leeguna
Send Message
Block
Add Friend

2-16-07

Hey everybody out there on OH! How goes it? I hope that you are successful in WLS, in love, in life, in everything! As I've said before, "If we will do what is difficult, God will do what is impossible!" And I have done some difficult stuff man! 3 major back surgeries, divorce, WLS, and many, many things in between that I could write a book about. But for here...just know I say that with substance, not pie-in-the-sky sentiment. I'm here in KY visiting my Aunt (I live in NY) and I'm gazing at the photo she has of me on her frig from last April. Wow! In the past 10 months I have lost so much weight. In the past 14 months since surgery, it has been amazing! I am down to 137- just about 1/2 of what I was when I started this process. Some say I am too thin. It is not like I am trying to lose anymore. I know it will even out. It's like a pendulum - we go from one extreme to the other and then settle somewhere in the middle. My body is in search of homeostasis - balance - and it will find it soon. All of our bodies are looking for that.  It is so strange to hear the doctor and others telling me to 'gain weight'. What? I say. Me? Gain weight? Are you kidding me? After all I've been thru to LOSE it, you want me to find it again?! It's a hard concept to chew! And that's what I'll have to do is alot of chewing! I don't know if I'm ready to try to gain weight. It's a very scary prospect for sure! I think all my exercising has me so thin. I am not a  fanatic - let me get that straight. In fact, in the past month or two I have not exercised at the level I was before. Call it hibernation, sore back & neck (got some herniated disks in my neck), but I have not been to the weight room in a while. Don't get me wrong I still walk/jog 4 days per week and am training for my next marathon for 3/25, but I'm not strength training as much. I in working 2 full time jobs (probation & my store) so I am always on the go. However, the nice weather is coming (please let it come soon LORD) and I am going thru a certification to be a pilates & sport yoga instructor as well as holistic life coach, so I will be strength training soon enough in a different way. I used to take a yoga class and I loved it! So, this should be great. Just time consuming! I am facilitating 3 groups - 2 are WLS related, 1 life skills. I l love my Choose 2 Lose group. People are so awesome. The WLS journey & struggle is so hard for some but when they come & get support there is no way that they wont be strengthened unless they don't want it. Choose 2 Lose Bariatric Center is doing great. It is growing. First 5 months of business. Our website is slow but building a customer base. We just need to get the word out there more about www.C2Linfo.com . It's a great website and we've got to add even more WLS stuff. Again, if anyone is in the NY area, please come & visit us at 657 Route 82, Country Gardens Plaza, Hopewell Junction, NY 12533. 845-227-1949. We've got a spot for just hanging out, we give great samples to taste and take home, and everyone who works for us either has had WLS or is going to have WLS. I have been remiss in updating my profile regularly due to my unending schedule. It is only because I am away right now that I have been able to write here. I miss it so. I will try to be better about writing. For everyone out there who reads this, please stay on the path! Enjoy the journey. There are hills & valleys, mountains & chasms to cross yes - but it's a wonderful journey where you will find out who you are and what your purpose is. You will be able to experience things that you only dreamed about before - or maybe you would not even dare to dream about it! Let me tell you, not only can you dream it, but YOU CAN DO IT! Yes, you can! YOUR BEST IS YET TO COME!  Feel free to contact me at [email protected]

 

 

12/1/06

Oh man! Here I come upon one year and I just updated my profile to the new & imporved version. I have lost 120lbs thus far and am wearing an 8/10!!! Oh my God. NEVER in my life did I think that I, Lisa Megna, would be wearing a size 8! I have to look at these clothes coming out of the dryer and say, "Whose are these?" It is still very odd - enjoyable to the max but odd. I haven't been posting much on OH as I've been out there living life and doing all kinds of things! I am training for another marathon (half) and exercising diligently. I still facilitate a WLS support group on Sundays every week and I opened a store with a wonderful & dear WLS friend, Robin Zinaman, on 10/14/06. It's called Choose 2 Lose Bariatric Center and it's awesome! We've got "everything you need to succeed" for health & WLS. Check out our website at www.C2Linfo.com . And if you're in the NY area, please come for a visit! Call the store at 845-227-1949 for directions. We love to give samples so you can 'try it before you buy it'. Please feel free to email me anytime at [email protected]. Choose 2 Lose and Choose 2 Live! Blessings!

 7/15/06
Okay, it's been a while. I am not the best at maintaining this because I am out there living real life! For all of you who may peruse this profile, please feel free to contact me by my email at [email protected]. I am running a weight loss support group in my area (Fishkill, NY) named Choose to Lose. It's on Sunday nights from 6-7:30 at Fishkill All Sport, 17 Old Main Street, Fishkill, NY. All are welcome to attend. It is so important to have support -especially after the fast paced weight loss slows down. We all need positive reinforcement, accountability, a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on and understanding -as well as a good swift kick in the pants sometimes. You can also join our C2L email group at http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/fishkill/. There are some recent pictures of me there.


