Cake on the table
Birthday cake, no less. My old nemesis. I declined when offered a slice and felt all right. I asked for and took one bite of my companion's slice. Yummy. One bite was all right.
The part that got my attention was when my companion left the table and left the rest of the slice to be taken away. Alarms didn't go off the way they used to, but the Food Comptroller in my head kept tapping me with her pencil: "Birthday cake! Abandoned! You can have it! It's right there. It needs you. You love birthday cake."
What an annoying little person she is.
I didn't particularly want it, and I did not eat it. I was nervous about it reverberating in my mind later, though. Historically, food triggers strengthen over time rather than fade.
When I was home and settling into bed, I had my usual bedtime snack. I also took a protein bar to bed and it's still there, unopened. Oh, yeah...I should put it back in the cupboard. I haven't been hounded by thoughts of cake. Except I'm thinking about it right now. But I'm thinking more about how little it bothers me compared to past reactions. And I'm going to let it go entirely any time now.
I consider it a victory.
Maybe at the next party I'll be able to get up and dance instead of thinking about how I don't want birthday cake.
The part that got my attention was when my companion left the table and left the rest of the slice to be taken away. Alarms didn't go off the way they used to, but the Food Comptroller in my head kept tapping me with her pencil: "Birthday cake! Abandoned! You can have it! It's right there. It needs you. You love birthday cake."
What an annoying little person she is.
I didn't particularly want it, and I did not eat it. I was nervous about it reverberating in my mind later, though. Historically, food triggers strengthen over time rather than fade.
When I was home and settling into bed, I had my usual bedtime snack. I also took a protein bar to bed and it's still there, unopened. Oh, yeah...I should put it back in the cupboard. I haven't been hounded by thoughts of cake. Except I'm thinking about it right now. But I'm thinking more about how little it bothers me compared to past reactions. And I'm going to let it go entirely any time now.
I consider it a victory.
Maybe at the next party I'll be able to get up and dance instead of thinking about how I don't want birthday cake.
It's best that I don't discuss cakes and breads and donuts. Visions start to appear before me and harps going off and angels singing. That's how much I loved that stuff. Not chips, not ice cream, but the really holy of holy carbs. So I can totally relate and the fear of dumping is so strong in me I might dump just looking at a cake in Good Housekeeping magazine!
So good for you for not eating anymore! I have broke the habit of eating a dessert after dinner. We grew up always and I mean ALWAYS having a dessert, so I had to break a habit and I am 59 years old. So you can imagine how hard it has been to do it, but what an accomplishment for me and I am not tooting my own horn, but this has been major for me.
So to all of us out there, whatever it is that you have been able to change be proud because this will always be hard work not just now but always. Jane
So good for you for not eating anymore! I have broke the habit of eating a dessert after dinner. We grew up always and I mean ALWAYS having a dessert, so I had to break a habit and I am 59 years old. So you can imagine how hard it has been to do it, but what an accomplishment for me and I am not tooting my own horn, but this has been major for me.
So to all of us out there, whatever it is that you have been able to change be proud because this will always be hard work not just now but always. Jane
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