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I'm post op!!!!! WoooooHooooo!!!

Well as you know, my surgery was on the 19th and it was a breeze comparitively speaking to my gall bladder surgery. I am amazed at how well I'm doing. Yes, I didn't have faith in myself that I would do that well with it.
I suppose that the reason I'm doing as well as I'm doing is because of Dr. Steiner. He is an awesome Dr. who isn't just a surgeon, but an artist with his incisions. (they are flawless) I don't expect to have a lot of scarring. They're really healing well and just look amazingly beautiful!

Good job Dr. Steiner!!! (and of course his surgical team)


I arrived at the hospital around 8:30am and was taken in the back around 9:20am. The pre-op nurse was a gem and got me prepped without any problems. Except she asked me if I needed to go to the bathroom when we started back there, I told her no, but no than when she got the IV in me, I had to go.

They gave me something to relax and it relaaaaaxed me. My family was there, even my parents. They were surprisingly supportive. My mother was just a gem and I am grateful that even with her concerns, she held herself with dignity and courage.

Dr. Steiner came to say hello to me beforehand and we made small "are you ok" small talk. It was short and sweet--the way I like it--and he was off to scrub.

I was wheeled into the operating room and a man in a surgical scrub immediately says to me that I look familiar. I wonder if they assign each other distraction duty when a patient is wheeled in. He did it well, because no more than when I was on this table, I was out like a light.

The last thing I was thinking was, "I wonder how mad all of them will get at me if I tell them I changed my mind?"

The next thing I remember is a nurse calling my name, "DeAnne, honey wake up."

I wasn't sick at all. I didn't have any of the bad experiences I had the last time I had surgery.
In fact, the entire hospital stay was pleasant, other than the fact I had hot flashes something fierce, and everyone on the staff was friendly and did a very good job.

I am going to get them all a thank you card, because they really did take very good care of me. So if your contemplating St. Joes East for your surgery or any surgery, I say they are the best hospital in Lexington. You will be in good hands with them; you can tell they like what they do.

I haven't had any vomiting and hardly any nauseation. I've had diarrhea, but not enough to really complain about. I am having trouble gauging my hunger and fullness. It's as though I'm a little numb in my tummy area. I am having terrible gas pains, but the hubby bought me some gasX today and since taking it, I feel fine.

I could go on and on--I am really impressed. I know in the beginning of my journal I was complaining some about St. Joes East Bariatric Center, but really ignore the complaint, because I surmize it all to have been me just being overly judgemental. (other than the internest incident of course, which the center took positive measures to make sure that no one falls from that table again)

Lilly, one

Must continue this later, a storm is coming in....

I had my surgeon consultation on the 13th with Dr. Steiner and he sooooooo rocks!!
He was very polite and went through the surgery details and the complications that could arise. He told me that he is confident that he can do my surgery Lap. I'm very happy to hear that!

I went to the required boot camp and it was an eye opener. I am a little nervous, but was set at ease a lot with the process of anesethsia, because I have had a bad experience with my gall bladder surgery. I am definitely thrilled that I will get to talk with the anesethsiaologoist beforehand, because that was something that was not done before.

The only problem I'm having now is that I'm getting sick. I have a scratchy, itching, sore throat. I am even coughing up some mucus. I started taking some echenacia tea today and I'm thinking I'll call the surgery center to see what I can do.

So here it is, 4-days till surgery. I'm getting way nervous. My mother and father have made it abundantly clear they do not support me having this surgery. I am a little disappointed in them, to say the least, but am still going to do what I need to do, to gain a life that I've always denied myself.

Gosh, I'm just not feeling well---

September 9th, 2006

My mother and father revealed that they do not approve of me having surgery. I wish that I could write that they were being nice about it, but no, they weren't.
My father told me that he doesn't even know why I'm trying, because I'll just end up failing anyways.
There are some other issues around all of this, but I'll leave that for myself and therapist.