 


Now I MUST update you all on my recent MARATHON! I DID IT!!! Yep, me! I walked the first 13.1 miles and jogged the last 13.1 miles (that's a total of 26.2 miles for the mathmatically challenged- just kidding - I said that for emphasis) WooHoo! I actually completed a full marathon in 7:23:41. It was an amazing experience. I learned so much about myself throughout the training. And when THE day came, I was so excited and grateful to God for changing my life so much and giving me the opportunity to do it. I've heard it said that "If we will do what is difficult, God will do what is impossible". That has become my 'mantra'. I can attest to the impossible becoming possible over and over again in my life. And guess what? If I can do it, YOU CAN DO IT! Your best is yet to come! What is your dream? What is your goal? If you don't know, find out and then GO FOR IT! By the way, I signed up for another marathon in August - 8/27 to be exact - in NYC. It's a half marathon (13.1 miles). I'm hooked now. I'm not ready to do another full one for a while, but I'll tell you, it is addicting. And I am in the best shape of my life. Exercise is soooo very important.
Okay, I'm on the run......(Literally). If you want to contact me: Email me. Come to the Choose To Lose group. Join the fishkill yahoo group. Either way, get out there and follow your dreams. If you do the difficult, He will do the impossible! Have a blessed day and stay tuned!


 


5/14/06
I am up to running/walking - who am I kidding? It's wogging - mostly walking with some slow jogging - 18 miles!!! This coming Sunday, I will wog 20 miles in preparation for my marathon, which is in less than one month! WOW! A year ago, I was 263lbs, in excruciating pain in my feet, knees and back; depressed, frustrated - yuck! All that led up to making that decision to attend a WLS seminar at Dr Kaul's office in Westchester. I did some research on the web and after much prayer and contemplation, attended the seminar on 7/12/05. The next day, I went out and joined Weight Watchers (again) and the rest is, as they say, history.
Very important history I might add. One of the things that I said, way back in the beginning if you read down to the bottom, is that I wanted to be able to cross my legs. Well, guess what? I cross my legs like crazy all the time! What a feeling! I can do it! And towels? I don't need towels the size of a full-size bed sheet to go around me. And I'm still going down in weight. I cannot stress how important EXERCISE is. It is vital; it is of the utmost importance; it is really life or death. And there are so many benefits that I couldn't even list them all. Exercise is LIFE. More on that next time....


 


5-8-06
Okay, it's been a LONG time since I have updated this profile! I have to do a short update today as I am off to work soon. As of today, I am down 90lbs since I started this process! I feel wonderful and I am training for a marathon! That's right on June 11th, I'll be walking and running a full marathon - 26.2 miles - to celebrate my newfound health! It is only by the grace of God Almighty that I have been able to accomplish this. I hope that I can motivate and inspire as many people as possible to be heathly and change their lives for the better. I am posting a new picture. Hopefully, it will be up soon. I'm always open to emails. And if anyone is in the Fishkill NY area, I am facilitating a WLS support group (I am a counselor) at AllSport on Sundays from 6-7:30 starting on 5/21/06. God Bless everyone and GO FOR the GOLD!!! You can do it!

12/9/05
Well, I'm on the other side! Woohoo! Yippie! I had surgery (RNY) on Mon 12/5 and came home from the hospital Wed 12/7. I was doing great Wed and then Thurs I bottomed out. I think it was because I hadn't had anything to eat for @ 10 hours which is not good. I slept 8 hrs and then was up for a little while before I had protein. I also had a 101 temp overnight into the day. But, mid-afternoon after I had eaten several times, I felt much better and my energy level went way up and my temp went down. Today, I feel better than yesterday and my temp is normal. I think the goal is to have more 'meals' or feedings. I am excited for this new life. It's strange in some ways. I am realizing some habits that I had all around food. Man, it's amazing how often I had something in my mouth to eat.
I can feel that more weight has come off since last week and it feels wonderful! My Mom is down about 40 pounds now and is doing awesome. Yesterday, she bounded up and down my stairs twice, which is a miracle! Before her WLS, she wouldn't even come to my place because she didn't want to face the stairs. I'm struggling with my back but I know that it will get better when I can exercise again.

12/1/05
Less than five days and counting.....I had my pre-ops on Tuesday and it's a go. I've been looking around and realizing so many of my routines revolve around food! I never knew just how much a role food has played in my life - like a childhood friend I've grown up with. In a few short days, me and my childhood friend will be moving away from each other. I so look forward to a new life! I look at thin people and think " I wonder if I'll have her figure or maybe I'll look like that one". I've heard people who have lost lots of weight say that they still have to pinch themselves when they look in the mirror. I can't wait for that day! I have dropped 26 pounds since July which has been a great start - now let the big drops begin! I'm so grateful for the people who have gone before me cheering me on from the sidelines. I'm so grateful for this website. I'm grateful for the doctors who God uses to give people a new life. And I hope my experience will in turn inspire others. My Mom is doing phonemeonal. She had her surgery 11/8 and she's already tolerating solid food. She is doing azmazingly and that is such a motivator as well. To see her happy for the first time in years is priceless. ANd it is only going to get better. I'm going to try to post again before I go in on Monday. If not, I'll see you all on the other side.

