MilesOfSmiles's Blog

From there to here

Oct 28, 2006

Because OH changed it's entire format, I have decided to take all my previous postings and put them as one blog. This is VERY long (more than a years' worth of ramblings) and is mostly here for my own reference. BUT, if it interests you enough to read, by all means please do!

8/6/05 Where do I begin?

Well I guess a good start would be to say welcome! If you already know me, then I guess you don't need an introduction. But if you don't, my name's Angela. I'm 26, and live in Rochester and work in Dover. I'm an assistant for a company who's contracted by the Massachusetts Dept. of Education and I help service the MCAS contract. In case you're not familiar, the MCAS is a test in MA that all students must take, and all sophomores must pass in order to graduate. If you're a student in MA, please don't send me death threats - I don't make the test, I only deal with the people giving it to you

I share my home with Brian. I'm absolutely convinced we were put on this earth for one another. I love him more than I ever thought I could love another person, and he has changed me completely. A year and a half ago, I was dating (if you even want to call it that) just about every man in New England, going out every Friday and Saturday night, being incredibly irresponsible, barely living paycheck to paycheck, and was selling sex pills and zit cream via inbound telemarketing. I was barely making my mortgage payments on time, and getting shut off notices from all the utility companies - all the while not doing much to better myself, my body, my career, or my finances. Since being with Brian, everything has turned around. I am completely loved for who I am, and he doesn't want one ounce of me to change. I have gotten a great job, making good money, have unbelievable benefits, and all our debts are getting paid off. In addition, I am hoping to be getting gastric bypass surgery this December. Can you imagine? Angela? Financially free, a home owner, in a committed relationship, and thin??????? Who woulda thunk it?? :)

I'm happy to announce that Brian and I are new parents! Our adopted daughter's name is Gracie - we brought her home on March 26th. She's now 10 months old and weighs a whopping 45 pounds! She's a beautiful chocolate colored Shar Pei, and is a total sweetie. House training her was a b**** as she lived her 1st 5 months in a crate, but now that's all taken care of. All she needs now is some socialization skills around other animals (her being hyper around them is definitely an understatement), but other than that we couldn't ask for a better dog.

Work, Brian and Gracie take up most of my time, but when i'm not with them, i'm probaby with my twin nephews, spending time with friends, or fixin up my condo. My favorite hobby is definitely home improvement and interior decorating. It's so much fun making our place beautiful. It wasn't always so nice - when I 1st moved in, there were broken down appliances, holes in the walls and almost all the window screens, a broken window, stained smelly carpets, a pink kitchen, 1980s wallpaper half peeled off, moldy ceilings, and filth about everywhere you turned. Since Sept. of 03, we have fixed and improved everything! Every surface of this home has been touched, and it seems i'm doing something new to the place all the time. This fall we'll be getting all hardwood floors, refinishing the dingy cabinets, replacing the countertops and creating a tile backsplash.

2005 has been an incredible year, and we certainly have the next few months cut out for us. I wonder what 2006 will have in store! Keep checking back to find out! Thanks for visiting :)

August 14th, 2005 Welcome back!

What a ridiculously unproductive weekend. I have been so incredibly lazy lately - maybe it's preparation for my upcoming surgery, as i'll be in bed for almost a month straight. I have an appointment with the hospital this Wednesday, and after that I'll be meeting with a dietician. I need to lose 15-20 lbs before i go under the knife. After this week, my food indulgent life as I know it will be over, and that's a scary thing. My boyfriend Brian and our roommate Brad have been conjuring up ideas on where to take me the day before my surgery - first the Dynasty, then Hometown Buffet. Haha! But seriously, i'm extremely excited and nervous and anxious. Some people think that gastric bypass is the "easy way out". That is so far from the truth. Not only is the recovery process hell (6 weeks of eating jello 'n popsicles, and drinking broth and purreed fruits) but you eat like a small child for eternity. But worse. No drinking fruit juice, or anything with sugar, no soda or caffeine (my aroma joe days are over), no drinking with meals, etc etc. This is going to change my life more than anyone (including me) will expect it to. I keep imagining all the things I'll be able to do, and just the thought of it makes me so emotional. The biggest thing I look forward to doing when I lose weight: going on a roller coaster ride. And painting my own toe nails. Not that Brian doesn't do a REALLY great job (yes, my loving and adoring boyfriend gives me pedicures) but it'll be nice to paint my toenails and shave/wax my legs with ease :). I can't wait for my clothes to be too big for the first time in my life. To bounce my nephews on my lap, and not just the very edge of my knee. To walk Gracie and not have my lower back ache just a block away. And i'm sure Brian will benefit when i'm able to get into all those interesting positi... ok. I'll stop there :) So yah, i'm dreamin big of bein small! Mrs. Brian Small, that is. October 2007, I have my eyes on a smaller size wedding gown. I'll be content in an 18, but i'm predicting a 12. I'll keep you posted.

August 17th, 2005 Wow.

Today I had my first pre-operative appointment at the hospital. What an eye opening experience. I learned just how different my eating habits will be after this operation, and I learned just how fat I really am! How can one gain 70 pounds in two years?!??!? I was so mortified when I stepped on that scale. However, it was nice to know that number (which i'll reveal when i'm closer to my goal weight. HA!) will never EVER be higher than what the scale read. The nurse I met with was very nice, and I felt quite comfortable talking with her. I set up four required pre-operative appointments today - one with the physical therapist, one with the dietician, one with the psychologist, and another with the clinical nurse. Hopefully by next month i'll have most of the pre-requisits out of the way so I can begin insurance preauthorization. Wish me luck, 'cuz I think that part is gonna be a BITCH!!! But at least i have one of the very few policies that covers the procedure, so that's a blessing. Speaking of blessings, what a perfect word to describe Brian. He's reading all the documents i've been given from the hospital, and he's been doing his own research. He's hoping to get time off from work the week of the surg to fetch me things and wash my butt. What a romantic It'll be interesting to see how he deals with my new eating habits, as i'm sure his will be affected as well! So tomorrow's my first appointment with the physical therapist. This is all happening so fast! It's incredibly exciting, and terrifying at the same time. The program requests I lose 20-25 pounds before my surgery, so I'm gonna get started on that. I'm thinking Weight Watchers may do the trick. Lord knows living off the Asia, Smileys, and Burger King for the past few years hasn't. :P

September 7th, 2005
1 lb gained

What a difference a month can make! So much has happened these past few weeks. I have met with the psychologist, nutritionist, and physical therapist. I thought I was eating better, but somehow I gained a pound - so now I need to be down 24 lbs before I can get the surgery. This past week has been hell - I eat about 1200 calories a day, and because of this i'm always grumpy. I never realized how addicted to food I really am! Maybe I just really want it 'cuz I can't have it. But whatever it is, if Brian can give up smoking for me, I can give up junk food for me! :) The battle continues...

