Michelle B.

Send Message

Block

Add Friend

I went clothes shopping last weekend, and automatically just try on size 18/20.  Some things just didn't look right, but I am so negative, I didn't even think it was a size thing.  Until I put on a 14/16, and voila - it fit!!  I tried on every top again, in a 14/16 and bought them all in that size!!!!!  Does this mean I am in a normal person's size XL??!!!!

I am officially in a size 1x (18/20)!  Even in a sweater, which usually run small!!  
I will be so excited when I can fit into an XL!!  Being able to walk into a normal size person's clothing store and not the plus-size store and buying a size XL will be unbelievable!!  I hope to be there by summer!!

Well, 2/18/08, is my 16 month anniversary, and I have lost 254 pounds!  I gave myself a goal of wanting to get to 150 pounds, don't know if that's realistic or not, but I have 90 more pounds to go...  scares me because I feel like that last 90 pounds is going to kill me....  all the weight I'm carrying is in my lower half - hips and legs... and I have a maternity belly, STILL, that just won't go away.

On a more positive note, I went to Lane Bryant yesterday, and size 22/24 was too big - I put on an 18/20 and wholly molly - it fit!  I bought 2 blouses in that size.  But when I went to Fashion Bug, I tried on that size, and still a no go.. .all depends on the cut/style of the shirt I guess... 

I feel really great.  The excess weight in my lower legs still brings me down.  Doctor tells me my legs are definitely dramatically smaller, but I honestly still am unable to see any sort of difference... I feel like I look so odd - from the head down to my boobs, I almost look like a normal person, until I look further down.  It's so discouraging.  I weigh 240 pounds, I dont remember EVER weighing that - EVER... so I am thrilled with that number, but looking ahead, it's hard and discouraging, because there is so much more to go.

One year ago today, I was 215 pounds heavier.  I’ve lost a total of 98 inches.

 ·         22” in my waist

 ·         11” in my thighs

 ·         11” in my ankles

 ·         9” in my arms

 ·         22” in my hips

 ·         5” in my neck

 ·         18” in my bust

One year ago today I was on my way to my new life. My family and friends waited patiently with me all day, as my 9:30am surgery call time turned into a 2pm show; without their company that day to make the time go by, I would have never made it.  I was in and out with no complications. I stayed 3 days in the hospital and went home with a prescription for Percocet – took one that night, just to help me sleep, and it didn’t do that, so I never took it again.  In fact, I never took anything for pain once I was home.  Shocking, for me, a former druggy!   I had only one complication, a week later, fluid was leaking out of the bottom of my incision, which warranted a visit to the ER.  They called it a seroma; nothing serious and completely normal. The hardest part of recovery was not being able to sleep on my stomach; hence, I didn’t get much sleep in the beginning.  I can honestly say that I have no regrets. I’ve never said that I am sorry I did this.  I did, and still do, have those days I feel not so thrilled with life, but I believe that even you skinny people have those days.  Now a full year out, I can say the surgery was the easy part.  Pre-surgery, for those 2 years, I focused so much on the surgery and the fear consumed me, I gave little to no thought about post-op life.  The first 6 months were the hardest; no, it was hell.  It was not until after then, things got a little easier, well, not easy, but I started to get used to life a little bit.  After those 6 months, I began to notice the changes in not only my overall health, and my appearance, but in my life itself.  Then the clothing sizes began to really drop and the fun began!  I still have a hard time seeing the changes for myself and am always surprised to see everyone’s reactions.  Deep down I know this was the BEST thing I ever did for myself, but I find myself looking ahead and become discouraged at the thought of how much farther I have yet to go to get me to ‘normal’.

One Year Ago...

