Question:
Do other African American women find that friends and family expect them to stop

Do other African American women find that friends and family expect them to stop losing weight at a much higher point than others on this sight. I started at 310 and am now around 220. First off no one believes that I could have ever weighed 310 ((You just didn't look that big!)(Well my knees certainly felt it)). Secondly, at 220, I am physically much smaller than I was on my way up. I can tell because I have some clothes that I had ten years ago when I weighed 220 and they are much looser than they were back then. Thirdly, some people in my family or inner circle of friends who would be considered overweight, are healthy and have the curves and softness that are culturally expected. My Asian American, female, PCP doctor who may weigh 110 at 5'3 even stated that after twenty-five more pounds and she would like to see me stop losing weight. I must admit that if I got a midline abdominoplasty and breast lift/reduction at this point, I would be perfectly happy with my size. My blood pressure is under control and so is my asthma. I really feel great. I started this journey thinking that at 150 I would be healthy and look great. As I get closer to 200. I am wondering what the heck I would look like at 150 and how exactly would I feel. May God Bless Us All! Every One.    — Faith Pureson (posted on March 18, 2002)

March 18, 2002
Hi, I am African America and according to my DR I should be 98lb to 110lb because I am 4 feet 10 inches. I currently weigh 220. I do not see myself this small because personally I think it is too small for me, my idea weight is 130, according to my nutritionist African America are toned differently. Some people in are culture we look better "thick" than thin. The way I see it if I lose 50lb and my blood pressure is gone I am a happy camper. Send me e-mail because I would love to know how it works out for you....For other posters I hope I am not offending anyone
   — Lovett

March 18, 2002
We are thicker no way around it. I am also one of those that NO ONE ever believes that I am the weight the scale says (especially my Doctors). I am always weighed twice so that they can be sure. I don't think the standard rules apply to us. They say I should be 130 pounds - I know that I only want to be 160 pounds - dripping wet. My motto - go for what feels right and spend NO time on what others think you should be. God Bless and good luck! With black women it is about how we feel, how healthy we are and less about our actual weight.
   — Yvette W.

March 18, 2002
Thank You ! Thank You! Thank You! for posting that question. I weigh 240 and I started out at 370, and I have people in my family and community that constantly tell me to stop losing weight. What's with our culture???? 240 is not a healthy weight. I can wear a size 18 and I'm happy with my sucess, but I want to someday wear a size 8. When I tell people that I have 100 more pounds to lose, they usually freak out. I have decided to set the standard for myself and not value anyone else's opinion. Good Luck!
   — Tammy W.

March 18, 2002
I am a white woman who has a lot of black friends and coworkers. I don't so much think that it is just "how black people are," I think that it is how they see you. I am 225 and my friends and coworkers say that I should not lose anymore weight. They think that I will look bad if I get down anymore. I think that black people appreciate a good looking shape and with hips and breasts. The perfect curves. My white friends don't say so, but they think that I could lose another 50 pounds. I know my bone skinny sister keeps asking me why am I drinking this or eating that. Don't I want to lose more weight? Sure I do, to be honest, I would love to lose another 50 pounds. However, if I don't, I will be happy and healthier than I have been and can accept my body at this point. I have not stopped losing, but the rest is just gravy. The posters are right. We can't control what people think about us or our decision. All we can do is what is right for ourselves. You are the one who has to live with what you have been given. I say enjoy what you look like, you certainly didn't get this many compliments at 300+ pounds! Life is so much more enjoyable for me. God has blessed you with this surgery and the good feeling you now have about yourself. Ain't it great!
   — Stephanie N.

March 18, 2002
I am 236 lbs. down from 407. Am I thrilled with my weight loss? Of course! Do I wish I could lose another 100 lbs? Of course! Is is likely? No, probably not. The average size for the healthy women in my family is about 190 lbs. We look thin at that weight because we're so tall, and we don't have a high fat percentage either. So I've re-evaluated my goal to be 190 rather than the 173 number my doctor had thrown out to me before surgery. I already feel pretty thin at 236, so I'm sure I'll feel like a skeleton at 190!!!
   — Terissa R.

March 18, 2002
Hey Faith...true story: This morning I went to get my Driver's license renewed (something we have to do every 4 years in Ohio). I told the guy that I wanted to change my weight on the license cause it said 250 and I was lying about 250 4 years ago --I was probably 280). Anyway, I told him I was now 210 (the truth) and we were talking about weight loss. I told him (he's black) that I wanted to lose another 50 and he looked at me like I was crazy -- as have other people (even some white people!). I think I was caught up with a certain # in my head. People are telling me I look great now but I want to get in the 100s. I also thought 150 was a good goal weight but now think I might look emaciated! Anyway...I belong to a listserv on yahoogroups of black people that have or are having WLS. Very informative and this issue would be a good topic to discuss. Drop me an email if you're interested in how to join. Good luck and God Bless!
   — Kimberly L.

March 19, 2002
I have friends who are black, as well as relatives through marriage who are black. I know what you're saying...to be African American and to be attractive you gotta have some curves, baby! As a white woman who is "apple shaped" I am looking forward to losing this belly and don't care if I lose the breasts too. I'm tired of looking like I have no booty!!! But these are MY goals and MY desires. You need to know what you'll be comfortable at, and willing to change your goal as the journey goes on. I personally will celebrate the day I am once again under 200lbs and can wear those size 18 jeans I've hung on to for 15 years. Good luck and God Bless - Anna
   — Anna L.