September 17th, 2005
10 lbs lost

All the hard work with dieting and exercise has finally paid off. I lost 10 pounds!! (OK, now I sound like a Jenny Craig commercial). But really, i'm very excited. Just 14 more pounds, and I can get my surgery. And I gotta say... it's really getting easier! I dont mind so much eating spinach salads every day for lunch, and cottage cheese with fruit every morning, and chicken or fish and broccoli every night for dinner. I've been experimenting with different sauces, dressings, toppings, etc and i'm getting sorta creative with it! I went to my good friends' 26th birthday party last week, and with all the soda, chips and dip and cake all over the place, I really didn't have much of an urge to "dive right in" like I would have about a month ago. I'm very proud of myself, and didn't think i'd make it this far. I've got an appointment with the surgeon in a few weeks, which is gonna start the pre-authorization process. Once I get approved with Anthem and lose 10 more pounds I can schedule the operation. Aaak! It's becoming more and more real every day. I actually went to BJs last week to purchase sugar free "protein shakes" for post-surgery. I'll be living off of those for quite a few weeks before I can start eating like a real human again. I'm trying to think of ways to make getting it down a bit easier, but I think the liquid diet thing will be a little hard to swallow.

October 6th, 2006
15.5 lbs lost

So.

I'm thinkin I gained weight these past few weeks since my last weigh-in. I had the mind set of "eh, what's another bite gonna do?" or "eh, one small bowl of this ice cream won't hurt" or "The fair is only once a year" etc. So how the HECK did I lose 5.5 pounds??? I dunno, and I DON'T CARE! I lost it!! That's more than 15 pounds in a month! I'm ecstatic. Only 9 more to go, and I can get my surgery. Only 5 more to go, and I can schedule it! I can drop that in a week! :) (As long as I don't go to the Fryeburg fair again, of course!) I met my surgeon, Dr. Paciuli today. I wasn't impressed. I didn't like her AT ALL. She seemed very cold, and not compassionate in the least. So I'm gonna change surgeons. I think I'll go with Dr. Gens. He is a little goofy, but hey, so am I! He seems to have a great bedside manor, and he's very experienced. Dr. Paciuli looks as if she could be someone I graduated High School with! Well, I'm off to work. Gotta stop by McDonald's on my way there. For a Fruit 'n Yogurt Parfait, of course! Hold the granola!

October 25th, 2005
17.5 lbs lost

Day two of being back from vacation. It sure is a bummer to be at work again! Bri and I had a nice week together. We took Gracie to a dog friendly bed & breakfast www.thelazydoginn.com and she seemed to really like it, as did we! She went on a train ride with us up in Conway, and we just really enjoyed the scenery. Bri and I took some fantastic pictures, and went to some neat places. We ate at -so- many restaurants. I think we went out to eat at every meal.

So of course, when I went to get weighed in, i was dreading stepping on that scale. When it told me I lost another 2 lbs, I was thrilled!! I've lost 17 so far, with only 7 to go. I discovered that as of Jan 1st my insurance will no longer cover the procedure, so I've really got to "up the anty" so to speak. I've been going to numerous appointments for this surgery. Three Physical Therapy appts, 4 psychologist appts/seminars, a dietician appt, a surgeon appt, four nurse appts, three support groups, an upper GI, ultrasound, bloodwork, and a physical exam by my regular doctor. I still have to go to two more physcological seminars, an informational seminar, a pre-surgical class, a possible sleep study, and see my surgeon twice. They haven't even started the pre-approval process for my insurance!!! I never dreamed it would take this long, but i'm sure it'll all be worth it in the end, s'long as Anthem comes through for me!!

I think all this stress and pressure to lose weight has made me really crabby. I've been a real bitch to Brian, and he doesn't deserve it. It seems every day he's asking me "what's wrong?". I just get SOOO irritated over silly things.. like when he doesn't want to cuddle or "eh hem" when I want to. Or when he does something SO obviously wrong. For instance, the dog pissed on our carpet, and he just poured/sprayed some cleaning stuff on it. I'm like "Brian!! You're supposed to blot up the excess moisture with a towel, THEN spray/pour on the stuff, not just leave the piss in the carpet!" but yet he still doubted me. Or when I see how little care he has for what goes in his body. Last night for dinner he had three hot dogs, each with 28 grams of fat, covered in cheese and mayo. I'm willing to bet money he had a quarter pounder with cheese, some sugary drink, and biggie fries or something similar for lunch. He typically spends at least $7 when he eats fast food so I know he's not ordering salad! Obviously these eating habits make it so much harder for me to stay on track. I mean, Brian is a wonderful guy. He's SO helpful around the house (especially lately since Brad moved out, this house has never been cleaner!) and he's very affectionate and for the most part, pretty supportive of me. He's a MUCH better boyfriend than I am a girlfriend. But sometimes, UGH, I could just ring his neck. Is that normal??? That I love him so much and that he's so great and everyone just loves him, but I get annoyed with him on a daily basis??? I need to appreciate the amazing man I've got, and not take him for granted.

Well i'm off to work. Hopefully next time I update this thing, my insurance will be pre-authorized and I'll have my surgery date. Wish me luck! :)

October 28th, 2005
17.5 lbs lost

I guess i'll start off on a sad note. My friend and former long term boyfriend Kevin lost his father last week. This "blog" is in memory of Ralph Sanborn, who passed away much too young. Ralph was a really neat guy, and always good for a laugh. Myself and lots of people love you, Kevin, and my family and I are keeping you and your family in our thoughts.

As I write this, my mom, dad and Brian are downstairs installing the floors. Gracie and I are stayin up here out of their way. I feel bad i'm not able to help them, but at my size, it's very difficult to be standing and squatting constantly. That's OK, though. They're doing a fantastic job, and I'll be able to do the UPSTAIRS floors next year :) I am SOOO happy it is finally being done, after two years! The dark cherry oak is really beautiful, and the three of them are doing a great job. It was hysterical watching Gracie bolt across the floors and not be able to stop... She's so used to carpet! I almost think she likes slipping 'n sliding! The cat has much better traction, so it's funny watching her chase after him. Needless to say, the cat now beats the dog in chasing games :)

So I'll save the best for last. I spoke with my doctors office today, and they told me my insurance has been preauthorized!! I have a tentative surgery date and everything. Just a week and a half before Christmas. Happy Holidays to me!!!!! I feel bad for Brian, since that's his busiest time of year at the store he manages, but I know he's great at juggling home and work, and he'll be by my side when he's not at the store. Plus my mom is taking time off from work, and she'll be there to change my wounds, pick up my meds, etc.

