Question:
Has anyone realized that they are sabotaging themselves?

I know I am sabotaging myself the whole time I am eating something I shouldn't be, but I can't seem to stop. It is not that I am scared to be thin or vulnerable without the fat. I love being almost normal sized. I remember doing this to myself when I went to WW and lost 36 lbs. and then sabotaged myself and gained it all back. How do I get back into the groove of being a gastic bypass patient?    — Kim N. (posted on August 11, 2004)

August 10, 2004
First I would say to try and get back to basics. Go back to being a "post-op" and follow your post op eating plan. When I feel a little off track I go back to the beginning. Liquids, soft foods, absolutely no sugars or white flour products, very little carbs, get the water and the protein in. And excersize. Also, maybe a trip to see a counselor might be in store to help you figure out why you want to sabotage your loss. Good luck to you. You've hit a big step in just realizing that you need to do something. Hugs and Kisses :-)
   — KellyJeanB

August 11, 2004
Kim: I totally understand the sabotage idea. I've been there myself a number of times, with diets in the past. Since WLS, I'm trying to turn my thinking around on a lot of these issues. I guess what I'm saying is that I try not to look at things in negative terms. Instead of "thinking" sabotage, I think "not the best choice." This helps it to seem less threatening to me, and less like the food has control instead of me. I also try to follow an 80/20 rule. If I eat healthfully and correctly 80% of the time, I can enjoy some indulgences the other 20% of the time. I have started "maintenance" and so far, this seems to be working for me. I, too, love being thin and never want to go back. I have never figured out, though, why I was unable to get the weight off without WLS, but I am done with questioning that. There really isn't an answer for that one, that I know of (except that I never got enough to eat on any diet I ever tried - hunger always won out!). I do get hungry now, and some days of the month (PMS) it is much worse than others, but I'm learning to deal with that as well. The regular hunger is nothing like post-op, so I'm really grateful for that. I do realize that things may change the further out I get, and it may become more difficult to maintain, but I'm prepared to face the challenges as they come. Good luck, and try turning your thinking around. It has really helped me. Lap RNY 9/11/03, 270/165/???
   — Carlita

August 11, 2004
I think you are really brave to admit this and now that you have acknowledged the problem the most important thing is to proceed with a plan of action. You may want to seek the advice of a goal oriented therapist just to help you through this. I am still pre-op, but I have dealt with this issue myself when I lost a lot of weight about 3 years ago. I understand that many WLS patients are experiencing weight regain now that the procedure has become so popular. I think the key to avoiding this phenomenon is to seek support on a regular basis. I think everyone has made a bad choice in their lives and not known why, but life is a journey. Now you just have to decide which path you want to take. Good luck to you and email me anytime if you need to talk:-) Take care
   — Sara A

August 11, 2004
I'm 18 months PO and been below goal weight since about 13 months PO, thanks to 19 lbs being removed with a LBL. My goal weight is a higher one, 200 lbs, but it is something normal I can maintain. I hang in the low 190's these days. <p>I also question the sabotaging but I think in my case it's more like challenging my pouch/body to see what I can get away with. I have struggled with maintenance and rarely weigh the same from time to time. I only weigh 1 or 2 times a week at most. I tend to have sort of an all or nothing attitude, and always have. I can go wild with eating crap and get away with it without dumping but then as soon as a few lbs creep on I straighten back around and they come right back off. Maybe if that wasn't the case then I would be dealing with things differently. It's definitely a yo-yo affect and not a good habit to have. Bowever, no one has been able to help me find that balance that just maintains and doesn't allow me to continue to lose. If I followed the "plan" to the T I would keep losing and I do not want to be any skinnier and bonyier. I am comfortable where I am. So consequently I need a much higher level of carbs to try and maintain. I still eat fairly high protein and some meals are still 80-90% protein. Then there are those that are quite devoid of protein, but fortunately that is seldom. Snacking and grazing are my biggest issues, yet if I cut them out I lose weight. Unfortunately my weight never did the drastic slow down that most experience. I went into my first PS with the smallest weight loss in a month being about 8 lbs. But I knew my PS's would take me below goal weight and so it was time to move ahead with that phase. <p>Post op life is great but it is not without it's issues. Old habits die very hard. I was a very good girl for pretty much the first year and consequently my body cooperated. I never felt deprived because if I wanted something I would have a small amount of it. So it's hard to work through why I'm so all or nothing now. If I could find the right balance of foods and quantities that would go a long way. All we can do is keep working at it. As my WL surgeon said once, the biggest difference between now and before is that I am much more conscious of what I am doing and that will go a long ways. Before I could have gained 50 lbs and maybe not noticed it much as the clothes were like tents anyway. Now 5-10 lbs and I am painfully aware of it. I know when I've been shoveling the crap food in too much and can adjust to balance it out. It just would be nice to find that balance and not have to worry about floating up and down. Just know that you are not alone. I'm not afraid to admit I am less than perfect at this PO life but I truly do feel I have a long term tool that can help me keep this weight tiger in check. At times it may be a struggle but it will be so much better than before WLS. Hang in there!
   — zoedogcbr

August 11, 2004
You sound exactly like me, I am now working with a therapist to figure out why I am doing this. I am not sure we focus much on my eating though. She seems to think if I can figure out other things in my life that it will all fall into place. I have to admit I am feeling much better since I have been seeing her.
   — TheresaC

August 12, 2004
I'm with Carlita on this one. Try to think of it as not the best choice, as opposed to thinking you are out to sabotage. Also, build in some snacks/treats to your day so that you do not feel deprived. I think that is what worked for me. As a pre-op, when forced to diet, I always went cold turkey from sugar/snacks and then felt like I was punishing myself, being deprived and so, of course, I would rebel, sabotage and eat total junk, feel guilt, then eat to assuage the guilt. ah, the viscious circle... So, now that I am post-op and at goal and learning all about maintenance, here is what I do to help me get by. First, like Carlita, follow the 80/20 rule, or for me, its an "eat healthy for my 3 primary meals" and then have room for my sugar treats. Somehow this works for me. I eat very well for 3 meals, then snack on fruit, cookies, nuts, candy, pb crackers, granola or protein bars, whatever I feel like. I do practice portion control though-like 5 or 6 Hersheys kisses and not the whole bag! If your the type that cannot eat just 6 and will demolish the entire bag, then keep it out of the house. I like to buy individual serving portions. My grocery store will let me buy single slices of chocolate cake, or 1 can buy 1 Krispy creme donut and cut it in 1/2. To have a dozen in the house or an entire cake is worse than sabotage, its tempting fate, so practice portion control. If it ain't in front of me or in the house, I can't eat it, can I? And be sure to include regular heart pumping exercise. If I did not work out at least 3 times a week, I would gain, even with the portion control and eating healthy. But the combo of the 80/20 and exercise is working. The key is to find a plan that will work for you that you can live with. I also concur that you should seek some counseling to find out why you can't stop. It certainly couldn't hurt, now could it? good luck.
   — Cindy R.