donnamae
August 13th, 2004
I am 60 years old. I have been severely overweight for about 45 years with weight lose of approximately 40 pounds several times over the years. I can remember at a young age, my dad saying "where are you going to put all that food you eat". I did not have a answer and so I’d smile and say “my legs”. Boy, was/am I sorry that I made that comment. I remember my Dad calling my Mom and I “lard butts”. I don’t think he was really trying to be mean, but was frustrated at the fact that we were both over weight and that my Mom was not helping my situation with any constructive help for us. (My Dad had gained some weight too, but finally cut back and lost most of it.) She would watch “Jack LaLane” on television (but not really do the exercises he did) and we would take an over the counter diet pill. Finally, she got a prescription from her doctor that she took. Even, when I was 13-14 years old, approximately 5' 4"and weighed 135 lbs, I thought that I was fat. I finally became really heavy between 14 - 16 and decided to lose weight myself. I lost 25 lbs during summer vacation before school started and looked really good. But eventually gained it back and more. I remember when I was 17, my sister had her boyfriend take me to my Senior Prom. I was so embarrassed It did not help that I had a crush on him, it only made matters worst. I wore a beautiful white gown. We had a good time, but, I did not realize how big I looked in it until I saw the pictures that were taken of us at the prom. I was so upset and humiliated.
Over the years, I have been up and down in my weight, but the last 4 years I just keep getting bigger and bigger. I have not been walking like I use to (when I was working) and I no longer work out at a Gym. I have several health issues, IBS, Fibromyalgia, Hiatal Hernia, Osteoarthritis, High Blood pressure, Sleep Apnea and consistently swelling of the feet. My back hurts a lot and standing, seating and laying down can be very irritating to my torso. I enjoy reading, old movies and being with the older generation. I have 3 adult children, 7 grandchildren, and several step grandchildren. I just want to feel mobile and useful and able to do things that I have not been able to do in so many years. I can't sleep and when I don't sleep, I eat. I am so frustrated and tired.
I am pre-op and have talked to my son's (who have no weight problem) and it is a little hard for them to think of my taking such a risk to lose the weight. Most of what they have heard on television concerning the surgery has been negative.
My oldest son said that he would think that if using will power, I would not need the surgery. But, admitted he has not walked in my shoes and does not fully understand. Mind you I have been overweight all of my children lives. But, I made sure that they (all 3 of them ) ate good healthy food and with good portion sizes. My overeating/out of control eating was either done when they where in bed or at school. I did better when I was working, but still ate more than I should have and had a weight problem I did not control.
I believe that because of my weight problem my 2 sons always were into weight lifting and watching their diets. Although neither of them saw me eating at night, I know that they have a late night eating problem as well. Can that be hereditary?
My daughter is also very heavy, but was not so until her life took a turn for the worse and then she no longer seem to control herself. I worry about her because her blood pressure is so high etc.., and she has no medical insurance.
August 28th, 2004
I have contacted my pcp and have already seen the psychiatrist. I will be going to a dietary clinic class on the 7th of September and have a echocardiogram done on the 8th of September.
I have been reading so many post-op’s and many posts about problems that people are having. I want this so much, but I have to admit, it is more than a little scary. I am trying to keep a positive attitude, but sometimes it just gets negative.
Sept. 7th, 2004
I went to a Kaiser’s “Eating For Healthy Weight” class today. It was very interesting and some what enlighten me about what the medical profession now considers the reasons for obesity. It was also suggested that we make contact with other Kaiser resources ie., (1) Get Moving (Activity Overview); (2) Healthy Ways (I have been to this class once before, it is 8 weeks long and $125.00) the dietitian suggested even though I’d been to it before, they are always updating new information and it was worth going to; (3) Mindful Eating; (4) Nutrition Advice Line and (5) Behavioral Medicine/Psychiatry.
Sept 8th, 2004
Had the Echocardiogram done today. Because of my Fibromyalgia, at times it was painful and I was sore afterwards and a bit nauseated, but, I am glad that, that part of my testing is completed. I am scheduled for a sigmoidoscopy in November. It has been 10 years since my last one, so the PCP said it was time to do it again. Not my favorite thing, for sure!
