Question:
Telling people about your WLS prior to surgery
I was wondering if and when you shared that you were having or had WLS with others. I will be meeting with my Dr. after the first of the year and right now only my mom and two close friends know. I have mixed feelings about telling others once I am approved. Did you tell other people that you were having WLS before have it, and then why or why not? — jmusser (posted on October 26, 2002)
October 26, 2002
I only told close friends and family before the surgery. I had planned on
never telling everyone else. But when you go from a size 24 to an 8 in
about four months you get a lot of questions, so I ended up telling
everyone. The response has been great.
— Linda A.
October 26, 2002
I have told EVERYONE! My surgery is scheduled for December 9th, and I am
telling it all! I am so excited about it and I want everyone to share in
the experience with me. I know others who have had surgery and not told
most people until after they were feeling better, and some who have said
that they were having something else totally. I can respect the decision
to do what YOU feel is the best for YOU! For me, I feel the best about the
whole thing when I can talk to people about it and get all the support that
I can. Some of my friends think that it is maybe not the best thing, but
the respect my decision, and are being very supportive. Don't forget that
rather you tell others, or keep it within a small group of friends and
family for support, it is really all about YOU! I think that YOU should do
what YOU feel is best. Good luck, and just remember, Healthier and Happier
time to come!
— poohdotsmom2
October 26, 2002
I too have told EVERYONE! I have had minimal negative feedback and when
someone has been negative, I have just explained how much research I have
done and shared some of the information I have with them and they have
become supportive. I fell like I have been waiting forever for this surgery
to actually happen and feel really comforted by the prayers of so many that
are praying for me and are supportive of me!!! I have no regrets about
telling anyone!!! Good luck to you and God Bless you on this journey!
<><
— garnet156
October 26, 2002
I told my family I was consdering having it done and they where very
supportive and I told all my friends and had good support but when i told
one of my co-workers she was all negative about it. But I don't listen to
her BS anyways.
— sheri B.
October 26, 2002
I told everybody! It's not like my weight problem was a secret (though I
guess I used to hope so!) and I hoped ot was going to be obvious that I was
losing a lot - they were sure to notice (they better!), so why not? It was
a great decision, I can't imagine being as successful without all the
support I've gotten and to find out how much everyone cared about little
ole me! I even told my students - 140 13 year olds because I missed the
beginning of the school year due to surgery. They love to ask about what I
can and can't eat. And, watching me might inspire someone else to consider
WLS which could help them!!
— jen41766
October 26, 2002
Janine-
I told alot of people, initially close friends, some family and co-workers.
One of my co-workers told everyone else on my floor at work, no everyone
knows. But, it will be obvious. Who else loses 50lbs in 2 mos? Good Luck
— heathercross
October 26, 2002
I felt so confident that I was making the right decision, I told everyone
about it, prior to making my final decision, I only told a selected few,
simply because I wanted to be able to educate those that wouldnt understand
what I was about to do. I waited to tell my mother in law because she is
so overly protective and I wanted to find the right time to tell her which
was apx a month prior to surgery. We were going to have to tell her
anyways because she was going to watch our home for a couple of weeks..
When i told her it was a big releif and she took it well and even helped
out. I am proud of my decision and have no problems telling anyone about
it. Good luck with ur surgery
— Deanna Wise
October 26, 2002
I didnt tell anyone when I was researching WLS and talking to Doctors. It
wasnt until I really decided to do it and had submitted my papers to the
insurance company that I even told my family members. I knew they thought
the surgery was too severe and felt everyone could just diet and get their
weight down. I didnt even tell friends until right before the surgery and
then it was a select few. I felt this was a very private decision. Of
course everyone will see my weight loss, but I say let them wonder!