I do have the support of my husband and that is most important to me. He also has told his mother, and unlike my parents, she supports us fully; I am grateful for that.

I don't have much family and other than a few friends I have online, I don't have any *real-life* friends. My husband and I are all we got. We hope that surgery will change this for us, in that we will be getting out and doing more.

We really want to get involved into the SCA and do their events. There is a lot we want to do. I keep hanging onto that and pray it will all come to happen for us.

A Testimonial of Faith:
I do believe that it's in God's hands. I've been fat all my life and have many, many opportunities to do good and even adventurous things. But, I never allowed myself to do that, because I've hid behind the excuse of my weight. I am curious what it will be like not have that wall anymore?

I am nervous about surgery, (schedule the 9th of September) but feel very excited at the same time. I meet Dr. Steiner on the 13th and I am praying that he will put my worries at ease.

Well that's it for now--more later; of course.

Well I got the call I've been waiting for. The cardiologist has sent the all clear for surgery. Karen told me that she has the verbal release and is only waiting for the hard copy release. In the meantime, she went ahead and gave me a pre-surgery appointment as well as giving me a surgery date!!

Glittery texts by bigoo.ws

My pre-op surgery is scheduled for September 13th and my surgery is set for September 19th!!!!

Glittery texts by bigoo.ws

Well, I am having some slight depression issues. I am second guessing my ablilities at everything; especially finances. I am certain that this is the best decision for me, but I am somewhat afraid I'll end up sabotaging myself somehow. It seems like all my life I've been a failure or have never finished what I've started.
I suppose the biggest difference is that I have a husband that supports me 110% and I him. We both want to see each other succeed and boy oh boy do we have plans for our future!

My mother offered her support, (when I called her to tell her the good news) but she was less than enthused. I am thinking that she is not going to handle the major changes coming my way and it scares me how I am going to cope with her "left-out" persona, in that it wont keep me from feeling guilty. I love her so much, but I wish she wasn't so indifferent to me when it comes to what's best for me and where my happiness may lay.

I am going to try and find me a therapist to help me work through these problems, because I don't want to be my worst enemy. As soon as I can get some money put aside, it's going to be one of the first things I do.
I will update more as it comes to me. I am finding out how to do these profiles, so I think I will post some before pictures of me. I had my hair colored to blond, got tired of the grey. Let me see how it goes...

More later!

We (hubby and me) recieved a call today from St. Joes East Bariatric Center and we were approved for the surgery by our insurance!! Yipppy!!!
However, just as a side note--there are a few workers in the Center that really need to comprehend their attitudes over the phone and understand how bad they can make a person feel from their personalities; or lack there of.
I am going to find out who I can talk to about one paticular rude person, because she has put me in tears twice now, because of her disinterest and rudeness toward my questions and me as a whole. I am beginning to take it personally, and I really don't like to feel or think this way.

We are waiting for a release from the cardiologist, ugh--read above--and then we set up an appointment with the surgeon.

~sigh~

It's getting close now--

Well yesterday was the visit with the cardiologist. I would love to say it was a nice, flowing visit, but I can't. The Dr. walks in and is a man that is not from this country and I will probably be sounding sterotypical here--I'm sorry--, but he had one of those thick accents that was difficult to understand. Of course, he didn't help us understand what he was saying to us, by MUMBLING!!! Rolling Eyes

He gets to checking Michael first and tells him that he wants to do an echo on him. If it isn't viewable, he will do a stress test--mumble-mumble-mumble, because you're a large man, it's difficult to read, we might have to go forward with a heart catherization.
All I heard was heart-cath and fat and it freaked me out, which in turn pissed me off.

"So, if you're FAT you can't read an echocardiogram???!!" I said.
"Yes, we can try to read them, but sometimes we have difficulties and a heart-cath is in order, do you understand?"

"Ummm, no I don't understand and I have a problem with that." "You're telling me that you do heart-caths on FAT people, because you can't read their results of an echo?"

