Husband wants to see what he is missing.....

Well after being obses all of his life, my husband is going through the what if stage... He has talked of divorce, nothing that either of us have done, he still loves me. But he would like to go out and test the waters and see what all the women think of him now. My head is spinning, I can' t understand this, I did not go through this. And by the way, this was not on the "what could happen list". I think he has been incrediable, great job going through all this. I have been there every inch of the way. He tells me that it is his problem, that I can't help him work through it. Well let me tell you, it is eating me alive, I love my husband very much. We both went through hellish first marriages and did not enter this one lightly, but now this has totally caught me off guard. Please tell me I'm not the only spouse being thrown aside to tes****ers.... Mary

You're not the only one who has had this discussion with their significant other. It really sucks. Can't really tell what's going on (and she doesn't know either). I guess it's all for the better though. What can you do really but stand your ground? Time is the factor I guess.

This happened to my sister in law. In all honesty though, we were not surprised. They had issues BEFORE he ever had the WLS. All the WLS did was bring all of his grossness and selfishness out into the open. Love, Melanie g.

I know exactly what you mean... That's the problem with today's society; it's all about look and what's cool and "a la mode", not much about substance anymore. That is sad, really sad

This is something I am afraid of. My husband is going to have vsg on 4/17/07. I pray for the best but prepare for the worst. God be with us all.

Hi Mary, how are you doing these days? Haven't read any updates so hope you're doing okay. No, you're not alone, in fact the opposite can be true too: http://www.obesityhelp.com/forums/spouses_of_wls_patients/postdetail/421.html?vc=0 Not sure what it is... something to do with WLS and the rapid weight lost and sudden gain of confidence?? Did your husband had a psych consult before and after his weight lost? A couples counseling might help too, only if both of you are willing to participate and make it work. Oh and communicate, communicate, and communicate some more with your husband. Do not leave anything bottled up inside, and don't leave anything to chances either. Good luck to you guys and hoping for the best

OK here's how I see it,*WARNING* I keeps it REAL :afro: I think your husband is bein' a jerk. It sounds like he wanted to run the streets a long time ago but couldn't because of his weight. So he got married instead. Now he's losing weight and he thinks he's hot poo poo. He wants to relive his younger years as a stud because he wasnt when he was younger. Personally if I were in your shoes I'd tell him to stay and keep it in his pants or go be a hoe but I wouldnt be at home when he got back. I also wonder if he ever said it would be ok for YOU to sleep around too?

I am so sorry that you are having to go though this. I am the WLS pt, not the spouse. My spouse read this post to me and it broke my heart. I wish that no supportive spouse would ever have to go through this. From my perspective I could never turn on my spouse after this surgery. I think that he has earned my fidelity even more by showing me that he loves me big, small, inbetween and through all the emotional ups and downs to. My heart goes out to you, and I think that it is a pathetic attempt to recapture a lost youth by your husband. I know that alot of people want to be all nice and accepting but his actions are unacceptable. What a slap in the face... its like he is saying you were the best I could get before... now what can I get now. If he doesnt see that you are the ultimate in supportive and he wont find another person that he will truly know loves him through thick and thin literally then as much as it hurts it may be time to give him a good kick in the butt. Dont you dare take this abuse from him, you are such a good person to stand by him through this all, it takes a strong person to be on the side lines of this wild ride. He should be kissing your ass thanking you not putting you on a back burner. Again Im so sorry.