11/12/05
Well, gulp, it won't be long now. I am getting a bit nervous but mostly exicted. Since I embarked on this journey, I have spent a great deal of time thinking about what it will be like to be thin, have energy, be out of pain, be able to run, cross my legs, etc. But now, man, I'm having trouble keeping my thoughts focused on other things and am consumed by thoughts about weight loss all the time. I know it's normal - it's just like 'wow'. And I find myself getting emotional and tearful frequently. Now part of it may be my female hormones, which are usually out of whack, but I also know that its because of my impending WLS. I am comforted by so many others who have gone before me and have shared similar feelings and words. So I know that I am not losing my mind and that it is a normal part of this wild process. For a while, I was kind of in a holding pattern. I had done all kinds of research, been to groups, perused vitamin shops and stocked my shelves with all kinds of powders, supplements, vitamins, etc. I have the Magic Bullet and several other blenders, choppers and hand mixers. I think prior to getting a date, it's been like nervous busyness. And I certainly did overkill! But now, I'm feeling like that in an emotional way if that makes an sense. It's time to prepare myself emotionally for what is coming. Preparing the physical environment is the easiest thing to do - and it's fun because I love to shop! Give me any reason to buy something and I'm there! Preparing myself emotionally is another story. It's time to buckle down and get ready. This is just one way to do it. See, I feel better already.


11/11/05
Today I thank God for the veterans who have fought for our country and sacrificed so much. I also thank God for the veterans of WLS who have gone before me and offered so much hope and inspiration for me and untold others. I honor you all. So much has happened since my last post. My Mom, Carol M, underwent her RNY procedure without a hitch on Tues 11/8/05. You go Mom! She is resting at home and pondering this new beginning. I was notified of my authorization for my surgery while my mother was undergoing her procedure! How cool is that. Now I have a date for 12/5/05, which is fast approaching. I am very excited and a bit nervous for sure. Now it's really going to happen. I am so looking forward to the end of certain struggles and the beginning of a new life - which I know will have its own set of challenges. But that is what life is all about and I know that God will give me the strength to endure and overcome. Like my song says, I am a survivor! Stay tuned.

10/18/05
Well, I have made many new friends via this website and I am so grateful for everyone of you. GOd bless the peopel who started this site and maintain it. There are so many of us out there and this is such a wonderful way to connect. I feel like there has been this part of my life that I have stifled and not dealt with because so many people would never understand how I feel. Now, I am exlporing those feelings and expressing them for the first time in my life.

My new friend, Violet C, is having surgery this Thursday. Just wanted to memorialize her here as well. You go girl! God is with you. My Mom has a date for 11/8/05. And I'm hoping to be next! My last test 9PFT & ABG) is next week; I should be able to get approved & on the schedule w/in 2 weeks. Please Jesus!

I've been on Weight Watchers and am almost to my 10%. I hope to have lost it by the time I have my surgery.



Initial Note
I love life. I love to have fun. I love to be active. I have overcome tremendous obstacles with the grace of God and look forward to an even better quality of life once I have this surgery. I'm very confident and happy with who I am now, I just want there to be less of me! I love to write, read, listen to music, & go to the movies. I love to work out and swimming is a passion of mine. I love to travel and seek new adventures. I love animals and have a bird and a dog. I work in the human services and law enforcement field and my goal is to let people know that they are loved and help them improve the quality of their lives. THere is always hope! This is just the beginning of my journey and I'd love to hear from those who are at the beginning like me, have had surgery recently, as well as those who had surgery a considerable amount of time ago.If you want to chat, email me.

As of 10/2/05, I'm in the process of getting approval. I have gone through most of my clearances and have two more to go before I can get approval and schedule a date. I'm feverishly working to get it done and get on with the surgery! I started Weight Watchers the day after I attended the seminar (7/13/05) and have gone from 263 to 240 so far.

10/10/05
Well, I am so much closer to having WLS and the excitement is mounting! I only have to have one more test - a PFT and ABG on 10/26 - and I am done with all the pre-op clearances. I saw the cardiologist again today as I had an abnormal stress test and subsequently had to have a cardiac catheterization on 10/3. I am fine - no blockages. I couldn't imagine that I had a blocakge in the first place! It was either a shadow from my big boob (not much longer) or something wacky with the test. I wasn't able to work out for 7 days and I was glad to get back in that pool yesterday and today. I spoke with my drs office today and it looks like there should be no problems getting authorized once I have this final test. I have overcome three major back surgeries, a failed marriage and some other life-altering stuff and I am a survivor! I am going to live my life to the fullest even more so when I have WLS. I am so looking forward to being able to cross my legs, to not get out of breath walking upstairs and so many things. Thank you Lord for this opportunity! The best is yet to come! Stay tuned....


 



Video code provided by HotCodez.com






Photos



 
170
training for a full 26.2 marathon!