Sometimes I can't believe all that i've been blessed with, and all that's happening. I just sit here and look at my life in amazement, completely baffled how everything turned out so incredibly well for me. I have experienced my share of struggles and heartache these past few years, but I know all that i've been through has made me stronger, and I can't even get over how lucky I am. I want to take this time to say thank you to my family & friends who I know read this thing. I love you all SO very much, and I could never repay you for all the love and support you've given me. You have helped me to be who I am today, and for that I can't thank you enough.

November 9th, 2005
17.5 lbs lost

*sigh* This afternoon is yet another weigh-in. I don't feel I've lost any weight, but I didn't feel I did the past two times either, so I guess we'll see. It's especially crucial right now, though, because the surgery date can't be finalized until I drop 20 lbs. I'm at 17 right now. I faithfully watch that show "The Biggest Loser" and the contestants really inspire me. It baffles my mind how Jeff lost 100 pounds in 8 weeks, with no surgery. He doesn't bash anyone, he doesn't play selfless games... he's an incredible man, and has my vote! (not that it matters). Brian wants Matt to win - I think those two boys, along with Suzie, are gonna be in the final 3 in a few weeks. If I weren't getting gastric bypass surgery next month, I'd apply for the show and if accepted, gladly take a 3 month leave of absence from work :) If you've never seen the show, check it out on NBC Tuesday night at 8:00. Good stuff! http://www.nbc.com/The_Biggest_Loser/about/

So as anxious as I am about my weight, I can breath a sigh of relief about the floors. They're DONE!!! And wow, they look more beautiful than I'd imagined them to be. We also got a new (really large) entertainment center, so it looks like a different living room. For anyone out there interested in buying wood or laminate floors, I HIGHLY recommend Lumber Liquidators. www.lumberliquidators.com. Sure, the Customer Service isn't the best, and the store is kinda ugly and old, and you have to hire your own installers (or do 'em yourself) but the prices are fantastic, the quality is great, and they have an awesome variety. MUCH better than Home Depot, Lowes, and all of the local flooring stores we checked out. Oh, and unless you do it for a living, don't install hardwood or laminate on your own. No matter what they say, it's a BITCH, and a lot of work. It took about 125 man hours to complete about 600 square feet. My parents said that in their 32 years of home ownership, they have NEVER done a project this tedious. Feh! We bought them a super nice digital camera for their anniversary last week, but that hardly begins to repay them for all the work they're doing for us.

Well, I'm off to work. Today's meals will consist of low fat, sugar free, 100 calorie protein drinks and LOTS and lots and lots of water I intend to "get rid of" before my weigh in today. My coworker suggested an enema, but I don't think I'm gonna take it that far. Haha! Hope you have a fantastic day! More next week!

November 16th, 2005
22 lbs lost

Holy crap. HOLY CRAP!!! MY SURGERY HAS BEEN SCHEDULED! I met with my surgeon on 11/9 and he informed me that my insurance pre-authorized the surgery (which I already knew), and that because I had lost an add'l 2 lbs, they were able to schedule it. My surgery is set for December 13th. Merry Christmas to me!!! My pre-op appt is December 5th, and I have to lose all my required weight by then. Soooo... I got weighed in last night. I lost another 3.5 lbs in 6 days! That's a total of 22 lbs so far. I only have 2 more to go before reaching my goal. I can lose that and THEN some in 3 weeks! I am absolutely ecctatic, and so proud of myself. I wish my work were a bit more supportive. Few of my coworkers understand what i'm going through, and I think my boss, and her boss, think i'm stupid for doing this. Both of them have taken me into their office and given me the "Are you SURE you want to do this?" talk. It makes me feel kinda crappy. Oh well, MY LOSS not theirs. har har har... I have taken even more steps to lose my pre-op weight and gain some muscle tone. I joined the gym this week! I get my butt outta bed each morning at 5:30 and do laps in their huge indoor pool. It is SUCH a refreshing way to start the day. I love it!!! I am amazed at what a workout swimming is. It's great, 'cuz it's so easy on my joints, and I don't get all hot & sweaty. Not to mention it's a lot of fun. Sure takes my breath away, though. Whew! Also, every Friday i'm going to do early AM water aerobics, which should be a lot of fun. I've only been going there for a few days and have already met some really great people. Brian will be joining with me in January, so that'll be a great thing for him and I to do together a few days a week. Anyway, I am SO thrilled to have found this website, and it's become my latest addiction. Seeing everyone's stories and pictures... it's just SO incredibly inspiring to me, and I thank you all for your kind words of support and wisdom. Since my surgery is less than a month away, i'm looking for an Angel. (Well, besides the ones I have within my family, friends, and loving boyfriend). Thank you to all, and i'm looking forward to sharing my journey with all of you!

November 23rd, 2005
23 lbs lost.

*faints*

My surgeon's office called me the other day. They asked me if I wouldn't mind changing my surgery date. To November 29th! Yes, my friends, my surgery is NEXT WEEK!!!! Seriously, I almost peed my pants. Last night was my pre-op class. Wow... my mom and Brian were there with me, so I'm happy we all know what to expect. The nurse teaching the class, "huggy", was a RIOT! I hope I get her as my nurse! Anyway, the pre-op class was great, incredibly informative, and I feel more prepared than ever. And for the icing on the cake, we get home last night from the hospital and Brian got a shipment of books from Amazon.com. They were weight loss books. Not for me, but for US!! Brian wants to lose weight too. I'm sooo happy about this. Nothing would make me happier than for him to get healthy right along with me. The nurse said to us last night "Getting this surgery will not make a bad relationship good, but it can make a good relationship great". On the way home, Brian said "so what happens when your relationship is already great?" I can't wait to find out. More next week.

