March 05 ... story continued

Dec 19, 2008

This is continuation of "My Story" because a lot got cut out somehow in the transfer. SIGH!!! Until I figure it out, this is the best I can do. I really don't spend a lot of time obsessing over weight related issues anymore, so spending a great deal of time on this profile is not my top priority. If I don't get this figured out promptly, then, sadly, there might not be anymore updates to even worry about.

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Mar 05

I tell people all the time that I still see the HUGE Jean in the mirror. But the scale says I have lost 60 pounds and my clothes tell the truth. But it is still pretty unbelievable to me.





3-16-05

I had my three month check up today with the weight reduction clinic and Dr. Smolik. According to their scale, which weighs 4 pounds heavier than mine, I have lost exactly 61 pounds. They were all thrilled and said that is exactly where I should be by three months post op.

I've been really tired and run down feeling. My labs looked good except for my protein looked low. I guess I need to be more diligent about taking my protein supplements. I also fight with taking the vitamins. I really want the Vista Vitamins to work out, as they are specially formulated for gastric by-pass patients. They are chelated for better absorption. BUT, they make me sick. I'm supposed to take a packet in the morning and one at night, for a total of 8 capsules. NO WAY can I swallow that many whole pills. Not to mention the b vitamins in them make me nauseated unless I get them down after food. So, I am going to continue trying to get the Vistas down, at least a couple per day, plus take at least one chewable. It is really hard for me to get all these supplements in every day. It takes all day and a lot of water and bites of food. It is exhausting some days. Then I have a decent day, like today, and all I had left was one dose of protein to get down, and for some reason it made me vomit. So, who knows how much other stuff I lost in the episode. SIGH!!! I know this all sounds like such a downer, but it is a downer. I still would not ever do this surgery again, not on your life. This has been pure HELL and most days I am miserable.







4-13-05

My weight the other day was 188.5. that makes for a 77 pound loss so far. I am not quite four months post op. Still throwing up frequently. BUT, I did eat the meat and cheese from a beef taco at the fast food joint last night with no ill effects. It was nice to have something like that for a change. I am exercising every day, walking three miles. I purged my closet today, but did not throw out the size 18's yet, even though I can wear 16's. I just cannot afford to replace everything yet. But it certainly opened up a lot of clothing for me to wear that I haven't been able to in a LONG TIME. I always wore skirts to church and the last couple years of my fat life, I could not. I looked ridiculous in them and I had none to fit me. So I stopped and I only had like two church outfits to wear. It is so nice to have a variety of nice clothing to wear now. Some of my old pants look like clown pants on me. It is hilarious. I'm still gagging down the Pro-stat. It tastes nasty, but I have to take the protein. I have to say, finally I can see that life is beginning to be better on the thinner side. Now if I can stop throwing up so frequently.......

5-10-05

My weight this morning was 175. That is a 91 pound loss so far. I am almost 5 months post op now. I've had some issues recently with continued vomitting. I think I have finally narrowed the problem down to not enough vitamins, and not enough water. I had been drinking a cup of coffee in the morning to give me a "pick-me-up", and that little bit of caffeine depleted my fluid even more so. So, I have finally found a vitamin I can tolerate very well, it is a chewable Centrum. And I have increased my water intake to 80-100 oz. per day and no more coffee . Now, I am not waking up in the morning dizzy and light headed. That is a major improvement. Another thing I do when I feel nauseated is take one sudafed pill. They say that the mucous in my stomach can cause this nausea, and since spring in my allergy season, I  need to try to keep that mucous at bay, yet not take so much sudafed that it dehydrates me. It is a tricky balance.

I am still not eating a whole lot. Mostly Chinese soup and some cheese. Today I tried a South Beach pizza, which is very high protein, and that was great, but I have only eaten 1/4 of it. I just don't push myself to eat more. I do eat some nuts and seeds, but I be careful with those, because they are pretty rich.

My size 16's are falling off me. I don't think I've worn anything below that size in at least 15 years. I might have to go shopping soon. Thank goodness for the Good Will store.

My energy is coming back after my battle with the vomitting and weakness. I got flowers planted, the garage cleaned out, and all sorts of other jobs I would have only imagined being able to get accomplished pre-op. We're going to start camping next week and I am looking forward to riding my bike and going for nature walks with the kids. Life is good, but I am still sad at times to not be able to eat more. I want to eat to LIVE not live to eat. I mean, I need food for health and energy, and I don't ever want to go back to eating for any other reason. I don't think I am eating a healthy amount of food yet, no where near it.





6-10-05

It's been a whole month since I've posted my progress. A whole month in fact.

I'm still up-chucking quite frequently. Every time I think I have the problem narrowed down to some specific thing I think is causing the throwing up, then it proves to not be that. The only thing that is consistent is that when I do throw up, it is this thick white frothy stuff. Like mucous. Very disgusting. I don't know what the answer is. I try everything.

Not eating a whole lot still. I am just never hungry and everything seems disgusting to me. Things I used to just love make me want to hurl. I forced myself today to eat a yogurt. That's a big deal for me. I just don't want anything. I am eating less food today than I did two weeks post op if you can believe that. I just have no appetite whatsoever. It is traumatic for me to have to eat. I seriously do not want to eat. Any food I do end up eating is because I am making myself do it. And it is never much at a time, only a bite here and a bite there. I can't follow the Weight Reduction Center's rules at all -- three meals and no snacking. If I followed the no snacking rule, I wouldn't eat even the small amount I am eating now. SIGH. I go to see Dr. Smolik for my six month check up on the 22nd, so we'll see what they have to say about it all at that time. I'll be interested to see if I am deficient in anything because I really do not think I have the energy that I *should* for six months out. I'm sure it is due to lack of food, but what can I do?

