Moving day is almost here

Oct 28, 2012

A lot has changed since I last posted.  I have grown as a person been through a lot of struggles and a lot of pain.  Needing a second surgery to have adhesions released after 8 ER visits with no answers, almost 4 weeks post op from that and I am still in some pain and discomfort and feeling nauseous.  Trying to get to the bottom of it we will eventually.  I am right on track weight loss wise.  I could not be happier with the new me.  I had a friend who had not seen me since before surgery ask me where I was going to lose the rest of the weight from since I have a minimum of 40 more pounds to go before I am at a healthy BMI.  That made me feel really good.  Wearing a medium sized pants now and loving it haven't actually gone shopping for brand new clothes but might treat myself after I move to a couple pieces.

I am moving into my first apartment by myself.  I am really scared but I will manage it.  I am stronger then I give myself credit for.  I do feel like I am approaching a second nervous breakdown with all the stress related to the move.  Up until last evening my mom still had not found an apartment and I was greatly concerned that she was going to be homeless. We found her a nice one bedroom apartment she can afford.  

I have been fighting with my ex Steve over cell phones we were all on the same contract and he has sent me into a perpetual anxiety attack.  Hopefully that will all be done and over with tomorrow and he will not send me into a massive attack when I see him to deal with the phone issues tomorrow.

I was date raped in the summer and it was my choice to remain friends with my rapist.  a lot of people think this was a wrong choice I needed to heal and I am the type of person who is always wanting to fix people he needed help so I took it upon myself to try and help him.  He is seeking treatment now and things will get better for him.  How ever he is a control freak who is trying to control my life and thinks he is next in line to be in a relationship with me.  I do not trust him other then as a friend.  I am slowly backing away from him and trying to get the message across that I need my space.  I am not his possession and thus should not be treated as one.  His actions and words are adding to the feeling of approaching a second nervous break down.  I need to have all this stress out of my life.

I have started seeing Jeff who in the two weeks we have been dating is already treating me better then I have ever been treated.  He respects me and treats me like a human being not an object or a possession. I am taking things slow.  He is on the same page as me for wanting a family and we have similar goals.  Both of us are going through a separation right now so we understand what is going on in each others lives.  He is a chef and wants to help me get back to eating more solid foods again.  Since my adhesion removal surgery I have regressed back to soft foods and more full fluids just because of the nausea I do eat some solid foods but not enough.  It is a long process and I do not regret it at all I am happy healthier and on the road to being who I really am as long as I avoid that nervous breakdown

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