5 years to get good sensitivity back for me, some people never get it and some get it in the first couple of years. :)

Well it only took me 11 years and 4 months but I made it back into the 100's. 199 this morning :)
 
I don't know how excited I am about this yet.. Its been so wonderful for the whole experience I feel like I can't be any happier. I never made a real goal other than to never be over 199 pounds for the rest of my life. I said I would be content to fall anywhere between 150 and 170 as a final weight but I never really believed I would get there. I just wanted to be alive and I didn't care what the number on the scale said if I could get back to the land of the living again. To be honest I still don't really care about the numbers on the scale. I'm happy watching the numbers tick down but I won't be sad if they stop here or 70 pounds from here. 

In 8 months and 10 days I have lost 128 pounds of fat, 5 inches off of my neck, 27 inches off of my waist, 1 shoe size, a lot of pain and so much more :) I have gained a second chance at life, freedom, energy, and a million little things that can't be listed like they can be felt :)

I don't exercise, I don't work, I don't pretend to be what I'm not. I went into this knowing my faults, weaknesses and issues. I am using my pouch to the best of my abilities and have exceeded my personal expectations. I am so proud of making this work for me, I hope to keep my plan in action forever and never deal with the problems of the morbidly obese again.

Thank you's to all of those who came before me and inspired me along the way, good luck to those working their way to this point and know it can be done and big HUGS to you who are with me at this point in the journey I need your successes as much as I need my own most days :)

From your words you have a similar experience as I. I never felt the post op pain, eating, or life was "hard" I just get up everyday and do it, rarely thinking about the difficulty or lack there of. I have decided that the main thing that is maybe different about me than some people is that I am not one who ever regrets decisions. I make good decisions, bad decisions and sometimes I make a good decision that wasn't the best but no matter what once I follow through with a plan I just make it work come good bad or ugly. I am a silver lining, polly anna its gonna be alright kind of person. I have gotten this way because in my life I have dealt with physical, mental and sexual abuse, I have been dirt poor and filthy rich, I have been deliriously happy (manic) and crawl in a hole and die sad (depression) and in the end its all ok. In the end I love my life, I love me, I love the world I live in and everything that does happen, happens so I just work with it.

I have been like a born again Christian since getting my RNY. Sometimes I can't eat or drink, sometimes I am so tired I sleep for days waking only to eat and sit at my computer, sometimes Im in undescribable pain, sometimes I have my period for 10 days, sometimes I have pms insanity for 20 days, sometimes I want to eat something I dont allow myself to eat, sometimes Im so constipated and blocked I have to manually remove the problem..... through all of this and more I have one thing that I hold dear to my heart, I LOVE my RNY! 

For me WLS really has been easier than anything I have ever done before pertaining to weight loss. It has to be easier the proof is in the results. In 8 months I have lost 126 pounds effortlessly, I have cured my body of several diseases, and I have given myself a real life. I have been dieting since grade 6 and I have never had results this good before. If it were easier the ways I attempted to lose weight before I would have succeeded. 

People here talk about the mental issues with wls. Maybe its just me but when I dieted before it was absolute HELL on my brain constantly saying no this or that, constantly wanting and fighting the urge to eat eat eat. And then.. yes you know what comes next... then I gave in and I ate ate ate and then came the guilt, the shame, and the embarassment of being so weak and pathetic to not simply eat healthy.

Today I look at food and just shrug, nope cant have that... no lingering thoughts of "but I waaaant it" its simply no longer food so I dont dwell. When I do eat, I eat delicious food without eating enough for 10 people. I satisfy my taste buds and my mental need for yummy. 99% of the time I am so not interested in foods Im not supposed to have, never have I been this way before. 

There is a lot of talk about the "honeymoon" period. Myself and a lot of others have worried about this. I was expecting month 6 to roll around and my appetite be back to normal and my weight loss to stop. Well 8 months now, no appetite and the weight loss is as fast as ever. I'm ready for anything but I attribute my lack of hunger to the fact I never indulge in the things I shouldnt and I never eat foods that increase my appetite.
 
