Question:
HOw do we reassure family?
I cried from a broken heart yesterday when my oldest sweetest son ducked hishead to avoid me see his tears. my 2 boys are so afraid I will die from this surgery. Even as I write this I have a knot in my throat and tears in my eyes, how do we assure our love ones about the surgery. I feel so ashamed of myself and selfish for not being able to do this on my own. My surgery is in 15 days and I know without a doubt I have to do this.( A man 6 blocks down died in his home of a hear attack yes obesity was the cause) I just don't know how to handle this. Help if you can. — Lisa W. (posted on July 11, 2002)
July 11, 2002
To reassure your children, you MUST be (or give the impression of being)
totally unconcerned about it yourself. Is anyone your children knows
telling them that you might die during surgery? Where did they get this
idea? Stress to them that this won't kill you, instead it will make you
healthier! Be excited when you explain that the surgery will enable you to
ride a bike with them, and do other things with them as well. If you are
worried, they will pick up on that! You will do just fine, dear, and your
life will be altered forever .... in a GOOD way! :)
Maryjane
— photographer45
July 11, 2002
You poor dear. What a tough situation. Hang in there. You just have to get
through the next 15 days. I can tell you that once I was through the
surgery part, Everyone got much more excited abut this surgery for me, and
later when they saw my energy returning, they were even happier. This is
definitely a hard part hang in there.
T
— Tracey L.
July 11, 2002
Lisa, first of all, are you passing on your nervousness to your kids-kids
are very perceptive. If they see you worry or fret, they will too. So put
a positive spin on it for them. Shouldn't be hard to do as you tell them
of all the fun things mom will finally be able to do with them, like fit on
carnival rides, water slides, bike ride, chase them etc...you'll be fine
and in fact are taking a positive step to ensure that you are around to see
your kids grow up
— Cindy R.
July 11, 2002
I guess I should have told you my boys are 20 and 23yrs old, and I have
been so positive on my journey to WLS, but their fear is still there.
— Lisa W.
July 11, 2002
I would let them know the dangers and risks of death due to obesity. Let
them know that life is short any route you take. They need to not fear
death as God is the only one knows when and where we going to go home with
him. Let you sons know that if you don't do this....you will most
definitly die from obesity. That God gave you the opportunity for this
surgery and you want to take it because you know that it is what will let
you live longer and enjoy what time you have left. I think that if you
show them you are not afraid of the surgery that they will tend to feel the
same way. Make a few jokes too to keep things lite. Like...If I were you
son, I would be afraid of how I will beat you at (sport) once my weight is
off! LOL
Take care hon, you will prove that this surgery is a life saver not a
killer!
— Michelle J.
July 11, 2002
My brothers are 22 and 26 and both of them are very scared for me. My
oldest brother works in surgery and has seen some things go wrong, and he
doesn't want me to be the "one" it happens to. I have prayed
about this for 2 years now and I feel it's the right thing to do, that I am
educated and ready. I have shared the good and the bad. I think maybe
sometimes they are afraid to lose us. Like I am always there now. Just
reassure them, and feel very privileged that your boys are so genuine and
caring...you have done a great job raising two boys that have feelings! I
think that is awesome. My prayers are with you!
— MF
July 11, 2002
I'm only in the process of having this done, however, everyone is very
supportive except for my parents. It makes me feel bad, but it's because
they are scared. I found this site
www.wlscenter.com/Significant_others.htm and I printed out the letter and
let my mom read it. sometimes someones fears gets in the way of what the
best thing to do is. And no matter how much people love us and want the
best, unless the person is dealing with the pain and problems of the weight
they may never fully understand. Tell your sons you love them, try to keep
the subjected lighthearted(so it doesn't seem to scary) and get them
involved. Show them tons of information. A good thing is to let them read
postings of all the people who have had the surgery and are ok and how
happy they are. People feel more control if they are more informed. good
luck. feel free to email me wioth any questions
kelli
— kelli L.
July 11, 2002
TAKE A POST OP TO DINNER! Find one who has lost a good bit of weight, and
have them talk of the changes in their life. See they CAN still eat a nice
meal:) Or take your family to a support group meeting. Either should help
their fears. Thats what I did. Both pre op and post op to help others...
— bob-haller
July 11, 2002
I thibk BOB had a great idea! It will be comforting to you too. My best
friend was so anti surgery for herself, supportive for me. Now that I am 2
months post op and she see's how "normal: my life is, not to mention
my great weight loss! She asked me to take her to the meeting about WLS my
surgeon has this week!!!!!! So seeing is believing.
Granted, each person needs to make their own decision and take
responsability for it and everyone reacts differently. But when you
actually see a WLS postop living normally it makes a big impression.
— robyn R.
July 12, 2002
My youngest son was very scared about my having the surgery. He wrote me a
letter and gave it to me a few days before my surgery telling me how he
felt. One of the things he suggested to help him (Unfortunately he didn't
tell me this earlier) was that if he'd been able to attend support group
meetings with me, he may have understood it all better. I didn't even
think he'd be interested in something like that.......but obviously I was
wrong. I think having them attend the support groups and involving them as
much as possible in the whole process would really help.
Good luck and best wishes for a speedy recovery on your surgery!
— jeannieree
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