arlyn613

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http://youtu.be/uIwBwJzl5eI
 Good for her..It takes all kinds to make the world go around. I hope the writer of this letter learns it was not their place to judge her,but I doubt it.

So today was my check up..9 months out,106 lbs down and 58% of my excess weight lost! My doctor was so excited and proud of me. I for once am proud of me! I really feel so much better and I'm amazed at what each new day brings.
 The cherry on top of my cake was getting to see my childhood friend Jerry on Sunday! We hadn't seen each other in 18 years. We met up at the Braves game and I realized it was a great day for so many more reasons that just seeing an old friend. A year ago I never would have been able to enjoy myself and walk like I did Sunday. Instead of feeling defeated against stairs,I climbed and skipped them. Instead of thinking people were looking at me because I was fat,I questioned, "Did that guy really just check me out?" Instead of feeling ashamed,I felt proud. Another awesome thing was a Chevrolet vendor was giving out free tshirts..I use to only wish I could wear those shirts. Well,guess what? My shirt was TOO BIG! I wore it to work yesterday..and I was like dang this is awesome :)
 I realized how much of my life I had let slip by me. I had an opportunity to see old friends and would weasel my way out of fear. I was afraid of what they'd think of me,afraid I wouldn't be able to literally fit in somewhere,get embarassed,lose my breath or not be able to participate in what was planned. I have always preached that life was to short to let things pass you by,but yet I let my own insecurities overshadow my life. A few years ago I could have met up with my friend while I was on vacation and as much as I wanted to..I didn't. I didn't want him to see what I'd become. I am sorry and sad to admit that,but it's true. I am just glad I got another chance. He was still the same sweet friend I knew as a kid..the same person who was my friend when I was fat and although it was as if we picked up where we left off,I was glad to introduce him to the new me :) It was great to introduce him to my husband and son, and I can't wait to introduce him to my other two kids. I REFUSE to let my life pass me by anymore. I will live my life to the fullest..bat wings and all ;) ~Arlyn♥

I have lost 101 lbs..Woohoo It's late,but I wanted to get that in today!!

So this year has been full of many changes..some good and some I'd love to forget. As strange as it may sound,I feel like God was sending me a message when the first two occurred. Last year at this time my family was struggling and coming to grips with stepfather having a major stroke and my mother going into the hospital 3 days later with kidney problems. I have struggled with my weight my whole life and had really gotten to my breaking point. My fibromyalgia was killing me,my sleep apnea was awful and I was taking so many medications I couldn't function. It was affecting my everyday life in the worst way. I hurt so bad all the time that I was either sleeping too much or sleeping too little from pain and medication. It wasn't fair to my family..I never felt well and even on a good day,I smiled through the pain and paid for it later. I had talked about having surgery several times before and I knew my doctor was on board with the idea. I went to a seminar and I couldn't complete the process before our insurance would change again. I gave up on the thought of surgery for a few years,but this year I had really been putting on the weight and thinking again. Our insurance had stayed the same for the past two years and I felt I wouldn't run into the same situation I had before with it changing. After Ray's stroke and Mom's health problems,it was like God giving me a sign.. He was giving me that nudge I needed to make a move again. Ray was the last person we ever thought would have a stroke. He was active,healthy and Marine goodness sake! Seeing my mom's health deteriorate has been so hard as well.. I told myself I don't want to turn out that way. She has only 30% of her lungs functioning,she's on oxygen and has gone down hill fast the past few years. I love her with all my heart and it's kills me to see her this way. I didn't want my children to see me that way. My husband and I were blessed to adopt 3 beautiful siblings in 2004. I have always believed they were a gift from God and that he chose us to be their parents. I didn't want my kids,my gift from God to be slighted in any way. I had gotten to a point where I felt so bad all the time and I felt guilty when I had to tell them I can't do that,because I'm hurting. I want my kids to grow up and have memories of a fun mom,not one who was in pain all the time. Through trying to process why the stroke occurred and thinking about my mom, I made the decision that I was pursing my surgery with no looking back.. I told God,"I got the message..loud and clear!"  So,here I am a little over 2 months out and I am 50lbs lighter!! Life is different every day and I stumble across a new struggle all the time,but it is worth it. I finally realized I am worth it! Seeing my family and feeling good is the most wonderful Christmas present ever! I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas and I am excited to see what next year has in store for me :) I've come to realize we may not like change,but change is good in so many ways :) One of my favorite quotes by Martin Luther King says :"Take the first step in faith. You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step."