November 28th, 2005.
23 + pounds lost

Well. The big day is almost here. 24 hours from now, i'll be just coming out of surgery. I'm feeling very calm and peaceful, which is nice. I'm relaxed, and confident things will come out OK. At times i'm very excited, and anxious, and scared, and nervous, and happy... isn't it funny how you can experience all these emoitons at once? I have reason to be afraid, though. I am still not absolutely confident I didn't gain weight over the Thanksgiving holiday. I tried to weigh myself at the hospital this weekend, but NO ONE would help me!!! Feh!! I did behave myself on Thursday, though. There was a ton of really great food, and I had LOTS of the healthy stuff, and just bits 'n pieces of the not-so-healthy stuff. I'll find out this afternoon if I lost more weight when I see the anesthesiologist. But right now, the only feeling I can concentrate on is an overwhelming sense of HUNGER! This clear liquid thing isn't all that much fun when your stomach is the size of a football. I haven't had anything to eat in almost 24 hours. Brian took me out for my "final supper" yesterday for lunch. Two rolls of Sushi, 2 pieces of orange chicken, and 2 slices of beef teriyaki. It tasted absolutely wonderful, and I was happy I chose it as my final meal. I hope I still like and can eat sushi after this surgery, because it is my ultimate comfort food and is *gasp* healthy! Well, the next time I update this, i'll be home from the hospital. Wish me luck!

December 3rd, 2005
29 lbs lost

I made it. Wow, what a whirlwind these past few days have been. I'll give you a step by step on what happened. Even though i'm writing all of this today (12/3) i'll go back in time so you can have a glimpse of what each day brought me.

11/29/05 The morning of surgery, I wasn't scared at all. I checked in at 6 am, and they whisked me away into the pre-op room, had me change into a gown, and immediately started an IV, and gave me a shot of heparin in my belly. I was a bit scared there, but they gave me a happy drug into my IV, and the last thing I remember is a WHOLE bunch of nurses and my drs in the pre-op room. I also vaguely remember being in the OR but I quickly went to sleep. I woke in the holding room to my dr above me, telling me they had to have me under for a while longer than expected, but things went ok. I remember being absolutely FREEZING, and the nurse asked me if I wanted to see my family and I wasn't sure if I wanted to - I was SO out of it. Then they moved me on my side and it was so incredibly painful. That really surprised me, as I didn't expect to be in that amount of pain so soon after waking up. They then wheeled me up into my hospital room, and soon after I got there I dry heaved. Wow, that was absolutely horrible. After a few hours, my terrified family was finally updated on my progress (after being informed of complications) and came upstairs to see me. My surgery lasted for 4 hours - a typical one lasts 2 or 3. I guess while I was under, I had a leak. When they repaired it, and "bloated" my stomach to check for any more, I had yet another leak. VERY scary. I was miserable all night. Because of the problem I had during surgery, they kept the NG tube down my nose, into my throat. That was SO unpleasant. It made it difficult for me to talk, and my mouth and throat was so dry I couldn't stand it. They wouldn't allow me to take even the smallest sip of water until I had an xray the following day. So the night of surgery, I had an NG tube, oxygen in my nose, big compression boots, IVs hooked to both arms, a BP cuff, an oxygen clamp for my finger, a drain bulb on my stomach, cathider, heart monitors, etc. I had lots of moments of feeling completely helpless, and definitely had a few "pity parties" for myself. The nurses came in every single hour to take all my vitals, check all my bags and bulbs, do bloodwork, etc. Talk about exhausting!! Imagine being woken up at 2, 3, 4 am to be poked by a needle! But the night of my surgery, I had enough strength and energy to watch the season finale of The Biggest Loser!! Believe it or not, I was in pretty good spirits. My immediate family and of course Brian was there the whole time. It really made the experience so much better.

11/30/05
The next day, I had to swallow the most horrid stuff you can imagine to make sure my leaks didn't come back. Thank GOD they didn't, 'cuz they were able to take the tube out of my nose. But of course, out came the cathader which meant I had to go pee on my own. Getting out of and into that bed was SOOO painful, but it did feel good change positions. The nurses were a bit overwhelmed with so many patients, yet they were very attentive, senstive, and helpful to me. I was a bit upset Dr. Gens or any of the other bariatric surgeons didn't check up on me at all the night of the surgery, but they did make numerous appearances throughout my stay there, and the nurses were fantastic, so I guess I shouldn't complain. The 2nd day was a whole lot better than the first, and I started gaining a bit more independance. Having the compression boots on was a big pain in the ass, considering I couldn't do anything with them on, and needed the nurse to take them off for me just to go to the bathroom, but they help prevent blood clots so I know they're very important. Wednesday I had a bunch of family come by, and a few people I wasn't expecting, so that was a nice treat. My blood pressure was great, my bloodwork was perfect, my breathing was almost as good as it was pre-op, and all the nurses were giving me "A+" on my dr reports.

December 1st, 2005

Everyone was amazed at how well I was doing and feeling at this point. I was up walking around & going to the bathroom with NO help, and the dr. even said I could go home that day if I wanted to! Of course I was terrified and said no, i'd rather wait 'till at least tomorrow (if not Saturday) and he was fine with it. He's the most compassionate man - he called my mom every morning at 6:30 with updates on me, and came in twice a day to make sure I was OK. The occupational therapist gave me the coolest toys - one to wash my own butt (picture really long rubber salad tongs with a bend at the end), a thingy to pick stuff up that I drop, a spong with a stick on it to make it easier in the shower, and a nifty device to help put on my shoes. Those tongs are the best invention ever. I dreaded having my mom or grandmother help me wipe, and I haven't needed that at all since aquiring those things. I did need the nurse help me a few times, and that was incredibly embarassing for me. There were a number of times i'd have crying fits in the hospital, mostly out of frustration. I remember there was a time I was slouched down in my bed, with those damn boots on, and I had to pee desperately, and I was buzzing the nurses, and no one could hear the page (they were having issues with the system the entire time I was there) so there I laid in my bed, about to wet myself. As soon as the girls came in, I started to bawl. I also did that on day 1 when I drank that horrible stuff down in Xray. They were SUPPOSED to put it down my NG tube, but instead they made me drink it, and I had to stand up for a long time, and I was in pain, and OMG... But anyway, on day 2 I was feeling SO much better, and Brian brought me the worlds most comfortable pink plushy robe and that made me really happy. He has a way of doing that, anyway :) I wasn't overly happy when he told me our WATER HEATER DIED though!!! So I guess I won't be going HOME home tomorrow, instead i'll be going to my parents' house where they actually have water. It's just as well - my dog is psycho, and she's gonna be jumpin all over me anyway. Plus, my parents have the worlds most comfortable reclining leather chair, which you can bet your butt mine will be planted in that for a LONG time :D

December 2nd, 2005

I'm going home! A nurse described me as "their miracle child". All vitals perfect, and I started on the CIB and didn't have any nausea at all!!! I was in very little pain on Friday. My pain was very rarely over a 3 (from 1-10) and the morphine didn't make me loopy at all. Let me tell you though, I really did like that "happy button"!!! They sent me home with a RX for Roxacet (same thing as Percocet I guess??) and I was afraid that wasn't gonna be nearly as good as the morphine, but that night I was doing just fine. The drive home wasn't overly fun (bumps suck!) but I found that hugging something cushy helped with that. I was nervous about being away from the conveniences of the hospital, but being at my folks' house was very comforting and they've been just great. My first night I slept quite well (the 6 pillows I had sure helped!) and my pain was controlled. This isn't as hard as I thought it'd be!!