According to my scale, I am officially at the 100 pound loss mark now. The actual weight this morning was 165 even. So that would make me at 100.5 pounds lost. Don't forget that extra half pound . The center's scale is four pounds heavier than mine, so maybe by the time I go in on the 22nd, theirs will be in agreement that I have lost 100. I can't believe it myself. I look in the mirror and still see loads of FAT FAT FAT. But my clothes certainly show it. I am running out of things to wear. I had to buy new shorts at Wal-Mart this week and I had to buy size 12 and they are baggy! Of course all of this weight loss is marvelous, but you just don't know how bad I am suffering physically by being unable to even eat the things I am supposed to be eating. Or by being unable to eat enough to help me feel good. People just assume I must feel just great and fantastic and nothing could be further from the truth. I feel like an old haggard woman most days. I put on a good front for people, by being all cheerful and so on. But they don't know what goes on behind my closed doors. Only God really knows. And I cry out to Him asking Him to help me eat so I can feel better. But it doesn't work. God is allowing this suffering for some grand purpose, and I don't know what that is, nor do I need to know. The hard issue is to try to accept the suffering and go on, offering it up. Some days I don't know how I can. I have a few good days and I have a lot of really bad ones too. I just don't feel well. Many of my obesity problems are gone....but new ones have taken their places. If I could just stop all this vomiting.

6-22-05

I had my 6 month post op anniversary this week on the 20th and I had my dr. appointment today. I'm still doing way too much vomitting, so when I was done with my surgeon,  the head of the clinic talked with me a LONG time and we are trying some new tactics to reduce the mucous in my pouch that makes me puke. She feels so sure this is the real issue (not stricture). I don't fit the criteria for a real stricture, although it's not impossible. So.....after a week of trying the new tactics, I am to call. If I am not better, then I go in next week for a gastroscope to make sure all the mechanics are OK inside there. But my surgeon really does not think I have a stricture. But like I said, he wants to rule it out if necessary.

OK, the good news is that today, on their fancy schmanzy scale, I weighed exactly 165.5, which is EXACTLY 100 pounds off (my scale at home weighs 4 pounds lighter)!!! They took my measurements and I have lost 3 in my neck, 17 in my chest, 18 around my waist, and 15 in my hips for a grand total of 53 inches lost. And I am only 25 pounds to their goal weight for me (although I will need to lose more than that I suspect, my abdomen is still huge).

I bought a new pair of shorts recently and they were a size 12, down from a 24! I desperately need to get to Goodwill and buy some new (used) skirts and capris, etc. I have nothing to wear. Even my T shirts are starting to look ridiculous on me.

I can do many things now that I could not do six months ago, such as walk 3 miles, ride my bike, go camping comfortably. I can sit on the floor and play with the dogs. I have a lot of aches and pains still, but usually due to using muscles that haven't seen any action for a long time. I will have to say that my fertility cycle is really screwed up, due to the tremendous weight loss. I will be glad when that stabilizes again as I am not used to all the guessing and wondering. I am regular like a clock. Or, I used to be. They said when I start eating more, It will stabilize again. And I know that pre-op, my nutrition had a lot to do with how rough it was when my "friend" came. So it makes sense that my not eating is causing me to cease having cycles.

As far as what do I eat? The answer is not much. The frequent vomitting makes me reluctant to eat, so I just don't. That isn't healthy either, thus the extensive talk with the nurse discussing how to reduce the mucous so I can eat without throwing up. See, when someone six months out says, "Oh yeah, I throw up too", usually it is because they overate their pouch, or didn't chew enough, etc. And they might throw up once a month or so. THAT is normal. My vomitting is completely unpredictable and without provocation, and happens almost daily. I can not eat anything at all, and start wretching (on an empty stomach). THIS is not normal. So, hopefully these tactics of consuming warm liquids two or three times a day works to think down the mucous and unplug the drain to the jejunum so the plumbing works in a downward fashion, rather than plugging up the hole and having to come up.

I have been pretty miserable. But my hope for fixing this vomitting is renewed. I do not have to just accept it all. Because, it is not normal. I have a better outlook on things right now after my appointment today. They reminded me there that I did not have this surgery in order to be weak and sick and feel like crap the rest of my life. They are right.




7-3-05

It's working! I am no longer throwing up continually. I only vomit when I overeat, and that has happened a few times, as I haven't really had any "practice" with eating for six months since I have had NO appetite. So this eating thing is really new to me.

I take Benedryl at night and drink a hot liquid first thing in the morning, and the mucous has been no problem for me for almost two weeks now. So now, I can
eat all kinds of vegetables, and I'm supposed to be eating meat for the
protein I need, but that isn't happening much. Meat sits like a huge lump in
my pouch and makes me feel terrible. I can eat crab OK (real crab, not that
artificial crap), and a little shrimp, and some mahi-mahi. But I am still
getting my protein from dairy (milk and cheese) and a little beans (although
I paid dearly for eating too many beans last night), and some nuts. I'm
supposed to still be taking a protein supplement, but I haven't been keeping
up on that, as I really should be. It is expensive and I really am striving
to get my protein from actual food, although 60 grams a day is a little
unreachable -- I'm getting more like 40. I'm also taking a better kind of
vitamins that is designed for gastric bypass patients(Vista Vitamins), as it is chelated and
specially formulated. I can now swallow pills pretty good, so this is
working out, and really, I can already feel a difference for the better with
these better vitamins. I am also religiously taking my iron and calcium supplements (Tums is what I take, they are cheap and easy -- read: chewable).