Member Interests:
 

7/15/06
Okay, it's been a while. I am not the best at maintaining this because I am out there living real life! For all of you who may peruse this profile, please feel free to contact me by my email at [email protected]. I am running a weight loss support group in my area (Fishkill, NY) named Choose to Lose. It's on Sunday nights from 6-7:30 at Fishkill All Sport, 17 Old Main Street, Fishkill, NY. All are welcome to attend. It is so important to have support -especially after the fast paced weight loss slows down. We all need positive reinforcement, accountability, a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on and understanding -as well as a good swift kick in the pants sometimes. You can also join our C2L email group at http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/fishkill/. There are some recent pictures of me there. Now I MUST update you all on my recent MARATHON! I DID IT!!! Yep, me! I walked the first 13.1 miles and jogged the last 13.1 miles (that's a total of 26.2 miles for the mathmatically challenged- just kidding - I said that for emphasis) WooHoo! I actually completed a full marathon in 7:23:41. It was an amazing experience. I learned so much about myself throughout the training. And when THE day came, I was so excited and grateful to God for changing my life so much and giving me the opportunity to do it. I've heard it said that "If we will do what is difficult, God will do what is impossible". That has become my 'mantra'. I can attest to the impossible becoming possible over and over again in my life. And guess what? If I can do it, YOU CAN DO IT! Your best is yet to come! What is your dream? What is your goal? If you don't know, find out and then GO FOR IT! By the way, I signed up for another marathon in August - 8/27 to be exact - in NYC. It's a half marathon (13.1 miles). I'm hooked now. I'm not ready to do another full one for a while, but I'll tell you, it is addicting. And I am in the best shape of my life. Exercise is soooo very important.
Okay, I'm on the run......(Literally). If you want to contact me: Email me. Come to the Choose To Lose group. Join the fishkill yahoo group. Either way, get out there and follow your dreams. If you do the difficult, He will do the impossible! Have a blessed day and stay tuned!

 

5/14/06
I am up to running/walking - who am I kidding? It's wogging - mostly walking with some slow jogging - 18 miles!!! This coming Sunday, I will wog 20 miles in preparation for my marathon, which is in less than one month! WOW! A year ago, I was 263lbs, in excruciating pain in my feet, knees and back; depressed, frustrated - yuck! All that led up to making that decision to attend a WLS seminar at Dr Kaul's office in Westchester. I did some research on the web and after much prayer and contemplation, attended the seminar on 7/12/05. The next day, I went out and joined Weight Watchers (again) and the rest is, as they say, history.
Very important history I might add. One of the things that I said, way back in the beginning if you read down to the bottom, is that I wanted to be able to cross my legs. Well, guess what? I cross my legs like crazy all the time! What a feeling! I can do it! And towels? I don't need towels the size of a full-size bed sheet to go around me. And I'm still going down in weight. I cannot stress how important EXERCISE is. It is vital; it is of the utmost importance; it is really life or death. And there are so many benefits that I couldn't even list them all. Exercise is LIFE. More on that next time....

 

 5-8-06
Okay, it's been a LONG time since I have updated this profile! I have to do a short update today as I am off to work soon. As of today, I am down 90lbs since I started this process! I feel wonderful and I am training for a marathon! That's right on June 11th, I'll be walking and running a full marathon - 26.2 miles - to celebrate my newfound health! It is only by the grace of God Almighty that I have been able to accomplish this. I hope that I can motivate and inspire as many people as possible to be heathly and change their lives for the better. I am posting a new picture. Hopefully, it will be up soon. I'm always open to emails. And if anyone is in the Fishkill NY area, I am facilitating a WLS support group (I am a counselor) at AllSport on Sundays from 6-7:30 starting on 5/21/06. God Bless everyone and GO FOR the GOLD!!! You can do it!

12/9/05
Well, I'm on the other side! Woohoo! Yippie! I had surgery (RNY) on Mon 12/5 and came home from the hospital Wed 12/7. I was doing great Wed and then Thurs I bottomed out. I think it was because I hadn't had anything to eat for @ 10 hours which is not good. I slept 8 hrs and then was up for a little while before I had protein. I also had a 101 temp overnight into the day. But, mid-afternoon after I had eaten several times, I felt much better and my energy level went way up and my temp went down. Today, I feel better than yesterday and my temp is normal. I think the goal is to have more 'meals' or feedings. I am excited for this new life. It's strange in some ways. I am realizing some habits that I had all around food. Man, it's amazing how often I had something in my mouth to eat.
I can feel that more weight has come off since last week and it feels wonderful! My Mom is down about 40 pounds now and is doing awesome. Yesterday, she bounded up and down my stairs twice, which is a miracle! Before her WLS, she wouldn't even come to my place because she didn't want to face the stairs. I'm struggling with my back but I know that it will get better when I can exercise again.

12/1/05
Less than five days and counting.....I had my pre-ops on Tuesday and it's a go. I've been looking around and realizing so many of my routines revolve around food! I never knew just how much a role food has played in my life - like a childhood friend I've grown up with. In a few short days, me and my childhood friend will be moving away from each other. I so look forward to a new life! I look at thin people and think " I wonder if I'll have her figure or maybe I'll look like that one". I've heard people who have lost lots of weight say that they still have to pinch themselves when they look in the mirror. I can't wait for that day! I have dropped 26 pounds since July which has been a great start - now let the big drops begin! I'm so grateful for the people who have gone before me cheering me on from the sidelines. I'm so grateful for this website. I'm grateful for the doctors who God uses to give people a new life. And I hope my experience will in turn inspire others. My Mom is doing phonemeonal. She had her surgery 11/8 and she's already tolerating solid food. She is doing azmazingly and that is such a motivator as well. To see her happy for the first time in years is priceless. ANd it is only going to get better. I'm going to try to post again before I go in on Monday. If not, I'll see you all on the other side.

