Question:
How do you feel about men/women post-op?

It's been 3.5 years since my daughters father and I split. I haven't had a date, kiss, hug or "relations" with anyone in time. As a matter of fact, I think my weight had a lot to do with my split up with my ex and I think it has a lot to do with my "DROUGHT" now. But, I'm worried about coming out of this surgery, slimming down, looking good and having the same men that ignored me and thought I was disgusting pre-op, fall at my feet post-op. I could definately see myself being angry...I don't want to be that way. Has anyone experienced this or are you experiencing it and what do you do? Thanks everyone!    — [Anonymous] (posted on August 19, 2001)

August 19, 2001
I think you would have every right to be angry if these same guys wouldn't give you the time of day when you were overweight, but suddenly you would be just fine after you lost the weight???? I wouldn't give them the time of day after the weight was gone, as they are NOT the type of guys you want or need. There is more to a relationship than just "looks". If they never bothered to get past the weight and find out what type of person you were inside, then you just don't need them! Go out and find someone who will get to know you inside out and you will probably find they are better to be in a relationship with.
   — gina P.

August 19, 2001
When I was going through my divorce I read alot of self help books and in one of them I read you tend to attract the same kind of men as your ex-husband. I thought about the guys that were paying attention to me and thought they are just like him. He was an alcoholic abuser. It also said to make a list of the qualities that your next husband should have. I sat down and wrote this list of about twelve qualities and thought this man is probably ficticious and way to made up. I folded it and put it in my wallet. Not too long after I met my Jerry. A difference of night and day. After I dated him long enough to know I wanted him in my life, I took out the list. I was totally amazed at the qualities I could check off and the only thing Jerry wasn't was tall. My ex had been the same height as me 5'4" and he hated it and always wanted me to scoot down so I didn't look taller than him. Well Jerry wasn't tall, but he was three inches taller than me. I was amazed and delighted. I was in nursing school at the time and the month after graduation we were married. That was twelve years ago. We blended our family of five (3mine-2his). They are all grown now and blessing us with grandbabies. I asked him one day why he has stuck with me through all of this arthritis, weight gain (Prednisone) Sleep apnea, neuropathy etc and he said I am his life and what hurts me hurts him and he made a vow to love me for the rest of him life. My lucky stars were shining on my when I met him. So hang in there and enjoy your new body and your new life and don't worry about who shunned you before just keep your goals in mind as you meet prospective gentlemen and you mind will take care of the rest. Good luck and happy hunting.
   — buhret

August 19, 2001
Like you I was in a "drought", only mine lasted 20 years. I had men that were interested in me but I didn't feel good about myself & hence did not feel comfortable being in any kind of relationship. Now I am doing quite a bit of dating. I'm very up front w/what I've been through. (It's too hard to hide anyway, especially on dinner dates). Mostly everyone has been very supportive & non-judgemental. My only regret now is "why did I wait so long & what was I afraid of?" I thought I would be angry too but that has not happened at all. HTH.
   — Lori_B