Question:
I am very angry with myself! Help
One week postop, Very angry at myself for doing this. Hate myself infact. Realized how vain I am with myself and how everyone loves me for me and Im putting myself through a painful process for skinniness. I feel as though even though Ive had the surgery I will never be skinny anyways, because Ive never been skinny, for petes sake, my goal weight is 237, I was 305 before surg, BMI of 60. Am I being to hard myself? Why am I just so incredibly angry at myself for this. And think this isnt going to work. I havent even got a correct weight loss yet because I dont want to. My hubby looked at the scale for me because I refused to and I know Ive lost I guess 15lbs possible, <I didnt want a direct answer because I hate failure he just told me between 12-17lbs> Im very uhm negative on the aspect of everything and dont think even this surgery will make me skinny. Whats wrong with me? — suisenmidori (posted on June 18, 2002)
June 18, 2002
Brandy, you are not a bad person!! I too have had oodles of anger post op.
I am 3+ weeks out and still have days were I am extremely angry at everyone
and everything. However, I am prone to depression and I did go back on an
anti-anxiety drug to help me get through this period. I hope to get off of
anti-depressants when I am healthier. Brandy, you have to concsiously
remind yourself why you had this sgy. It wasn't to "be skinny".
You wanted to have a healthier, longer life with your family. You wanted to
love yourself like you have never been able to before. This sgy. was an act
of love by you, for you. I hope you feel better soon. Remember, this too
shall pass. We are here if you neeed us. Always remember that!!! Best of
luck! Mary
— MARY W.
June 18, 2002
Was your motivation in having surgery to "get skinny"? If you
only did this for cosmetic reasons, then you may not be totally happy with
the result, since it won't make you into an Ally McBeal. The surgery will,
however, get you about as skinny as your body can get. (Make sense?) I am
a tall, muscular woman and went from 407 to 224 in 15 months. I am still
losing (slowly), but only hope to get to about 190 before I stop losing
completely. You WILL succeed, but only if you stop that self-loathing
attitude and get with the program.
— Terissa R.
June 18, 2002
Hi Brandy: What you're feeling is VERY normal. Your body has gone thru
major trauma....the only thing I can offer is that it does get
better....Don't be so hard on yourself...you didnt do it to be
skinny...with a BMI of 60 you did it to save your life girl!!!! don't be
angry...just follow your dr orders and everyone here on this site PROMISES
it does get better...and your mental attitude will get better also as you
see drastic results....E MAIL ME IF YOU NEED TO
[email protected] we've ALL been there and have had
the same feelings as you did at this point........
— Joi G.
June 18, 2002
Hang in there, Brandy! Most people feel pretty awful not only physically
but emotionally also after a major shock to their bodies. You are still
precessing out all of the major chemicals used for anesthesia and pain.
Take good care of yourself and give it a couple of weeks, you'll probably
be amazed at how much better you feel. If this feeling of gloom hangs on
after about the 6th week out, you may wish to speak to your Doctor about
it.
— Bobbie B.
June 18, 2002
Give yourself a little time. I am five weeks post op, I felt the same way
you do four weeks ago. I now look and feel great. I went from 268 pounds
to 225 so far. A size 22/24 to 14/16. I no longer regret it at all. I
can go out to eat and eat pretty much what I want just in limited amounts.
I feel so much better it is amazing, my energy hass soared along with I
have so much more confidence. This is the best thing I ever did, you'll
see it will get better.
— Linda A.
June 18, 2002
It's normal to go through the "what have I done to myself"
syndrome. But keep in mind - you didn't do this to get skinny. You did
this to BE HEALTHY and to live as long a life as you are able. Being
skinny is a great side benefit but should never be the reason we have
surgery, or at least not the major reason. Give yourself time to heal and
adjust, you've done a major thing to your body. Also keep in mind that
your hormones are really out of wack as you go through surgery and lose
weight. Dealing with the loss of food as your crutch will probably also
become and issue. Keep your chin up, this too shall pass. You're doing
great!
— [Deactivated Member]
June 18, 2002
boy i could have written that question a few weeks ago. I am 6 1/2 weeks
post op and down 33 pounds. i was a little discouraged at first because the
other girls that had their surgery the same time as me have lost more. then
i thought about it this way. there is no way i could carry 3-10 pounds bags
of potatoes, or 6-5 pounds bags of sugar, yet i did it for so many years
and never thought about it. i still have my discouraging days, but each day
i'm feeling a little better. today i am wearing clothes that my boss gave
me. the pants are a size 22/24. i can't tell you the last time i wore that
size and there's even room to spare...hang in there it will get better.
anytime you just need a shoulder to cry on, email [email protected]
— candymom64
June 18, 2002
My surgery is July 26th, lately I've been saying, who am I kidding you will
always be fat, I feel like people think I'm cheating by doing this. But I
DO deserve this and I WILL be healthy and thin. So keep your head held high
because it's our time to be happy.
— Lisa W.
June 18, 2002
Brandy, I am 4 weeks post op. I am losing weight and have finally gotten my
energy back... It just takes time. My head still plays weird tricks on
me...emotionally... Yet I continue to lose weight. Our bodies are sucreting
hormones as we lsoe weight, which affect us in so many ways. In times of
contemplation I take into account that after one month I have reduced my
insulin from 220 units a day to 25 units.... No more asthma medication,
blood pressure or heart pills. Incontenance has dissappeared..... It just
takes time. Good luck. my profile is on the site, so if you ever want to
email me please feel free to do so! hang in there!
— Linda M.
June 19, 2002
Hi, I have not had surgery yet but my doctor warned me about this feeling
that you are having. He said the first month is the worst and you get down
and want a revision. He said he has not had a patient yet who has not gone
through it. He warns all of his patients before hand. Just keep telling
yourself, this too shall pass! Even in scripture it says it came to pass.
You don't see it came to stay and last forever!! Take care and hang in
there. YOu can do it!!
— Angela H.
June 19, 2002
God Bless you. I know when I had my surgery in November, I felt the same
way. I think we all do at one time or another. I even told a friend, if I
had known exactly how I would feel, I would never have gone through with
it, I also told her I wouldn't do it again. I cried non stop, wanted to
eat, wouldn't eat because I couldn't have what I wanted. I couldn't drink
the water I was supposed to, nothing made me happy. I couldn't figure out,
why I did it. I had been happy at 300, everyone loved me, maybe I had
wished for a better look, but I was happy.Now, I sing a different tune. I
look back and realize now, that I was so unhappy. Even though I thought I
was happy I wasn't. I hope this helps, please email me if you have any
questions! {{{{{HUGS}}}}
— Katrina M.
June 19, 2002
Brandy,
I had my surgery on the 17th and came home yesterday. Yes, I am in
some pain, but it will be woreth it to go up a flight of stairs and not
feel like I am going to pass out, to be able to get down on the floor and
get back up again.
What I'm trying to tell you is to keep reminding yourself of all the good
reasons you chose to have this surgery.
Also, I got off the pain meds completely yesterday. They made me feel
worse emotionally and didnt help with the pain that much. Good luck!
E-mail me at [email protected] if you want to talk.
— Loretta E.
July 17, 2002
Say to yourself so what if I don't get skinny. If I get to a healthy
weight and feel great then that's wonderful. Just because you may have
done this for vanity's sake you still get the benefit of good health and a
longer life. Don't self destruct now. You are at a great beginning with
15lbs in one week.
— Carmen K.
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