11/12/05
Well, gulp, it won't be long now. I am getting a bit nervous but mostly exicted. Since I embarked on this journey, I have spent a great deal of time thinking about what it will be like to be thin, have energy, be out of pain, be able to run, cross my legs, etc. But now, man, I'm having trouble keeping my thoughts focused on other things and am consumed by thoughts about weight loss all the time. I know it's normal - it's just like 'wow'. And I find myself getting emotional and tearful frequently. Now part of it may be my female hormones, which are usually out of whack, but I also know that its because of my impending WLS. I am comforted by so many others who have gone before me and have shared similar feelings and words. So I know that I am not losing my mind and that it is a normal part of this wild process. For a while, I was kind of in a holding pattern. I had done all kinds of research, been to groups, perused vitamin shops and stocked my shelves with all kinds of powders, supplements, vitamins, etc. I have the Magic Bullet and several other blenders, choppers and hand mixers. I think prior to getting a date, it's been like nervous busyness. And I certainly did overkill! But now, I'm feeling like that in an emotional way if that makes an sense. It's time to prepare myself emotionally for what is coming. Preparing the physical environment is the easiest thing to do - and it's fun because I love to shop! Give me any reason to buy something and I'm there! Preparing myself emotionally is another story. It's time to buckle down and get ready. This is just one way to do it. See, I feel better already.


11/11/05
Today I thank God for the veterans who have fought for our country and sacrificed so much. I also thank God for the veterans of WLS who have gone before me and offered so much hope and inspiration for me and untold others. I honor you all. So much has happened since my last post. My Mom, Carol M, underwent her RNY procedure without a hitch on Tues 11/8/05. You go Mom! She is resting at home and pondering this new beginning. I was notified of my authorization for my surgery while my mother was undergoing her procedure! How cool is that. Now I have a date for 12/5/05, which is fast approaching. I am very excited and a bit nervous for sure. Now it's really going to happen. I am so looking forward to the end of certain struggles and the beginning of a new life - which I know will have its own set of challenges. But that is what life is all about and I know that God will give me the strength to endure and overcome. Like my song says, I am a survivor! Stay tuned.

10/18/05
Well, I have made many new friends via this website and I am so grateful for everyone of you. GOd bless the peopel who started this site and maintain it. There are so many of us out there and this is such a wonderful way to connect. I feel like there has been this part of my life that I have stifled and not dealt with because so many people would never understand how I feel. Now, I am exlporing those feelings and expressing them for the first time in my life.

My new friend, Violet C, is having surgery this Thursday. Just wanted to memorialize her here as well. You go girl! God is with you. My Mom has a date for 11/8/05. And I'm hoping to be next! My last test 9PFT & ABG) is next week; I should be able to get approved & on the schedule w/in 2 weeks. Please Jesus!

I've been on Weight Watchers and am almost to my 10%. I hope to have lost it by the time I have my surgery.



Initial Note
I love life. I love to have fun. I love to be active. I have overcome tremendous obstacles with the grace of God and look forward to an even better quality of life once I have this surgery. I'm very confident and happy with who I am now, I just want there to be less of me! I love to write, read, listen to music, & go to the movies. I love to work out and swimming is a passion of mine. I love to travel and seek new adventures. I love animals and have a bird and a dog. I work in the human services and law enforcement field and my goal is to let people know that they are loved and help them improve the quality of their lives. THere is always hope! This is just the beginning of my journey and I'd love to hear from those who are at the beginning like me, have had surgery recently, as well as those who had surgery a considerable amount of time ago.If you want to chat, email me.

As of 10/2/05, I'm in the process of getting approval. I have gone through most of my clearances and have two more to go before I can get approval and schedule a date. I'm feverishly working to get it done and get on with the surgery! I started Weight Watchers the day after I attended the seminar (7/13/05) and have gone from 263 to 240 so far.

10/10/05
Well, I am so much closer to having WLS and the excitement is mounting! I only have to have one more test - a PFT and ABG on 10/26 - and I am done with all the pre-op clearances. I saw the cardiologist again today as I had an abnormal stress test and subsequently had to have a cardiac catheterization on 10/3. I am fine - no blockages. I couldn't imagine that I had a blocakge in the first place! It was either a shadow from my big boob (not much longer) or something wacky with the test. I wasn't able to work out for 7 days and I was glad to get back in that pool yesterday and today. I spoke with my drs office today and it looks like there should be no problems getting authorized once I have this final test. I have overcome three major back surgeries, a failed marriage and some other life-altering stuff and I am a survivor! I am going to live my life to the fullest even more so when I have WLS. I am so looking forward to being able to cross my legs, to not get out of breath walking upstairs and so many things. Thank you Lord for this opportunity! The best is yet to come! Stay tuned....

