Kate U.

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Just some background here: I have been living in scrubs for the past 2 months. And wearing my gf's clothes (shes butch and dresses like a boy) or safety pinning my old clothes. I don't want to buy clothes because it's pointless and a waste of money. I might have bought 2 pairs of pants and a few shirts and maybe one or two pair of shorts over the past several months. Bare minimums.

Now, my mother has a kick ass wardrobe that is spread out to 3 closests (no, I'm not exagerrating). She's a hot tamale in her recent singledom and I've always wanted her new style. But I just figured I'd always be too fat for that or never have enough money.

Well, my mom just filled my entire closet with clothes, many that still had the tags on them. Everything from dressed to skirts to tops... things that she rarely wears or has never worn. I couldn't believe it!!! Thousands of dollars worth of like new or new clothes!!!! I could go for 2 months and never wear the same top. The irony is that alot of them are a women's sized MEDIUM. I never thought I'd be wearing a medium in men's, much less a women's in medium. More often, they are a women's large, but just the fact that I fit in anyone's medium is crazy. Even the Old Navy dresses are sized medium! It feels so good to dress nice and in fitting clothes!!

My bottom half is still something left to be desired. That's wear I carry most of my weight. Gentically, my family is all very bottom heavy- big ass, big hips, thick legs. Definite pear shaped. So I'm in a size 16 there.

I'm stuck at this 205-208 weight and it's annoying me. I'll go down to 205 one day then back up to 207 the next day. I know that's normal to fluctuate but I need to increase my excercising. I want to get this excess off ASAP!!!

Sooo I've decided to do the Couch to 5k program!!! I've always hated running with a burning passion, so much so that my dad used to, as punishment, take me to the track at 5am in place of groundings. That did nothing to help my feelings on running, by the way. That' s what you get when you have a multi sport coach as a dad. ha.

Anyway, I've decided to give running a fair shot. Before running was for a grade in gym or for punishment in sports and there were always people yelling and bitching and making me feel like a failure since I was always bigger and slow. But maybe I'll like running when I don't have that negative energy and pressure with every stride. It's worth a try. And it gives me a training program, which I need. And after I get through 2 oe 3 weeks, I'm going to sign up for a local 5k, just to keep me going.

What I like about the concept of running is that I can go do it for 30 or 40 minutes, burn some calories, get the blood and sweat flowing, and I can do it anywhere- the gym, the track behind my house, or just on the road.

I downloaded one of the C25K podcasts, so that will make it all muuuch easier :)

My gf said she wants to do it with me, which would be cool to have an accountability partner and it also adds a little bit of competition, which I kind of thrive off of. The only problem with workout buddies for me is that if they don't go, I tend to not go as well. So (and I know she's reading this)- YOU'D BETTER NOT SLACK! ;)

If I actually learn to like running, there's this thing called Try a Tri- just read about it. It's a scaled down triatholon. Can't remember the distances but it sounds much more doable than a freaking full triatholon. Anyways, it sounds awesome and would be super great for my fitness. So I have to teach myself to like running. HAVE TO.

Hopefully this will help to shed the rest of the weight a little quicker. And hopefully maybe I'll get to finally experience a runners' high! Who knows!

I would have never imagined the day where I'd WANT to run. This is crazy. Thank god for my surgery!!!!!!!!!!!!

In some of my old pants that I put out for our derby garage sale. HA!

My relationship with food used to be a seriously unhealthy one... fraught with pain, stress, compulsion, and addiction. I would sit and just cram, whatever crap I could find, into my mouth. As long as I had something in my stomach, I was happy.  From when I was a kid, I would sneak food to stuff in my face... whatever I could find. I would take an entire box of oatmeal and eat it dry... just to have something there in my belly.

I thought that I loved food. But really, I just loved having something in my stomach.

Now, after surgery, I am realizing that I am just now, after all these years, starting to *love* food. Because I'm eating foods that are great for me. Foods loaded with fuel for my body. Everything I put in my mouth, I consider whether or not this is going to nourish me. Will this food give me the maximum amount of protein with the least amount of sugar/carbs/calories/etc.? Will this cereal provide me with the fiber I need to be functioining at my best? Will this pre workout meal get me through my workout or can I fine something that will take me through an extra 15 minutes more?

Once in a while I'll eat something that is shit, but that's actually pretty rare.

I am eating like I always wanted to but never believed that I could. And these wonderful foods just taste so good. And I can feel them actually helping my body rather than weighing it down.

