Question:
Why when you tell people you want the surgery they try to talk you out of it?
I want this surgery. I've tried LA Weightloss, Slimfast, home diet, Diet from Nutritionist, nothing worked. I'm tired of YO yo dieting. How can I convince these people that the surgry will help me. I'm 23 5'5" 282 and have family his of Heart Disease and strokes and Cancer and Diabetes. — Jennifer W. (posted on December 20, 2001)
December 19, 2001
I didn't tell a whole lot of people pre-op about scheduling the surgery,
but I people I did tell were very leary of it. My husband was supportive
until he saw that I was serious and had a date, then he became a real jerk
because he was worried and mad that I was going through with it. All I can
say is do what your heart tells you. You are the one living with the morbid
obesity and the problems associated with it. Since surgery I have lost 73
pounds (5 months post op) and feel like a totally different person. I have
energy now and am starting to like myself again. What a nice feeling. Good
luck on your decision. God bless!
— Dawn H.
December 19, 2001
I just read a great book about this surgery. In it, the author gave an
example of how some people will say that the surgery is drastic and that
you should wait until medical technology comes up with a "better"
solution. First of all, that could take several years and is not even
realistic. The answer to these people is this: Tell them that they have
to carry an egg with them 24/7. They cannot let go of the egg until the
"better" solution has been found. This means they have to shower
with it, sleep with it, hold it during sex, EVERYTHING must be done holding
the egg. The author stated that most people wouldn't even last 24 hours
doing this. However, these same people expect you to carry not ONE, but
the equivalent of 500-600 eggs (i.e.; extra weight) everyday of your life,
24/7, until a "better" solution is found.
— [Anonymous]
December 19, 2001
From my experience you will not be able to convince anyone that this is a
good thing. For me either they were scared for me and supportive or they
scared for me and negative. If it is someone who loves you/you love, then
try to remember that their motivation is coming from a feeling of fear that
something will go wrong.. in this case all you can do is educate them on
the surgery, its risks and its benefits. The decision is yours. Best of
luck to you.
— susie K.
December 20, 2001
I told everyone about my decision for WLS. Most of the people were very
supportive. My dearest friends told me they loved me the way I was. But I
didn't choose WLS because of other people. I did it for myself. As far as
drastic.......if you had a cancerous tumor and needed to have it out to be
well, is that considered drastic? Well, it's the same thing. I needed to
have WLS as a life-saving, life-altering option. I am 6 weeks post-op and
down 43 pounds. I tell everyone: I AM A LOSER & PROUD OF IT!!!
— Dianne K.
December 20, 2001
Jennifer, it depends on who you're talking about. There are many reasons.
Some may feel that they will lose you - either in the process of the
surgery, or because you will be too different, or because you will feel
differently about them after you have the surgery. Some may be jealous
that you have the strength of character to choose and to act upon a major
decision in support of the rest of your life. Some may just be jealous!
The thing is to choose for your own self whatever it is that YOU need. If
that turns out to be to not have the surgery, you may not be ready for it
anyway because WLS requires a a difficult and lifetime-long commitment to
following the program. Whatever you decide, Keep smilin', Margie B
— Marjorie B.
December 20, 2001
Who are you trying to convince? The only one that really needs convincing
is yourself. "other people" are exactly that, they are other
people. Do they carry your weight for you? Do they deal with the fear and
anxiety from the extra weight and the possibility of increased risks of
heart disease and diabetes and certain types of cancer? Do they have to
buy your clothes, and face the embarassment that you face going into the
"fat lady's store" and there being nothing but very ugly clothes?
Please...don't bother trying to convince other people. I had friends and
co-workers who sat there and told me that I was not, in their opinion,
morbidly obese. In fact one told me that I was not even that much over
weight in her opinion. I finally said to her one day that, look, this is
not a surgery done out of vanity, nor is it done out of a desire to look
good. Those are obviously nice side effects. But one has to medically
qualify for this surgery, I do...so leave it the heck alone. After that,
she did leave me alone. And now that I am almost 40#'s less than I was a
month ago, and looking better and feeling great, she is the one
"eating her words". Take care of you and let others take care of
themselves. It works better that way.
Good luck and take care!!
— Mustang
December 20, 2001
Wls is still widely misunderstoon by the general public and even
some doctors and nurses. The nurse at my pcp's office still refers
to my "stomach stapling". They think it's dangerous and they
truly
believe that if you just "ate less and exersized" you could lose
the
weight. You are an adult and you don't need anyone's permission, nor
do you need everyone's approval. Good thing...becuase you won't get it!
Stop worrying about what others think and do what's best for YOU.
— [Anonymous]
December 20, 2001
I too ran into the same reactions. Surprisingly the ones who tried to
talk me out of it were very overweight themselves . So was it really
concern for my health or were they afraid I was going to change in other
ways??? I say listen to your heart . You know what you want to do,no one
has to live your life but you.
— Connie Z.
December 20, 2001
It's been my experience that WLS is unbelievably misunderstood. People
easily remember the horrors of it from 20 years ago but can't remember the
benefits of it from 20 minutes ago. I think it's partly our society's
tendency to focus on negativity. I also think it's society's tendency to
feel like "fat people" are less than intelligent and probably
don't deserve this "easy" way to lose weight. Misinformation all
around, huh? Another thing I've experienced is that sometimes family and
friends fear that if you lose weight you won't need them as much anymore.