I finally can appreciate what this surgery has done for me a little bit. I guess being able to eat and not be sick constantly made a huge difference for me. I am starting to like the way I look, and while I am a long way from goal, I feel so much better and look so much better. My relationship with Jerry has changed a lot as well, you can imagine what I'm referring to. I have a defined waist, and while my abdomen is flabby and so are my arms, I could say that if I never lost another pound, I could be OK with that. I can go out for dinner now and comfortably eat something. Let me give you an example:

The other night we went on a date and we went to this Mongolian grill. You go to the raw food bars and fill your bowl with meat of your choice, noodles of your choice, and raw veggies of your choice. You pick out your sauces based on your tastes and the oil you want them to stir-fry your food with. My bowl consisted of a few pieces of mahi-mahi (this is fish), NO noodles (wasted calories and not supposed to eat this anyway), and LOTS of veggies, like broccoli, snow pea pods, cabbage and raw green beans. I wanted a sesame flavored dish so I used the sesame sauce (and again, I chose how much sauce to put in my bowl), and a drop or two of sesame oil for stir-frying. Then I watched the guy stir-fry this stuff and I got to eat EXACTLY what I wanted. I didn't have to eat all this starch and junk I didn't need. And on the topic of buffets.....I used to think I'd never want to eat a buffet again. Well, I love buffets, because I can pick and choose exactly what to have. I can see the food before it's on my plate and I can take one bite of something and put it on my plate. I have to say that a buffet seems like a waste of money for me though, because the amount I can eat is pathetically small. But I enjoy eating out now when we need to. My goal is that I can find SOMETHING to eat no matter where we go. There are good choices everywhere.

So, life is looking better for me. I finally feel able to survive this whole ordeal.




8/25/05

Wow, I am not doing well with keeping my profile up-to-date. It has been a long time.

I am currently 8 months post op and my weight fluctuates between 151 and 154. I have been kind of "stuck" at this weight for about 6 weeks now. Some days it is clear up to 154, then a few days later it is back down to 151. They tell me at the weight reduction clinic this is the time for a plateu. I also think that my increased ability to eat has played a part. Since I finally got that mucous problem under control two months ago, I have been eating like a horse. It really kind of scares me in fact. I have tried to relax and give myself a break, because I had 6 months worth of time that I could barely eat anything. Now I am able to eat almost anything I like, of course in moderation. This eating business is new to me . So, I am kind of relearning what I can eat, how much, etc.

One thing that bothered me was that I was not being faithful with exercise. I was losing so much weight so quickly, with NO EFFORT, that it was like, what the heck. I don't need to exercise. But then when my weight hit that 154 and wouldn't budge below 151 for a few weeks, I realized I need to get back to work on exercise. Now, for about a month I have resumed my walking six days a week, for apx. 2 miles per day. That is about 35 minutes of walking every day, except for Sunday. I'm planning on adding another five minutes on to that next week. I also plan to add my exercise bike on to my routine, only do it in the afternoon, in order to keep my metabolisim blazing in high gear. So I want to ride my bike for two, ten minute periods later in the day. But I haven't done that yet. All things are slow to take a hold. If I go gung-ho, I won't keep with it. Walking is my wonderful exercise and I LOVE it. It is good for my bone density too. Osteoporosis runs in my family big and bad, so I have always turned to walking in order to build bone density. Now with the surgery, I am at greater risk for the Osteoporosis.

I'm still taking my Vista Vitamins morning and night. I can tolerate them just fine now. I like how they are packaged in an AM and a PM package. I just grab one and take them. Also taking the TUMS for calcium, and Femiron for the iron, and I take the B sublingual almost every day. The vitmain regimen is not terrible. I hear people complain about how it is such a burden. I am used to taking supplements and herbs, so this was just a change, but not somethng I couldn't get used to.

I didn't think I was a person who would dump on sugar. I have eaten lots of bites of ice cream, a few bites of tropical snos, I even had a small serving of orange sherbet. BUT, I tried to eat a piece of buttermilk pie the other day, and man did that make me sick. I just felt so ill. Had stomach ache, ended up vomitting twice, had diahrrea. I had to lie down and take a nap for an hour. Then, I got over it all and was just fine again. So, evidently, a little sugar doesn't bother me, but a LOT of sugar will. Wow.

9-17-05

I have gotten down to 149, but like I said, the next day I will be back up a pound or two. UGH! I have my 9 month check up with Dr. Smolik on Wednesday, so I am going to ask to see the dietition too. With the regular exercise, I should be losing more weight, you'd think. I know I've lost 116 lbs and even if I didn't lose another ounce, I'd be in a great place. But gee, I sure would like to see the actual goal of 140. I'll report the nine month appointment findings after I go this week.




9/21/05

I had my nine month post op visit today with Dr. Smolik. My weight on their fancy scale said 151, but at home an hour earlier, it was 149. So, I have lost 114 pounds in nine months. 17 of these pounds has been lost in the last 3 months since my last visit there.

Dr Smolik says my labs are perfect, my weight is perfect, my exercise is perfect. He also checked for hernia (none found) and talked to me about whether or not my loose abdominal skin bothers me (um YES!). In fact, I wear a size 14 pants, but could easily wear a 12 if that skin was gone. He said he would chart how much it bothers me, how it makes me hot, and how it can be a cause for rash, with the hopes that insurance will pay for an abdominoplasty (tummy tuck) someday. It helps my case to have it documented. He doesn't even want to talk about it until I am 18 months post op though, as we need to give my body plenty of time to shrink on it's own, and by waiting, we increase the sucess of the tummy tuck and healing is faster, and I will lose more of the excess skin. I should call insurance and just inquire about what needs to be happening in order to get them to pay for it someday. That means by next summer, I could be talking about a tummy tuck. Not sure how I feel about that. But the skin does bother me, and when I look down, all I see is that old fat hanging there. UGLY.

But everything else is perfect. I feel good, I look decent, what more can I ask for? He reminded me that he knew how much I regretted having the surgery for so long, and I was impressed he remembered. But he reminded me that most of the problems I was having, tend to resolve on their own eventually, with no intervention, if you just give it enough time. It is hard to do that, when you are so sick and sick of being sick. But thank goodness I am OK now. I am living life in a way I have not in YEARS. My level of motivation on every aspect of life is amazing. Life is good now, and I am glad I did it.




11-27-05

I realize it has been too long since I updated. I see this phenomenon with so many of the profiles I have read.....the person stops updating once they are healed and feeling fabulous. BUT, I know that people looking into this surgery need to know what their life is going to be like LATER as well as at the time of surgery and immediately post op. I hope to keep mine updated to correspond with dr. visits, or at least every couple of months.