"Mrs. Dillard, I am saying that we will do the echo first, stress test second,--mumble-mumble-mumble--and if we are still unable to decipher what we're looking at I will do a heart-cath to pin point whether you are able to proceed with this surgery or not, because of your girth a echo could be hard to read. You see, your surgeon is asking me if you and your husband are capable to go through with this surgery and live through it. I am to make sure that you can, without your heart failing you. The heart-cath would determined if you are or are not; do you understand?"

"Oh, so your saying because I'm FAT you have a difficult time reading FAT echo's so you put them through a heart cath before surgery?"

"Well your weight does play a role in why an echo can't be viewed fully, do you understand?"

"I understand, but I am not very keen on your idea, because you have problems with FAT people's echos. Do you or have you not taken FAT people's echos before? Have you not been able to decipher them before??"
"Yes I have, it's just it can sometimes be difficult--mumble-mumble-mumble--because of thier size,---mumble--mumble--mumble--we need a clearer picture."


He finally gets to my chest and listens to my heart. He asks me if I have a rapid heartbeat. I tell him no, and he says that that is strange, because my heart sounds rapid.
I'm thinking, (praying hard to the Lord up above, that my mouth will not say what's in my mind) duh you bubbleheadedboobie, you've pissed me off with your fat bigotry!!!

The nurses were very nice and one had even confided in Mike and I that she had the surgery. Before I could finish asking, "Do you have any regre.." she quickly said, "Yes, I regret it!"
She told us that she had some health problems after her surgery, one being a blockage of her intestines. She did tell us what surgeon she would recommend, (the one Mike and I were instinctly thinking of and will continue to go with) singing his praises, and assuring us he would be there every step of the way.
That will make two-nurses to have recommended Dr. Steiger.

In the meantime, I asked Mike to call the WLS-center and find out just what the hell is going on with this heart-cath bullshit, because I am not going to subject myself to such a thing for this surgery. (or if I did, I'd get a different cardiologist)
He calls and talks with one of the supervisors there and she reassured him that a heart-cath is for patients that show heart disease, such as heart blockages and heart attacks.

NEVER, NEVER once did this quack mention those two-heart infractions to us. She reassured us that fat people have echos done all the time and they CAN be read and not to worry about any heart-cath, unless we showed signs of heart disease.
And there it is. I got all worked up yesterday wanting to knock a cardiologist into the middle of next week. As I'm writing this, I still want to knock that cardiologist into the middle of next week!

Moving on----

Sorry guys, I've been bogged down with Dr.'s appointments and just haven't had the mental stamina to come post what's been going on. Well, I should be posting this stuff in the WLS journal, but I'll go ahead and post it here.
I finally saw the psychologist for the psyche' eval for the surgery. I was a wee bit nervous, but I will admit the Dr. made me feel a little at ease. So much so, that I learned a little bit about myself. I remembered how I was laughing at the test they gave us, but when he read the results to me, I was shocked at how it had me down to the teeniest of personality.

I didn't realize how detatched I've become to the world, but I have. I used to be so outgoing and friendly, but now I am introverted and bitter. (well, maybe not terribly bitter, but anguised.)
It went into great detail, that I'm honest, and prefer things as they are and not coated in anyway. I am straight forward and prefer to be around those that are forthcoming as well.
I have tendencies to be insecure that if overwhelming, will lead me to become detatched and introverted. (boy hasn't that been me in the last 5 years)
I like things neat and orderly, and if things become too messy, I have tendencies to become depressed.

He said he will submit his approval for the surgery and that he would also like me to get a therapist to have on standby (someone to get familiar with) before I have surgery, because depression is common to post-surgery patients. Since I am bi-polar, (something that killed me to be honest about, but knew I had to) he thought it would be good to have one in case of an emergency. I got to thinking about it and think that is a good idea, (I believe I already determined that I should, but this was my kick in the butt---so to speak.
So, I am off to find me a therapist to work with me and be another check and balance in my bi-polar life. Wink

I had the camara thingy stuck down my throat on Friday. It was quite the experience. Well, I don't remember it though. The Dr. was really nice and comforting; yes, the whole process of being out made me sceerred! Shocked
When I started coming out of it, the Dr. came out and told me I took a little longer than normal, because they could get me to stop singing. Laughing I have no recollection of that, but he was laughing about it, so it was all good.