 - I could fit hardly anywhere. Today I can fit almost anywhere.
- I couldn’t find clothes in town that would fit. I had to order everything online. Today I fit into clothes right off the rack 
- I couldn’t leave my house without worrying about how I looked, what people would say about how I looked and without feeling like an embarrassment. Today I walk with my head held high and rarely worry about any of those old issues.
- I had not owned a jacket in years as nothing would fit. Today I look forward to buying my first REAL winter jacket.
- I couldn’t put my shoes and socks on with out sitting down on the bed or couch and half killing myself trying to reach. Today I can put them on standing on one foot AND still breathe.
- I could only wear and buy sweat pants as they were all that I was comfortable in. Today I will NEVER buy another pair of sweat pants again.
- I had to use clothes pins to hold my cloths on hangers as the necks were so large they wouldn’t stay on the hanger alone. Today my shirts not only stay on the hangers alone but hard HALF the length they used to be.
- I hated the way I looked and didn’t feel attractive. Today I feel wonderful! Have done more to take care of my outward appearance in the last couple months then I have done in the many YEARS!
- Would never have thought of joining a gym as I couldn’t take the humiliation of being the largest person there. Today I joined a gym and actually do aqua exercise!  (I unfortunately, don’t have the courage yet to go to the gym alone).

 - Couldn’t live without air conditioning.  Today, I barely use it. In fact, I have used a portable heater for most of the summer!
- I used to not open my door when people came over as I didn’t want them to see me. Now my doors are rarely shut.
- Even getting my hair done was an unpleasant experience, as I couldn’t fit all the way into those chairs. Today I look forward to those appointments and getting pampered while I’m there.
- Had a shadow that could shade a small country. Today I look at my shadow and still have to ask “Is that really me?”
- Was self conscious instead of self confident. Today I am a little bit self confident instead of self conscious.
- Was always tired and felt blah. Today I get up early and feel great!!  I have so much energy.
-Had to pay high prices for clothing. Plus size clothes are not cheap. Today I buy off the rack!
- Had a terrible time sleeping and would always toss and turn and get up all night long due to my weight. Today I sleep like a baby and do not wake hurting anymore.
- Would not have caught me in family photos (as proof I could only find about 5 photos since 2000 with me IN them). Today you can’t keep me out of the picture!
- Could not take walks as I could barely make it around my yard let alone down the street. Today I walk and never once get out of breath!  I’ve even been told I walk faster than others!

 - Wore dark-colored, ugly clothing, clothes that I hated, wore them just because they fit.  Today, I actually have choices in my wardrobe, and wear all colors and styles, because they look good, not just because they fit!

 - Hated looking in the mirror and rarely saw a full length view as I just didn’t want to know. Today I have a full length mirror in my bedroom and look in it every morning!
- That I used to over flow in most chairs no matter how large they were. Today I feel small in most chairs.
- I had boobs that would smother me if I lay on my back. (That’s a lie; they weren’t that big to begin with!)  Today they are basically gone and I don't mind a bit. 
- Used to need food to satisfy my mind that I wasn't starving. Today am finding it hard to want to even eat at all and find most times when we eat out its an eye opener to how much food they serve.
- I used to have to worry what I stepped on or got on in stores as I was over the max weight limit by 100’s of pounds at times. Today I don’t worry about it at all and flop down in chairs or jump on equipment with out a second thought.
- I used to wear shirts that went to my knees as I was sure it was “hiding it all”. Today I find that I am looking for shirts that are shorter and don’t go over my butt.
- Sonny and Sofia couldn’t sit on my lap as there was no lap to sit on – they kind of sat on my stomach. Today they sit on my lap and I have room to spare, and I just want to keep them there forever.  I have a lap!
- I outweighed everyone I know.  Today, I actually feel smaller than a lot of those people.

 -          I would have never gone to a concert or event, in fact, missed many events for well over 15 years.  Today I’ve gone to 2 concerts, and fit in those tiny stadium seats!!  And WALKED a lot and never broke a sweat!
-Would have never stepped foot on the beach, nor been able to walk through that sand without having a coronary.  Today, you can’t get me off the beach and I sported my first tan – ever!
-Rarely accepted invitations for picnics, parties, to go anywhere… missed out on many events.  Today, you can’t keep me home; in fact, I began inviting myself places instead of waiting around to be asked!  I just want to do all the things I haven’t done in forever.
-I would have never considered elective surgery of any type…. Today, I am grateful I had the courage to make that life changing decision.

 
And many, many more things are different.


