Question:
Has anyone else suffered the loss of old friends after WLS?
I guess I would have thought my old friends would support me. Two of my old friends have dropped me since my 60 lb weight loss (I'm 4 months post op), saying that they don't want to be my friend. I'm feeling a little lost and lonely. — Margaret G. (posted on November 14, 2003)
November 14, 2003
To blatantly tell you they don't want to be your friend in my opinion, they
were never your friends to begin with. I know this hurts, and I'm very
fortunate not to have "lost" any friends at this point (six
months out). I've been warned by other post ops that if we
"gush" too much about our WLS journey to others, they may get a
little tired of hearing about it. I try to do all my gushing in my support
group meetings and online here. If others ask about it, I will tell them,
otherwise, I try not to talk about it. On the flip side, some people are
scared by our sudden "success" and some are downright jealous.
It's hard to know, but do keep your chin up. The people that truly love
you are the ones that will stick with you through thick and thin. Many
blessings and hugs.
— Happy I.
November 14, 2003
I too have realized this has happend to me. Although within the last year
my life has changed so much since the surgery, Im now engaged. But I saw
my friends becomming more snippy with me. I think the problem was because
I no longer "needed" them emotionally like I used to. I think
they are hurt I no longer need a crutch friend. But even so, you would
think those people would still be your friends even though you dont depend
on them anymore. I guess that hurts when you went from someone who needed
their friends to feel better and now not needed all their support, they no
longer feel important.
— sandrac131
November 14, 2003
I agree with the previous poster. If they told you this, they were never
your friends to begin with. I've found that I have a new world of people
that have been opened to me because of my weight loss. I really haven't
lost any old friends. I try to act the same as I always did, but I KNOW I
have more self confidence and I think this scares some people. You were
never a threat to them before. Now your being noticed and your not the
"fat friend". Your probably looking better then they are and
they can't take it. Move on and find new friends.
— Patty H.
November 14, 2003
You have not lost any friends, because if these people do not want to be
your friends anymore, they were never friends to begin with. Put them
behind you, true friends would be so happy for you and want to share your
success. I have three best friends and they tell me everytime I talk to
them how proud of me they are. They support me, and get as excited as I
do, with every pound I lose. I have even expired one of my friends that is
alittle over weight to do the high protein, low carb diet and she has lost
15 lbs in 3 months, and she and I can talk about her success and mine. She
has not had the surgery, far from needing it, I am 3 months post-op and
down -70 lbs.
<p> I know it hurts when old friends act this way, but keep in mind
that they are wrong, not you. You are not alone, you have all of your AMOS
support and we are very proud of you. Maybe right now these old friends
are jealous of your success, and maybe in time they will come back around,
but right now, try and make new friends, and enjoy getting your
independence back. You need people around you that are uplifting and
encourging, not people that are bringing you down.
— cindy
November 14, 2003
I agree with previous posters...these people were never your true friends
to begin with. My closest friends have been so supportive and proud of me
for each and every pound lost. Maybe take a look at your previous
relationship with these two "old friends", were they people you
used to eat with? Did your relationship revolve around eating? I've seen
this happen to others around me...their "eating buddies" are the
ones who fall to the side because you are no longer a part of that
lifestyle. Are these two old friends overweight? It may be a bit of
jealousy as well. Keep your chin up...you're doing fabulous! Don't let
anyone bring you down. Surround yourself with those who truly love you for
you - you can't go wrong. : )
— Kamy
November 14, 2003
Hi Margaret- I would think about your history with these 2 friends. Were
they kind and supportive in the past? If the answer is yes, I would
swallow my pride, give them a call, and then ask them why they don't wish
to be friends. Then really listen......really. If they have some legit
issues with you, maybe it can be worked out. The reason why I think you
should ask them is that many years ago, my good friend began behaving in a
way that was offensive and hurtful to me. I tried to talk to her about it
several times, even sending her a letter spelling out the problem. But she
didn't HEAR what I was trying to tell her. So I did what your friends are
doing, and told her I didn't want to be friends. Many years later, I heard
that her father passed away and felt terrible. I called her up to make
amends, and we talked about our problems in the past. She FINALLY opened
up to me and told me the reasons that she had behaved in that manner. If
she had only told me at the time I was getting so annoyed, I would have
supported her with her problem that caused the bad behavior towards me.
But if your friends' reasons for ending the friendship are nonsense, then I
agree with the other posters, they're not worth it. Good Luck, Mea :o)
— Mea A.
November 14, 2003
Oops Margaret- It's Mea again- I also forgot to say that their reasons for
ending the friendship may have nothing to do with your weight loss, which
is phenominal by the way:o) It never hurts to ask :o)
— Mea A.
November 14, 2003
What!? ARE THEY 10? Sounds like very shallow people and immature to boot.
I'm sure they are jealous and can't handle the fact you look better than
them. I agree, they aren't friends in time you will realize they were never
friends to begin with. Best of Luck!
— ZZ S.
November 14, 2003
As my cousin said to me, they are jealous! I didn't tell my close friend I
was going to have the surgery cuz' we always had the weight in common. When
I finally did tell her she didn't say anything to me about it, in fact she
waited until the day of surgery to send me a quick good luck note. So while
I was recovering the girl had a tattoo! We'd always talked about doing
something drastic like that, but she tends to do things like that. I got my
naval pierced, she freaked,then she did it. I had the surgery, she won't so
she did something drastic herself. I haven't heard much from her since the
surgery, only e-mails, we live in towns next to each other, no visit no
phone call. <p>But I kinda saw it coming. And in my eyes, if they
choose not to be friends with us because of the surgery, then we are better
off not having a "friend" like that in our lives. Just think if
they harbored all that anger but still remained your "friend".
You are better off, despite the mourning of the loss of friendship, you'll
find better ones!<p> Lap RNY 8/19/03 268/196/150 -72#'s
— Michawn
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