— wassail76
October 26, 2002
As you can tell from my name on posting I want to be so anonymous about
this surgery. Only my husband, doctor and friend who is in the pipeline
for surgery knows what I am doing this November 14th. I am using comp time
from work. My reasons for this is most people only care to gossip, and
bigger than that I need this private space to compartmentalize this whole
new journey I am going on. I do not want to discuss, explain, justify,
debate etc.. I have made this adult decision in my life of what I need to
do and don't choose to include everyone at the water cooler, breakroom, and
hairdresser. I am using this time researching and preparing myself for
this. Yes, I will discuss this when I'm post-op and on my way--and be the
biggest supporter out there for anyone who wants to hear more--but right
now I need to be selfish and suck all this information from you dear people
at AMOS and not run my mouth with the day to day unfolding of what's going
on in my weight loss world! I think those that aren't facing this are more
intrigued by the desperate, radical step we are taking and that whole
sensationalism than the actual nuts and bolts of this surgery, and
lifestyle changes. Sorry, but I'm not going to be fodder for anyone's
gossip chain--see me when it's all over and then we'll talk.
Now dear AMOS people who I rely on so heavily--I hope you understand me.
My husband, doctor, and psych evaluation person did.....
— Wannabe A.
October 26, 2002
No one knows what I am doing except for my 16 yr old daughter. Even my
parents doesnt know. I wanted to wait until my insurance approves and
surgery date set and then I will tell my parents about this. Also knowing
my mom always spread the news about me, I'm going to make her promise me
not to tell anyone. I want to get a reaction from extended family members
& friends after I start losing the weight. After one year, I will fly
to TX to visit my brother and his family....and I wouldnt be surprised if I
walk right by them while they are trying to look for the "big"
me. LOL
— SxySalsa
October 26, 2002
I told my husband, of course, my mom, and my best friend. I did not tell
any co-workers. I didn't need anyone spoiling this. I had read on this
site of a woman whose medical coverage was through her company and was
self-insured. She told a lot of people at work, and the powers that be
canceled her surgery because they were just plain ignorant about it.
Unless one suffers from morbid obesity, some people have the tendancy to
view it as cosmetic or something equally ridiculous! I also was not
interested in hearing some well meaning person's advice or opinion. We are
adults now, and we can reach our own decisions. I am a bit more open about
it now that it is all said & done, and the bills have been paid, but I
needed my privacy pre op. Every one at work thought I was getting my tubes
tied. I have lost a noticeable 40 pounds now, and very few people have
even commented on it. My life & body really aren't a topic of
conversation at work, and that is fine with me!
— Valerie B.
October 26, 2002
I only told my husband and best friend, and didn't intend to tell anyone
else. But last week I found out that my best friend has told EVERYONE. I
love her dearly but don't feel that was her decision to make when she knew
my feelings on it.
— Deborah R.
October 26, 2002
Surgery for weight loss seems to be becoming one of those "status
symbols". The high incidence of obesity in the U. S. is discussed on
the media frequently. We are lucky to be "ahead of the pack".
But telling "uninformed" persons can be a problem unless you have
an attitude which incites controvery or just appear VULNERABLE TO CRITICS.
Maybe you prefer quiet privacy. Maybe you want to shout if from the rooftop
like I did. I hope you decide - and get on to planning for this great
opportunity coming your way.
— charlene M.
October 26, 2002
I am post-op, but I wanted to put my 2 cents worth in about telling people
about having WLS, I told a neighbor, my family and a couple of my
friends,my family is great.(My imediate family, my hubby, and my 13 year
old that live in the same house), but all the others I told seem to think
this is one big easy piece of cake ( so to speak) even my oldest daughter
seems to think I don't have to do anything, and the weight just drops off,
I exercise every day and eating isn't easy as all of the post-ops on here
know!!! I try to avoid my neighbor now, just for the fact that I know she
is mad or jealous or something, she is always saying something that seems
like jealousy, maybe it's just me, But if I did it all over I wouldn't tell
a soul except for my hubby and my 13 year old daughter!!!!! I worked hard
to lose this weight!!! and I am proud of myself,, it isn't the easy way
out, so be wary who you tell about your surgery, people change as you start
losing weight!!!maybe it's because were changing too!!!!
— bikerchic
October 26, 2002
I told everyone about my surgery beforehand and got nothing but support.
If any of these people had any reservations or negavite feelings about it,
they kept them to themselves. I am almost 11 months post-op and everyone
had been great.