December 3rd, 2005.

Surgery was just 4 days ago, and I can't even believe how well I'm doing. Today my Memere and I played two games of Rummy Cube, I went to the REAL potty (I was borrowing a commode for a while form the nursing home), ate REAL food (cottage cheese and a scrambled egg) and have been walking normally. Things are just fantastic. Mild pain, but nothing unbearable, and I'm feeing so incredibly confident. I am SOOOO blessed, and am overwhelmingly thankful for just how well things are turning out for me. This is the best thing I have EVER done, and my friends and family have really helped me get through this. I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU!

December 6th, 2005

Exactly one week ago today, I had my surgery! It amazes me how far I've come. Still no nausea, no dehydration, no bouts of exhaustion or pain... I am doing things almost normally now - last night I even cooked a completely homemade dinner for my family! Meatloaf, potatoes, and asparagus! I made all my own meals (shakes and a cream soup), and didn't even use my "tongs" to go to the bathroom! My Memere took me to Dr. Gens' office, as I was experiencing some dull pain in my calves. He told me to get in there any time I could make it, he didn't care what time, he'd fit me in. Just as I suspected, the pain was just from my legs being in one position on the reclining chair, so he was relieved (as was I!) it was definitely not blood clots. I felt really great yesterday, and already today (at 6 am) I'm feeling it's gonna be a good day. Tomorrow is my 1st post-op appt, and i'm curious as to how much weight i've lost. I didn't gain any water weight in the hospital (I weighed exactly the same going out as I did coming in) so i'm sure i'll have good news tomorrow. I shall update then! :) Oh, so the day before yesterday I came home for the 1st time (Since leaving the hospital, I was at my parents' house). Brian didn't get me boring 'ole flowers for recovery. Oh no. I walked in, and in front of me stood a CHRISTMAS TREE!! What a nice surprise. We talked about not getting one this year 'cuz we couldn't afford it, etc, but I think in his heart of hearts he knew I really wanted one. Between his store being ridiculously busy, and the water heater dying, and me being in the hospital, he still found time to go out, buy, and set up a beautiful christmas tree. I love that man.

December 13th, 2005
46 lbs lost

Today was supposed to be my surgery day. I am SO thankful they moved it up, as I can't imagine going through a stage 3 diet for Christmas. Today they moved me up to stage 4 which means I can eat REAL FOOD! That really makes all the difference. The nutritionist says i'm doing -very- well. I've been able to eat everything i've tried, and have had absolutely no problems. I've lost 18 lbs since surgery (exactly 2 weeks ago) and besides a small amt of pain on my right side at night, or when I sneeze, i've had no issues whatsoever. Of course, the mental aspect is pretty hard to deal with. I've been on an emotional rollercoaster. Although I've lost 50 lbs, I don't feel or look any different and my clothes feel the same. I don't have any $ (short term disability only pays so much), so I can buy hardly any presents, and of course I can barely eat any of the food everyone else is eating and enjoying. I'm bored and sick of being in the house, and i'm taking out all these emotions on Brian. Poor guy. He's SUCH a trooper, and really tries his best to make me feel good about myself. I know it does and WILL get better, and i'm VERY lucky considering a) I COULD have had my surgery today, which would have been way worse for the holidays. b) I could be sick with everything i've eaten, making it even more difficult to get the protein and fluids in and c) I could have been DENIED like my friend at work who went through the program for nothing, because she couldn't lose the req'd amt of weight... mostly because of the med she's on called Avandia. So See?? I really am blessed, and I have to remember that when I start to grieve my relationship with food. After all, that same relationship caused me to be over 200 lbs overweight. Not any more!!! :)

December 20th, 2005
50 lbs lost

Yay!!! I reached the 50 lb mark! It's been exactly 3 weeks since surgery, and i'm doing great. Yesterday was my first day back at work, and it's nice to be back in the swing of things. There's lots of holiday cheer in the office, and my coworkers welcomed me back with open arms. Being at work really helps get my mind off of food. I'm -finally- starting to see small changes in the way I look. My face has thinned out a bit, my waist is more defined, and my belly seems a little flatter. I don't have much energy, and I know it's because I need to increase my protein intake. Not only for energy, but also for hair loss, as I'm sure that's right around the corner if I don't do something about it. I have yet to go to a support group meeting, and I really need it and have to wait another couple weeks before the next one is in session. I wish I had someone to talk to who is going through, or has gone through, the same thing I am. The holidays sure isn't making this whole process any easier! Today is our department potluck... I brought reduced calorie, festive deviled eggs in case there aren't any other options for me. Ugh, wish me luck! :)