Milestones I have watched come and go...

 -          October 31^st/Two weeks post op

 o       Lost 35 pounds!  I couldn’t believe it – I made them weigh me 3 times just to make sure it was right!

 o       Came off blood pressure meds - my blood pressure was 132/73 – and has remained “perfect” ever since

 -          December– lost 51 pounds since surgery

 -          January

 o       Lost 80 pounds!

 o       Joined a gym!

 -          February - made my personal goal – to lose 100 pounds in 4 months!  When I asked my doctor how much he thought I’d lose in a year, he said, that’s hard to tell, since most people don’t lose 100 pounds in a year, and you’ve done that in 4 months

 -          March

 o       First clothes shopping trip at a real store – and clothes actually fit me!

 o       Bought a bracelet – a normal person’s size 7 bracelet and it fit!!!

 o       Had a party and shocked a few family members who had no idea

 o       Moved my car seat FORWARD and my steering wheel DOWN, and find that when other people sit in my driver’s seat, they have to move the seat back and push the steering wheel up for themselves!

 -          April

 o       Went nervously, to see the Eagles cheerleader tryouts at University of Penn ’s campus, and sat in those tiny stadium seats, and fit – my arms were actually able to use the arms on the chair and I had extra room! I didn’t go last year for that very reason – now, I’ll never miss it again!

 o       Took the clothes that I bought in March, to the seamstress to have them TAKEN IN!

 -          May

 o       Lost 150+ pounds!  Beat my personal goal to do it in 9 months, by doing it in 8!

 o       Went to my first family party – no one knew I had surgery, it was a big day, I was really nervous about it, but the feedback was so positive and made me feel great.  People complimented my hair, as they knew something was different, they didn’t want to ask if I’d lost weight.

 -          June

 o       Went to the Tim McGraw concert!  Fit in those tiny chairs at the Wachovia, walked without breaking a sweat!  The best night ever!  First time I’ve been to something like since I took Angela to see Britney Spears when she was in grade school!  (over 12 years ago!)

 o       Walked on to a beach and went in the ocean for the first time in over 10 years and even bought my first beach chair!

 o       Keep moving that steering wheel closer and pushing that seat forward, this is so weird, I feel so small in my car!

 o       Went to a childhood family friend’s party, where no one knew I had surgery, and surprised a few people

      September

 o       Lost 201 pounds in less than 1 year!  Dr. had predicted I’d do it by December!

 o       Went to a family party and ‘came out’ – seeing the shock on people’s faces was amazing and made me realize how different I really must look, as my family sees me every day, and I just have a hard time even noticing myself, unless I look at before and after pictures

 o         Sat on a swing set swing while my 2 year old nephew pushed ME!!!!!!!  (can’t wait to one day go down a sliding board with him!)

 I chose the surgery because I truly believed it was my last, best shot at living an active life. I chose the surgery because I HOPED and PRAYED my outside would, for the first time, in many years, would begin to reflect the "me” that had been so longing to show up - but had been so well hidden within for so long. I promised myself that I would follow aftercare protocol. I did not get my guts cut opened and rearranged to fail.  Some people have had the audacity to ask why I didn’t do it sooner…  and fear was my reason; fear of dying from this controversial, risky surgery – then one day I realized, if I don’t do this, I’ll end up dead sooner rather than later.  But still, they had the nerve to ask!  And if anyone ever thinks that surgery is the easy way out, come ask me about every day life – there is and was nothing easy about this.  Yes, I’d never ever have been able to lose weight without this surgery, but it is by far, the hardest thing anyone could ever do.

Simply put. IF I CAN DO THIS ANYONE CAN DO THIS!! I now participate in my life instead of sitting and watching it go by. Weight loss surgery was the tool I used to save my life!!

 I would recommend to anyone who asks that they look into this surgery to not only lose weight but to CHANGE THEIR LIVES!!!  My life is just beginning to change, for the better.

At my September weigh in (I only weigh myself once a month, on the anniversary date of my surgery)... I did it, I broke 2 records - I am below 300 pounds for the first time in over 15 years - I weight 297!  And I have a total weight loss of 201 pounds since surgery!!  

