Melissa R.

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It seems like forever since I posted.  Things have been so busy lately around here.  I flew to California last week.  My grandmother had surgery, so I went out for that.  Mom, Samantha and I went.  It was a terribly busy, tiring week.  Nonni's surgery went well and then on her 2nd postop day she had a small stroke. She is doing well now. Hopefully, her recovery will continue on a smooth path. 
My ankle is still not healed. It is still bruised, swollen and painful.  It is interfering with my exercise.  I am trying to let it heal and not aggravate it any more, but I am getting impatient!!!!
Taking the kids to the beach on Tuesday!!!  Yeah for us!!!  I am looking forward to that and so are they.  Then school starts!!!  WOW!!!!  The summer is gone!!!!!!

I have a fractured ankle.  My first broken bone ever.  It is really nothing impressive, just a small break in the bone.  Luckily it is not a weight bearing bone.  I have to get on a plane Tuesday and that is going to be alot of fun.  So, I am sitting here doing absolutely nothing hoping that the swelling and pain will go away by then.  

Dawn and I made our trip to Charleston on Thursday.  I loved our time on the beach with Mary.  It was absolutely wonderful.  Then went met up with the LCBB.  That was fun seeing those crazy girls again.  Then back at Mary's parnets home is where I decided to fall!!  What a goofball.  I missed a step and down I went right on my ankle.  Then instead of an evening of wine,,,talking,,,and laughing we spent time in the ER getting xrays!  Not as fun.  We cut the trip short early and came home Friday morning instead of spending more time on the beach like we had planned.  I hate that I ruined the very short time we had.  I could have spent days on the beach with Dawn and Mary.  I am looking forward to taking another trip down there soon.  

I think that I am going to take my kids down there is a couple of weeks before school starts.  It will be just the 4 of us.  Mike and I feel guilty that we didn't take a family vacation this year.  He said he wanted me to take them. He actually is planning on 2 vacations next summer.  I don't know how since we are going to California at Christmas, then Disney in June.  I think he wants a week at the beach later in the summer too!!!  Suits me if he has the money!!!! I guess he will start planning now. 

I am excited about taking the kids to the beach in a couple of weeks.  I think I am going to try to stay at Folly beach.  I was checking it out yesterday and looks like a perfect place to take the kids.  

Our entire life depends on the choices that we make.  Everyday we make choices that determine our path for that day. I started thinking about this.  It really fasinated me.  Everything is a choice. Do I get out of bed now or wait 5 more minutes....do I have a protein shake now or wait....do I have eggs or cereal for breakfast....do I wear pants or shorts...do I smile or frown...do I say something nice to someone or simply walk away.  Everything in our lives is a direct result of the choices that we make.  Is there a time when our life is not effected by our choices but by someone elses choice?  That is what I am unsure of.  As a child many things happen to us because of someone elses choice.  When to go to bed...what to eat...what to wear.  At what point in our young lives does it become our choices that determine our lives.  Is there ever a time when someone elses choice outweighs our choice and changes our lives?  What about a tragedy?  Is that the result of a choice that we made?  Innocent person killed by a drunk driver?  Who's choice lead to the death?  The drunk driver or the innocent drive who decided to take the pretty road home....I don't know that there is an absolute answer to that.  I do know that my life is greatly effected by the choices I make....so I want to make the best choice for me!

Ok...I will fess up.  I have been a bad girl!!!  I haven't ben to the gym in a week and boy am I feeling it.  I had a million things going on last week and did not make time for myself.  All week I ahve battled the same pound up and down...up and down.  I am sick to death over it.  I am going in the morning.  I have to go.  I feel terrible over it.  I actually can't wait to go.  Marcey....my motivator is on vacation and I have been slack about making time for myself.  Not anymore.  I am worth taking an hour for myself in the mornings and I am going to do it!!!!!  Back in there...I say!!!!  I am going to lose this pound this week and that is final!!!!  Hopefully, I will actually lose a couple to make up for last week.  hahaha  is that asking too much?

MIke is going out of town all week.  Hopefully, this will be a good thing for him.  GIve him a little time to himself.  He has been taking the Celexa.  I can't really tell much of a difference but I also did get to go out Friday.  So maybe there is a little change going on.  I will take what I can get.  

Next week Dawn and I head to the beach!!!!  Woo Hoo!!! I can't wait. A couple of days on the beach!!!  I am so ready.  I am sure after being a single mom all week I really will be ready!!!!!! 

Mike and I have continued to have these conversations about us.  I told him that I thought he was depressed.  I really hit a nerve.  He called the doctor and made an appointment.  He actually went yesterday and they started himon Celexa!!! PLease keep your finger crossed that this will help.  We were talking last night about him and he told me how "uptight" he is....those are his words.  It is sooo true.  He is uptight about everything.  He has gotten to the point of nothing is simple or little.  Everything has to be turned into a huge project that takes everything he has!! He has created this hell of a life.  He told me he was uptight about the fact that I am not uptight!!!!  I am pulling my hair out here!!!!!

Anyway.....hopefully the drugs will work.  He is miserable and I hate that.  I don't want him to regret that I had the surgery.  This was supposed to help us and not hurt us!!