They took my echo-cardiogram--and from what I am understanding, my paper work will be submitted on Wednesday. I will see a cardio doc on the 16th of August, for surgery prep checkup.
I am hoping that I get approved--so we shall see. Mike goes in this coming Friday for his stuff too, so all the hoop jumping (initially anyways) should be done.

I've been not so good in complying with the low-carb diet, in that I've been having some bad carbs along the way. But, I've been back to good for the last two-days and realize I am going to have to get a little more realistic with what I am putting in my diet, since I am getting down to the 11th hour on the surgery.
I want to be successful and once it's done, there is not turning back. I need to get my head there, before my body is. I'm still a little nervous about the anesthesia, but I know that realistically, I'll be alright. I just keep having flash backs from my gallbladder surgery.

My nutrion seminar was last Wednesday. I thought I'd be sitting in a boring class for hours, but it was everything but boring. I actually learned a few things and touched base, once more, with the realization of what life will be like with a tiny stomach.
I really needed to see the visuals, which our nutritionist was very good at giving us. She held up one of those cups you get off of say a Pepto bottle and illustrated that woud be the size of our stomach. Even with the image, it was still kind of difficult to comprehend my stomach that small. Especially when she was trying to emphasise that we would have to get in 60-100g of protein, along with 64oz of water! Yikes!

I liked that she accentuated that the surgery was only a tool to our success. I think that really sets it straight, so there aren't any misconceptions it's a cure all. Yeah, I keep telling myself, imagining myself without the capacity to eat. I don't want think for a second that I will be able to find *shortcuts* (as I've read and heard other people doing right after surgery) at having success in my journey here. It's an ongoing proccess and will be for the rest of my life.

The prices of the protein shakes and meals that the WLS center offer are kind of high in price, but then when I got to thinking about it, not so much. I mean, I'm not going to be able to go out and buy a full weeks of groceries, for me or Mike. (he's seeking surgery too)
So, looking at it that way means it's about the same as grocery shopping. Not to mention, I can probably look online for the stuff I need at a better price.

We weighed after the seminar and I lost another 3 pounds. Yeah!! banana dance <-----mmmmm...banana, can't have any though! I wanna eat the banana icon!! Wink
I go on the 4th of August for the throat thingy and I admit, I'm getting a little nervous about it. They put you out for it, that's why I'm nervous--but I wouldn't want to be awake for it either.

July 25th, 2006

Wednesday is our nutritional seminar at St. Joes and I am really looking forward to that. Our nutritionist has us on a low carb (less than 30 grams a day) diet and it's has sent my gut into raging fits!! I am also not able to keep my carbs under 30grams.
I understand the concept of protien after the surgery, but I also like my veggies. My carb overage is coming from that, veggies. I am having my dinner salads and sautee'd veggies at my meal times, but even with them very carefully measured, I am feeling crampy all day with my stomach.

I'm eating a lot of eggs too, which is fine with me, I like eggs. I must be doing something correctly, because at the health department, my weight reflected a 3lbs. loss.
I still haven't made it back to the "Y". I have been going to the pool out here, but no specific aqua classes. I have also been walking more. I still hurt, but have noted some significant improvement with "how much" and "how long".
Oh and yeah, big news for me---I WENT TO WALLY WORLD ON MY OWN THE OTHER DAY!!!!
Mike was running late for work and I desparately needed my inhaler. So, I dropped him off and made my way to the wallyworld. I sat in their parking lot for a few minutes, praying to get up and get in there. I did and there was a cart waiting for me. I used it and spent almost an hour in there, because I had to get home and make the old folks something to eat.
So yeah, I'm doing a lot more, and have some serious joint pain, but still going. I keep hoping the pain will eventuall go away, but I am thinking realistically, it will only go away when I drop some serious weight.