December 27th, 2005
52 lbs lost

Well the Holidays are over, Thank God!!! I shouldn't complain, though. We had a great one. Eric had the twins, who are my four year old nephews, and it was so awesome to have them over on Christmas Eve, and Christmas morning. They were so adorable, getting incredibly excited opening other peoples' gifts, and squeeling over someone else's "handmade box". haha! Christmas afternoon we drove 2.5 hours up to Rockland, Maine to visit Brian's family. It was a fantastic trip. I really love his family... they're very warm and genuine, and immediately likable. On the way home we visited Adele, his 7 year old daughter. She's precious - a ridiculously cute blond with big blue eyes, tiny freckles and this cute 'lil belly. Thank GOD she takes after her dad in the looks department. Hopefully she will in other respects, as well, 'cuz I have NEVER seen a more filthy house in all my life. I thought mine was bad with Christmas garb all over the place. Whew! Sure makes Bri & I appreciate what we've got! Speaking 'bout Brian (he loves reading about himself on this thing. Love ya, babe!), he got me a gym membership for Christmas. I went to the gym first thing yesterday morning. Had their olympic size swimming pool & hot tub all to myself. I wish it could be like that every day! Before I worked out, I weighed myself. I've only lost 2 lbs this week. Last week I had only lost 4. I'm pretty sure I'm beginning to plateau. The program psychologist says to expect it between 30-70 lbs and i'm smack dab in the middle of that range. I don't know how I can possibly lose only 2 lbs when i'm eating only about 500 calories a day!! But I suppose losing 2 lbs over Christmas week is better than the 12 I probably would have normally gained! I discovered over this Christmas that I dont get dumping syndrome. I "tested" myself with a small cookie, then a taste of a candy, then MORE than a taste of Brian's cranberry white chocolate cheesecake and apple butter pumpkin pie. Not one symptom of dumping. NOT good. These past few days with all these sweets in the house has been very hard on me, so I had Brian bring all of the treats to work, as he works with a bunch of skinny chicks. In addition, I learned at the gym I've got NO energy. I only did one lap, and I was exhausted. After swimming, I could barely walk up the stairs to the locker room. I need to seriously increase my protein intake, or i'm not going to have any muscles left! It is SO difficult to do, though. I guess that'll be a good New Years Resolution. I'll update more then: See you Next Year!!!

HAPPY 2006!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

January 1st, 2006
53 lbs lost

Happy New Year! Not much new to report. I'm able to eat more foods with less difficulty, my mood is improving a bit (but still needs a LOT of improvement), and the year is off to a great start. The weight is coming off slower than I'd like, but i'm just gonna keep doing what i'm doing and I know the scale will move faster. I am ecctatic, though. I have a pair of khakis that I haven't been able to wear in years, and I decided to try 'em on just for the heck of it. They fit perfectly! Also, it's almost time to say buh bye to my bathingsuit I just bought, as the top is WAY too baggy. My girls just about fall out! Last night we went to bed at 9:00. One would swear i'm 62 and not 26, and married for 19 years instead of dating for 19 months. Feh! But the early bed time made it easier for us to wake up bright and early this morning to hit the gym. OMG, Yoga is so much harder than I thought it would be! I'm sure it'll get easier as I lose more weight, therefore i'll enjoy it more. While I was making an ass out of myself trying to balance over 300 lbs on one foot, Brian was upstairs walkin on the treadmill. I am SOOOOO proud of him - He's lost 15 lbs in less than a month!! I don't mean to brag, but I have the most responsible, dedicated, patient, kind, loving, & handsome man to EVER exist in this world, and he's all mine. *sigh* We are such a great couple, and pretty soon we'll be a sexy and healthy one, too :) I have compiled a list of the top 10 things I want to do in 2006.

1. Become officially engaged
2. Ride a rollercoaster - DONE!
3. Cross my legs - DONE!
4. Ride a horse
5. Learn to snowboard
6. Weigh less than Brian - DONE!
7. Keep up in group exercise - DONE!
8. Refinance my car - BETTER! Bought a house and PAID OFF my car!
9. Get the house more organized
10. Lose 100 lbs - DONE! 3/20/06

Happy, healthy New Year, everyone.

January 7th, 2006
60 lbs lost

You think you lose just a little bit of weight, each time you step on that scale - "eh, big deal, 3 lbs" or "big whoop, a measly 1 lb" 'till you look at your final number and say "HOLY CRAP! 60 POUNDS!" It really does add up fast!! This has been a great week for me. Every day I wore clothes that have been sitting in my closet for YEARS... I actually wore fitted khakis and skirts with a button, zipper, and no stretch to them. Something else great happened this week - My BMI went below 50!!!! I have lost 10 BMI points. I am now "Extremely Obese" instead of "Super Obese". Who woulda thought i'd ever be happy to be extremely obese? ha! I realized yesterday that it's not a good idea to eat 2 ounces of bbq soy chips within 1/2 hour then go to the gym. Boy did I get sick! I was in the bathroom throwin up (how embarassing) and only got in 25 minutes on the treadmill. This really is a learning process and growing (and shrinking) experience, isn't it????

January 14th, 2005
64 lbs lost

Not much new to report. I'm feeling more "normal" and am tolerating foods a lot easier now. It's not hard to get in the req'd amt of water, as I can drink it much faster now. The weight loss is definitely showing. I don't have an ass!! All of my underwear, bathingsuits, pants, etc just "hang" on my butt. It's embarassing to have such a large belly, huge breasts and big hips, and no ass. I hope the rest of my body catches up to it!! (OK, maybe not the breasts. I wouldn't mind keeping those :)) I know I'm doing well, but so is Brian. He goes to the gym with me just about every day. I am SO proud of him!!!! He reads ALL the food labels and he logs everything he eats, as well as his physical activities, into www.fitday.com. He's lost at least 25 lbs (maybe more) in the past month. He used to smoke, drink mountain dew, eat dorritos, tony's pizza, cookies, and all kinds of other crap. All of that is history, and he's becoming a healthy, sexier man. One who drinks soy milk, eats veggie burgers, takes his vitamins, and counts all his calories (and never has more than 1800 a day!!) He should be SO proud of what he's accomplished, and I know he's going to continue to do great! WE will continue to do great. I will be attaching a "before" picture of us, taken with our dog Gracie last spring. "After" pictures coming soon!!

January 22nd, 2005
68 lbs lost

When I started this journey, I was 376 lbs. In just a couple weeks, i'll be below 300 lbs - what I weighed 3 years ago. I can't believe I gained so much weight in such a short amt of time. This is how I'm doing the math: I gained almost 200 lbs in 10 years. That's 20 lbs a year. That's appx what i'm losing per MONTH now. So every month, i'm going "back" a year. If I keep at this rate, I could get back to my 10th grade weight of 180 by 2007! Back then I thought I was the biggest, fattest cow in school. Now, it's 5 lbs more than my goal weight! If only I knew then what I know now... Story of my life! :)