I am getting close to the 12 month mark. On Dec. 20, It will have been one year since my RNY. I can honestly say now that I thank GOD I did this. I did NOT feel this way for a very long time. I thought I would never be well. But you would not believe how my life has changed in the last few months. Well, not changed really, but just gotten better. I can do anything I want. I can eat anything I want. BUT, I only *want* a little. And believe me, after being a slave to obesity for 17 years, this is such a welcome relief to me.

OK, on my scale, I weight 141-143 (depending on whether I have been to the bathroom lately). So, I have lost apx. 122 pounds roughly (in 11 months). I was hoping to make it to 140 for my one year check up, but I'm not sure. I am losing much more slowly and it takes effort. The pounds do not just drop off anymore. I can eat anything I want, and maintain my weight just fine. But if I want to continue losing, I have to work at it. But that is really OK! I have this newfound motivation to watch my weight, watch my calorie intake, and eat sensibly. All because I know I CAN have that bite or two of cake if I really want it. But my sensibility kicks in....sure, I can have it, but do I really want it? Do I like the way I feel after eating that? If the answer is NO, I usually let it pass. It really has become that simple. I am making the choices now, not this hidden monster that constantly nags at me to eat.

OK, what do I eat??? Well, I have been going to these "Six Months and Beyond" nutrition classes at the hospital, and I have been radically challenged in considering what I should be eating. The dietician recommends a large amount of complex carbs per day (breads, grains, etc), but to be honest, I think that is in error. Carbs are my enemy. They make me lethargic, they make me NOT lose weight, they make me crave MORE food. I know they all mean well, but I wonder how much of these program recommendations are based on the Opti-Fast and Opti-Trim models, which this hosp. is famous for and has a huge program for. NOTHING I have read about gastric by-pass post op diets, even at a year post op, have encouraged eating carbs. They are not forbidden, but they are not encouraged. There just is not enough nutrition and value to make eating them worthwhile to me. The dietician told me she was worried about my lack of eating carbs. I don't buy that. I just don't. I DO eat carbs, but the carbs I eat are vegetables, salads, a minimal amount of fruit. I just do NOT feel well eating bread, pasta, rice, or potatoes. I get so sleepy, I get so unmotivated, I just drag. Not to mention they make my pouch feel uncomfortable. Not pain, but just bloated and yucky. And you know what? I can live without pasta and rice just fine. I do however, like a piece of whole wheat toast with peanut butter on top once in a while, and my other problem is potatoes. I really like potatoes in all forms. But again, when I eat potatoes, I crave more food and feel that snacking thing nagging at me. So, I think that while she is an expert on food, I am an expert on me, and I am going to choose to abstain from carbs (remember I am not referring to veggies and the occasional piece of toast).

I did learn, however, that unless I eat 1000 calories a day, I don't lose any weight. So, I have taken to keeping a food diary. Just making sure I eat enough per day and enough protein. I still take a protein supplement, just because I like to. It is kind of a security blanket. I drink an Atkins ready-to-drink shake (20 grams of protein) or I eat a South Beach meal replacement bar (19 grams of protein) every morning with my vitamins. Then I do fine with the rest of the day, getting in another 50 or so grams of protein in the foods I eat.

Here is an example of a typical day's eating:

Breakfast-- South Beach Bar and 2 slices lunch meat

lunch-- bowl of chili and 1 cup of milk

snack-- 1 oz. of nuts

supper -- chef salad with meat and cheese on it and plenty of raw vegetables.

This all totaled out to be a little over 1000 calories and 70 grams of protein. I don't count fat grams because with my fibromyalgia, I need a little fat to lubricate my joints. But I also don't go out of my way to eat high fat proteins all the time. I just don't worry too much about fat grams.

So as far as eating goes....I am almost a year out and you could say that I can eat "normally" again. But remember to define what "normal" means to you now. To me, it does NOT mean eating the way I used to. With the kind of eating I am doing now, I feel good, I have mental alertness, and I have motivation for living. I did not have that eating bread, pasta, rice, etc.

Exercise ----- I never thought I'd see the day when exercise would be important to me. But I crave it now. I like how it has made my body more compact. People say to me, "Oh you are so.....TINY". HUH???? Is all I can say. Tiny? I look down and see my abdomen skin hanging there and I don't feel tiny. But when I look in a mirror I see what they mean. I owe this to exercise. Muscle weighs more than fat, but it takes up less space and you can weigh more and look small. I also LOVE how my body is strong now. I can do about anything I set my mind to and I am not restricted due to my size or my weakness. I like having a strong, capable body.

So, until the weather has turned really cold and snowy, I used to walk outside about 3 miles a day. Now, I am forced into going to the Y to walk either on the track or the treadmill. I hate going to the Y, but I am getting used to it. I try to get a treadmill with a TV and I watch food network, or a shopping channel to pass the time. I set the machine for a 45 minute walk. I warm up slowly increasing the speed for 5-7 minutes, then I start cranking it up. By the time I have walked 20 or so minutes, I crank it up to 5 mph and start running. Yes, you read that right....I CAN RUN. It amazes me too. It's not like I wanted to start running, it just happened. But it is pretty cool. I can only hang in there for 5 full minutes of running, then I have to slow down and walk again. But hey, five minutes is five minutes, right? I have never run in my life. This is amazing. I do this whole routine at least 5 days per week. I used to shoot for 6 days, but that was unrealistic with some of the demands on my time the last few months. That's why I bumped the amount of time at one session up to 45 minutes,and make sure I work out five days a week at minimum. I am fine with this.

What are my goals?

