What if?

Nov 26, 2013

I let the cat out of the bag last week. Before then, not many people knew about my surgery (just my mom, my boyfriend, and a few close friends.) Last week, I visited my dad and his family and the next day I went with my boyfriend to his family’s house for a visit. None of them had seen me since before my surgery. I’ve lost 48 pounds since surgery and down from a 2X to an XL.

At my dad’s house, not one person commented on my weight loss! I was surprised, especially at my dad because he ALWAYS comments on my weight. Anyway, the only reason I mentioned my surgery was because they kept trying to get me to eat pizza. I explained to them that I wasn’t eating that kind of stuff right now. And they kept pressing me why I couldn’t even have a bite. So I told them about the surgery. They didn’t react negatively, per se. But my stepmother kept bringing up stories of other people who have had it and have been unsuccessful. She even told me about someone who ate themselves to death because she couldn’t stop feeling hungry after surgery. (????)  My dad was mostly offended because I had surgery and was in the hospital without telling him. My sister (who is also very overweight) had a bunch of questions about it.

At my boyfriend’s family’s house, I got a bunch of compliments about my weight loss and my new haircut. It felt great! Even one of his uncles (who NEVER really talked to me other than to say “hi”) stopped me and asked me about my weight loss. One of the cousins complimented me and asked me how I did it. That’s when I told her about the surgery. (I’m sure the rest of the family knows the whole story by now. News travels fast around there. LOL) She had a bunch of questions, but was not negative at all. The next day, her sister started texting me telling me she heard I’ve been looking great and asked me what my secret was. I’m sure she already knew, but I told her all about the surgery. She said that I have motivated her to lose weight, too.

So, all in all, the reactions haven’t been negative so far. The only worry that has now crept into my head is “What if I fail?” Now I have all these people watching my every move and the minute I gain my weight back, they will be talking shit. I know I shouldn’t think this way. And I’m confident that I’ll be able to keep the weight off once I hit goal. But I still have this stupid, tiny voice in my head saying, “What if?”.

I need to stop letting that little voice get through. For years, when looking in a mirror, that voice told me how disgusting, fat, ugly, and worthless I was. I listened to that voice for far too long! I need to train myself to ignore it. I’m not sure how, though. Haha!

Any suggestions?

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