I am very angry with myself! Help

One week postop, Very angry at myself for doing this. Hate myself infact. Realized how vain I am with myself and how everyone loves me for me and Im putting myself through a painful process for skinniness. I feel as though even though Ive had the surgery I will never be skinny anyways, because Ive never been skinny, for petes sake, my goal weight is 237, I was 305 before surg, BMI of 60. Am I being to hard myself? Why am I just so incredibly angry at myself for this. And think this isnt going to work. I havent even got a correct weight loss yet because I dont want to. My hubby looked at the scale for me because I refused to and I know Ive lost I guess 15lbs possible, <I didnt want a direct answer because I hate failure he just told me between 12-17lbs> Im very uhm negative on the aspect of everything and dont think even this surgery will make me skinny. Whats wrong with me?

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