Well, the goal for weight loss they have for me at the Center for Weight Reduction is 140, and I am almost there. But I personally, would like to get down to 125 and maintain that. I'm not sure I can achieve that without a tummy tuck. This hanging abdomen has got to go and I bet I'd lose 10 pounds with that gone. So, I am going to shoot for 130 - 135 and hang in there and try to get approval for the tummy tuck in another 6 or 8 months, then see where I stand. My biggest nightmare is gaining weight. I just do NOT see how other post op people regain weight. What are they thinking? They cannot see or recognize that their eating is out of control again? There is absolutely NO reason to regain lots of pounds after having this surgery. This tool is there for life to USE. Even though after the first 6 or 8 months, you have to actually work at it (losing more or maintaining), there is NO REASON to gain. This is not some miracle cure. It is only a tool. If you go back to the basics and get on the treadmill, you can maintain this loss. The people I see who regain are the people snacking on M&M's, and not exercising. They are eating rice, pasta, and potatoes every day. And ice cream. UGH. I cannot see that happening to me. I just suffered with obesity and lost too many years of my life in order to ruin it and go back to any of that. Not that I am going to be a maniac about it, but come on, you can feel when your pants are getting snug, and that is time to face facts, get on the scale and see what it says and then DO SOMETHING about it. Not just sit around and feel ashamed of yourself. This surgery cost $30,000, I am not going to let it all go to waste. UGH.

OK, I'll post my one year surgical appointment results after I go on the 21st.




12/22/05

I had my one year appointment with Dr. Smolik yesterday. My labs all looked perfect. My BMI was 25.3 which is almost normal. Anything below 25 is in the normal weight range. I need to lose just 3 pounds to get below 25, and I had hoped I'd be there by now, but I'm not. My weight on their fancy scale showed 143. I know my exercising has made the most tremendous difference. Muscle weighs more than fat and it takes up less space. So I can weigh 140, yet look tiny. And I do look tiny, except for the sagging abdominal area. Dr. Smolik has been documenting how that is bothering me from a medical standpoint, so that in another 6 months, maybe we can talk about a tummy tuck. I never thought I'd be at a point that I would care about plastics, but I am now. I think women who have had children have a much bigger problem with this, as those muscles underneath the fat have been so stretched out with pregnancies. And of course, I never seriously exercised back then, so they never tightened back up. But, all in all, I am fine and will go back in another six months. I would like to get below that 140 mark, so after Christmas I will start seriously watching my food intake again and maybe bump up the exercising. Although I can't bump it up much more, I am already doing 45 minutes on the treadmill 5 days a week. And I am up to a walk/run routine on it, which is exciting. I never thought I'd be running anywhere again. Nor did I really have a desire to run. It just happened.





06-17-2006

My 18 month anniversary is right around the corner. I have an appointment with Dr. Smolik on Wednesday, so I'll update with how that went. But I have some time right now, and I will tell how it's going for me at this point in time.

My weight is pretty stable. Usually around 143-145. I really would like to have gotten down to 130, but you know what? I like being able to eat whatever I like, be able to control how much I eat, and just plain live my life again. As long as I continue exercising, I do fine. I can eat a piece of birthday cake if I want. I can eat a dish of ice cream if I want. I always know that there are consequences.....I get so sleepy and feel like taking a nap, and depending on where I am at, that can pose a big problem. It is something to do with the high refined carbs in those kinds of food and they go right into my bloodstream and make me go out like a light. BUT, the issue is, I can eat it if I choose to. It is about choices. The surgery did not remove my choices. The surgery gave me a tool for behavior control, but it did not completely remove my choice to eat what I want.

So, what do I eat at 18 months out?

I pretty much avoid breads. I do eat a little bit of bread maybe once or twice a week, but I have to be carefully and chew well. Usually I find that eating bread is not worth it, so I just choose not to. Again, it is about making a choice. I also avoid white pasta. Same thing...just hurts my pouch, not enough nutrition to make it worth it, and it's just an overall poor choice of food. Now, I do eat the high protein Dreamfields Pasta once in a while with good results. It satisfies the craving for pasta, and doesn't hurt my pouch. Dreamfields definitely has a place in my life on a periodic basis. So, generally speaking, I stick mostly to meat and veggies. I eat a salad nearly every day. I love salad and I can eat a LOT of it. I can eat all meats, and as long as I make sure to chew well, take small bites, and eat slowly, I can manage to eat a rib-eye steak if I want to. Often, our supper consists of a grilled meat of some kind and a steamed or grilled veggie. No potatoes, no bread. We just don't need them. I will say I LOVE potatoes, and there is nutrition in them (along with a high carb count), and they do not hurt my pouch, so I have to just be careful here. Lots of high calories in potatoes. But a good baked potato with Molly McButter sprinkled on top is heaven to me. I can eat cereal, but I just usually don't. I like to eat protein bars, but have to watch those for high carb counts on them. I don't do protein shakes of any kind anymore and I don't miss them one bit. I easily get 60 or more grams of protein in a day. I snack on a piece of fruit or some cheese and crackers. I also admit to eating popcorn.

Exercise.....I have fought this for so long. When I was working during tax season (Jan - April), I kept up the exercise pace really well for the first couple months. Then I started wearing down. So, I kind of slacked off and well, it showed. I gained a couple pounds, which scared me to death, so I got back on track. Since my husband has lost 60 pounds as well, we have routinely kept up a comfortable pace of doing all kinds of exercise, particularly walking several times a week. I also ride my exercise bike, and we play all kinds of outdoor sports. My muscles hurt today from throwing a softball too hard for too long the other day. I also do upper body weight lifting every other day with a Denise Austin DVD in order to try to get rid of the under-arm jiggle. It has helped!

I found out a month or so ago that I have osteoporosis. Now, gastric bypass patients are at risk for this because we can no longer absorb calcium like normal people can. But I have a strong family history, so mine probably started even before the weight loss surgery. God nudged me to go have a bone density scan, just to get a baseline, and I was surprised when it came back saying I already have it. So my physician ordered a once-a-month medication that is supposed to help build bone mass and that, along with my exercising, will probably keep me fit and healthy for a long time to come. I'll have a bone scan every couple years or so to keep tabs on it.

