Question:
This is probably a really stupid question, but.....
has anyone pre-op began to feel fat. Even though I am severely morbidily obese I have never really felt fat. However now I am more aware of how fat I am and that is causing me to act fat. Does anyone understand what I mean. Kinda stupid huh? Also since I feel fat now I am acting fat by getting short of breath and aches and pains are more severe. Is this normal????? — suzcar51 (posted on January 9, 2003)
January 9, 2003
Oh, I know what you mean. All of a sudden I can hardly stand being in my
body. And my knees and such seem to hurt worse. I think we are all of a
sudden aware of what this weight is doing to us.
— Kim N.
January 9, 2003
Yeah about a week or two ago im in my bed room getting ready for church and
i looked in the mirror and began to get depressed i was in such a sucky
mood for a bout a week. I just know that I look like a fat pig in every
thing i put on. but im 7 days away from the rest of my life so i put it in
Gods hands that he will take care of me..
— 5YRLOOSER
January 9, 2003
Oh my gosh.... That is exactly how I felt. Except it wasnt because of the
aches and pains it was because I was ashamed. When before I didn't even
think of it, but about 2 months before surgery I didnt want to even leave
the house. I felt everywhere I went people stared even though I have never
had a negitive experiance I am sure they talked about me as I went by, I
just never caught them. My self confidence was like bottom of the barrel. I
am still struggling with that. I don't really know how to except a
complement now but I am working in it. I am glad to know that I am not the
only one who felt that way....
— Subrina D.
January 9, 2003
I am sorry...I had to laugh when I read the term "acting fat". I
know exactly what you mean though. When I was waiting for my surgery date
it's like all of a sudden I realized just HOW fat I was. But as I got
closer to my surgery date it didn't bother me anymore, because I knew that
my body would be changing for the better soon.
— fropunka
January 9, 2003
I look back to my days immediately pre-op and have to say that I felt much
the same. I think its because I finally got the point of getting out of
denial and accepting the fact that I was MORBIDLY OBESE. Just using those
words and being able to use them to describe myself was a big step toward
my accepting my situation for what it was and then taking the steps
required to fight and win this battle. Its funny, because as we lose
weight, the opposite thing happens, we can't see ourselves as thin or
normal, having finally realized just how FAT we really were. Good luck!
Marla, open RNY 2/12/02, -127 lbs, 24 to goal!
— Marla H.
January 9, 2003
I agree 100%, lol, since I have started researching wls I have felt old and
tired and overweight and my body hurts, I find myself out of breath easier
and several other problems.
But I think in my case, I had them before, but refused to admit it
becauset that would mean I was really as overweight as I was. Now that I
have come to terms with myself and my size and am prepared to do something
about it, I can admit to myself how bad I really feel.
— Mary M.
January 9, 2003
Yep I'm feeling my fatness now that the surgery is upon me. The other day
I went out with some friends and we stopped off at Coldstones for ice cream
and for the first time I really felt fat. I felt very uncomfortable
waiting in line surrounded by skinny people waiting for some very fattening
ice cream. I've always been comfortable with my body (except when looking
at pictures of myself) and never hesitated to confront the
"skinny" folk who would make comments under their breath or on
the sly. But that night, I felt the impact of my fat and was feeling
ashamed.
<p>
I was talking about this to a friend of mine, who is 7 month postop and
doing her doctorial dessertation on the psychological aspects of WLS. She
explained it like this (which made a lot of sense to me). We are preparing
for the oncoming change that surgery will bring in doing so we are finally
becoming aware of how fat we are and the impact of being fat. Also while
being fat we have insolated ourselves partly because we feel helpless to
make significant change and partly because we are protecting ourselves from
the criticism of others. Now that there is a real possibility of being
"normal" and slim we are seting aside our defenses or taking the
chip off our shoulders. In doing so we become more aware of the impact of
being fat.
<p>Take Care, Be well, and Be Happy!
— John T.
