Question:
Is anyone else out there having trouble with approval from your spouse?

We have been married for 20 years, I have had 2 c-sections & my gall bladder out with absolutely no problems, I am not scared of surgery in the least. I am 120 lbs overweight right now and looking at a family history of heart disease, diabities and many forms of cancer (some completely undetected because of weight). I have the ok to have this surgery and have a date schedule for 8/7/02. I know a long way off! My husband (who is thin and always will be) does not want me to have this surgery. He wants me to ''just eat the way they tell you to after'' and see what happens. I've tried to explain to him that it's much easier to eat that way after because you do not have the same appetite. He has admitted he knows I have tried all kinds of weight loss methods and worked hard at it. He also acknowledges the fact that I can pretty easily loose 30 lbs but then it stops. Why does he want me to try this way again? Why is he so against it? Is he thinking of himself instead of me? Any insite would be grand. I know in the long run he will be there to support me. I just wish I could help him to understand how much this means to me and this is not going to be just another ''failed'' attempt. Has anyone else out there had the same scenario? Thanks......    — Sue N. (posted on January 6, 2002)

January 6, 2002
Hi Sue! I would take him to a pre-op meeting that your doctor offers. My husband was very concerned when we 1st started to research this surgery, but then he came to one pre op meeting and has supported me ever since. I'm scheduled 1/31/02 and he is even staying in the hospital with me. Good luck!!
   — Jeannette C.

January 6, 2002
Hi. Even though I am not married, I went through the same thing with my boyfriend. He wanted me to eat like I would have to after the surgery and not have the surgery at all. I told him my mind was made up and that if he loved me he would respect my decision. I, too, come from parents (deceased) with heart disease and cancer. I was worried about myself. My sister is a diabetic and watching her inject herself daily was something I didn't want to go through. I had an open RNY 9/17/01 and have lost 75lbs. My boyfriend really did an about face after I lost about 40lbs. He started to see that this surgery was the right move for me to make. He would even consider having it done, as a lost resort he says. During my times of depression post-op DB would encourage me and tell me that I'm going to live another ten years for losing the weight I have now. Does your DH want you unhealthy and to die at an early age or does he want to keep you around a while? I would certainly like to stay around if given the choice and this surgery is the choice you've made. Maybe if you had your doctor talk to your husband and answer any questions or address any fears he has?? It's worth a try. Good luck to you in your upcoming surgery.
   — Jennifer H.

January 6, 2002
Have you had your final pre-op visit with the surgeon I had to bring my husband (who has been supportive) and he made sure we both understood the reasons this surgery is needed and the life long benefits along with the consequences of the surgery.
   — Candace F.

January 6, 2002
I sat my husband down at our computer and had him read as much information on this web site that he could stand. By the time he was finished (about two hours), he was very supportive and ready for me to go forward.
   — Dee P.

January 6, 2002
http://www.wlscenter.com/Significant_Others.htm
   — [Anonymous]

January 6, 2002
thanks for the link. It is really good.
   — [Deactivated Member]

January 7, 2002
I really had to reply to this post as I have gone through the same experience just a few months ago, when I told my wife that I was considering this surgery. She completely opposed it and said she would leave because she couldn't "support" me if I became sick. I seperated two weeks ago because of that and other problems. I think that the best way to go would be to have him speak to one of his or your friends that is overweight. They may be opposed to the surgery, but they can give him a prospective into your life that he may not accept from you. My wife's sister gave my wife the insight that she wouldn't or couldn't get from me. Sometimes the people that are closest to us get too worried about the negatives and can't see the benefits like we can. Remind him of all the diets you have been on and that you DO have the self-control and will-power to eat healthy, the problem is that with us, the craving doesn't go away like it does with quitting smoking. I have quit smoking and prescription painkillers(read my profile), and both are much easier to do than permanently altering your eating habits. I wish you the best and will have you and your spouse in my thoughts.
   — Andrew R.