I never imagined the day that I would wear a size medium. Even in middle school and high school, I wore Larges and later XLs. Before surgery I was wearing 3XLs or 2XLs, depending on the fit.

We got new team shirts for derby. Hanes unisex shirts. I put on a large, thinking it would be a lil snug but about the right size. It was BAGGY. So people told me to try on a medium. I was like "no way- that's crazy talk." I put it on and it FIT PERFECTLY.

I was so fucking wowed. I started to cry a little bit. Then I called my gf and mom with the good news.

It's right when I start to feel like I'm not making progress when I have WOW moments like that. I also then dropped 6 pounds on vacation and a few more pounds this week while I was sick. My weight loss is like that. I won't lose for a month and then all of the sudden I'll dump all this weight. It's frustrating but I keep telling myself "losing is losing, whenever it happens."

I currently only have 45 pounds to lose! And that would put me at the low end of my goal. I promised myself that past 180 I would reevaluate my goal every 10 pounds. I don't want to get too thin. I know that sounds crazy but I play a contact sport and I'm sooo afraid of being like a ragdoll out there. One of our best hitter just lost 40 pounds and she is having alot of trouble adjusting to the new weight in terms of her hitting efficiency (she'll get it back, I'm sure of it. She's awesome).

Last night we had a bout. Most bouts, I spend most of the time trying to catch up to the pack. Every bout, it gets better. But THIS bout, I was in the pack almost the entire time. I never once had to catch up to the pack unless I had fallen or gotten taken out or whatever. Several times, I had to SLOW MYSELF DOWN because I'd pass the pack entirely lol. Oops.

I LOVE MY GASTRIC BYPASS!!!! BEST DECISION I HAVE EVER MADE. PERIOD!!!!!!

I am getting frustrated. I've had this gym membership for like 3 months now and have only been there twice. I have no motivation to go work out. I skate derby 2-3 times a week and I want to be doing some weights or cardio or something when I'm not skating. 

For my birthday, my friend bought me a bunch of personal training sessions and I've yet to take advantage of them. My tailbone had been injured so I didn't want to be limited physically when having this great gift of a trainer. But it's feeling better now so it's time to get my ass (ha) in gear.

Next week I am going to take the plunge and call him. I think they got me 4 sessions. I'll plan on working out with him every 2 weeks and then I'll take back what I learn to the gym. Hopefully he can give me the kick in the ass I need. 

Then I was also thinking of going to this boot camp in Coral Springs... it's 5 bucks and some trainer just kicks your ass. I also heard that there's one on the beach somewhere. That would be even better. Beach workouts kick my ass. I gotta have guidance. I have to have competition or at least someone pushing me. That's how I've always succeeded so now I need to do that again.

And the classes at my gym seem boring. Spinning, Kikcbox Cardio, Hip Hop, Latin, Step Aerobics. Seems like a snore. And for it to be sustainable, I need to not be bored. I don't have to "enjoy" it, I just can't be mentally unchallenged

So I got labs drawn yesteday. A few things are out of range but I'm told they're not severly out of range so I don't know. 

RDW- 17.0 (Normal- 11.5-14.5) HIGH
Eosinophils- 5.0 (Normal- 0.0-4.0) HIGH
Vitamin b12- 909 (Normal 243-894) HIGH
Iron- 22 (Normal 37-145) LOW

I have a doc appt next Thursday. I don't get how myn iron canbe low. I take double the recommended dose. I take two 29mg chewables every day. This is confusing to me. I asked one of the nurses at my job and she said they probablly wouldn't do anything about the iron but monitor it or add another dose but its confusing. 

Then I was reading online that a high RDW in conjunction with low iron could mean I'm anemic. grrrr. 

I'm going to try not to stress about it until I see the doc next Thursday. I'm still pissed though. I thought for sure that my labs would be perfect. *grumble grumble*

So things have been good... still losing and moving and shaking and am nearing 200 lbs... ok so I'm 232 but I could lose that 30 in a month if I start pushing myself. Just the thought of being in the onederland is kind of surreal so I'm just not going to think about that right now lol.

I have been very very good with eating. I eat the right things about 90 percent of the time. I'm definitely getting all my protein- usually I'm over 80, up to 100, especially on work out days. I could do better with water, but I'd say majority of days I get my water or close to it. 

I am going to look into a lower calorie protein shake though. Because my 44gm protein shake is 400 calories. I mean, I drink half in the morningish times and half in the eveningish times or after practice. I just feel like that's so many freaking calories. My protein bars are 300gms also. That's alot but a little more doable since they have 25gms protein.

