looking for help! Its a long one though!!!

So it has been a few days since phyllis has been home, but I just wanted to take the oppertunity to say thank you to everyone for all of the prayers, well wishes, and words of support and encouragement. The best part about it all was that I was holding her blackberry when she was in surgery, so everytime an email came in from you all, I was able to read it and smile. I was able to smile knowing that you were thinking of  her at that very moment.

I was waiting for hours with Phyllis' sister (the surgery was delayed) I was sooo happy when the procedure was over. I was sweating it out. I must say that for the whole "hospital" expereince, the hardest part for me was actually after the surgery was over and I was able to see her for the first time. She was crying and had said that she was asking for me for what seemed like hours. She also told me how scary it was to go into the OR. I was a complete mess, crying and kissing her forehead and carressing her face. I was so relieved, but realized that as much as I was able to be there for her every step of the way, I still couldnt take away the fear or the pain.

Since we have been home, things have been going really really well for the most part. She is up and walking everyday for at least 30 mins. I am sure the chicken broth and onion soup(with onion strained out) has got to be tiring for her. Not to mention the protein shakes. I am really proud of her progress. I have to say that the hardest part about "home life after surgery" for me has to be not being able to take away her pain and stop her tears. Nights have been the roughest when she is laying down, mostly from the gas. Aside from that, I really can realize now how much of our lives revolved around food. We spent so much time grocery shopping and cooking together (one of our favorite things to do!) I have been eating my meals alone standing in the kitchen, because I dont want her to have to see or smell my food. She says she doesnt mind if I eat by her, but I just feel so guilty about it. Then today, we were walking around the mall and i was hungry. She suggested i get something from the food court, so I did. ( i havent eaten food 'out' in quite some time) She ended up sitting with me instead of contining to shop. I feel SOOOOO guilty that she sat there, and couldnt have anything. I scarfed down my food as fast as I could.

I know that in a couple of weeks, we will be able to cook together, and sit down at the dinner table and eat together, but until then, i guess i just feel lonely at meal times. I am trying to be as supportive as I can, and I am willing to take any suggestions on how to help. Thanks so much!!!!
WOW I JUST REALIZED HOW SOOOOO LONG THIS WAS!!!! sorry

Thanks,

Kerry

this is the first post i ahve read of your and i can tell how much you love your wife and i can only hope that my husband is as supportive as you have been for you wife

things will get better. this is a big change for you as well as her.  All I can say is that my husband was wonderfuland in no time we were enjoying eating again.  We go out to eat now and life will resume.  It just takes a little time. It is just that you have lost apart of how you enjoy each other. I promise you in time it will be a distant memory.  She too will go thru some things I know I went thru buyers remoses at first , I told my husband what did I do. I am now 11 months out, just came back from vacation, had the best time and yes I could eat, not as much but i truely  enjoyed myself.  You are wonderful to ask how you can help her, and I think you need a little help as well, be patient and all will come together. 

My wife had a VSG in April.  She is doing well, steadly losing weight and has become a much happier person. 

I do most of the cooking because I'm a retired Regestered Nurse who spent 25 years in the OR.  I have participated in bariatric surgery.  I have personally seen people who have had this surgery lying in bed sipping milkshakes post surgery.  I would like to speak to other partners of weight loss surgery patients.  They are going to lose weight at first but unless there is a major change in a persons,habits and the attitude toward how they eat the surgery will fail. 

We both liked to eat before the surgery.  I still do like to eat but I am overweight and need to lose 20 to 30 pounds.  Mary has been very faithful to the diet suggested by her surgeon and has had great results.

I believe strongly that I have to be a part of the attitude change toward food in our house.  Buying healthy foods, sticking to the diet and portion control are all part of the weight loss in our home.  Another problem is junk food and eating at fast food outlets, we stopped it.  Occasionally we go to a good resturant order one entree and split the meal. 

We significant others can sabotage our partners without knowing it. A definite plan needs to be made by the couple and it must be followed. 

Thanks
FRAN

My hubby had GBS 5 days ago and I decided to go on the restricted diet with him. I need to lose 50 lbs anyway so I figured I'd support him AND lose some weight too.

You sound like an awesome support system and empathetic husband. I hope your wife recovers quickly and is up and running around in no time.

I agree that we spouses can be a hinderance to our partners and that attitude toward food needs to change all around, but it's for the best anyway. I researched what kinds of things I could make that are high protein, low carb, low sugar (staying away from unhealthy fake stuff), bought a bariatric cookbook that I am excited about.

It's just taking things one day at a time. I'll be thinking about you and your wife.