Yet another surprise! (Sorry, kinda long)

Since I started this journey last Oct., I have dreaded telling my 82 year old mother. She is all about family, especially my brother and I. However, as far as the rest of life goes she is a relatively negative person. When you tell her something you want to do to move forward it's immediately "You can't do that" or "Why in the world would anybody want to do that?" She's very much a "the old ways are good enough" type girl.

So, I had decided to not tell her about the surgery, it should be easy enough, I had lost nearly 50 lbs in the pre-op phase and she had witnessed this happily. She would have accepted that I was just continuing in that program. But I just couldn't do it. Although I was very confident in my decision to have the surgery and a positive outcome, I couldn't shake the thought of how she would feel if something happened and she found out I didn't trust her to support me enough to tell her. How would she remember me? How would it make her feel about herself?

The Sunday before my surgery I told her. To my surprise, not one negative comment! She was actually supportive and has increased that support everyday to this day. She is even encouraging close family members around us to go for the surgery. And my decision to tell her meant I decided to tell everyone because she can't keep a secret from her brothers and sisters (large family)! This has also been a pleasant surprise. There has been nothing but support to my knowledge.

Long story not so short, I am very lucky, surprised, and blessed! I pray each and every one of you the same.

Randy

GOOD FOR YOU! I am afraid of telling others and feel guilty but at least my husband knows. LOL! I AM 2.5 YEARS OUT.

I tell everybody lol. Im almost 4 weeks out and I showed a bunch of people my "Scars" already lol. I don't care what anybody says. It's my body. If they are supportive then good. If they aren't then too bad for them.  I wish my mom was around so I could tell her. I'm so happy that yours was so supportive! 

I'll tell anyone and have told most, but I haven't told my mom. I really don't care what she thinks about me and the surgery. That sounds harsh and I probably could have worded it better. I care about my mom just not what she thinks about this particular surgery and me having it. You see, I can probably count on one or two hands the number of conversations in the past 10 years that she and I have had that DID NOT have something to do with me, her, my step-dad, or someone else getting on some [fad] diet. She harps on me all the time about what I should/shouldn't eat and what books I should buy and what diet is working for her or someone else. She's constantly putting my step-dad on different diets and blah blah blah. I just know that if I tell her that I'm going to have this surgery that she will harp on me every day until I agree to go at it another way just one more time. I've done the just one more time thing now about 15 times and even as recently as November when I was originally going to start going through the process of WLS. If I had done it then, I would probably be about 8 weeks post op right now, but instead I'm a little less than 2 weeks pre-op. I let someone talk me out of it and try it myself just one more time.

I am very happy for you that you were able to tell your mom. I will tell my mom a couple days before suregery when it's really too late to tell her. I have to get my gallbladder taken out too and I had considered telling her only that but I'm starting to feel like you and a little uncomfortable about the whole thing. I told my dad about it and asked him not to tell my mom (they are divorced hence the step-dad) and he's like me so by the time he was ready to get off the phone he said, "Well I don't want to keep you on the phone all day. Anyway, I got to call you mom. ha ha ha". Yep, that's my dad. I'm just like him too. Our family dynamic is unique. We all can sit down and have meals together: father, mother, step-father, step-mother, sister, ex-brother-in-law, brother, my wife, and all the kids natural and adopted. Most people don't get it, but I think it's great. Okay, did just go way off topic or what.

Congrats on the surgery and being able to tell your mom.

I wish you luck when you do tell her. I decided I couldn't live with myself if I didn't. Isn't it strange the power family holds over us, good and bad.

Anyway, best of luck!

When I made my decision to have rny, I told only a few people,,,my best friend and a niece I am very close to who I felt certain would be supportive and nothing but happy for me.   Still there were a few discussions of whether I was sure it was what I wanted to do, but no way did they try to talk me out of it.   I also told another friend....her response was why would you do that, just push away from the table.....I told her my mind was made up and that there would be no further discussion unless she wanted to play nice and ask questions.  I told the rest of the family/friends just a few days prior to surgery in case they were not supportive, but surprisingly enough they've all been great.  

My mom and dadhave been gone for a number of years.   I know my dad would have worried himself sick but would never have tried to talk me out of it...mom would have been thrilled I know and both would have been supportive.  I'm pretty sure my dad would have tried to be the food police, lolol.

Lizzie S in OR

I am so glad for you! What a pleasant surprise! Sometimes family does step up and give the positive support.

My sister, coworkers and friends were and are amazing with their support and encouragement. I put off telling my mom till the "last moment" as well because she is impossibly negative.  My brother in law swears she can take the birthday out of cake! She has bugged me over the years about my weight in subtle and passive aggressive ways. Anyway, when i told her, she got all upset about how drastic this was and that she never thought i was that heavy.... say whaaat????

Fast forward to a year later and 150lbs gone. First time she saw me since the surgery....nothing about how great I look or well I have done. All about how my clothes didn't fit well,what about all the extra skin,  the stupid rules I have to follow, how could i do this alone, didn't it hurt....blah, blah, blah. Oh, her response to my going to the gym everyday was...that's for boys...can't you just walk more? LOL :)

C

I'm so sorry you didn't receive the support from your mother that you deserved! It could have made your journey so much easier. My mother is, as you say your mother is, "impossibly negative". That's why her reaction was such a surprise. I hope that your mother eventually sees that you did this to make yourself healthy, not for her approval and start supporting you as you had wished from the start.

Best of luck to you, I will be thinking of you!

BTW, I think you have given my family a new catchphrase: "Take the birthday out of a cake!". I love that!

That is so wonderful! So glad that you have a good network of support!

Pam :)