Help...I'm in trouble!

I haven't been on OH in quite a few months.  I'm struggling with depression and part of that struggle is that I isolate myself.  Since November, I have gained at least 5 lbs, not just weight bouncing up and down, but true gain.  I fell off my eating plan at Thanksgiving and have struggled since. 

I am one year out and have lost 60% of my excess weight, which translates into 60 pounds.  I lost slower than the average person from the very beginning, but can honestly say that my lack of success in the last 5 months is due to poor eating and lack of exercise.  Exercise is difficult for me because I have fibromyalgia and every type of exercise that I have tried so far, including walking, has elevated my pain level.  That in turn increases my depression which in turn worsens my eating, which in turn results in my feelings of FAILURE.

Failure is the big word of the day, in fact of every day.  I feel like such a failure, I feel shame and embarrassment.  I desperately want to turn this around while I still can. 

I don't know what I'm asking for here, I guess I'm just desperately reaching out.  I know there is no magic, there is only me and the choices I make, but maybe someone will say something that helps me make good choices just for today.  Or maybe just posting this will do that for me. 

I welcome comments and feedback, but please hold your judgment, I have more than enough judgment inside me for all of us!

How about some therapy?  I also have chronic pain issues (migraines), and for a while was seeing a therapist who specialized in chronic pain.  She was very helpful to me.  (I had to stop seeing her because she didn't take insurance and it got too expensive.)  Maybe your fibro doc could recommend someone.

I have the same issues with exercise. I'm trying to find the balance between challenging myself and doing too much.  If I do too much I'm guaranteed to be in bed for the next few days.  But if I don't push myself a little I won't improve.  It's very difficult.  I go to the gym (usually in a baseball cap against the flourescent lights) and do LIGHT, LIGHT weights.  I started at the 0 level, and I'm up to 30-40 pounds on some machines and still 0-10 on others.  I'm up to a grand total of 9 minutes on the elliptical (at 0 resistance and very, very slow), and longer on the recumbant bike (again, at low resistance and slowly.)  

I started therapy earlier this month, but it was a month before I could get in on a regular basis which will be in April.  I definitely think I need therapy.  I also joined my church's Freedom from Depression support group.  Both of these steps were hard for me to take, but I am forcing myself to move forward here. 

Thanks for your suggestion and encouragement!

Welcome back.  A big hug and a kiss on the cheek is heading your way.  I think you're doing good.  You've recognized your problem and you're reaching out for help.  Good start to a new beginning!    I am unable to go anywhere without someone with me.  Sometimes I have to stay home.  Isolation can lead to depression.  Try to begin today by making healthier food decisions.  One meal at a time.  If you flub up, that's okay.  Try to do better the next meal.  You've lost 60 lbs.  That sounds like success to me!    Don't beat yourself up.  On the exercise, when I'm really hurting badly, I exercise to SIT AND BE FIT on the PBS channel.  My time (CT) it comes on 5:30am.  What I do is tape 5 days worth.  Sometimes I can only do 5 mins, but that's better than nothing!  Later in the day, I'll try a little more.  See if it will work for you.    You are NOT a failure!!  You just have a more difficult time than some of us. Sending good thoughts your way.  Let us know how you are doing!  Best wishes

Thanks for the warm support and welcome back.  I'll check out the SIT AND BE FIT.  My doctor says that I try to do too much and that is why I end up in pain.  She suggested that I just try 5 minutes per day, then gradually add a minute at a time.  It is hard for me to be patient with that.  I tend to be an all or nothing kind of person, which isn't helpful.  But, I am going to do my best to follow my doctor's and your suggestions.

  I have major pain from a back injury, to the point where I use a power wheelchair daily. My pain doc and I, after much looking, found deep water walking to work. It has very little impact so my sciatica nerve and back tolerate it.  Just a thought. For me it works it's 45 min each way for a 45 min workout twice a week, but I need it for me, so I do it. 

If my budget can handle it, I plan to join a gym with a pool in May.  I can't before then for financial reasons.  I think water therapy, a little at a time would be good for me.  I know that I have to gradually increase my time though.  I've done water therapy in the past, and have not been able to judge my limits while in the water and tended to overdo and increase my pain, but if I start out very slowly, it should work for me.  I just have to be patient about increasing my time.  Thanks for your suggestion.

If there is a YMCA near you, they usually offer discounted memberships if your income is low enough.  You might want to check into that.

Kelly,

There isn't a YMCA very close and my income isn't low enough for a price break.  My insurance has a benefit for joining a club about 5 miles away.  I can do that at a reduced cost and they have a pool.  I have to take a pay cut soon, so I'm not sure I can swing the cost of that even and am waiting to see if I get a second part time job, before making that commitment.  But, in the meantime, I have an old treadmill that I can start using.  I plan to get back on it as one of my goals this week.

Thanks.

Welcome back. You've already made the first step. Admitting that you need help and asking for it. While I'm sure we all wish we could wave a magic wand we can't or we wouldn't be here. All I can personally do is say a prayer for you and let you know that while I do not know you I do know you can do t his!!

Have you tried getting your exercise in a pool?