 So at my one month follow up I was down 30 lbs! I honestly was hoping for a little more,but my doctor said that was right where I should be. I won't complain,like my husband said, "When is the last time you lost 30 lbs in a month?"  NEVER..so I'll gladly take the 30lbs. I really need to work on increasing my walking. I have not walked as much as I should,but when I do I get in atleast 1.5 miles. I feel like that's pretty good when my exercise has been nil for quite some time. That's the main thing my doctor said I need to work on now is uping my exercise and getting my protein & meds in everyday. He said the weight loss is not a concern,because I'm on track with it. I rambling it feels like..but a few more things. I must say I have been proud of myself. I haven't eaten anything I'm not supposed to.. such as no bread,no pasta,no sugar. I've not had any carbonated beverages..which I miss a lot!, no sweet tea :'(  I've learned to use squash or zuchinni as mock pasta..not too bad. I've been pretty strict on myself,but I am so afraid of getting sick..I do not want to have dumping syndrome at all! Last night I started having thoughts like, what if I went through all this and I don't lose any more weight? What if I'm the one person in the world that has this surgery and it doesn't work? I know it takes controling your diet and exercise,but what if I do all that and it doesn't work?  Anyway..that's my spill for now. It's getting dark and my walk is calling me..

 I have struggled with my weight my whole life..but I finally decided to have this surgery to change my life and become healthier. I needed to do this for my family,my kids,my future grand kids..but mostly importantly ME. I finally put enough value in myself to realize my life was worth saving.. I know it's still going to be a struggle,but there is no turning back now. There are so many reasons I could give for making this life change,but I can honestly name 4 that really made me take the leap..
 The first happened last year at my son's school..they have this great thing they do where you go eat breakfast with your kids called "Mornings with Mom." Of course I,being a fat mom wasn't dare going to eat in front of all those people. I just relished in the moment of being with my kids. I talked to another parent I knew and had her take a picture of me and the kids. It was time to leave and Ashley dashed off to her class as I walked out with Tim. The side walk sloped  as we came out of the gym and had a strange groove. I fell flat  out and hard! Tim just looked at me like he was scared..the kids did not laugh,but what really hurt was that an adult did,which in turn made a kid with her laugh. She stood there gawking like I was a sideshow while another adult pushed through to help me up. To this day I wish I could tell her how rude and hurtful that was.  I told Timmy I was OK and I left. I got in the car and just cried from humiliation. I had bruises everywhere and  my fibromyalgia milked it for days. I was embarrassed for myself and for my kid. I thought he was embarrassed of me,but I found out later he was so scared I was hurt that he went to class and cried. I told myself..No More! I can't be this person anymore!
 Reason 2,3,4 came to me all at once. In December 2010, my strong,healthy 25 year Veteran of the USMC stepfather had a major stroke. A week later my mom was admitted to the same hospital with kidney problems. Her health has decreased a lot these past few years,bouts of Pneumonia,going on oxygen permanently because her lungs only function at 30%,diabetes..etc. Then my dad calls and says,I hate to tell you this,but I have been diagnosed with Non Alcoholic Fatty Liver Disease! At that point I was a wreck..I was pissed at God. I was like,seriously all three of my parents?! What did I ever do to you? I came to realize though,that those were signs I could not ignore. If I wanted to be around to see my kids have kids and not battle the diseases of my parents I had to make a drastic change..so that is what I did. I scheduled a consultation,got the ball rolling and 6 months later here I am..13 days out of surgery. I am already feeling like a new person,not just physically,but mentally. I see food a lot differently now and I see others around me wanting to make changes in their lives too. How awesome is that?! Times are a'changin' round here  and I'm glad about that. 
 Love to all, Arlyn♥