I am trying to stay positive about the surgery, but sometimes when I read the negative stuff on the message board, I get a bit concerned. I am glad that I have all of the great input from the WLS members.
I am going to put a binder together with all the information that I can glean and refer to it often and perhaps share with anyone else who would be interested. I am so thankful for all the information that you all have given on varied subjects. What a great help it has been.
Sept. 22th, 2004
I just read some of the posts and have to admit that I have not been very good about updating my profile. I guess, that part of it is because I have not had anything really new happen. Tomorrow will make 2 month's since I went to the information group meeting with the dietitian and therapist. We were told that we should hear something by 2 month's. Well, I have not always been the best for waiting on anything. It is so difficult wondering if I will hear something positive from Kaiser. I am finding that it is really hard not to want to start a diet now. I am so miserable and want to get started now. But, they told us at the meeting to not go on a diet now, but to wait until we are told to go on one.
In the meantime, I have been reading many posts. I do not always respond to the posts, as they usually have already heard from someone else, what I would have had to say to them. But, there are those who really need more input then others. Sometimes they only have 1 or 2 replies. I think that it is great when I see that 10+ have answered a post. On one of my posts I received almost 40 replies, this definitely helped me to cope with the issue at hand. There are so many precious people on this message board who really have no idea what a Godsend they are to others. To them, I pray that they will receive the Blessings for the Blessing that they have been.
I still have not received the results of my Echocardiogram as yet. It seems like it is taking longer than it did last time I had one done. Probably not though, it is just my impatience.
I went to my son's birthday dinner get together the other night and his mother-in-law told me about her son's, girlfriend's mother who had gastric bypass surgery this past Monday. I don't think that she is on the OH message board. But, I was told that she had waited 2 years to get her surgery and that they had to do a longer surgery (5 hours) due to her bowel condition. I have not called her as yet, but will call her daughter tomorrow and see how she is doing. I would very much like to meet her and give her support.
My DH and I are trying to buy a house, (Not a new one of course) we can only spend $200,000. It will be the first house for each of us, and because we are 60 years old and my husband is the only one working, we can not afford a lot. Oh, how much we would like to move into the country. But, alas I guess that may not happen any time soon. We did find a mobile home that is very nice and are in hopes that we will be approved for it. I retired from state service early because of my health, and that has really put a burden on the both of us. We had to file bankruptcy almost 2 years ago, but we are getting our credit back up to where it should be. I know that we are both tired of putting rent money into a house instead of building equity in a home of our own.
Today, we were given a manual treadmill free. A dear lady who's husband was in a motorcycle accident was given it when he was recouping. So, she wanted to help someone else by giving it free to whomever needed it. well, I was very blest to receive it. Now, I need to get to using it.
Oct. 5th, 2004
I received the results of my Echocardiogram yesterday. The report was not authenticated, the quality of the Echocardiogram was very poor. The left ventricular function grossly appears to be normal, however valve functions were not visualized. Now, I am concerned as to what test they will have to do next to give them the information that they need. I am not good with pain and am very nervous and hate needles with a passion. Has anyone else had this happen to them. What steps did they take to get the information that the Echocardiogram would have given them. Was there a lot of pain involved. I am concerned that I will freak out if they decide to put a needle in my neck or groin to do a test. I had a blood test once from the groin area and it hurt so bad, I yelled and almost passed out. Please, give me any information that you can so enlighten me and to arrest my fears.
Oct. 29th, 2004
I have been in the doldrums. Not hearing form Kaiser, thinking that I may have to the catheterization done because of the lack of information from my Echocardiogram test. Well, I called my doctor today and he said that there was enough information on the test, that they did, that I do not have to have the catheterization done. He believes that the catheterization would be too risky and since I am not short of breath when I walk, he does not want me to have the other testing done. So, that is good news! Then this afternoon when the mail came, I opened a letter from the Kaiser “Permanente Medical Group, Inc.”, in SSF and “I have been approved” for the surgery. I should have it done in 12 - 16 weeks. I still have to go to SSF for 5 appointments and I still plan to ask for a referral for “Pacific Bariatric” to do the surgery. WOW, I am so happy to be able to have this surgery. I am going to start taking the vitamins and protein now. I am going to start taking longer walks again and am looking forward to getting in shape for the surgery. I do not believe that this blessing would have come about without God’s blessing, so I am going to remember that and prayerfully take the daily challenge to take better care of myself, to treat his Temple with more respect. It is amazing how we are motivated and encouraged when there is hope, when there is light ahead through the darkness that I can strive for, reach out to. God Bless........
