its been too long, regain :( and getting back on the horse

Hey all! Im 2 years 4 months and 12 days out from my RNY. my starting weight was 387lbs, surgery date weight was 344lbs on 01/02/2012, my lowest weight was 219lbs on 01/01/2013 and today im all the way back up at 268lbs!! :(  49lbs up and that makes me so sad. I have been eating everything in sight. There are days and even weeks where i have eaten bags and bags of chocolate or have been sneaking food, WAY over eating and too many other things to count! I havent been to the gym since August 3rd 2013. I feel like crap, i feel like im right back to where i have started. i saw a picture and a video of myself today that was horrifying. i need help and i need to stop making so many damn excuses and start putting myself first. i cant believe i let myself get back to this point. i feel like my tool isnt working anymore because i can just eat so much but i think its more of a "i dont even feel the pain anymore" thing more than anything. i also eat through my dumping which is horrific. i have become so incredibly lazy i hate it. i need help, motivation and support to get myself going back in the right direction. i know im still less than i was when i started but i dont feel good about where i am at right now. anyway this is the first step :)

 

 

If helping us understand your story could somehow help you, too, please do share what, when, why things went backward?  What has you, now, looking forward?  Elaborate, please.  Thanks and Best Wishes.

I know it might sound really basic, but maybe it will help you. Log every morsel you eat and drink. I use myfitnesspal app and it makes it super easy and I can update it from anywhere on my Iphone or Ipad. Next, weigh and measure your food so you know how much you are actually eating. And then weigh yourself every day - this will either shame you into getting on the horse, or inspire you to keep going as you see the scale move lower. We all have periods where we struggle - try to love yourself thru it and be kind and good to YOU.

My heart goes out to you.  I've been there.  In 2002 I had WLS.  In 2 years I lost 120 lbs, pretty much effortlessly.  By 8 years I had regained 100 lbs.  And my surgery was a DS, which is supposed to be fool proof.  I know the pain and humiliation you are feeling.

Nearly 4 years ago I had a revision, not because of the weight gain but because I was having a lot of side effects that reduced my quality of life to zero.  I went to my surgeon and begged for a reversal because I had so many problems and not a single benefit from WLS.  I didn't want a revision because I felt hopeless.  I knew that I was the reason for the regain, not the surgery, and having more surgery wasn't going to fix what was wrong with me.

My surgeon informed me that my surgery couldn't be reversed, only revised so I wouldn't malabsorb so much and recommended that I have a revision to my stomach from the sleeve to a RNY pouch.  I agreed only because I figured that if I could gain 100 lbs with malabsorption then I could really do more damage without it.

I made a decision that since I was getting a second chance I needed to really do some soul searching to come to terms with why I failed my first WLS.  I knew without question it was because I have an addiction to things like sugar and bread, basically sugar and wheat, in any way, shape or form.  I decided that I would address that addiction and follow the eating program I was given after my revision.  In a way it was good that I was recovering from surgery because that I was so out of it that detoxing from the carbs wasn't nearly has difficult as it could have been.  I knew I had to completely abstain from things with sugar and wheat in them.  I also knew that after I got all the carbs out of my system it would be much easier to stay away from them.  I also accepted that having them again would trigger my addiction and I would go right back where I was.  I know without a shadow of doubt that I cannot do moderation with certain things and it was useless to try.  I knew all these things from years of experience in trying to control my eating and therefore my weight.  I knew that when I stayed away from refined carbs I lost weight and kept it off, at least until I started eating them again.  I looked at my past behavior and realized that every successful weight loss I had, and I had many, always ended the day I decided I could now manage to eat refined carbs again in moderation.  I used my past experiences and failures as a learning tool to help me make those changes I needed to.  I knew that if I kept doing what I had been doing for years and years I would keep getting what I always got.

I guess what I am trying to say is that your problem isn't not exercising enough.  Your problem isn't even what you are eating in that until you address why you are eating in a self destructive manner then you will not be able to eat in the way you need to to reach and maintain a normal weight.  That means you may need counselling.  It may mean you need a support group like OA.  Or it just may mean that you have take a good long look at where you are and what you need to do to be where you want to be.  The most important thing is complete honesty with your self.  No more excuses, no more denial, just acceptance of your problems and courage to take them on and overcome them.  It's called hitting your bottom, when you realize that you cannot take the pain any more and you are ready to make changes.  Only you know if you have hit your bottom or if you are able to continue doing these things to yourself that hurt you.

I don't know if I have helped you in any way but you will be in my thoughts.  You have made a great start in dealing with things by posting here.  You may not be ready to change right now but you sound like you are ready to want to change and that is a beginning.  Good luck to you.