The first few months are the hardest. It was at no point harder than my life was pre op. I was never in more pain, discomfort, or had more issues than I did pre op. Life has only gotten better and better since September 19th 2006. It has been easy! Sure I payed 20,000 bucks, had to conquer my fear of flying to go get the surgery and some other stuff. All in all it has been a wonderful amazing experience and I love every second of it :)

 I was the worst pre op. If pre op weaknesses were an indicator of post op success I would have gained weight by now ;) I ate for every occaision, stress, bad day, good day, boring day, its raining out, its too hot to cook, I could list forever... Its why post op I have a pretty rigid eating plan that easily fits with any time any place. I made rules for myself that are easy to keep and eating is a daily activity like brushing/flossing.

I think that pre op we turn to food because we can for the most part. Once that ability is removed its not like you jones for an ice cream if you are prepared with alternative healthy options. You just have a FF/SF protein pudding cup with FF low cal whip cream on top afew times a week and feel the ENOURMOUS satisfaction of fullness, good tastes and guilt free eating for hours after ;) 

Ive said it before and I'll say it again. You will be eating 3 - 6 times a day everyday for the rest of your life. You will eat while sad/mad/happy/crazy you will eat during special occaisions and you will eat when you are stressed. The difference post op is the eating doesn't make you feel like complete and utter crap after ;)

What do I do to zone out? I play word games on my computer and game boy. The game boy serves as a GREAT food replacement because I can use it in more places than I could eat so its always there when I need to shut my brain off. That's all we are doing when we eat, smoke, get drunk or high. Taking a break  from thinking. Everyone needs a thinking break especially when stressed and over thinking.

When possible during stress I also nap a lot. I enjoy the peace of rest sometimes for a couple of minutes and others a couple of hours. I wake up with a fresh mind able to tackle the problem of the day. 

In the 8 plus months of my post op life I have gone through some super duper stressful periods. I had severe depression (this from a gal with lifelong depression) and was not able to take my 3 daily doses of antideppressants for 3 months. I had to do all of my moms Christmas decorating, shopping, wrapping, and cards on top of my own due to her being very ill. We bought a new home and I did all of the packing and made all moving arrangements. My mom had a heart attack and was given her mortality rate in minutes instead of months/years. Currently I've been living with my mom and stepfather for 3 weeks taking care of them during her post heart attack recovery.

I have never eaten food not on my diet during this time. I have no interest in ever testing the waters/boundries and I am VERY happy with the food tastes and amounts I do have every single day :) I still think about junk food on occaision for a moment but then again I still think about smoking too after 8 years smoke free. I love eating more now than I did pre op because I no longer fear it or dread it. I no longer worry about weight either. My weight was my BIGGEST stressor by far, the more I gained the more I ate. I am still fat and am happier with my weight than I was at my skinniest bone thin periods because I know I will never gain the weight Ive lost back. My goal is to stay under 200 pounds for life and I am sticking to it, just 3 more pounds to go to get there :)

Your pouch/stoma are able to accomodate more food the further out you get. You will never be able to consume as much as you could preop but you will easily be able to over eat and regain weight without a lifetime commitment to post RNY eating habits.

Drinking fluids with meals is impossible at first (makes ya vomit) but eventually its as easy to do as it was pre op and will flush food through your system faster making it possible to gorge/binge eat.

Grazing can let anyone get obese (my mom has NEVER been able to eat a whole plate of food but has never been thin either because she grazes)

Bad food choices will cause weight gain even after RNY. Recent studies show that ANY amount of trans fats are TOO much because the body cannot process them and stores them in your body for years. Eating foods high in transfats gaurantees weight gain because the body can not burn it for fuel until its degraded in the body for a long time. 

High fat diets can make the1 to 2 cups chewed most post ops can eat into a 500 - 1500 calorie meal. A few too many of these a day will make anyone gain weight.

My surg/nut say to measure food for LIFE because you will always feel satisfied on this amount if you dont over eat.

A high protein diet is important because normal women need 45 grams of protein a day and men need 55 but after RNY we malabsorb and need more than 70 grams of protein a day to maintain the same healthy balance. The body does not store extra protein so its a daily need for life. If you go without your protein you do suffer physically, muscle wasting, hair loss, cracked nails are the minor issues but there are major problems of protein deficiency if you get too low (which is unlikely in the western world.)

1200 calories of the wrong stuff can make you gain weight. The human body isnt a computer and the numbers/stats quoted are often averages and not gaurantees. Your body can learn to work off of fewer calories so that it may store precious fat. 1200 calories of the wrong stuff can make you very sick too. My doc is quite adamant about commiting to follow his post op rules for life not just 6 months. Hence the psyc testing.