Plastic surgery.....YES! Can you believe I am even thinking about this? I never dreamed it would come to a time that I would care one bit about plastics. The idea that losing over 100 pounds would cause me to need it was simply unthinkable. But, I am a tiny person inside of here, and 125 lb loss has created this "pannus" that won't go away. I can never do enough sit-ups to remove it. It is basically loose, flabby skin that has no tone from years of being stretched out from fat in my abdominal area. It causes me a lot of itching, rashes, and makes me hot and uncomfortable all the time. It inhibits running and is just unsightly. It makes me off-balance a lot and I think my hunching over is due to the extra front end weight. I also experience back pain which is attributed to the pannus. I saw a plastic surgeon this past week for consultation and he thought there would be no trouble gaining insurance approval for a panniculectomy (basically meaning to just cut off that excess skin). Of course he encouraged me to pay the difference and have a complete abdominoplasty, but that is not do-able for me right now, and truly, I am going to be thrilled just to have this pannus removed. I am no model and will NEVER be wearing a bikini or anything. But, I will be able to wear pants that actually fit me. Right now I am stuck in size 12 mostly, because of the hanging skin. But my butt and everything else is a size 10. So, right now, we just submitted the info to insurance and hope that goes through quickly. My breasts need attention too, and as long as enough must be removed (grams-wise), I can do that with insurance coverage as well, but I can only handle one procedure at a time. Remember, I was sick for 7 month post gastric-bypass, so I am reluctant to get into that all over again. I also discussed the infection I had with the plastic surgeon and he assured me he washes his hands .




6/21/06

Had my 18 month check up at the Mercy Center for Weight Reduction today. I ended up not having to actually see Dr. Smolik unless I wanted to, so I spent the time just talking with the nurse, Susan. She really has a handle on what this surgery entails and everything that goes along with it. She was my hero in those early days after having surgery and ending up so sick with that horrendous infection. I could always count on Susan to be straight with me. If I asked her a question, she gave me honest answers. Not fluffy, what you want to hear answers. I really needed her support and her honesty at that time. So to me, the visit today was better spent discussing all of my changes, etc since surgery with her rather than with the Dr. He went in there and re-routed the plumbing....the weight reduction center staff is who got me the rest of the way.

Nothing new to report. Their fancy-shmanzy scale said I weighed 146, and my BMI was 25.3. Now, I could feel bummed about this, because I have never actually reached the "goal" of 140, but I don't. I could try harder and "diet" my way there and easily drop that last 6 pounds. But you know what? I feel good in my body just the way it is. Other than that abdominal skin hanging there, I am OK with how my body is and what my weight is. I never dreamed this would be possible for me anyway, so how could I expect more than I have already achieved? I also suspect that it is likely that I will lose a good 5 or more pounds with the panniculectomy. So, I will make it to that goal, but I am not obsess over it.

Another example of a change is this....I was at the hospital early to have my labs drawn and you never know how long you could be held up in admitting. So I had some time to kill and my husband, Jerry was working there today so he grabbed me and said "Let's have a cup of coffee". Initially I thought, "NO! I have to get weighed in a half hour, I can't risk weighing anymore than I do right now". Then my common sense kicked in and I remembered that this is the OLD mind-set. This is the pre-gastric bypass thinking. I can now have something to eat or a cup of coffee before stepping onto a scale and not feel freaked out by it. It is OK if the scale shows one pound heavier than I might have been an hour beforehand. What difference does it make if I weigh 145 or 146?? They are both still healthy weights! Beforehand, that one pound would make or break my day. It could send me into a depression that only food could snap me out of. How sick is that? The very thing that caused my depression was what could cure it as well. The heavy "weight" of the weight is gone from my shoulders forever. I am free from all of that. I am not a forever "dieter" anymore. That doesn't mean I don't use common sense and make good choices most of the time. It is not a free-for-all. But it does mean I am NOT a calorie-counting maniac, guilt-ridden person anymore. Never again. And you would not believe how this has freed up my body and my mind. I have the mental and the physical energy to persue other worthwhile things in my life now. To be able to develop myself as a person, rather than spend all my time worrying about a cup of coffee before a weigh-in.

There are so many things I could discuss, but I'll stop. Just suffice it to say that if you have this surgery, your life will change. And if you can't even get close to your goal, my question then becomes....has your life changed enough? Because the tool is there. If you use the "rules" there is no way it will fail. And the further out you get from surgery, and the more success you experience, the more you want it and the more you start learning to like YOU for a change. Pre-op, I hated myself. I hated the way I looked. I hated how I felt. I hated my life. I was an angry, hateful person. So, I have changed myself inside and out so much, that I can't even recognize that person I used to be. I heard this on a tape recently...."people who hurt people are hurting people". How true this is.

I'll update more when I have insurance approval for my panniculectomy.




7-07-06
I talked to the insurance company this afternoon. They said the panniculectomy is a GO! So, that means they see it as medically necessary surgery. I am going to hang in there for a little bit and see how long before Dr. bergman's office calls me. I am in no huge rush now. I want the skin removed, but I also am anxious about going through surgery again, and being sick again, and having to start all over with exercising. I am more fit than I've ever been in my life. The pre-authorization for the surgery is good until Dec. 21, so I think I would like to get it scheduled for the first week or so of October. That gets me past summer and camping season, and also past a 5 week class I need to take for my job. Then I'll have the surgery and then have 3 months to get back to normal before tax season starts again. I do taxes for H&R Block. So, this is all just great. I can now relax. My anxiety stemmed from not knowing whether they would approve it or not. Now I can look forward to getting rid of the rashes, the itching underneath the hanging skin. I can look forward to pants fitting! I wear a 12 now, I bet the panniculectomy will result in a drop in at least 1-2 sizes in pants. The recovery is rough, but worth it. I am pumped and really excited. YEAH for me.




