AngieB67
The (Wo)Man in the Mirror
Apr 14, 2009
I think I might have bottomed out with my weight. I've been floating between 175 and 180 for months now. Personally, I hope that this is my forever size. I don't think I personally could take much smaller. Or even if I could eventually deal with it myself, I don't think I'll ever get used to OTHER PEOPLE's reaction to me.
I guess its the fat brain part of me that just can't let go. Sometimes, I really have to make a conscious effort to watch what I say about food and weight in the company of other people. Because it's usually at times like those that I slip and get caught off guard by people's reaction.
Let me explain...
Easter Sunday, my church had a bake sale downstairs in the fellowship hall. Imagine a looooong table full of baked cakes, cookies, pies and such made by good Christian women! HA! Anyway, I made my famous banana nut bread for the sale and went downstairs after it was over to see what was left. I was glad to see my banana nut bread loaves and muffins had been long gone and decided to buy something from the table that had been marked down. (I felt sorry for the mystery baker and would have been mortified if it were me!) But which to choose???? YUMMY! YUMMY!!
As I surveyed the table, I saw a particularly decadent strawberry cake with fresh strawberries on top! OOHHH!! (I think I was actually LOUD with that one too!) The lady behind the table said, you should buy it! Here's where my FAT brain kicks in...
I said, I don't think I should. I'm trying to be good. A moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips! [PHRASES TOTALLY FROM MY OBESE DAYS.] The lady and all her friends around her literally stopped talking to each other to turn to stare at me!! It was almost one of those E.F. Hutton kind of silences!! She rolls her eyes at me and says " OOHHH PUUUHLEASE!! WHAT HIPS SKINNY MINNIE??" She didn't say it with malice or anything but she was honestly commenting on how RIDICULOUS I sound now.
At work yesterday, I walked past a long window and saw my reflection in the mirror. I literally had to do a double take to wonder who that TALL, SKINNY CHICK was in the mirror looking back at me??? The lady was right! WHAT HIPS??? What butt? WOW!! I don't even RECOGNIZE myself anymore!! I guess to some, that's a good thing but for me right now, it's a little scary! Will I ever get used to seeing this tall, lanky woman in the mirror?? Will she stay that way?
I must admit, I'm loving the wide variety of clothes that I can wear now! I feel like a kid in a candy store sometimes with all the new options I have! And it's flattering to be mistaken for a model. ME??? Who would have ever thought! I guess it's just going to take a long time for my fat brain to let go of the former me and embrace who I am now.
My journey would be easier if I didn't feel so darn self-conscious about folks reacting to my weight loss. Tonight, I've got an event to go to in which people haven't seen me in a year (or 2 or 3 or 4) and might be getting the first glimpse of the NEW me. I realize that it probably is a dramatic change but I still have not managed to become comfortable with the way they CARRY ON about it!! I actually hate it to the point that they're raving hurts my feelings a little. I actually considered for a long time not going even though I have to be there. But I decided that I owed it to myself to go anyway. Besides, if I could faithfully go year after year dragging around that excess 155 lbs and endure people talking about me behind my back, surely I can go and face them now, eh??
TIME TO PUT ON MY BIG GIRL SKINNY PANTIES!! (hahaha)