 

May 2005

I first started seriously thinking about bariatric surgery after my Mom said that she was seriously considering it. Of course I had toyed with the idea before, fantasizing what it would be like to be skinny – which for me is thin. Over the years, I have thought about what it would be like to feel thin, look thin, have men all over me, shop in ‘regular’ stores and have an unlimited selection of clothes that were in style and at a good price. I wondered what it would be like to wear a bikini or show my stomach or walk into a room and light up the place. I wondered what it would be like to have a man who weighs more than me – especially in bed. But these were fleeting fantasies, like winning the lottery, or being a famous actress/celebrity – until now.

 

I have decided to chronicle this journey as a way to process my emotions and work through the changes as well as to share my experience and hopefully help others who are considering the same journey.

 

A little over a month ago, my Mom started talking about having bariatric surgery. She told me that she had met with her doctor and seriously discussed it. My mother is an insulin dependent diabetic, has thyroid problems, diabetic neuropathy in her legs, other problems with her feet and legs, high blood pressure, and a host of other physical ailments. My mother was thin for most of her life, but gained a tremendous amount of weight – especially over the past five or so years. As often happens after quitting cigarettes, she has packed on the pounds in the fifteen years since trying to get healthy. Now, she is categorized as morbidly obese and carries most of her weight in her stomach area. (This is the most dangerous type of fat, by the way.) My mother has a stash of snacks near her throne on the couch where she parks herself nearly every waking moment that she is not at work. Pretzels, nuts, potato chips, Twizzlers, jelly beans, M & Ms – it’s a virtual candy store with a plethora of choices sure to quash any craving.

 

My father is also significantly overweight, however he goes up and down quite a bit.  (This yo-yo dieting is very dangerous and can cause its own set of health problems). Being that he is a man and quite muscular, most times, my father has been able to hide it well. Many members of his side of the family have struggled with obesity. In fact, my paternal grandmother was morbidly obese and lost a great deal of weight in her last decade of life. My father’s sister, my aunt Virginia, was humongous for much of her life. She also has dieted countless times over her 72 years of life trying every type of weight loss method available. Then, three years ago, my aunt Virginia lost 120 lbs on Weight Watchers! She has managed to keep it off and has truly changed her eating habits and lifestyle. As you can imagine, she is a huge inspiration to me. More about her later – let’s finish talking about the folks. My father became an insulin dependent diabetic several years before my mother did. I believe it was in his mid-late 30s. His idea of snacking is to cook a whole entire meal a few times a day outside of breakfast, lunch and dinner. I can remember my Dad cooking a full meal in the middle of the night regularly. He plays ‘Russian roulette’ with his insulin and medication, often altering their dosages and frequencies based on how much and what he eats.

 

Unlike my mother, I was always heavy. Like my father, I have always been quite muscular as well. When I reflect back on my weight throughout my childhood, I can remember being called ‘fat mama’ in elementary school, a ‘gorilla’ in junior high school, and basically ignored by guys in high school. Interestingly, I was very popular in school and had a great deal of friends. My friends didn’t really look at my as the ‘fat girl’ and I dated here and there. But I definitely didn’t have the typical dating experience that many high school girls do. I turned to drug and alcohol use at a very early age and had a very low self-esteem.

  

July 12th

Bariatric Seminar at Obesity Surgical Associates in Westchester. It was almost comedic to have a room full of fat people (some extremely fat) – small room, no air conditioning. It kind of reminded me of a can of sardines all squished in together! I got some great information though and much to consider.

  

July 21st

I started Weight Watchers on Wed 7/13. So last night was my first ‘weigh in’ after the initial one. I lost eight pounds. I went from 263 to 255. And I am sticking with the program. It definitely helps to prepare and pack up snacks and foods. This way I know what I am allowed to have in a day. And I am less hungry. I was getting out of control with my portions if I really admit it. Last time, I did this for three weeks and then lost it. That is the key; consistency and perseverance, which are two things that I thought I had. But, in the area of finances and weight, I have blown it over and over and continue to. I need help LORD! Thinking of being skinny is such a wonderful day dream. I’ve been trying to picture myself in a size 10 or 8. Man, I/m trying to get that picture but it’s hard. It I will do it! I will be a size 8-10. I think of Jennifer who lost 103lbs and she looks fantastic! I want to lose over 100 lbs. I want to write, I want to travel, I want to climb and hike and scuba dive and do so many other fun things!  You amaze me LORD!