9-18-06
I had my pre-surgery physical with Dr. Clor today. Everything looks good. They did all kinds of lab tests to make sure I'm not anemic, or low on protein, etc. Hopefully all that will turn out fine. I have been trying to eat really well the last couple months and be as physically fit and strong as I can be. I hope all my hard work pays off. I was a little upset though, that the dr office scale says I weigh 148. That is at least 3 pounds more than I'd like it to be. I am not going to get all worried about this right now. I am going to concentrate on my upcoming panniculectomy on the 25th and worry about my weight when I am completely recovered.



10-01-06

I am currently 6 days post panniculectomy. The first thing I want to say is that even with all the staples and swelling, I am THRILLED with the tentative results. No hanging belly sitting on my lap. Because I did not have the full blown abdominoplasty, I do not have a completely flat belly and rock hard abs. SO WHAT??? Let's get real here people.....I am 41. My WLS and subsequent plastic surgery has never been about being a model. It has always been about health, fitness, and longevity. I want to live as healthy of a life as possible so that I can do God's work on earth as long as I can. So, while it may seem rather vain to want the skin on my abdomen removed, it was really more a matter of medical necessity. I think I have described in previous entries how the pannus (that hanging loose skin) bothered me, both medically as well as psychologically. The removal of this skin is like the final "shedding" of my former life as an obese person. So, having the "best cosmetic outcome" (my surgeon's words when he was recommending abdominoplasty vs. just a panniculectomy), is really not what this is about for me.

I have to say that I was disappointed in my surgeon as far as his lack of preparing me for what to expect goes. I *thought* I had done my homework. I really had researched panniculectomy and plastic surgery in general. I had monitored the OH Plastics board for months, seen dozens of pre and post op pictures and I thought I knew what I was getting into. WRONG.

I had my surgery first thing on Monday morning and knew I'd need to stay overnight and expected to come home the next morning. I was on a three day confinement to bed in the flex position (head of bed at 30 degree angle and knees up). I had a catheter, and was not allowed to get up at all. No ice bag on my belly either. Cold constricts blood flow, and they want all the blood pumping to that area for good oxygen delivery and circulation. It is just very difficult to stay in this position for three days and not allowed to get up to go to the bathroom or sit on the side of the bed, etc. I think I would have handled all of this much better had I really known this would be the procedure. My insurance approved of an outpatient surgery and 23 hr observation, not a three day ordeal. I don't know what they are going to say about this.

All in all, I am doing fine. I am supposed to stay flex in the recliner as much as possible. But I have to get up a little bit and walk around or I go nuts. I know once I am healed, this will be so worth it. Wearing pants that actually fit me will be a dream come true. Not pants two sizes too big to accommodate that pannus. I don't know how much skin he took off, but I'm going to ask on Tuesday when I go in. I know when I came home from the hospital I weighed two pounds less than when I went in, even with the post op swelling. I'll update again when I have something to add, but for now, I am doing OK and am pleased with the decision to have the panniculectomy. This will be the last of the plastics I do, because frankly, I don't do pain well.

11/13/2006    

I have had a little set back. Actually, a huge one. Exactly 4 weeks after my plastic surgery, I had an sudden onset of abdominal pain. Turns out it was a serious bowel obstruction. The pain was sudden and severe. My husband had to take me to the Emergency Room in the middle of the night. He figured since it was gastrointestinal pain, I should go to the Mercy Capitol ER, which is the hospital I had my gastric by-pass surgery at.

Thankfully, my WLS surgeon, Dr. Smolik, was the surgeon on-call. I had a CAT scan, and he determined I had a bowel obstruction, so I had emergency surgery on the morning of October 24. Good thing, as a portion of my bowel was dead tissue. He had to remove a lot. Evidently, this type of obstruction is unique to RNY-ers, and we are at high risk for it, along with hernias. I knew about hernias, but not about bowel obstruction. One of the OR nurses told me the same thing happened to her a while after her WLS too. UGH.

I was in the hospital for a week. Let me tell you, this has been the most traumatic thing I have ever experienced in my life. I was in a lot of pain and it was just overall a terrible experience. The nurses are way too busy and one of my family members had to stay with me the entire time because I was so frightened. It was awful.

The bowel obstruction sugery ruined the results of my panniculectomy. Before, my stomach looked pretty flat and decent. Now, I have a big vertical incision from below my breastbone to just above my navel (in addition to my hip-to-hip panni incision). Lovely. Someday I will need to have a full blown abdominoplasty. Losing 10 more pounds made for a looser abdomin now as well, as the results of the new incision. He did use disolvable stiches and steri-strips instead of big ole staples or something, trying to soften the final look, once it is healed. That is not much consolation to me though. SIGH.

I am currently 3 weeks post op and am finally starting to feel like I am going to live. My energy was zapped completely and my mental outlook has been shaky. I admit to feeling kind of depressed right now. I know this will all pass, but frankly, I am pooped and would rather just stay in bed all day. The only upside is that I lost 10 pounds while I was in the hospital. I now weigh 136, which puts me at a "normal" BMI for the first time in my life. I'd like to stay below 140, as that is the goal weight. I have my 2 year check up with Dr. Smolik next month, so I will write after that.


12/20/2006

My two year check up at the Center for Weight Reduction went well. Everyone was pleased with my weight and measurements. I weighed 138 and my measurements were: neck: 12 1/2"; chest 33"; waist 35"; hips: 391/2". Not bad. I wear a size 10-12, depending on the cut of the clothes. That is usually a medium top. I am just now getting back on the exercise band wagon after a 3 month hiatus due to the surgeries and pain. It is hard and it hurts to get back to exercising, but I have to do it. My bones need the strength to stay strong.

Dr. Smolik said that my continued lack of energy and once-in-a-while pain around my incision area is normal. He said my energy will return all of a sudden and I won't even remember how bad I used to feel. I hope so.

I still take the following vitamin suppliments: 2 multi-vitamins (I vary the brand when I get sick of one, I try another, usually something liquid or chewable); 1 FemIron (ferrous fumerate); 1500 mgs of calcium divided into three servings per day (the clinic made a change from calcium carbonate to calcium citrate, so now I take Citracal instead of Viactive); and finally, a sublingual B-12. I have to follow this vitamin regimen for the rest of my life.