Still have way much more to go, and it depresses me seeing so many people almost at goal.  I don't even know what a realistic goal would be for me anyhow, but I know it's going to be under 200 pounds at least - I won't settle for anything less.

I am shocked to have lost as much as I have in the past 11 months, never in my wildest dreams did I think I would lose that much weight this first year.  I am thrilled beyond belief, but it does sadden me to think that the weight loss is going to slow down soon, and as I calculate the possible monthly losses for the future, it will take me forever and a day to drop that next 100 pounds, let alone the plus 100 I want to lose.

I feel great - I have felt great for the better part of the last 6 months - so much energy, so many things I've gotten to do that I haven't done in forever, if ever.  Life is good, but I want life to be better.  The weight loss has not been proportioned throughout my body and that still brings me way down.  I have no boobs, hardly fill a B cup anymore.  and I have to wear this uncomfortable bra, just to lift them up, so they stick out further than my oddball shaped belly.  

I went to another family party yesterday - lots of people saw me who haven't seen me since last year or longer, and were shocked to see me.  The feedback was incredible, everyone, men, kids, was telling me how good I looked; a few people told me they didn't recognize me at first!  It is truly unbelievable to me, to see the reactions of others, who did not even know I had surgery; as I have such a hard time seeing so many changes in myself, as I am still WAY big, especially from the waist down, so I am thrilled to receive so much positive feedback.

Weighed in this morning - I am officially down 156.8 pounds!!!  I made a goal for myself to be down 150 at 9 months, and I beat and exceeded that goal at 8!

My 1st postop shopping trip was the 1st week of March, I was down to a 5x (major wow for me). The tops I bought fit, but were a tiny bit snug at the belly at the time. Well, today, I went to my seamstress, so she could take them in at the shoulders and arms and waist, as they are looking too big on me now!
Then I went to Catherine's, and walked out with clothes in a size 4X! and honestly, they were a little big on me, but a 3x was too small. I can't believe it, in less than 2 months I dropped another size (almost 2)... the weight loss is more obvious to me when I see the clothes getting bigger; I can't see it too much in the mirror or every day life, but the proof is in the clothing sizes, that's for sure. But this is also getting way too expensive! But either I look like a schlub in big oversized clothes, or I look nice in clothes that fit.... ahh, the price you pay to try and look beautiful, or atleast, to make yourself feel good!!

Tonigh were the final auditions for the Eagles Cheerleaders, a close friends daughter (I consider her my niece) was trying out, she made it onto the squad last year, but you still have to try out each year.  So I went with the whole family. I was really nervous, because, one, having to walk, being that it was in center city, parking would not be close by the theatre at University of Penn; and I was worried I wouldn’t be able to keep up with everyone; and two, about fitting into those tiny theatre seats.  Well, we parked about a block and a half away; and although I didn’t walk as fast as everyone, I was able to keep up, and didn’t get out of breath!!!  Then, there were steps, and I was like, oh gosh, here we go, I’m going to pass out doing those steps – Nope! Did them!! Then, the dreaded moment came… going to our seats…  I said I’d sit on the end, still scared to death inside about fitting in the chair.   I sat, and was like, oh my gosh, I fit, I fit!  I was bursting inside with emotion!  My arms even were able to rest on the arms of the chair – I was able to sit all the way back in the chair, comfortably, no fat was rolling over the sides!  Finally, I looked over at Vicky and her sisters, and showed them my excitement, and they knew right away what I was trying to show them, and I got so emotional, my eyes filled up.   I called Traci right away to tell her.  I couldn’t believe it.  last year, I didn’t go to the auditions because I knew I would never be able to fit into seats like that, or be able to walk much. 

It's getting continually harder and harder to deal with the hair loss - the front/top of my head is so bare; my hair is so thin; I can't stand it anymore.  No matter which way I style it, blowdry it, it still looks awful - I can't even get a good hair day anymore.  When is this going to be over.  I see some tiny new growth at my temples, but it's like baby hair - it will take years for my thick head of hair to come back.  I never imagined it would be this bad.