 

July 29, 2005

 

Well, here that is thing that makes people quit – but I am NOT a quitter. I went to a conference from Sunday – Tuesday in NYC; the APPA conference at the Marriott Marquis in Times Square. IT was awesome. Of course, there was no Weight Watchers food available. I tried to be good; I really did. But it was not easy and I did not have choices of the food. I did try to eat a low-fat dinner – not counting the nachos Joan wanted for an appetizer. (I had to make sure that they weren’t poisoned for her so I had to try them. They weren’t poisoned thankfully.) I also am very crampy and bloated from ovulating and I didn’t go to the bathroom like I normally do. Needless to say, when I got on the scale, I had gone up .8oz (which is a half of a pound). This is my first time in WW meetings, so I finally got to feel what it is like to feel so humiliated that I actually gained weight. It’s not like the lights go down and red lights flash and they make an announcement, “weight gain here – fatso in the purple shirt”, but it sure feels that weigh, oops way, at the‘celebration (or humiliation)’ time of the meeting. But, what can I do? I get up on my feet and start again. I want this. I would rather lose the weight the natural way than have bariatric surgery. I am still very much wanting to have the surgery. Yet I am still feeling that it is a cop out. I had my blood work; this morning I have the chest x-ray. My primary doctor had to write “persistent cough” as the reason for the x-ray so that the insurance company would cover it. So, I’m going to practice a few coughs now.

 

August 5, 2005

 

Well, I made it through the xray. I felt so bad lying to the girl when she asked me how often I’m coughing and is it followed by any chest pain. I didn’t have the heart to actually fake cough while I was there. It’s a shame what we have to stoop to in this country to get medical treatment! I could write all day on that but that’s not what I’m going to do today.

 

The great news is that I weighed in on Wednesday and ha lost another 7lbs for a total of 15 lbs now. I’m feeling pretty good about that – fantastic actually. However, I am on my way to Lima, Peru at 5:30 am for the next week. I had to laugh at the WW meeting when I told the check-in girl (who is such a doll by the way) that I would be missing the next meeting as I was going away. She informed me that there are WW meetings all over and told me to call the 800 number or check the website. I told her that I’m going to Peru and she replied, “There might be a meeting in Peru you never know”. I proceeded to explain that I’m going to be on medical missions conducting clinics in the mountains and towns surrounding Lima. “Oh, then I don’t think you’ll find a meeting there”. God bless her heart for trying to be so helpful.  And that has been my experience at WW thus far. All the workers are very helpful and positive. I highly recommend it to anyone.

 

I had tried Nutri-System years ago. The best thing about it was that just about all the food that you ate came in a box and you got it right there at the store. The worst thing about it was that just about all the food that you ate came in a box and you got it right there at the store! Sometimes you wanted real food but unless it was salad – and I don’t mean fixings – you couldn’t have it. I will say that I lost 28lbs on Nutri-System, which is the most I ever lost on a formal ‘diet plan’. Now, I’ve dropped 60 lbs on the Lisa Megna swim and trim program – that’s what I like to call it. It has a certain ring to it, doesn’t it? Even if I’m the only one who will ever know about it, it’s still catchy.

 

Last year, I tried the WW At-Home program that I graciously received from one of my co-workers. I lasted three weeks, writing things down and counting my points faithfully. I lost 17 lbs on it and then I got too comfortable by not writing my foods down or counting points. Now, I’ll be the first to admit that some days it’s very hard to write down the points, with all the craziness and busyness of the day. But it really does help. And it really does help to go to the meetings. Knowing I have to get on the scale is a great thing for me. No one sees but the happy WW worker and she writes it down in your little book. It’s a great motivator either way.

 

Now, I must admit I’m thinking, “Do I really need to go for bariatric surgery? Wouldn’t it be so much better not to do something so drastic and permanent“? I’m thinking that if I can keep this up I may not need to have the surgery. But can I keep it up this time?  I am still going for the consult on 8/16/05. I know that I will get many questions answered on that day and expect that even more uncertainty about doing it will be generated.

Let me tell you, I went on this wonderful website last week named ObesityHelp.com. What a great resource! They had a plethora of information on bariatric surgery and all kinds of weight loss issues, including chat rooms, special services for lovingly large people, and all kinds of information. I looked through several hundred pictures of people who have undergone bariatric surgery, many of them within the past year, and they looked incredible. I read comments from their experiences and didn’t come across anyone who regretted having the surgery.  I literally had to drag myself away from the pictures as I perused them for hours.

 

I need to search within and truly figure out why I want this surgery. I don’t remember a time that I wasn’t heavy. I’ve been through various levels of fatness. I’ve been a little overweight; bulky; solid; fat; obese; morbidly obese. Doesn’t that sound like such a foul description: ‘morbidly obese’. It’s like ‘freak’ or ‘leper’ to me. In my adult life, I’ve weighed as much as 290lbs and as low as 185lbs. When I was 185lb, I was so unhappy with myself and really had such a low self-esteem. Now, I’d kill for 185! I want to know what it is like to cross my legs like a lady when I sit down. I don’t think I’ve ever been able to do that.

 

August 17, 2005

 

I attended my consultation with Dr. Kaul yesterday. Actually, me and Mommy went together and went in together. My Mom is sure that she wants the surgery and nothing is going to sway her. I am definitely leaning toward the surgery yet I am not 100% sure that this is the way to go. It is a very drastic step to take for the rest of my life and there are changes that I’m not sure I will like. On the other hand, I want to be thin. I want to be healthy. I want to cross my legs. I want to turn heads. I want to be lady-like and feminine. I want to wear clothes that are hip and cool. I want to feel like a beautiful woman inside and out. I do feel beautiful inside sometimes and occasionally I feel that way outside depending on where I am and who I am around. I think the possibilities will be even more for me if I am thin and not held back by weight-related things.