I wrote about how  this surgery can change a relationship the other day.  I want to continue with that today as my relationship continues to change.  We have been married for 15 years this month.  WOW!!!  I love my husband and I know that he loves me.  The last few weeks have been very difficulty for us though.  My new found independence and desire to live seems to have brought out feelings of insecurities and doubt for him.  He says that he is happy with the changes in me and then his actions say something completely different.  Feelings of jealousy have popped up for him.  He doesn't want me to leave the house without him. I am so happy right now with myself I could bust and I feel like I can not even share it with him.  He is questioning everything I say and everything that I do.  One of the main reasons I had this surgery was to be a better wife.  Now I feel like he doesn't want a better wife, but the same fat wife that got up every morning and simply went through the motions of life everyday.  Sure, I appeared happy...when I had too, but I was actually dying inside.  I don't know if he ever realized that......
That is what makes this so hard. 

Yes, I believe that is what I am doing right now. I can't believe that I am getting a life.  Neither can my husband for that matter.  I think Mike is having a very hard time adjusting to my new found.....me!  I think this is actually the hardest part of the transition after WLS.  We have been struggling as a couple.  He is having a hard time letting me discover what I have been missing for so long.  He became so comfortable with me not want to go anywhere or do anything.  Now, I want to go places and do things and he is having a hard time adjusting to it.  He has told me it is his own insecurities.  It amazes me how much this surgery effects everyone else in our lives as well.  I think they see us and are happy about the changes but just don't know how to handle them.  Wow.....it is amazing just how much this surgery changes things! 

It has been a little while since I have posted.  Just though I would update a little bit.  Life is so busy.  I am so happy that I can now keep up without collapsing at the end of each day.  We have VBS going on all week.  Great but that is tiring.  335 kids there last night!  Amazing.....
Still going to the gym. I have become one of those people that like the gym.  i can't believe it has finally happened.  I miss it when I don't go and I can't wait to go back.  I think about how far I have come with my workouts.  I can't believe it is me doing it!!!!  I remember gettin on the treadmill and thinking how badly all I wanted to do was get off and go home.  Now, I am pushing myself.....a little bit more...a little bit more!!!!!  I am so excited for myself.  THAT is also something that I am not used to feeling.  This surgery has changed my life in so many ways I don't even know where to begin...... 

I wanted to let you know how important support is during WLS.  I have decided to recognize all the wonderful women that I have met during this and what they mean to me......

Kathy....Wow, I don't know where to start with you.  You were the first person that I posted to on OH and the first person I met at Dr. Bour's.  You were my surgery angel and have become a great friend.  You have offered me support from the start and I have depended on your support many, many tjmes.    You are so real and honest.  Everyone knows exactly where they stand with you.  You are a phenomenal inspiration!   You are so beautiful!   YOu keep everyone going on the board even when you are struggling.  I love ya girl!!

Dawn...From the moment I met you on the board I knew we would be friends.  I am so glad that I know you!  You are such an awesome woman.  I feel so comfortable with you.  I feel like we have a friendship that has been around for years!!!  You are the person that I may not talk to everyday, but when I do things just pick up where they left off.  I love ya and I am privileged to call you my friend!

Pam... You know that I just love you!  You are a part of my heart.  You have blessed my life so many ways I can't even begin to list them .  You are always so supprtive and nurturing.  I thank God that he brought you into my life.  I am a better person because I know you.

Patti.....  Girl I don't know where to start.  You are awesome.  You always make me smile when I am around you.  You  have this infectious love for fun!  YOur sense of humor is awesome and you always make me laugh.  I love ya girl!!!

Marcey...Girl you were my inspiration from the very beginning.  The first timeI saw you I wanted to be you!  You are a huge motivator for me with the gym.  I am so happy that you are my workout partner.  You are crazy and you love my breasts!  You are a good friend and I am so glad that I know you!!!!

Jen...You are just awesome.  Your youthful spirit and love for fun keeps me going.  I am so glad that I know you.  You are so beautiful inside and out.  

Rachel...You are awesome too.  You are becoming sooo skinny.  You are funny and always have a good spirit.  YOur strength amazes me.  

Mary and Sonny...  You keep me in stitches.  Thanks for all the fantastically fun emails you send me.  They really put a smile on my face.  You are like me in this journey...."a slow loser"....but hey we keep on going!  Sonny....thanks for coming to all our meetings.  I love that you support Mary the way you do!

Stephanie, Colleen, and all the LCBB, you all have offered support and friendship ove rthe board and I am grateful for it.  I am so glad that I ahve had the opportunity to meet you all and talk with you all daily on the board.  The support is phenomenal!!!!!

I love all my new friends!!!!!!!

I think in the very beginning I made a list of things that I wanted to do after this surgery.  I don't remember all of them and I don't want to spend the time looking for it.  So I will wing it!!!!
1--sit in any chair........yes I can!
2-- have my husband touch me without being so self conscious.....yes I do!!
3--  do more things with my kids.....yes I jump on the trampoline and went down a water slide with my daughter!!!
4--go to the gym.....yes I do and I like it!!!!
5-- buy clothes in the regular sections.....yes I do!!!!

I know there are others but I don't remember them right now.  I am just so glad that I had this surgery.  It has changed my life and continues to change my life.  Finally, at the age of 34 I am starting to live my life.  I wasted so much time while I was MO.  I wasted so much of my life.  I hate that I missed out on so many years, but I am thankful that I now have the chance to LIVE!!!!