Please make it stop!

Jan 09, 2010

I just got off the scale and I am hysterical!  My weight just keeps going up and up and up and I have no idea why.  I cannot go to the doc because my husband and I are both out of work and have no more insurance.  I don't know what to do; I am so miserable.  I am 21/2 years out, my lowest weight was 112 down from 248.  I was too skinny just a year ago.  Everyone told me I needed to put on weight and I was too thin.  I wish I had never listened because I gained almost 50 lbs. since then and now I am at 159.  How could I let this happen????  I hate myself.  I promised I would never gain this weight back, that I would never allow myself to get back here.  Now all my clothes are too tight and the scale just keeps going up no matter what I try.  Not only that, but I am ALWAYS hungry.

I am started to think those who warned me were right.  They saiid everyone who has this surgery gains the weight back eventually.  I disagreed with those people so vehemently and swore to prove them wrong.  Now, here I am, so depressed I don't even want to leave the house.  As it is, I had to deal with all the snickers behind my back at Christmas from the family members who were jealous when I lost the weight and telling me I would gain it all back like everyone else.  Ugggg, I so wanted to prove them wrong.  I feel like such a loser, a failure.

I have tried everything.  I tried eating small, healthy meals every 3 or 4 hours to keep my metabolism going, I gained that week.  Then I tried no eating all day and just having dinner, thinking that would take my calories way down, even though I know not eating slows the metabolism down.  I tried drinking a ton of water and making sure I got in all my protein; that didn't work either.  All I see is the numbers go up, no matter what I eat or don't eat.  I feel like I still barely eat.  I take two bites and I am full.  So, why am I gaining so drastically???  I feel like I have absolutely no control and like I am going to be back at 248 before I know it.  I cannot tell you all how devastated I feel over this. 

You have all always been there for me throughout this whole journey and I know I wouldn't have made it through without my OH friends/family.  But, if I ever needed you, I need you now!  Please tell me what to do. I will try anything.  My next attempt was going to be Atkins.  i used to have pretty good luck with that one, even though I couldn't stay on it past 3 months.  I just want to stop this weight gain in its tracks, before it is too late and the road is too long again.

What really scares me is that I see those who were my inspiration on here going through the same thing.  They were my rocks; and now they sound just as defeated as I do.  Is it just inevitable that we are all going to eventually gain the weight back, no matter what?  Please say it isn't so and tell me there is something I can do to stop this madness.

I appreciate any advice you all have and would love to hear from those who have kept the weight off successfully over more than a 2 year period, as well as from those who are going through the same thing.  Please say some prayers for me.  I just don't think I could take it if I got back to the awful way I looked and felt at 248.

Thanks in advance for your help,
 

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