Impress
10/14/06
Oct 14, 2006
I've got no problems with a man who's got some meat on his bones. I prefer it, actually.
Someone once said that making love to a skinny woman was like humping a bicycle. Maybe the same holds true for being with a skinny man.
The problem I'm grappling with right now, though, is that since I took that picture in the red jacket, I've been getting an incredible amount of attention from the online dating world, from men who would not have given me the time of day 7 months ago. Now that I'm thinner, all of a sudden, they're clamoring over each other to get my attention. But I question whether any of them have the heart or soul I seek, because they are drawn to me due to my physical "qualities," rather than my deeper, inner beauty.
It makes me wonder.... Am I being too picky or critical? After all, men are visually driven creatures. I'm half tempted to toy with these men, play their little games, flirt, bat my eyes, show some leg and cleavage, lead them on, and then squish them like bugs because of their baser, shallow natures. But that'd be such a lonely lifestyle to lead....
I wonder whether I'll ever come to grips with the simple fact that I will never know whether a man would ultimately love me regardless of my physical appearance. I don't know that I'll ever be able to truly trust a man. After all, I've been married and divorced twice to men I believed loved me because they married me at my highest weight. And heavens knows they didn't really love me at all.
So will I ever find that place of security, that simple joy of knowing unconditional adoration? I sincerely doubt it.
10/14/06
Oct 13, 2006
Sci Fit Whey Protein, Coconut Cream Pie Flavor
Vitalady sent 1 serving (1.5 scoops), which yields 33 grams of protein. The product specifications I found online indicate that one scoop yields 22 grams of protein and 114 calories. Therefore, the sample contains 171 calories when mixed with water. To be consistent and fair with product sampling, I am going to do the following with each sample: 8 oz. of cold, filtered water and five ice cubes, in the blender.
Okay, I'm gonna go make the stuff up. I'll post results shortly. Stay tuned.
I'm back.
The sample, in its sealed packaging, definitely smells of coconut. When I opened the package, however, the all-too-familiar scent of protein whey hit me. I must candidly admit, every time I smell that hideous smell, I think back to the days of Medifast shakes. *shudder!*
I blenderized the concoction, using the entire sample. I must admit that it isn't bad. Thin, slightly sweet, and not at all offensive smelling once prepared. Interestingly, once you swallow it, you get the same sensation in your mouth that you would after having had coconut milk--a thin coating of rich creaminess that is actually a bit luxurious.
Would I buy this again? Yes. It is good on its own, but I can easily envision it being a component of other kinds of shakes and smoothies, with fresh fruit or chocolate flavorings mixed in.
10/13/06
Oct 13, 2006
High Heels:
Years ago, I had to stop wearing high heels. Since I've lost weight, though, I find that I can once again wear sexy shoes!
Back in 2000, someone gave me a pair of shoes worn by supermodel Emme during a photoshoot. I tried them on yesterday, and could not only stand in them, but was able to stroll around the house! So now I have sexy red leather laceup sandals to match my sexy red leather jacket.
Since I know I can once again wear gorgeous shoes, I did what any self respecting woman would do. I went right out and bought more
shoes!
I just started dating someone new, and he's promised to take me in his plane down the coast to a romantic spot for dinner. I think I'll wear something that's dead sexy when I step into that plane of his....
Someone one the message board suggested that if I were lucky, he'd turn the date into a weekend. I thought about it, and decided that the date would turn into the weekend if HE was lucky. And for that to happen, there'd better be some nice jewelry involved! After all, it's not every day of the week that a short, bald guy who's built like a fireplug gets to spend a hot night with a diva.
10/12/06
Oct 12, 2006
I absolutely love that jacket. It fits like a glove and looks one hundred percent HOT.
10/10/06
Oct 09, 2006
The sinus surgery wasn’t dreadful, although I dreaded it plenty. The worst part was getting the IV put in, which hurt like a mutha*&#! There was a bit of postop discomfort, but certainly nothing like what I endured after the RNY.
The worst part was that once I got home, I only consumed 875 calories, but showed an 8 pound weight gain. I nearly lost my mind. I got back on the scale to check again because I couldn’t believe my eyes. I guess it was whatever IV fluids they put into me.
This morning, I still show a 4.2 pound gain. It makes me want to wring out my arms, legs and any flesh I can grab, to get rid of the water.