 

I went to Peru from 8/6-8/14. I shared a room with a gorgeous 22 year-old who didn’t have an ounce of fat on her. Her best friend, also 22 had the same type of body – shapely and sexy – and everywhere we went, they turned heads and got honks. Now, I’m not saying that I want that much attention, because I don’t. But looking at them and looking at me, I’d much prefer their body type. I went to the El Polo Gym there and encountered tall, slender gorgeous women as well. Now, I know that I can’t be tall, but I can be slender if I can lose maybe 100 lbs. I saw these women doing a kick boxing class and it looked incredible. I want to be able to jump around like that and work out like that. I want to take Tae Kwon Do or some type of martial arts classes and maybe even become an instructor. I’m also thinking that I may not stay at Probation forever. I am praying that the Lord will open other doors for me as I go through this journey. I need guidance and direction from Him. I need to know which way to go. I am praying for wisdom about this procedure and other issues related to it.

 

I have finally started telling a few people to get their perspectives also. I have a friend that I’ve know for 20 years who I knew would be against the surgery. I told her purposely so that I’d have a devil’s advocate to make me think that way too. I’m still planning on having the surgery. Or at least today is a ‘yes’ day.

 

Dr. Kaul reminded me that I must lose 5% of my body weight to comply with the insurance company. When I got on the scale at Dr. Kaul’s yesterday, I was 244 – down 19lbs from 263 on 7/13 at my first WW meeting! I’m beyond my 5%. I was very happy about that since I wasn’t sure how my time in Peru and the eating habits I had there would effect me. I would’ve been devastated to gain weight there. I hope the scale at WW is the same as the one at Dr. Kaul’s as I have a WW meeting tonite at 6pm. Either way, I plan to continue WW and who knows, maybe I will not need surgery if I can do this on my own. Please God! One of the biggest things in going for bariatric surgery is that you cannot gain any weight. If you do, they will not work with you.

 

Dr. Kaul is a very nice doctor. He took his time, answered all our questions and was very informative. He also presented at the bariatric seminar. His office staff is also extremely helpful and nice. Liz is the office manager and she is on the ball and seems very nice. I just met the nurse, Barbara, yesterday, and she was fantastic. It was kind of weird sitting in a room full of people who are either contemplating the surgery or have had the surgery already. You would think that everyone would feel comfortable since we are all in the same position really, no matter how overweight we are. But, I detected an embarrassment and an awkwardness from some people. I must say that I was also a bit embarrassed. Damn this fat! God help everyone who has already entered those doors, those who are there now and those yet to come to get help to lose weight, become healthy and feel good about themselves!

 

I have to get several different types of medical and other clearances. I have to see a cardiac doctor, have a pulmonary test, see a nutritionist and also see a psychologist. As soon as I can get these done and get the reports to Dr. Kaul, then his office can put in for the procedure to MVP, my insurance company. I need to go through the phone book and find some people as soon as possible. It may take some time to get in to these people, so I need to get on the ball right away. This is basically like anything else. How bad do you want it? And also there are hurdles and down sides and things to discourage you, but you must press through and keep motivated and positive if you want to emerge victorious. I can do ALL THINGS through Christ who gives me strength! (Philippians 3:12). That’s a great saying for me today. 

 

10/2/05

From Violet C’s journal on obesityhelp.com

I CHOOSE
to live by choice
not chance,
to make changes
not excuses,
to be motivated
not manipulated,
to be useful
not used,
to excel
not compete.
I choose self-esteem,
not self pity.
I choose to listen
to the inner voice,
not the
random opinion
of others. 

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

 

I’m starting to get more involved in the online bariatric community out there. I’ve joined two groups on Yahoo.groups and of course I’m on Obesityhelp.com. Thank God for these places to go and get info and support.  The timing is ticking away. Soon, I will need to puree foods and won’t be able to drink water with meals. Get me ready Lord.

 

12/1/06

Oh man! Here I come up on one year since I wrote the above. And I just updated my profile to the 'new & improved version" and lost everythign I had written here previously!!! How heartbreaking! I had NO IDEA that it would'nt save my profile! How upsetting! So, please stay tuned ! I will write more and fill in the blanks fo this past year. FOr the super condensed version: I had gastric bypass on 12/5/06 at Westchester Medical Center under the expert care of Dr Ashutosh  Kaul (a truly amazing doctor and caring man). I have lost 120 lbs thus far and am wearing a size 8!!! I ran a full 26.2 mile marathon on 6/11/06 and have been experiencing an awesome life! I haven't been posting on OH because I am out there living it!!! I started a WLS support group called Choose 2 Lose in May 05 and just recently opened a store, Choose 2 Lose Bariatric Center. I have a webiste as well - www.C2LBC.com where you can purchase great products at great prices. Please feel free to email me anytime at [email protected] or [email protected]. I will be back to add more to this very soon!

Blessings! Choose 2 Lose and Choose 2 Live!!

About Me
Beacon, NY
Location
26.4
BMI
Aug 29, 2005
Member Since
Friends 6
×