I had a very good friend prior to surgery - almost like sisters. It was
sort of a joke that she was the pretty one and I was the smart one. All of
the sudden, when I ended up considerably smaller than her, our friendship
changed and eventually ended. I felt that she thought I was competition or
something even though I NEVER was. When we're fat we're safe - if we're
not fat then people will have to deal with us for who we are and that
scares them. Before surgery if anyone tried to talk me out of it I quoted
statistics from the National Institue of Health about obesity and then I
told them, very nicely, that there was nothing anyone would do to change my
mind. I wanted to be nasty but these were people I deal with daily so I
just killed them with kindness and unwavering determination. I hope that
my lost friendship may recover one day but I doubt it. It didn't end on a
bitter note - it just sort of faded away. I think the courage to have WLS
sometimes makes our friends and family think "my loved one is doing
whatever it takes to be healthy and take control" and it makes them
think that we might wonder why they aren't doing the exact same thing in
certain areas of their lives. You know you've made the right decision -
share the knowledge as joyfully as you can and if others can't support you
or don't understand at least you will know you did all you could. I'M
PROUD OF YOU!!
— ronascott
December 20, 2001
Plain and Simple...2 words can explain this....jealousy and/or ignorance.
— SARose61
December 20, 2001
I researched WLS for almost a year, when I finally decided to do it, I KNEW
who in my family would have negative vibes,
so... I only told my husband,sister, and 12 year old son.
The rest of my frinds/family thought I was getting my gall
bladder out. (Which I did!) Once I made up my mind I wanted
NO negativiy. If you're like me you know who will critisize
you, so don't tell them or face the music, and say it's your
descion and that's that!
— Cindee A.
December 20, 2001
I have to agree with Rosemary. The only people who won't want you to get it
are those who don't understand. People who are not MO simply cannot
comprehend what it has been like for us. My boyfriend is the only one of my
friends or family who does not understand. He thinks it is too drastic,
etc. The fact of the matter is that he is 5'11" and weighs 150lbs.
(135 before he moved in with me). He is one of those skinny people who has
no troubles with food- he actually forgets to eat if I don't cook. I
forgive him, because he cannot possibly understand what my life is like,
and what it has been like to grow up being obese. You are doing this for
yourself, not anyone else, so put yourself first. They will still love you
afterward, and once they see how happy you are, how much energy you have,
and how so many problems were alleviated I think that they will come
around. That is what I hope for my boyfriend.
— Jennifer Y.
December 20, 2001
A few people at my job have said I shouldn't have the surgery-"it's
dangerous, it's drastic", or whatever their argument may be. I usually
cut them off-and tell them I've decided to have this surgery for me and my
health and I can't be talked out of it & I've also decided to not
listen to any negativity about having the surgery, so unless you have
something positive to say-I won't listen."
Rude? Maybe-I do try to say this with a SMILE.
I feel that it is rude for someone to give me their negative thoughts on my
medical decisions.
Would they try to talk a person out of treating their cancer with surgery
if that was the best option? I think not! A decent person would keep their
negative opinions to themselves(especially if they are ignorant re: cancer
treatments)- and graciously wish the cancer victim well. Shouldn't it be
the same with MO surgery?
— k R.
December 20, 2001
I was lucky. Most of my family and friends supported me. But there were a
handful that just couldn't understand why I can't just exercise and eat
less and lose that way and also thought that it was too dangerous. They
always know of a horror story of someone who had a bad experience with the
surgery. (By the way, those unbelievers were skinny so they thought it was
easy for everyone). Now 9 and 1/2 months later and 102 lbs lighter, those
same people are literally "eating their words!" Do this because
you want to and need to. Don't listen to the opposition. It's your body.
It's your life. They say what they say out of ignorance like another post
said. Good luck to you on your journey and don't give up!
— Gina L.
December 24, 2001
When your surgery is a success, all of these people will change their tune
and praise you for your bravery and intelligence!
— Lisa B.
December 25, 2001
I am still pre-op and will have my surgery on 1-8 and am facing similar
problems. Although I have tremendous support from the friends and family
that I have told about my decision to have the surgery there are still
those that just refuse to even try and understand. I think they really
don\'t understand what this surgery really is and they are just worried. I
know that I have been researching WLS for a very long time and have become
very informed. I know what the risks can be but I also am aware that the
risks that I face if I remain morbidly obese are much greater. Mainly this
is for me!! Its my decision to make and although I appreciate their love
and concern I have decided to have the surgery. I plan on being around for
a long time to watch my children grow up and to play with my grandkids when
they arrive. I know that this surgery will make it possible for me to live
a much healthier life. I guess what I\'m saying is that you should just
tell them that it is your life and your decision to make so either they
need to become more informed or keep their negative opions to
themselves!!! Best wishes on making the right decision for yourself.
Vicki Mize
— vmize
December 25, 2001
i told one nosey/bossy coworker that i wasnt seeking her opinion, approval
or advice regarding my surgery:)
unsolicited comments are the worst.
— blank first name B.
December 26, 2001
When it comes down to it, the real question is; Why do you have to convince
them???? This is your body, your life, and YOUR decision. You will be
amazed post op how fast people are suddenly convinced that you had a good
idea. LOL
Hugs.
— Donna S. C.
December 26, 2001
Most people mean well, but they are not educated about the pros and cons of
this surgery. <br> <br> I have a close friend who almost
freaked out when I told her I was doing this. Her mother had died a couple
of years ago during surgery (lung removal) and I have been a mentor or
surrogate mother to her since. Her concern was genuine because she knew
every surgery carries a certain amount of risk. <br> <br> I
listened to her comments knowing why she was so worried. I told her firmly
but politely \"the decision has already been made, you don\'t get a
vote, but I would like to have your support\". <br> <br>
This is your body, your decision, your life. I think we\'ve all learned
that making the decision to have the surgery is very
\"empowering\". Just be firm, but polite in responding to
comments.
— Sami S.
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