10/9/06
Oct 08, 2006
Today I’m having the sinus surgery. I’m not a happy camper. I haven’t had any food or liquid since about 8:30 last night. I’m positive I’m going to look and feel like complete crap.
Looking for a silver lining, I’m down 75.5 pounds as of this morning.
10/8/06
Oct 07, 2006
This week has been very successful for me as far as losing weight is concerned. Since Sunday, I've lost 5 pounds, which is more than I've lost in the past five weeks combined.
I found out that--for me--the trick was nothing magical: Measure, weigh, count and be accountable.
- I cut back on my dairy intake--too many calories and sugars in milk.
- I went back on protein shakes--low calorie and physically satisfying because of the high protein.
- I measure what I do eat and count the caloric and protein gram intake.
- I log everything I eat on a spreadsheet.
- I keep track of my fluid intake.
- I take my supplements and vitamins religiously.
If I do this consistently I can see exactly where I went wrong and exactly where I went right. Now the trick is to make this a daily habit. I've been using my spreadsheets for about 3 weeks now. In the morning, before work, I type out what I plan on eating for the day. Sure there are adjustments for last minute scheduling changes as the day progresses, but I make sure I log everything before I hit the sheets at night. That's the accountability part.
For me, half the battle is planning. If I can plan out what and how much I'm going to eat, I can tackle the desire to overeat brought on by false panic. Planning allows me to have everything I need for the day ready and prepared, so that I don't get tempted to eat something I shouldn't. For me, preparation is power.
I was once a size 32 and now I'm wearing a 14. Yesterday, I put on a denim blazer that at one time I couldn't fit into and when I tried it on yesterday, it wrapped around me one and a half times. My eyes welled up.
As a child I used to pray daily to wake up pretty. Thirty-five years later, my prayers were answered because it happened virtually overnight and I can't believe it's really me in the mirror. But next month we celebrate Thanksgiving. Every day without the diabetes is something phenomenal to be thankful for, and being thin? Well that’s just gravy on the turkey.
10/6/06
Oct 05, 2006
Today is 7 months since surgery. I’m now down 73 pounds.
I found the red jacket on eBay and BOUGHT IT this morning. I paid waaay too much for it, but every time I wear it, I’ll be reminded of that picture and how awesome I look in it. I’m so excited. I can’t wait to get it!
I was right—my Lean Pocket is turning me into a Hot Pocket!
10/4/06
Oct 03, 2006
Never before in my life have I EVER worn anything that says, "One Size Fits All." It was a fallacy. It was a taunting, cruel joke that fashion society played on heavy women.
Later, the phrase changed to "One Size Fits Most." That wasn't the case, either. "Most" means more than half, and more than half of the people I knew were not waifs.
Last night, I picked up a friend at the airport, returning from a brief vacation in Utah. As a token of thanks, she handed me a nightshirt.
Before even looking at the design, my eyes darted to the label to check the size, which is my habit. (After all, why love some article of clothing that'll never fit you anyway?) So all these years, I've conditioned myself to check the label first, THEN look at the style or design. Before I could say anything, my friend said, "It's One Size Fits All."
It's funny. In her mind, there's no question that it'd fit. She thinks I'm thin. In my mind, I always wonder and doubt whether something will fit. I still think I'm fat.
It fit.
It's going to take a loooong time before this all starts to sink in.
10/3/06
Oct 02, 2006
I'm down 72 pounds. People are shocked by the change in my appearance. I don't *feel* thin but today I'm wearing a size 14W pant and a size L t-shirt. This past weekend was the Jewish High Holidays, and I saw people who I haven't seen in a year. Most of them did not know who I was until they realized that I was hanging around with my mother, and they saw the family resemblance.
It was a bit unnerving and very flattering to see people staring at me. It's hard for me to believe that they're not just trying to be complimentary. But so many people had the same reaction that it just *has* to be real. They all ask me to stand up so they can see my body, and they all remark on how much thinner my face is. One man did a double take. I can't imagine how much more extreme the reactions will be when I've lost the rest of the weight.
I treated myself to a photo shoot this past Saturday, 9-30-06. I was able to get a couple of the pictures digitized. The before and after is kind of amazing.
Here are some before pictures:
Here are some pictures taken on 9-30-06:
I gotta get me one of those red jackets!! It makes me look HOT.