— Patty_Butler
October 26, 2002
I, too, told everyone at my work about my surgery. I figured my drastic
weight loss was going to cause questions and I would rather people talk
about the WLS rather than thinking I was bulemic or just not eating! You
should do what you feel is right for your situation!
— moodymich
October 26, 2002
I have told my parents, my sister, and my boyfriend and a small group of
friends. I've wanted to tell some of my friends myself, but word seems to
have leaked out and I seem to be a topic of gossip. Oh well, maybe someone
will hear about it and it will help them. I haven't had too much trouble
getting support from people. They've either been indifferent or very
helpful - not too many negatives although I have gotten a couple friends
that said "I could NEVER do <i>that</i>!"
— Toni C.
October 26, 2002
I work in a very small office,and have only told one co-worker. I don't
want people gossiping about me. I'm not sure yet what I'll tell them I'm
having done, but it's none of their business. When I start to lose weight I
plan to tell them that I am doing high protein, low carbs and daily
exercise. I have told my parents, and they have given me nothing but
negative feedback. I have been asking them to please take a look at this
website, but so far they haven't. They seem to think that I should be able
to do something on my own; and if I have problems controlling my behaviour
now, what makes me think it will be any different later? It's hard not
having their support. In some ways I regret telling them but I know they
are only concerned for my welfare. Maybe after I have it done, I will feel
differently and I'll be willing to tell anyone who will listen. Hope so. :)
— autumn F.
October 26, 2002
I told people...all my family, friends, hubby talked to co-workers about
it, etc. Now, I wish I had kept my big mouth SHUT! Sure, everyone has
been extremely supportive, but now I feel like I'm under a microscope. I
hear "Can you eat this or that?" "How much have you lost
now?" "How you feeling?" "Taking all your
supplements?" "Can I see your scar?" I mean the questions
are worse than when you're pregnant. The first person who wants to rub my
tummy is in <b>BIG</b> trouble. :>)
— [Deactivated Member]
October 26, 2002
I was open about having the WLS, because I work in a small office and I
assume (correctly) there would be no way to hide it! It turned out it was
a good thing I did, because I had complications and ended up being out of
work for about 11 weeks, which of course is MUCH longer than anticipated.
Also, there are a lot of foods I can't eat, so lunch is sometimes a problem
that I think is relatively visible. However, there are others in our
community who have had WLS who do have more info than I would like released
as a gossip topic. I can ask almost anyone "How is So-and-So,"
and will hear not only how she is doing, but how much she lost and how long
it took to lose it. Everyone knows what So-and-So eats, how much, etc. I
know I'm being talked about too, but not as much because I refuse (with a
smile :) !!!) to tell how much I've lost. So instead of folks saying I lost
x number of pounds, they just say I'm losing. Not as interesting as the
gory details, so they move on to someone else! From day one, when asked
how much I've lost, I just say "It's a secret and I'm not telling!
But I sure feel better!" I don't know what any of my co-workers
weigh...why should they know that kind of detail about me? I think not
posting my exact loss out there has really preserved my privacy. And when
it slows down, I won't have to "justify" the slow-down.
— Linda S.
October 27, 2002
Well, I told my family, because I felt like I would need their support, and
have gotten nothing but positive energy from them. My family is all
overweight. I told my two VERY close friends, because, I didn't want them
to worry about me when I do start to drop the weight. They have seen me
struggle for years. I finally got up the nerve to tell a few people at my
office, and have been met with mixed reviews. I felt like I needed to tell
some people at least, because I drive an hour and a half one way to work.
I was too far from home if something happened to me. I wanted someone to
have an idea of how to help me. You know who needs to know, and who
doesn't need to know. There are some people you are going to want to tell,
and some people that you would just rather not know. I specifically asked
my husband NOT to tell his friends...they would never understand, and I
don't want him to be stuck in a situation where he is asked questions. Use
your best judgement on who to tell. But tell SOMEONE. Let there be
someone in your personal life who you can share this great journey. Best
wishes!!--Ann
— Ann H.
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