We are having a lot of trouble with our car. And, we really need to get another one. If, I am to make all the appointments with SSF, I will need to have a reliable car to get me from Sacramento to El Cerrito to the Bart station, so that I can take the Bart to SSF. It would certainly be less stressful and more economic if I do it this way. We don't want to go into a big debt right now, as we also are trying to find a house to buy. We need prayers that the Lord will lead us to both.
Nov. 12th, 2004
I finally got my profile spruced up. Brandi, did a wonderful job on it. She is so sweet and has been patient with me.
We found a very nice car and was able to put just $500 down on it and the payments aren’t too high. It is so nice that we were able to get a car, what a blessing. God is so good and his timing is right on.
I am still waiting to hear form SSF. I am going to call them next week and also call my doctor and see if he has referred me to PB yet. I really prefer to go to them for the surgery.
I am so uncomfortable and feeling bloated all the time. I went in for my sigmoidoscopy and the doctor who does the test could not get past 10". He said that my colon was twisted and he could not continue the test. He asked me if I was told that my Uterus was tilted or if I had a tubal surgery done. I told him that I had a tubaligation done in 1972. He said he would tell my pcp that he could not do the test. I don’t know what this means exactly, whether it will have to be something taken care of or what. Well, I will just have to see what my pcp says about it next week.
June 29th, 2006
Here is the rest of the story!
I, myself got discouraged and stopped the process of getting the surgery. I am diabetic and have 11 related health issues. I know it is crazy but, I just was so scared after reading many of the memorials. Also, I found that traveling by myself to South San Francisco from Sacramento was too difficult for me to handle alone. I get so very tired when I drive and I would not wish Greyhound on anyone. Especially from Sacramento.
I recently, have restarted the process and requested Richmond hospital because it is much, much closer. Although, they do not have a good track record for patient care, I think that I can endure 48 hours. But, I am going to have to start the process from square one all over again. I of course, I can not put this surgery off anymore. I am miserable and so very tired all the time. The medications I am on, control my life and I am just existing. I don't even have the energy for Curves anymore. I can not keep the pace. I am thinking that maybe I should join another Gym where I can work out at my own pace.
I will continue to seek this surgery regardless of the outcome. I have not known what it is to be slender and healthy since I was 13 years old, when people called me fat then and I was 5'5" and 135 lbs. I wish now, that I had never listened to them. Including my Dad who started on me about my weight when I was under 10 years old.
He gained a lot of weight one summer and went on his own change of eating habits which brought his weight down. Unfortunately, he separated from my Mom and I never had him in my life on a regular basis after that. And, my Mom (although we watched Jack La Lane, did little exercise) never was really any help. She if anything only helped me to get bigger. She was clinically ill and I did not realize it until I finally left home at 19.
I wish that I had, had the support I needed when I was that young to see myself through to healthily living. I was home bound most of the time (always with my Mom) and had no social life. My sister, 6 years my senior had weight problems when she was young, but went on starvation diets and was so terribly thin. She, got married to get away from home when I was 13 years old and then there was just Mom and I. We went to the movies, ate out and bought lots of sweets. To this day, I have a sweet problem, but have curved it down a lot this past 2 years.
When, I went on diet pills when I was 15, I lost 25 lbs and felt great. Than, I started gaining weight again when I was in my late teens and after getting married and 2 failed marriages and 3 kids I kept moving up after that. What a waste, all those years. Now, I have a wonderful husband and I want to live the rest of my life enjoying things that we can do together. He will retire in March 2007, and although we will be on a very low budget (he has no pension) we can still enjoy much.
I started back at Curves yesterday and also went to the park and walk a little bit. Did, the same again today. It will get easier as I continue to go forge forward. So, I am finding if I don’t think too much about it and if I just throw myself into it, I will and can do what I need to do.
