Question:
I've been fat my whole life; how do I be a
I have been fat my whole life, since I was 4 years old. 13 months ago, I had the RNY and I have since lost 177 lbs. I wouldn't consider myself skinny yet, but I'm definitely no longer fat. People no longer look at me. They used to look at me because I was different and form all sorts of opinions about me. Nowadays, I'm so ordinary, people just ignore me for the most part. This is extremely hard to adjust to. Anyone else having the same problem? I just don't feel special anymore. I feel so ORDINARY. When I was fat, at least people noticed me. Now, it's like they're looking right through me. How have you coped? — Terissa R. (posted on April 15, 2002)
April 15, 2002
Well coming from someone who is 6 weeks post op and down 48 lbs from 436 to
388, I would sure like to be ignored rather than stared at. What really
hurts is like when you are in a grocery store and some 5 year old kid says,
"Mommy, that man is really fat".
All of the opinions people had formed about you, weren't positive. If you
really have to be the center of attention and want people to look at you
now that you are "normal" (which that is my goal, to just be
fairly normal and not be stared at for being fat) then maybe you could dye
your hair blue, or get a tatoo, or wear outlandish clothes. I for one would
rather just be normal and that Is why I had this surgery.
— Dell H.
April 15, 2002
Dear Terissa,
I really feel for what you're going through. There are so many issues that
arise from losing a large amount of weight. People treat you differently,
relationships change, your feelings about yourself change, every day is an
adventure, sometimes a good one and sometimes one so strange we wonder if
we can handle it. I personally had to go back to a twelve step group,
overeaters anonymous, because I started eating junk because of all the
emotions that have come to the surface since I'm not drugged with food. The
answer is different for everyone but for me these meetings and the program
are getting me through day by day.People in recovery have experienced the
same things you're going through and have survived them without picking up
food again, and you can too. Feel free to email me and best of luck on your
journey.
Lori Tan
— lori T.
April 15, 2002
Change your wardrobe, cut or color your hair, get your makeup done...put on
your DIVA attitude and strut your stuff. Soon you'll be so in love with
yourself it won't matter who notices! (but people will because they'll be
attracted to your love for yourself. Good luck and God Bless!
— Kimberly L.
April 15, 2002
one of my biggest fears is being thin. as dumb as that sounds, it's true. i
am pre-op, surgery is on may 2nd. i'm so anxious to have it done, but i
have NEVER been thin. my whole life i have had to deal with the
"fat" ways of the world. i am afraid of a lot of things on the
"other side". i will definately keep going to the support groups
because i don't know how i'm going to deal with it. good luck to you.
— candymom64
April 15, 2002
Terrisa
I actually find the opposite. I am 100+ lbs. overweight and I find
people ignore me all together. If I go into a store I am the last one to
get waited on, the last one to get aknowledged, and they are never ever
willing to go that extra mile for me. I am extremely easy going and
personable, so it always amazes me. Not everyone is like that of course,
but I find that people tend to pretend that I am not there, because being a
fat person does not really make you a person at all in their eyes. For
them, you do not exist. I guess I would rather have that then the ones who
look you up and down from head to toe with a look on their face that says
"I have just eaten molden, stinky cheese". If you were special
then, you are even more special now. Maybe you will get used to being
"ordinary", that way all the pressure is off and you can do some
of the things you really like to do without worrying about the
"watching world". Good Luck!
— Tara J.
April 15, 2002
My DH, daughter and Myself were all morbidly obese. I don't know if we are
blind or what, but we do not feel that we have suffered the indignities
other people here speak of. We get waited on promptly, we don't notice
staring, people talk to us and smile at us. We are too dense to know what
other people are thinking when they see us. But then, again, we don't
really care. My favorite quote "other people's opinion of us is none
of our business."
— faybay
April 16, 2002
I agree with Fay the only time I felt my size made me seem really different
was in Europe where the majority of people
were a healthy size. I think my weight identified me as a tourist from the
USA without opening my mouth. I wasn't treated rude however. If someone
treats you rudely then they should be called on it.
I hope the poster finds positive ways to stand out.
— Candace F.
April 16, 2002
Teresa,
Growing up with a weight problem forces us to "fit" into a mold
that society decides we should wear. We become so used to this,that it
becomes the "norm" after a while. Shedding the weight is only
the beginning. Learning to accept that we are "a part of the
crowd" is different, to be sure...in both positive & negative
ways. But the bottom line is that YOU are NOT your weight...you weren't
before and you're not now! You are a special soul put here on this earth
for a reason. You've had this surgery to help you to achieve that very
goal. The hard part now, Teresa, is to find what that reason is. The core
person that you were before is still there...she just has more energy to be
that woman!! What can you do now that you've lost your weight that you
couldn't do before? DO IT GIRL!! Take the focus off of your weight and be
the person that you were meant to be. Before you know it, people won't be
able to HELP but be drawn to your magnetic and energetic personality
because you are being the person that YOU want to be. It sounds overly
simplistic, I know, but the world places WAY TOO MUCH emphasis on
"what we should look like" and not ENOUGH on who we truly are.
Hold your head up as you walk down the street, look people directly in the
eye, smile and let them see your eyes sparkle! You've worked hard to get
to where you are right now. Relax and enjoy it...Focus on all the
wonderful things that are happening in your life...and can happen now that
you're healthier. I had surgery almost 3 yrs. ago and have lost over 150
lbs. I know how hard it is to feel comfortable in your new body...but it
comes. I read a poem once, "Edith is that slim, trim girl locked up
inside of me"...Let her out, reach out to others and enjoy life! :)
— tammy R.
April 17, 2002
Terissa, I feel bad that you are feeling like this. It sounds like you are
mourning the old person that you were. But you should recognize that you
are still the same person. The only thing missing is the fat. I believe
it might be time to celebrate your accomplishments. I'm sure you are
looking great, so why don't you splurge on yourself a little. I would
recommend a brand new hairstyle, maybe a new hair color - make it a big
change - something that will cause people to notice you. Buy some great
looking clothes and reward yourself for all the wonderful improvements you
have made in your life. It's okay to miss the old Terissa, but you have to
welcome the new one with open arms. This is just a journey, and if you
don't change your thinking, it's easy to fall back into old habits because
they were comfortable. Bless you, and good luck. Brenda Perez
— Brenda P.
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