January 9, 2003
I can say a definite YES to this, but while it makes me feel bad sometimes,
being so much more aware of my "fatness" and accepting the MO
term...in another way it's been positive for me... I've always felt very
inferior to my thinner peers, trying so hard to wear "thin"
fashions instead of fat-lady clothes, pretending to eat well while around
other people, and feeling so damned unhappy all the time... but now that I
am planning on having WLS, I am actually MORE confident of myself. I'm
wearing what is comfortable, whether it's completely fashionable or not.
I'm eating the foods I want to eat, since I know it will be a while before
I can enjoy them, and most importantly... I'm not feeling like I need to
hide myself, or blend into the background... because I know that at this
time next year, I'll be a "normal" size, and just knowing that, I
can hold my head up high...I discuss my plans with people so they'll
understand the surgery, and I am accepting that I've done all I can do to
lose weight, and it's just not possible on my own...so instead of feeling
"guilty" about my weight, I just consider it a part of who I am
now, but not who I'll be forever.
— Kelly B.
January 9, 2003
Yes, I agree. I know I am MO, but until I started researching WLS I never
felt FAT. I feel so fat now, and seem so much more aware. I have alot of
co-mobilities, and this is the first time in 5 years that, my diabetes is
under control, by blood pressure is normal, my blood thinner is under
control, my asthma is under control, I feel so good for a change, that now
I can really feel the weight.
— cindy
January 9, 2003
Same here too. Years ago, when I first heard about WLS, I always
considered it an option only for those people so large, they needed cranes
to lift them out of their houses. In 2000, someone I knew personally had
WLS, but he was close to 500 pounds, so I didn't consider it an option for
me. But in early 2001, his brother had WLS, and he was much closer to my
size. When I started doing research about WLS for myself, I couldn't
believe that I was fat enough to need this surgery. I couldn't believe I
was morbidly obese. But I was. I act to finally admit I was fat...not
heavy, not full figured, not a BBW...I was FAT. In order to justify this
surgery to myself, I forced myself to look at myself naked in the mirror
every morning. No more hiding that body behind oversized tops and such. As
a result, I became fully aware of what I looked like - and stopped
pretending I "carried" the weight well. I had no co-morbidities,
but I had had knee surgery back in 1999, and I was warned by the surgeon
that at my current weight, I would destroy both my knees within 5 years,
with no hope of knee replacement until I lost weight. My knee constantly
hurt, never fully healed, and I wasn't able to walk for any lenghth of
time. Talk about a catch-22. How was I going to lose weight when I wasn't
able to do any kind of exercising? My knee was at it's worse the last month
or so prior to my surgery....it hurt all the time. I used to joke that it
had a mind of it's own and it was going to do everything in it's power to
remind me of why I needed this surgery! 13 months later, 101 pounds
lighter, and my knee never hurts - ever! I can walk any distance and wear 3
inch heels, and not ever the slightest ache. BTW - I still stand naked in
front of a mirror every day, so that I never will be able to delude myself
again of what I really look like.
— Cyndie K.
January 9, 2003
I agree with all the below...My knees ache and I look in the mirror now and
see this huge whale. I also always think people are talking about me and
looking at my fat. I used to never be that way. Whenever I would comments
I would cuss them out. Now I still go to clubs and stuff but am totally
self-conscious. I feel really fat...I guess I've always been big but
admitting I am morbidly obese has really had an affect on me. I'm no
longer in denial about my condition...
— Morna B.
January 9, 2003
I had my surgery in September of last year. When I went for my
consultation in April of last year, it was the first time I had weighed
since 1999. It was like someone had taken a cast iron skillet and knocked
me over the head with my own morbid obesity. What a realization that was!
I was the exact same way (as you) while waiting for surgery after that. I
let my 'fatness' become a conscious part of my everday life while before, I
had been accustomed to closing my eyes to it and trying not to think about
it. I felt like an alcoholic who had just realized that he/she has a
drinking problem! Good luck!
— Jamie H.