On the 4th of August, I go in for my first set of tests for the surgery. They are going to run that camara down my throat that day and test me for endurance, (stress test?) and run a panel. It's going to be pretty much an all day affair, but it brings me that much closer to the surgery.

Well, so much to report and I am running out of time, yet again, this morning.
I did go to the surgeon and it was quite the event. In short, we met for the first time with the nutritionist. She wants us to start a low carb (no more than 30g a day) diet immediately. Whaa whhhaaaat?? I just bought 2 quarts of strawberries, 2 pints of blueberries, and 2 cantaloups. I also bought 2 more boxes of my favorite cereal AND 6 more bars of my favorite chocolate bar. (Hersheys 60% dark chocolate)

Here's the bad news. They weighed me and since my last weigh in at the health department, (march 3) I've put on 18 more pounds. I am now back up over 400lbs. I am 410lbs. Grrr!
I wasn't too terribly surprised, because well, I know we had been eating out a lot. I told Mike that it was true, I was gaining, he kept denying it. Well see, I was right! (something I didn't mind telling him too)
I asked the dietician if their scales were centered on zero, she said yeah; so much for that little bit of hope.


Well--I've still yet to start that low-carb diet. Sick I am thinking I will start it here in the next few days; I need to get to working on it. Mike does too for that matter.
We go to the nutritional seminar on the 26th and on the 4th, I go in for my first set of tests. I am having that camara thingy stuck down my throat that day. Yeah, I look forward to that.
So, we get there, meet with the nutritionist and immediately from there are separated into a room to see the Dr. Here comes the reality check; I suddenly felt this immense fear and anger toward the office, because they separated Mike and I.
I didn't say anything and hobbled to my room, where they shut the door, another thing I hate, and the Dr. comes in. He is a very, very tall guy who maybe weights 140lbs soaking wet.

No big deal. He sits down and starts asking me questions then ask me to get up on the exam table. It looks like one of those flimsy ones and I'm hesitant, because it has that slide out step that I can't get up on, on my own; I usually have to have Mike assist me up on the table. Anyways--I lift my right leg up there, with my cane in my left hand. I am facing sideways and can't seem to swing around to get my left leg up on this slide out step. I'm looking at him with this look of, help and he just stands there staring at me.
Of course this makes me nervous and self conscious and I start panicing. I finally get both my feet up on the slide out step and I can't turn to where my ass is facing the bed. As I do try and turn he starts yelling, "Get down, get down now!!!"
I start feeling this table toppling toward me and I can't get down. I finally jump, (which hurt me as I almost fell down) and the table goes backwards away from me.

I start bawlin' and sit down in the chair and he comes up to me and says he's sorry, "that's not supposed to do that."
"I want my husband, now please!" I cry.

Ok here's the reality check--I am codependant on my husband. It's all I can think about, codependant, codependant.
I thought, alright, I'll go to my chiropractor office without him; let him sleep. I couldn't do it--I just couldn't.
Yeah, it got off to a bad start. I can't stop crying and I want to deck this Dr. who sounds as though he has a Texan accent, but when asked he claims he's born and raised Kentucky. (I don't think so--just felt like he wasn't telling me the truth)

After we finished with Dr. Dimwit, we had to take this test that was almost 500 questions long. It was basically 5 or so questions asked 500 different ways.
Mike and I did get a laugh out of that. I believe we see the psychiatrist in the next visit.
I was trying to think what the deal was with this office where everyone said they were friendly and I found them not so much unfriendly, but not what others said...um yeah, I think I wrote that right.
I finally figured it was they're impersonable. Mike said that it was our first visit and most likely they were busy. Ok, we will see. (he never sees people like I do--then again, most don't---then again/again, I'm usually wrong about people--heh)
We leave with our new appointments and I'm feeling stuck, again, physically hurting and mentally hurting.