Basically all of those that came before us have added to the knowledge pool so that we are well armed with what will help us become succesful post ops for life if we use that knowledge wisely. If your doc/nut tell you not to do "it" they mean doing "it" will sabbatoge your weight loss and the work they do for you ;)

Diet simply means what you eat, I used to be on a junk food diet and now I'm on a healthy diet. In the first 6 months most post ops are actually on a "diet" in the way you refer though. 2 - 6 week liquid diet, 2 - 6 week pureed diet etc... These diets are short term and have a specific purpose. If your doctor says NOTHING but liquids for X amount of time and the patient eats a cookie that is indeed cheating. I know with my doctor I had to agree to follow their plan to the letter and I did.

I feel that dieticians serve their purpose in telling us what we should be eating to keep our bodies healthy. They aren't trained psychologists and have limited knowledge on what foods those of us who are addicts should never eat. A therapist would never tell a reformed alcoholic that they can choose to have one drink if they want in moderation. Junk food is as important to our bodies as booze is. No one needs it and those who can have it in moderation usually aren't obese. Since we have been obese we have proven that we aren't good candidates for physically understanding moderation.

You will find many a person on this site who quietly looks at opinions like yours with saddness because they too once believed that moderation was ok for them and are now suffering relaspe into junk food hell.

For people who are not addicts, simply over eaters, RNY can treat their entire problem through limiting food intake. I think a lot of men here fall into this category. Men raised to eat lots to get strong and over time just got fat :( On the other hand it seems like most women here are bingers, hoarders, manipulators, cheaters and sneakers AKA addicts! For these people it is never going to be about moderation. 

example: A friend who had RNY is 15ish years out. She never reached goal and got as low as 200 pounds but regained 50. She has been at 250 for 10+ years. She still has a tiny stomach but all she eats is junk. It began with one meal a little over indulgent in carbs, and then several and then all of them. A typical meal for her is 1/2 cup mashed potatoes, a piece of white bread, deep fried meat type, 3 or 4 tablespoons of margerine and sauce. A VERY small quantity meal, at least  600 - 1000 calories though. NO nutritional value and very endorphine making for an addict. This is NOT a rare case.

For me I took the time to go over every one of my successful weight loss attempts in the past and worked through a time line to how it stopped, where it went wrong, where I turned from enjoying losing weight and eating healthy to overeating foods that I get fat from. It was always indulgence, cheating, deserving a treat, craving, special occaisions, and many more. It wasn't the same environment each time, it wasnt the same mentality each time BUT it was the SAME FOODS each time :(

I have banned certain foods from my diet for life, I have banned certain restaurants from my diet for life. These items are no longer "food" any more than I would consider a lump of plastic food. I need my RNY to help me for life and not just 12 - 18 months like  many people. When I look at people 3 + years out those who succeeded, without becoming triathletes, are those who don't indulge and learn to deal with their food cravings in good ways.

I make healthy food that tastes like my old junk food so Im not missing the flavours, just the calories, carbs and fat ;)

I have been ashamed of many things related to my obesity. Most of these are things we all know and have experienced. Smelly disgusting yeast infections between flaps of fat, inability to wipe properly after defication, self induced vomiting and diarrhea, not fitting into public restrooms, too big for bus and airplane seats, sneezing pees, and more more more humiliating things to keep us awake at night or make us dive mouth first into another pizza and tub of icecream.

There is one thing that has bothered me more than the rest. It is in no way worse its just where my breaking point began. In November of 2005 my drivers liscence ran out. We renew every four years and are required to get a new picture ID on it. I couldn't do this. I stuffed my expired liscence in my wallot and never renewed, nor did I tell anyone, nor did I stop driving. Stupid? Childish? Unsafe? Dangerous? yup, yup, yup and YUP! There was a block in my brain that just wouldn't let me do it like not being able to jump off of a cliff. It was so irrational and I have known it all along but still could not fix it.

I could not mentally deal with a picture ID of my enormous face staring at me from that card for 4 LONG years.

I am happy to say I have a brand new drivers liscence that looks utterly terrible and in no way is a reflection of my natural assets OR faults. I highly doubt it looks any better than it would have 2 years ago BUT I am so proud of just being able to do it and laugh at my photo like any normal person would instead of crying in shame :)

I still have issues, I'm still fat, I'm still fighting the weight loss battle but I am getting better one step at a time :)

Here's to learning to laugh at our shame rather than being ruled by it :)