January 9, 2003
I find that I, too, am more aware of the fat. I was kinda settled with
being this size as I have failed so much in the past with weight loss. I
guess I had accepted myself. Then the idea of WLS came about, and became on
obsession. I have not had surgery yet, but really looking forward to it. I
can no longer look at myself in the full legnth mirror. I hate wearing
Jeans and certain shirts. I think as we get closer to that 'dream' we all
have had about being healthy and smaller, we become intolerate of ourselves
and what we look like.
— Jan S.
January 9, 2003
Hi yall this is my very first post here and i couldnt let this one pass me
by.I am scheduled or a consultation in March for WLS.I have researched and
considered it off and on for several years and like many of you I knew that
I was extremely overweight but was in denial,always thinking but I am
pretty healthy and I dont look THAT bad I carry the weight so well.Well the
realization came for me after being injured in a car accident on 11/25/02.I
have been getting treated for an injury to my knee and was required to have
an MRI to look for tears in the ligaments and cartilege.The Dr. who I am
seeing is so very nice and polite that when he recieved the report he told
me that nothing was torn but that there are signs of DJD and that it would
help if I lost wt to help prolong the need for a knee replacement.The
thought of a knee replacement was enough in itself to make me start to seek
surgical options.I asked the Drs office for a copy of the MRI report hoping
that it will help me get approved for my surgery,I had thought what the Dr
had said about the knee replacement was bad enough but reading the way the
report was actually worded and what the Dr had been too polite to say
actually had me breaking down in tears, as a matter of fact Im crying again
as I type this now. The report repeatedly used the terms excessively
large,extreme overweight,severe obesity etc etc.So now I have to stop
hiding behind my minds image and see the true me, I have also started
looking in full length mirrors and now I see what others have seen for
years and I am determined not to be seen or described in this way again.
Thanks for letting me vent here and sorry so long Good Luck and Congrats to
all here!
— Lisa F.
January 9, 2003
I think it comes from now knowing that there is an option, there is hope,
and wanting to "hurry up and get on with it." Before researching
WLS I felt there was no hope, I would just remain fat for life. Then once
you know you're going to have surgery, once you spend countless hours here
looking at Before & After pics, you become mind-numbingly aware of your
body. Don't despair my sweet pre-ops! Soon you'll be feelin' groovy :) -
Anna LAP RNY 7/3/02 -104lbs. p.s. For awhile you'll still feel fat post-op.
From what other post-ops say, it takes time for the mind to catch up with
the body.
— Anna L.
January 9, 2003
Suzanne - great question! I totally know how you feel. I have never felt
fatter than I do right now. For years, I've tried diets (veteran of many
Weight Watcher attempts), exercise, whatever I could to lose a few pounds.
Having 235 be a thin weight for me! I guess I had tried to accept that
this is what my life would be like forever. But I still hated that it had
to be that way. Now that I know WLS may be an option for me, I've kind of
withdrawn even more. I don't want to be seen as much in public, I feel
angry even. I want this to happen so much, and right now!! I've become
obsessed with this. I'm really feeling my age and weight now - knees and
feet hurt, back hurts, headaches, fatigue, battling depression. I still
can't believe this will really happen, and I think the anger is coming from
that. What will I do with my life if it doesn't happen? I am so glad this
site is here. Our feelings and emotions can get so raw, we have to vent
and get it out. Good luck in your journey.
— Carlita
January 9, 2003
I totally know what you mean. I myself, am the same way. I'm not speaking
bad against the site or anything, but before I came here I was kind of in
denial, about the whole weight thing. But then I came here, and realized I
waws accepted no matter what size, and all of a sudden, I started feeling
fat. Getting aches and pains, and everything. I think it's a mind thing. I
just wish I knew a way to get out of it.
— Laydie K.