Keeping track of things in TDP has been quite helpful in keeping me on track, specifically with my protein. Since getting on there, I'm pretty religious about my protein, as I was realizing I just was felling a bit shorter than I thought. I don't update TDP everyday but I do jounrla at least 3 days a week I'd say. Mostly on the weekdays...

Ok and here's my confession... I've been doing 3 things that I have to stop and I have to stop now. Well 2 things that I have to totally stop and 1 that I think is ok occasionally. Ok 1.) I've been having mocha frappuchino lites. Not everyday.. but 2 or 3 mornings a week. I am going to start having them as treats only because I can feel myself getting in the habit of drinking them. 2.) I have recently discovered wine. I'm worried about transferance addiction. So I'm going to only drink once per month, if that, and only socially. I think that I feel this innate need to go party because I'm just feeling so good about myself, my body, I'm getting hot outfits, etc. But I need to go celebrate those things without alcohol. 3.) When I drink, I smoke cigarettes. So when I don't drink, I don't smoke cigarettes. Oh and when I'm having a crisis, then I may smoke a few. But mostly it's when I'm drinking. Cut the drinking out and the cigs are cut out.

That's always been what I've done when I'm stressed. And let me assure you, I have alot of personal pressure and stress upon me. But these are stressors that I CHOOSE so I need to keep any possible addictions in check. Plus, it's just not good for my pouch, especially this soon out. I need to go back to babying it!

I think I'm going to post this on the WLS in your 20's group and get some feedback, ass kicking, etc.

My BMI is 35.14.... I am almost just regularly obese instead of super, morbidly or clinically. MUAHAHA. Take that fat!

It's official... I have lost 100 pounds!!!!

I cannot believe that in 4? short months, I've already lost a whole person. We actually have a new girl at derby who is 100 pounds that everyone wants to put on my back and have me skate around with her. haha. Not sure if that's the safest idea but it's just kinda of weird because I don't feel much different in certain ways. 

Like I still feel like a "big girl" even though I probablly qualify as just a "heavy set chick" now or something.  I'm in a 16/18 which I can't remember the last time I was in.

I'm so much more comfortable just doing simple things like walking. For example, my gf was coming to pick me up frm work on Wednesday to head the practice and she was running late. So i decided to just start walking towards practice to shave off a few minutes that would have been wasted had I just stood in front of my job and waited for her to pick me up. Ok, 5 months ago there is no way in hell I would have CHOSEN to go walk in the heat for 15 minutes just to shave 5 minutes off. I would have thought about how much I was going to sweat, how my thighs were going to rub together and hurt, how I was going to waste precious limited energy that I needed before practice, etc etc. I know this example seems silly, but it's just one of many examples of why its great to be 100 down!

I will update with pre op/50 down/100 down pics when I take some. 

Tomorrow is my joint birthday party- it's a pool party. I'm going to go get a new suit and board shorts beforehand. We'll see how unstressful that is in comparison to 6 months ago. lol

This Sunday is Mother's Day- I'm so excited to see my grandma because she hasn't seen me since right after surgery. I'm wearing my new dress for the occassion :)

And in honor of my 100 pounds down, I've joined the Daily Plate and am going to start journaling my food in there. I also got a little pad of paper to carry around with me so I make sure I document everything I eat. I am finally eating to live instead of living to eat!!!!!! And I love it!!! Everything I put into my mouth has to be fuel for my body... it has to have a benefit (and just feeling full is no longer a benefit for me). 

My weight loss has slowed in the past month and I want to keep dropping as quickly as I can for as long as I can. I won't lose for 3 weeks and then I'll drop 10 in a week. haha. That's why I'm just now weighing once a month. 

I've been very well over the past couple weeks with my protein, water, and vitamins (I had slacked a little for a few weeks and was spotty on consistency- speficially with water). I've realized that for me, I just have to have things always available and easily accessible. I brought my iron and b12 to work so I can take it when I get here, as I usually am in such a hurry to get out of the door that I forget. I bought a bunch of Evian Liters that I keep here and at home, so I am just constantly sipping on one. Now I need to keep a few gym outfits in my car so that even if I don't do mornings for a while (I'm really not a morning person), then I can stop by after work. Can't give myself an opporunity for excuses, especially here in the beginning of the gym workout regimen.

My Work Out Plan:
 

	M	T	W	R	F	Sa	Su
AM						Yoga	-Light Upper  -Light Lower
PM	Practice	-Light Upper -Light Lower	Practice	Full Upper  Cardio	Full Lower  Cardio		Practice