Question:
Not where I wanted to be and I feel like a failure...need emotional support
I had RNY a little over 2 years ago but stopped losing weight after about a year. I know it was due to my own stupidity. I decided to try sugar and have been battling it ever since. I've always been an emotional eater and stress has been a real problem for me in the last year (starting nursing school, husband lost his job, had to declare bankruptcy, found out it's going to take a miracle to get pregnant because husb has some medical probs, mom has had some medical problems, had to pretty much stop working because nursing school is about all I can handle, have been totally flat broke for the last 6 months). I find myself doing everything I'm not supposed to. I graze, eat sweets, and don't exercise like I should. I even ran into some problems in the last year with alcohol. I've since stopped drinking because I was afraid I'd become an alcoholic (I really liked the feeling). I feel like such a failure and I know I only have myself to blame. Not only have I not lost any more weight, I've gained about 10 pounds in the last month. I'm pulling straight A's in school, I've lost 140 pounds, I've done some things I never thought I'd do (walked the Mackinac Bridge last year-5 miles!) and I know I should be thankful and proud of myself. But, I still weigh 260 pounds and if I'm not careful I'm going to get back up to 400 pounds! I know that WLS is only a tool and I know what I need to do but I'm having trouble getting rid of the guilt and shame and starting over again. Any suggestions? Thanks for any input. — Kellie L. (posted on June 10, 2002)
June 10, 2002
Hey, Kellie/ sounds like you have done pretty well, I mean, without the
surgery, where do you think you would be today, sounds like you might have
stumbled a bit, but not much harm has been done/ you could easily "get
back on the horse" without a lot of trouble, YOU CAN DO IT!!! I know
you can, after what you have already accomplished/ e-mail me if you like,
I had rny 9/27/01/ (revision from failed stomach stapling, so I know about
the feeling of failure) my e-mail is: [email protected] I wish you
the best/ Patti Meadows
— peppermintp
June 10, 2002
Kellie,
I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time. You have a tremendous
amount of pressure on you right now and although food and alcohol may feel
like the solution it sounds like it's actually adding more stress on you.
I know you are financially strapped however you really need to get some
counseling to deal with your stress, to develop new coping skills, and
probably to just have some support from an unbiased person. Most colleges
have free or low cost counseling available to students, be kind to yourself
and utilize these services. My prayers are with you and I know you can do
it! I mean being a nurse takes guts and you are doing it with straight
A's! Hang tough!
— psychdoc B.
June 10, 2002
Kellie,
Please don't feel like a failure. You have succeeded in so many ways.
Just the fact that you are maintaining those grades in nursing school alone
is a phenominal accomplishment. I admire the fact that you have taken so
much on and have done so well. The only thing that comes to mind is to
take one obstacle at a time. Small goals have always gotten me thru rough
spots. Sometimes I know it seems like you are over your head, but just
remember, God never gives us more than we can handle. Step back, take a
deep breath and just start from where you are this minute. You are not
starting over.
Best of luck to you and feel free to write me anytime.
— Kathy M.
June 10, 2002
So you fell on your butt. Pick yourself back up, lift your head up high
and get back on track. You can do it. The important thing is you realize
your mistakes. I'm messing up too here and there and have had to stop and
take a good assessment of my own situation. That's why we're here for each
other. Look straight ahead, don't look back, and keep on keepin on. Best
wishes. USE YOUR TOOL.
— Annie H.
June 10, 2002
Kelli,
Hang in there hon... Geez you do have a lot of stress on you... but look
how far you have come and all of your accomplishments thus far, geez girl
you used to weigh 400 lbs... you walked the Mackinac Bridge... you are
pulling some awesome grades in nursing school... and once you finish
nursing school look at what a great asset you will be in the medical
field... g friend you can do it just step back and reasses, you have a
wonderful tool to work with... I am now in the beginning stages of falling
off the wagon (I'm 14mos out) I love sugar and I have once again taken up
smoking (cigs that is lol) after not smoking in 2 yrs I know it is harder
than hell but hang in there... I have gone thru the job loss thing and
bankruptcy and being flat broke too (that was b4 wls) but my outlook is
things will get worse and they can then get better... once again hang in
there and feel free to e me if you need to talk. You have a wonderful
group of support here at obesityhelp...
— Bonnie S.
June 10, 2002
FIrst of all I have to agree with everyone,PICK YOURSELF UP AND FACE THE
WORLD WITH A BIG SMILE, easier said then done. I can't imagine the stress
you are under, but remember that you never walk alone. YEs, these terrible
things have happened but don't look at those things look at the great
things in your life. Do I have a roof over my head?, Am I loved? and if
you are going to nursing school that gives you so much to look forward to.
Yes times may be tough right now, but that does not mean they will always
be. Always remember everyone here loves you in our own way. Take Care,
and be good to your self!!!!!
— Jennifer E.
June 10, 2002
It sounds to me like you may need to go to counseling to get some help in
dealing with your life setbacks and finding another coping tool than food.
I know counseling may be out of your financial range right now but check
with the school where you are studying nursing. Many colleges and other
schools have free counseling available for students. I think anyone who
has been through what you have recently been through needs emotional
support from a non-affected third party. If your school doesn't have the
services and you are associated with any church talk to the minister. In
addition to being spirtual guides many ministers are also trained
counselors. Good luck!
— cathleent
June 10, 2002
I can feel your pain, sweetie. I know the "guilt and shame"
cycle all too well, but I promise you, you can get back on track!! I was
also a sugar addict and really had a tough time post-op. Then, after my
sugar habit caused a 1 month plateau, I cut it out altogether and started
losing again within one week. Now I don't even miss it. Please don't give
up on yourself. Work your tool, continue to reach out for support, and
LOVE YOURSELF. We're all here for you.
— Terissa R.
June 11, 2002
Kellie, girl, I know how you feel. Check my profile and you'll see how
we've mirrored one another. I, too, am in school. I have not been doing
the things I should be doing to reach my goal (still 25 lbs away). I
haven't weighed lately, because I'm scared the scales will be up. I found
myself over-indulging with other destructive behaviors, but I am now to the
point that I can forgive myself and get back to business. Feel free to
write for support, maybe we can work out a plan together!
— [Deactivated Member]
June 14, 2002
kellie... I think you have too many issues on your plate and you're
overwhelming yourself... there is no way to solve all of the problems at
once, so you have to pick one and start one at a time, and it should be one
that is within your control. You've already started... you stopped
drinking... now pick another one, specifically sugar, and go cold turkey.
Tell yourself that it's just an off limits food and that's okay, you don't
need it to make you happy. You can't fix your husbands job situation or
your mother's health, and you certainly have too much going on to worry
about getting pregnant. Get yourself through school and get yourself
healthy and at a healthy weight and then you'll have a great base with
which to bring a baby into the world. You are overwhelming yourself... the
biggest problem is probably the money... that will make me eat like crazy
(if I'm worried...) Not sure on that one... it's time to talk to your
husband heart to heart and tell him you need him to give 110% to get
re-employed. Good luck!
— Diane B.
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