dlecia05
Let's see hmmm...where to start. When I really started paying attention to my weight was about 12 or so years ago. It was when I was starting out in a relationship that I really wanted. After being with that person a few years and being comfortable in the relationship I started gaining weight. Our relationship started to get strained and after awhile things had calmed back down but I kept on eating and being stressed out about losing the relationship. That continued on until the relationship ended and that was around the time I was going between 215 and 235. When my divorce was final I was probably around 235? or maybe more. At that point, I really didn't care. I withdrew and didn't go places or visit friends all that much. I was always uncomfortable in nice clothes because I didn't want to draw attention to me. I felt more comfortable in t-shirts, jeans and tennis shoes. Just fade into the background. I've been single since around 2005 and divorced since 2006.
My daughter is 17 now and wonders when I'm going to start having a life again. The way I see myself now and especially unclothed......NO TIME SOON!!! I have low self-esteem and low confidence in myself. I want to sooo not be worried about thinking people are looking at my wide butt from the back and fat arms in a tank top (which you won't catch me out in public in) or my wideness from the front. I want to stop having to spend extra money for sizes 2x and above. I want to be able to go into a store and find pants/jeans LONG enough in a decent size (how about a 14/16!!!?) and they not fit in the waist and thigh or they fit in the waist and thigh but they are inches above my ankles. I want to be able to buy a nice shirt that doesn't get stuck in my back rolls and look like yards of fabric wrapped around me looking a like a muu muu or toga.
My mother just had the surgery a couple of weeks ago. I want to be right behind her, on my own road to a new beginning. I want to be able to go out with my friends and feel comfortable in my skin and realize that if some guy is checking me out it will be for the right reasons. I'm tired of being the wallflower. The one that is always overlooked. The one who always stay home with a romance book instead of trying to find my own hero. I'm ready to take my life back and I know with having the surgery and getting the weight off, I can achieve that. I've taken pills galore, tried diets galore, spent plenty of money galore but I'm still in the same boat. I'm ready to sink this boat and look great in swimsuit and lay on the beach without a cover up!!!!