January 9, 2003
It's called DENIAL!!! We have all been there, as a matter of fact I think
the reason I couldn't notice any weight loss for the 1st 60 lbs, is because
I wouldn't let my eyes actually see what I looked like before. I think
part of making this a success in the long run is to deal with how we feel
about our bodies. I think when we fail at so many diets, our only survival
key is denial (at least it was for me). Before surgery, I was so adamant
that I didn't eat that much. Now in hindsite, WOW, did I eat! For
halloween, my kids usually had their candy gone within a week, but this
year I just threw away ALOT of candy still unopened. Why!? I think that
they used to eat it alot faster for fear good old mom would be eating it!
LOL! This is the best thing I have ever done for myself, and what you are
going through now is just part of the healing process, we have to get past
denial to make this a success! Good luck!
— Dana B.
January 9, 2003
Suzanne - Wow! I was just telling a co-worker about this very issue this
morning!! I had never let my weight stop me from doing anything but since
I've started the WLS process I've noticed that I've become more
"aware" of my obesity. I
am glad of this new awareness because now I know I am making the right
choice for me to have surgery. Good luck to you!
— Michelle Y.
January 10, 2003
I'm pre-op and I know exactly what you are going through. I was in DENIAL
about the effects of my weight on body and I wanted to PROVE that I was
just as active and capable as my skinny counterparts. I didn't want to
complain to my doctors because it seemed whenever I had an ailment I was
always told that it's because of my weight. My eyeballs could hurt and the
doctor would tell me it's because I'm overweight. When I started this
surgeny I had to be honest with myself and stop ignoring the signs that my
frame couldn't handle the 300 extra pounds I was carrying around. I just
hang on to the hope that one day soon I won't have the intense aches and
pains that I now bear. Vesta
— vesta D.
January 10, 2003
Right before my surgery I had the same feeling. I guess I never realized
how fat I truly was. I've always lived with the fat and it really didn't
bother me too much to be in shorts or a bathing suit. Looking back now
after losing 150 pounds, I realize how much better I feel. I'm not out of
breath, arthritis doesn't bother me in the knees, I can walk without having
to stop and believe it or not I took a new job quite a ways from my train
station so that I could get my walk in every day. I turned down a job
because it was just a "hop, skip and jump" from the train (I work
in Chicago).
— dolphins94
January 10, 2003
Oh my goodness -- this is not a stupid question!!! You are sooooo normal.
I've spent the last year working with my therapist on my food, weight, and
body issues and finally in July was at the bottom of dispair. Then I began
researching WLS and discovered that I was super morbidly obese -- oh my God
-- did that hit me like a ton of bricks! I always 'thought' of myself as
fat and overweight, but like many who have responded to this question, I
never 'felt' fat except when pre-menstral. But what happened for me, was
that like someone else mentioned earlier, I got in touch with how ashamed I
have always felt about my weight and my body and then had a very powerful
insight about the origins of my shame. God love my mother, but she herself
is MO and when I was a child she would say "you'd be so much prettier
if you were thin" and warn me about becoming as large as a girl my
older sister went to school with, who "waddled" when she walked.
My mother is not an intentionally mean person, and much of this was said
out of concern for my future health (she new what the future would bring)
and her own fears and shame. But I interpretted my mother's words to mean
that she was ashamed of me because of my weight. And I also felt that I
was supposed to be ashamed of my mother's body because of the obesity.
This insight was so powerful that it brought me to my knees in tears. Then
I called my mother and had the most healing, loving conversation with her
about the weight, the shame and our bodies. When I hung up, I felt
released from my shame and such a sense of freedom. In a very short period
of time, I no longer felt ashamed nor fat. I now walk with confidence and
feel consistently happier than I've ever experienced in my life. I don't
know what post-op will bring, but when I signed up for this journey, I
never in a million years would have believed that I could find freedom from
shame. Had I not begun the work with my therapist and had I not begun
researching WLS, this freedom may never have crossed my path. I feel like
I'm walking in the light. You shall know that truth and the truth shall
set you free.
— rebalspirit
January 10, 2003
Oh my goodness -- this is not a stupid question!!! You are sooooo normal.