January 29, 2006
72 Lbs lost

It's my 2 month anniversary today! I've lost 44 lbs since surgery, and 72 total. Bri and I as a couple have lost over 100!! Oh, and even though I lost 4 lbs this week, my BMI went up - i realized i'm not 5'7, but actually just over 5'6, so I changed it. Bummer, eh? Anyway, let me share an interesting story - I was reading through the "20 somethings" messageboard earlier this month and noticed a post from a girl in my hometown! (Kind of odd, since people all over the country post there and I live in a very small town!) As I was thumbing through her profile, I recognized a guy in some of her pictures - I used to date her fiance!! Of COURSE I had to write to her! Well, after several coincidences and dozens of emails later, we finally met yesterday! She's pretty quiet and i'm very talkative (I think I may have talked the poor girls' ear off!) but we had such a nice meeting... shared a kid sized portion of sea scallops and still had leftovers! It was really nice to chat and hang out with someone going through what I am - she's a year ahead of me, however. 13 months, down 168 lbs. She looks fantastic, and i'm so happy for her! :) Also this week, we booked our family vacation!! Brian can't go which i'm SOOO sad about, but my mom, dad, brother and I are all going to Orlando on April 30th. We rented a 3 br, 3 bath condo in a gated luxury community, R/T airfare out of a tiny airport just 10 miles away, and a full size car rental for the week. Price? Only $325 per person!! We got really lucky - it would have been more than twice that if we would have went just 2 weeks before that, with school vaca and all. Hopefully this way we'll avoid some crowds in addition to the savings. If you happen to be reading this and have any suggestions, let me know as my entire family is a bit inexperienced in Orlando travel!

February 5th, 2006
77 lbs lost

I'm finally below 300 lbs!!! It's really starting to show now. Some of my old clothes really fall off of me and are no longer wearable (they simply look ridiculous), I danced my butt off ALL NIGHT on Saturday night and never once got winded or out of breath, and my confidence has increased so much. I'm loving life.

February 22nd, 2006
87 lbs lost

It's been quite the interesting month. Valentines morning, Brian left for Bangor, Maine (3+ hours away) for over a month. All the managers of the store up there walked out, so now Bri has to be the hero and hire (and train) almost all new people, clean the mold-infested store, and essentially get it back on its feet. He's been working about 20 hours a day, he's absolutely exhausted, his hands are cracked and bleeding, and his head is foggy. *sigh* He's only been gone a week, but already I miss him like somethin crazy, and hate to imagine the next month+ without him. He swears to me that he'll get reimbursed by his company in a big way, but until I see it, I won't believe it. I went and saw him this past weekend, and tried to help him as best I could, but there just wasn't enough time. But on a positive note, the day after he left, I got a call from a bank saying we were approved for a mortgage we applied for a few days previously! That was really great news, as Bri and I have worked our hineys off trying to pay off our debts and get our credit better. We decided to "shop around" and are going with another mortgage company who's local, has better customer service, and lower closing costs. And for another positive note, this weight is melting off of me! I'm only 13 lbs away from the century club. It's hard for me to fathom that i've lost 87 pounds. I still have a VERY long way to go, but i'm 'bout 40% closer to my goal weight!

March 1st, 2006
92 lbs lost

Happy Birthday to me!!! Today I am 27, and have never been happier in all my life. Brian came home last night for the occasion, and it is GREAT to have him home. Even though he's been eating fast food for the past 2+ weeks, he managed to lose weight. He's now down 40 lbs in 2.5 months!!! I'm SO incredibly proud of him. He is the hardest, most dedicated worker i've ever known, and the most committed boyfriend I could ever ask for. It hurts to know he's gonna be leaving early tomorrow morning, but I can't wait to spend time with him this afternoon. We have a busy day planned! My weight loss is going fantastic. I am now able to eat chicken (canned, but it's still chicken!), and i'm tolerating many more foods. I am losing a LOT of hair, though! Every morning the drain gets more and more full... I still have plenty on my head, but it's still discouraging. Other than that, it's going perfectly! I've lost 64 lbs since my surgery (3 months ago today!) and 92 lbs total (in less than 6 months). That's crazy!!!!

God Bless Gastric Bypass!!!!

March 22nd, 2006
100 lbs lost

Finally spring. Finally 100 lbs! Yes, on March 20th I reached a big milestone. I have so many conflicting emotions. I'm thrilled about a lot of things: I'm wearing LOTS of new clothes, and clothes I haven't been able to wear in literally 7 years. I am wearing jeans (CUTE jeans, even) for the 1st time in 4 years. I can walk a brisk couple of miles and keep up with my VERY fit mom without getting winded. I am traveling next month, and am not afraid if i'll be asked to buy two seats 'cuz i'm so big. Also, besides the weight loss, we're going to be official home owners of the condo next week. Once that is done, all of the things that are hurting our credit will be paid off, and all our past due bills will be caught up. We'll be debt free. Simply amazing... we've both come so far, and I love the life we share. However, all of this is being overshadowed by sadness. I am angry, and hurt, and lonely due to the fact that Brian has been gone for a month and a half, and that he may come home for the closing of the mortgage, only to leave again for several more weeks. And when he finally comes home for good in mid-April, i'll be leaving him for a week for "vacation" with the family. A vacation he couldn't attend because, surprise surprise, work beckons. To be honest, I don't even want to go. I'm not the slightest bit excited about it, because it means just another more week apart from Brian. Back when I booked this vacation, I knew he wouldn't be able to go, but I didn't know we'd be apart for the two months prior to. *sigh* On top of all of this, i'm losing all my hair. I can see my scalp through my hair, and it feels and looks MUCH thinner. Every day there's more and more hair in the drain. In addition, my skin is sagging and swaying and puckering and dimpling all over the place. I am usually a very happy person, but lately i'm drained, and emotional, and just down in the dumps. Even though i've lost 100 lbs, i'm still in a 26/28, and my bra is a whopping 46F. I was SO much bigger than I thought I was 100 lbs ago. I'm sure if I put on anything fitted in a size 34 it probably wouldn't have fit (I wore everything stretch and cotton), so I guess you can say i've gone down 10 sizes. But still, to be in the highest size at the plus size store AFTER losing 100 lbs? I need to keep looking at all the amazing positives in my life right now (as there are SO many), instead of focusing on the negatives. However, I'm only human.