My labs were all fine, so evidently my iron levels are back up into the normal range. I think I am really pretty much recuperated from the two recent surgeries. I think that being very dilligent with my vitamins and exercise will help me completely regain my strength and stamina.

Plastic surgery: I really don't plan on anymore. My chest could use some work, but it doesn't bother me too much, like the abdomin did, and I am not interested in being sick or debilitated again, so I am not going to look into anymore plastics. I look OK with a good bra on. A lot of people have their arms done, but when I am fit and strong, mine don't look too bad. And my neck is not loose and wobbly, so thank goodness for that. I look fine in my clothes and I feel good about how I look, so I am not going to tempt fate anymore with having any unecessary plastic surgery. I really had to have my pannus removed though, I could not live with that. But that was the only thing that bothered me a lot.

Sometimes it still seems like a dream, that I am a person with a normal body size. I can do so many things now that were only imagined two years ago. I was so sick, so tired and so crippled. Now I can ride bikes, run, take long walks, anything I want to do is within my grasp. It is unfortunate that so many years of my life were wasted in being obese. That is the thing I really regret. I am so grateful that the worst is behind me, and I can live a normal life now and be satisfied with my body. I can eat basically anything I want, but I only want a little. I like that.


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12/20/07

Today is my 3 year anniversary. I feel compelled to update my profile, though it has been too long since I even looked at it. Reading profiles is what got me through the whole WLS process and the anticipation and the complications. But as many WLS patients, once I got over the hump, my life moved on and did not focus on WLS any longer. So, I have not been faithful to updating my profile as I swore I always would.

My current weight hovers around the 133-135 mark. I am clearly maintaining my 130+ pounds of weight loss. I could not be happier with my results. I really cannot figure out how other people could not get to their goal weight, or why they could not maintain their loss. My bypass works perfectly. I cannot eat huge amount of food – EVER! And the part of my intestines that secrete the “hunger hormone”, gherlin, is by-passed, so I am never *hungry* per se. I practically have to schedule meals to make sure that I do get enough nutrition in a day’s time. It is such a relief to have no guilt, anger, or other negative emotions wrapped around my eating/meals. I eat to live. Sure, I get cravings. But, usually one or two bites completely satisfy those immediately. I share my food with everybody in my family. If I get a sub sandwich, I generally give half of it away to one of the kids. I eat until satisfied, and then I can easily stop.

I lead a pretty active life, exercise-wise. During the winter (snow/ice) months, I take a step aerobics class at the YMCA 2 or 3 times a week. I walk on the track or outdoors at least 3-4 days a week. I do some small weight lifting. I walk anywhere I can; I park the farthest away from every door. I always take the stairs. To me, these are just small ways to get a little more activity in my day. I WANT to do these things now. I do not feel forced to do them, or I cannot allow myself to eat. That FAT thinking mentality is gone. I exercise because I want a strong, lean body. Not to justify my eating. UGH. I do not miss those days at all.

So, you want to know what I can and what I cannot eat. ANYTHING! Yes, I can eat anything I choose. However, like all things in life, there are consequences. I know that if I choose to eat some of that DQ Blizzard, that I am going to feel catatonic in about a half hour. So, I evaluate whether that is practical, given what time of the day it is, and what I need to accomplish the rest of the day. If I want half of that Blizzard, I usually will go ahead and have it, but I have it in the evening, when sitting in a recliner half dozing the rest of the evening is OK.  So, I avoid sugar early in the day, but if I do want some, I have it at night. Obviously, protein and complex carbs are the best choices for me. I make some adaptations however. Instead of regular white spaghetti, I buy high protein pastas. Tastes just as good, yet has some protein and doesn’t make me quite so tired. Generally speaking, keeping to high protein meals are my best choices. But as far as, are ANY foods truly off limits? The answer for me would be NO. I can eat whatever I like. But, I only like a LITTLE!!! Thank goodness.

I still take vitamins. I stick mostly to Vista Vitamins for WLS patients. But they are pricey, so I only take half the daily dose twice a day and then I supplement that with one chewable Centrum. I still take my iron and calcium and B6, every day.

In May, when I was apx 2 ½ years post WLS, I had a major hernia repair. I was not having terrible pain or any terribly distressing symptoms, but the bowel was sticking out and I could see it and I knew worse symptoms were right around the corner, so I may as well have it done while I was not working and life could be slow for a few weeks. Dr. Smolik did the repair and he recommended a large mesh to be installed across my entire abdomen. That way I would never develop another abdominal hernia. This large repair required a bigger surgery, but now it is done forever. I was shocked at the level of pain this would cause me. Man, this hurt way worse than any of my other operations. My abdomen hurt with burning pain for months afterwards. I still feel twinges of pain there once in a while. But finally, I got recovered from that and I seem to be OK now.

I guess there is really nothing more to say. My life has certainly moved on. My weight is not the center of my life as it used to be. It would be on my mind constantly.  Now I am happy with the size of my body. I love wearing petite size 10s. Hopefully as my life progresses, I see less overall health issues than I would have had I not lose the weight. I still have fibromyalgia, but I am sure it is significantly better than if my joints were still being pounded with weight.  

Life is good. Just remember. The surgery cures the physical part. But it doesn’t do a thing to cure the mental part. The food demons are still there and you have to work on YOU. Nobody can fix YOU for YOU. So, unless something changes, nothing changes. You have to make the decision to change your habits. I have not seen long term success in people who do not exercise as part of their every day life. I am not talking an hour every single day – I am talking about practicing an active, BUSY physical life style. Those who keep the weight off are those who exercise. I have yet to meet someone who doesn’t fit this category. But believe me, you will like the way you look and feel so much, that it will be a happy pleasure to work out. You will come to LIKE doing it. Honest!!

That’s all for now. I’ll check in in another year.

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