I've spent the last year working with my therapist on my food, weight, and
body issues and finally in July was at the bottom of dispair. Then I began
researching WLS and discovered that I was super morbidly obese -- oh my God
-- did that hit me like a ton of bricks! I always 'thought' of myself as
fat and overweight, but like many who have responded to this question, I
never 'felt' fat except when pre-menstral. But what happened for me, was
that like someone else mentioned earlier, I got in touch with how ashamed I
have always felt about my weight and my body and then had a very powerful
insight about the origins of my shame. God love my mother, but she herself
is MO and when I was a child she would say "you'd be so much prettier
if you were thin" and warn me about becoming as large as a girl my
older sister went to school with, who "waddled" when she walked.
My mother is not an intentionally mean person, and much of this was said
out of concern for my future health (she new what the future would bring)
and her own fears and shame. But I interpretted my mother's words to mean
that she was ashamed of me because of my weight. And I also felt that I
was supposed to be ashamed of my mother's body because of the obesity.
This insight was so powerful that it brought me to my knees in tears. Then
I called my mother and had the most healing, loving conversation with her
about the weight, the shame and our bodies. When I hung up, I felt
released from my shame and such a sense of freedom. In a very short period
of time, I no longer felt ashamed nor fat. I now walk with confidence and
feel consistently happier than I've ever experienced in my life. I don't
know what post-op will bring, but when I signed up for this journey, I
never in a million years would have believed that I could find freedom from
shame. Had I not begun the work with my therapist and had I not begun
researching WLS, this freedom may never have crossed my path. I feel like
I'm walking in the light. You shall know that truth and the truth shall
set you free.
— rebalspirit
January 10, 2003
WOW... your question could not have had better timing. As with all of the
previous posters... I never saw myself as I really am. Lately... in fact
within the last three days... I have felt so huge, tired, and breathless. I
have noticed that my wedding rings are starting to bother me because of my
fat fingers. I look at the portion sizes of food that eat (my normal) and
think... "oh, I hope that no one else notices how much I'm
eating". Nothing in my life has changed, not my weight, not my portion
sizes, not the way I look. The only thing that has changed is that I'm now
less than two weeks away from my initial consult with the surgeon (January
20th). After reading your question and all of the posts/answers posted
here... I realize that I must just now be realizing/seeing what others see
when they look at me. How could I not have known? It's like the fact that I
look at myself in the mirror every morning... but when I see a picture of
myself I'm shocked at how big I look. Why do we not see the real picture of
ourselves everyday? How could I not have seen the real me until now?
— Kimberly B.
January 10, 2003
My goodness !! There are so many of us out here. I can say I agree with
basically everyone. I am scheduled for the initial consult in March and
have been since November. At first I felt the same and satisfied I made the
decision. Then it hit me. Just how old (41) and fat I look and feel. I have
diabetes, but had it under pretty good control. Not anymore. Just can't
seem to get it back down. I've always been self-conscious but lately it's
worse. I went back to work on Jan 8th after being off since New Years and
5-6 people in my department have decided to do the Weight Watcher's thing.
Now granted, there are a few of them that are overweight. But nowhere near
my weight. Now here's the best part. When you hear somone who weighs maybe
150, show someone a picture of herself and she says "I have to lose
weight, look at what a heifer I am". Before, I wouldn't ahve liked it
and maybe even made the comments that these people are fishing for. You
know, "You're not fat"..etc. This time I was deeply offended. If
she thinks she's a heifer, what am I? This is a person I WAS close to and
considered a friend. Even though the comment was directed at me, I was
there and heard it. So, yes. I feel fatter than ever and can't wait to go
under the knife. None of the "bad" stories I have read have
discouraged and they won't. I am tired of this body and of feeling this
way. You are not alone in how you feel.
— Tammyjo
January 10, 2003
Sorry for the typo..The comment I was talking about WASN'T directed at me.
At least I don't think so. I think paranoia is a part of being fat. What
do you think? Or is it just me ?? LOL
— Tammyjo
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