April 13th, 2006
111 lbs lost

I can't even get over how much my life is changing. Brian and I had a very eventful week. On Sunday we found the place we are going to be married at. October 20th, 2007 will be the day. Our ceremony will take place at the magical Castle in the Clouds in Moultonborough, NH and we will have our reception at a beautifully restored 19th century barn at The Brass Heart Inn just 20 minutes away from the castle. We found the barn & inn entirely by accident, and just absolutely fell in love with its rustic charm & beauty. We spent Sunday night in a very nice B&B up in North Conway, and treated ourselves to gourmet meals and a lot of relaxation. Monday was Brians' birthday, and to celebrate we bought a condo! Yes, we are official home owners. It feels absolutely wonderful to have it be OURS, and also that day we paid off all of our debts. This is all happening so fast. In addition to all of this, the weight is just melting off of me. I have lost 112 lbs in 7 months, and 83 lbs since my surgery 4.5 months ago. Simply amazing. Also, Brian will be home FOR GOOD on April 29th. I'll then be going to Florida with my family, which I am finally excited about!! I can't wait to soak up the warm weather, go on great rides, and be with my family. I know i've posted a couple negative journal entries, but I really do love my life. Sometimes I just have to stop and remember just how good I really do have it.

May 9th, 2006
113 lbs lost

Y'know, plateaus really suck. I just came back from Florida, where I probably walked 20 miles (no exxageration) during the course of my one week vacation. How the HELL did I only lose ONE POUND all week?!?!?!? It's incredibly frustrating for me, that i've only lost 3 lbs in a month. With how little i've been eating, it just doesn't make any sense to me. Everyone experiences 'em, though, so I'm just gonna keep doin what i'm doin and hopefully the scale will start movin again. But back to Florida: OMG, it was so beautiful. The weather was amazing, and I had a great time. I had SOOOO many "WOW" moments. I fit on a ROLLER COASTER and I didn't even need the seats designed for bigger people! I went on every single ride at every single park i went to. I had plenty of room on the airplane, and actually had to make the seatbelt smaller!!! No extensions here! :) Also, the amount I walked was unbelievable, and not once did I get tired, sweaty, achey, hot or winded. It truly is ridiculous to me, how "normal" I feel. I still have a very long way to go, but a size 22/24 sure beats a 32/34! Simply amazing. Now if only I can break this damn plateau...

June 9th, 2006
125 lbs lost

Things are going quite well! I'm on vacation (once again!) but this time it's been spent with my beloved. Bri and I just got back from rafting the Hudson River in New York. Wow!! It was really quite special - we were the only two customers that day, so we got to share our raft with two very experienced raft guides and one in-training!! It was a warm & sunny day, the rapids were high, and because our group was SO small we got to see & do a lot that most people don't normally get to experience. Because there were four strong men (two on each side), they made miss priss (that'd be me!) a "hood ornament". For most of the trip I got to sit right up front, hold on for dear life, and enjoy the ride!!! For 06/06/06 being "Devils Day" it was pretty heavenly!!! I'm ridiculously sore today, and the weather kinda stinks, but we rafted on the one sunny day we've had all week so we're really quite blessed. We're already planning our next trip up there for next year & hope to have lots of friends & family come along. On Sunday we had a family party & I saw people I haven't seen since before surgery. That was special, seeing/hearing their reactions after i've lost over 100 lbs.

July 9th, 2006

132 lbs lost

I made it to the OH Before and After Board!!!! I always longed to be able to "qualify" to be there. I saw all those pictures of all those inspiring people, and now I am one of them!!! So I'm very excited about that. Here's the link:

http://www.obesityhelp.com/morbidobesity/members/before+and+after.php?Dir=Prev&Time=1152389123

It has been quite the busy summer. We have gone to lots of parties, four weddings since April, gone away a couple of times for the night, and have just kept very active and are enjoying life more than ever. My weight loss has slowed down (only 7 lbs this month, and 12 lbs the month before that) but i'm very happy with the progress i've made. I'm amazed every day by the little things i'm able to do - my latest "wow" moment was realizing I could easily put both my feet on the dashboard of the car and wrap my arms around my knees. Before, I couldn't even bend over in the car to pick something up off the floor!!! I recently got another huge shipment of clothes in the mail. It absolutely baffles me... So many people from this website have donated their clothes to me, and I can't even express how thankful I am for that - it has helped me SO incredibly much. I haven't had to buy clothes all summer because of their generosity. I'm getting short on shirts so I may hafta suck it up and spend money on that, but I'm really good at getting bargains and it's FUN to shop when you're not wearing the biggest size in the store! Heck, I'm not even the second biggest size!! Of course anything I buy this summer will just be donated like everyone did for me so it makes it all worthwhile :) My fellow November '05 surgery anniversary girls are the BEST!!!

July 16th, 2006
131 lbs lost

OK, so I'm starting to struggle a bit. This week is the 2nd time this month I've gained a pound, and my total loss in the past 30 days is only 3 lbs. Starting to get nervous... I can eat so much more, and I find myself grazing (or wanting to graze) ALL the time. My old habits are creeping back in. UGHHHH!!! Back to basics for me. I wish they did surgery on my brain...

August 27th, 2006
141 lbs lost

Nothing too new going on. My 9 month "anniversary" is just a couple days away, and i'm fairly happy with my progress. It's been a year since this journey began, and i've lost 140 lbs. Not bad, but not great. All the charts say I'll end up being around 200 lbs when all is said and done at the rate i'm going, and i'm not happy at all with that number. I want to be at the MOST 175, preferably 160. It's all in my hands. Gonna just keep pluggin away!! I went from a size 32/34 down to an 18/20. I want to be a 12. That's always been my "dream" size, as i've always wanted to be able to wear my mothers' clothes. Even when I was a child, I was always bigger than her. For once in my life, I want to be smaller.

Brian and I have been busy planning our wedding! No, we're still not "officially" engaged (ie no ring or proposal) but I suppose we're engaged for all intents and purposes because we've booked the reception and are interviewing photographers!! I think we found THE ONE! We're meeting her this Wednesday, but her work is phenomenal, she's incredibly nice, and she's very reasonably priced.

The whole proposal/ring thing is really starting to annoy me. I totally get why he hasn't done it yet... he doesn't want to propose until he has the ring, and he doesn't want to give me just any 'ole ring, but one he feels is "worthy" of me. (We're talking a few thousand dollars, here) and I understand he can't afford just yet the ring he really wants to give me. Sooo... hence the wait. BUT, we've been talking about this wedding for over a year now and I just wish he'd hurry up already! Honestly though, I think his lack of being able to afford the ring bothers him as much as the waiting bothers me! I've gotten the question numerous times "how can you afford such a big wedding if he can't afford the ring"?? The answer? Our brother's rent is paying for the wedding, and he and I will be putting in $150 a month EACH into the fund. Brian doesn't want one DIME of "our" money to go into this ring... and the rent is considered "our" money. GRRR... men. Why do they have to be so difficult? :) I love him so much, though. I can't wait to be his bride.

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