Question:
How do you get through the emotional pain without food to fall back on?
I'm a little over a year post op and have had to deal with a fair amount of emotional trauma the past year - death in family, daughter attacked and problems at work. This morning at 1:30 I discovered my husband of almost 25 years is addicted to pornography on the internet. Needless to say I didn't get any sleep after that! Right now I'm feeling so lost and empty I don't know where to turn - my two best friends are gone - my girlfriend is out of town and I can't turn to food anymore (I did have 1 choc. chip cookie). I don't know what to do I'm too embarrased to talk to my pastor or my family about this. Please help!!!! — [Anonymous] (posted on November 16, 2001)
November 16, 2001
I don't want to sound glib- but all I could think of to help you
is to pray. I will be praying for you as I have some similar experiences
and would love to share them with you. Feel free to e-mail me if you want
to hear how I handled some of them. Good Luck.
— M B.
November 16, 2001
Hi, I too had alot of things happen all at once, well with in a year and
a half of each other. Such as the death of my mother, whom I was very close
to, Finding out my husband of 18 yrs. was having an affair ,with some-one
13yrs. my junior,the sudden death of my father-inlaw and last but not least
my co. declaring bankruptsie, but I'm hear to tell you life does get
better,alot better, and that old saying time heals, well it does it's
amazing but if you let it, things do get better, and don't turn to food
you've worked to hard to improve you bodyso keep that up because trust me
in the long run you will be so happy you did!!!
— [Anonymous]
November 16, 2001
Before WLS, food was a special friend always there when you needed it. Now
you're going to have to learn to FEEL pain. That's the only way through
it. If you continue to numb yourself using any substance (food,
cigarettes, drugs, alcohol, etc.), then you will always be an addict. I
know emotional pain isn't pleasant, but learning to deal with it will make
you a stronger, more resilient person. God bless.
— Terissa R.
November 16, 2001
I am only 3 months post op....and dealing with food issues are still new to
me. However, I do find exercising takes my mind off of things while I am
at the gym. Did you ever think about seeking counseling?????Also over
eaters annonymous is as organization which is similar to AA in the fact
that it follows the same 12 step plan but for food not alchol....Just a few
thoughts. I hope things do turn around for you and tonight before bed I
will add you to my prayer list...God bless and hang in there!!!!!
— Melissa S.
November 16, 2001
They can never take away your birthday.
— [Anonymous]
November 16, 2001
Hi there...your husband's addiction is NOT A REFLECTION ON YOU. Please
don't be embarrassed to ask for help. I think talking to your pastor is a
very good place to start. Sometimes when we are overwhelmed with problems,
adding one more may just "tip the scales" into a very dangerous
area. You mentioned some very major things going on in your life...way too
much for any person to bear up under without some help (my opinion). Don't
let things go into a downward spiral...get help now. Hugs, Joy
— [Deactivated Member]
November 16, 2001
I'm so sorry you are having these problems. The last thing post-ops need is
stress that could sabatoge your sucess. First off your husbands addiction
is no reflection on you. I know someone with the same addiction. I don't
know your pastor, but if he or she is worth a grain of salt they could help
if nothing more then praying with you. Prayer is a powerful tool. Have you
considered counseling? There are many places you could go, some if you are
on a low income. I too (only 45 days post-op) have food issues. It is hard
not being able to turn to the one thing you have conted on all these years,
right now it's physically impossible but I know once I heal I could overdo
and streach my pouch. Hang in there, you have a lot going on, find some
help somewhere. Feel free to personally e-mail if you need someone to
listen and need to vent. ([email protected])
I'll pray for you, God Bless.
— sherri W.
November 17, 2001
I'm the original poster and I thank you all for your love and support. I
knew I could count on my AMOS friends!!! I told my husband HE is the one
that needs to do the research and HE is the one that needs to call and make
the appointment for counseling since HE is the one with the problem. I'm
the one in the family who usually "takes care of things," but I
decided that he needs to take responsibility and ownership of this problem.
Of course he didn't do anything about it yesterday. I'm going to give him a
time limit to get it done and if he doesn't I'm leaving after our kids go
back to college after the Christmas break. I am going to pursue some
individual counseling on my own and I guess I might as well talk to my
pastor since he already knows about my daughter's rape. Boy the thought of
telling anyone that your husband would rather have sex with himself and
looking at other people than with you is pretty embarassing. I hate even
writing it here but feel safe doing so anonymously. Anyway, thanks again
for your support.
— [Anonymous]
November 18, 2001
As one of the most troubled people I know ( I won't bore you with the
details) I have found that the help of a good therapist is a must. They
are trained to deal with the emotional issues that we can't get around on
our own and by law are required to keep things confidential. As a
disinterested third party they can be much easier to talk to than the
clergy or even a good friend. Over the last 10 years I would have been
completely lost if it weren't for the friendly ear and willing shoulder
that my therapist has provided.
— Melissa S.
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