March 19, 2002
YES FAITH I KNOW WHAT YOUR GOING THROUGH. I STARTED AT 350.7 AND I NOW WEIGHT BETWEEN 165-167 AND MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS SEEM TO THINK THAT IS ENOUGH WEIGHT AND I SHOULD STOP. WHAT I TELLTHEM IS I HAVE A GOAL WEIGHT AND I AM NOT YET AT IT AND I WILL CONTINUE IS GOD SAYS SO. I WANT TO LOOSE ANOTHER 20 TO 25 POUNDS AND I KNOW I WILL DO IT. LOOK AT MY PROFILE AND YOU WAN SEE THE BIG DIFFERECE, AND YES YOU WILL LOOK TOTALLY DIFFERENT WHEN YOU REACH YOUR GOAL.
   — Kimberly M.

March 19, 2002
nothing for or against anyones culture, but Kimberly you sure look good!!!!!!!
   — faybay

March 19, 2002
I MUST respond to this. I am a African American woman who has had Gastric Bypass and I am going through this now. I would like to get down to 120lbs but my husband is begging me to go no lower than 135. I stand five feet (5'1 on a good day) and for my body structure (bone size) my max weight would be 140 lbs. I am what they call "big bone". Right now I am wearing a size ten. Before surgery I was a size 18 to 20. All the women in my family have big booties and hips. I have neither. They all carry their weight in their hips. I am also the shortest in my family. My extended family has not seen me since I lost all this weight and when I return to the states next year and they see me the first thing they are going to ask me is "are you sick". I have not told anyone other than my sisters that I had the surgery (parents deceased) so the extended family are going to have a field day talking about me at the family reunion. If asked I will tell them but if not, its none of their business. I have a strange extended family. They are a bunch of nuts. Don't let your family members or friends determine what is best for you. You are under the care of a qualified physician and unless your family members can produce credentials that rival those of your doctor, keep doing your thing and be the diva you were always ment to be! I am having a tummy tuck on 3 April so keep me in your prayers. Smooches
   — Teresa G.

March 20, 2002
I know exactly what you mean. When I went in for my consultation with the surgeon (after all the other grueling tests and consults) the nurse that greeted me asked in a very weird tone..."You are here for the gastric bypas???" She looked me up and down and then weighed me and by that point her eyes almost bulged out of her head...she said, "I guess you are a candidate for the surgery." I am 5'5" and weigh about 265-270lbs. No one ever believes that I weigh that much just by looking at me. Even my boyfriend of 8 years and my mother were shocked and amazed when I finally told them the grand total. Some women, and I find it very common among African Americans, hide their weight in the hips, thighs and buttocks region and it fools you into thinking that you really are not as big as you are. I know that personally I would be perfectly happy at 185lbs even though the weight charts still consider that as overweight. Truth be told, I look damn good at 215lbs. Bottom line is that it does not matter what anybody else thinks, go with what feels good to you.
   — Maria A. M.

May 10, 2003
I have heard the same thing also. I started at 265 and currently weigh 230. My goal weight is 140. I haven't weighed this since I was a teenager. But, I remember that I liked the weight I was. I was full of energy, I could wear anything I wanted, and I looked great in my clothes. When I tell people today what my goal weight is, they balk at 140 as if I said 99 pounds at 5'7. I chosed 140 because its in the middle of the range for my height. 127-167. I want to be as far away from 200 as I can safely maintain. Also, its not like I never weighed this before. I had all of my weight gain after I had my first child. I didn't gain a pound with the next 2, but 200 appeared to be my set point weight thereafter. I know low weight is an issue for many AA, but being MO is a silent killer and I want to live the remainder of my life small, not MO. So, I am shooting for my goal of 140.
   — yh1401

June 18, 2003
As an African American scheduled for a lap RNY on July 18, I see that this surgery was my personal decision and I am not going to settle for any less than where I desreve to be. For my height and bone structure that is between 117-123 pounds. That may be considered tiny by our ethnic guidelines, but I am not having them cut me to NOT reach my personal goal or to still be plus-sized. I want my outside to reflect my inside and I am ready to be where I need to be. Don't let your family or friends tell you what they would be happy seeing you do. They are expressing what would make THEM comfortable. Do waht you NEED to do for YOU!!! Good Luck! God BLESS!
   — Aisha S.

June 18, 2003
Just gotta respond here. I am 5'2" and weight 279 pounds, at last weight. I am in the process of getting approval for this surgery. My family members are looking at me bug-eyed saying "what do you want to do that for; you look fine to me." No way. Then my boyfriend says it will be good for me healthwise, but what about my boobs and butt. I told him i had boobs and butt when i was 125 pounds and I'm sure they will be there when/if I lose weight. Do what makes YOU as a person feel good. If I have surgery my goal weight is 135 pounds, but at this point I will be happy at 160 pounds.
   — Sonya P.

February 15, 2004
Hi, This seems to be true in my case too .I started out weighing 310-295lbs and have now gone down to 170lbs and some of the comments that I get from family and friends is unbelievable. I hear this all the time from them "you don't want to lose too much weight" or "what size are you now a 2 "or "you look anorexic !" Now I'm 5'7 and by no means look that thin ,I just think that they are so use to seeing me heavy that they can't picture me looking this way now. I wear a size 12 pants and they have never seen me look like this before but their comments are starting to get old ! I just wish they'd keep their comments to themselves but you know how we as black people are , we feel it's our right to make comments about each other .lol I haven't even reached my goal weight yet which is 150 lbs and at this point they'll probably want to hospitalize me. But if I don't make it to this goal , that's fine because I'm having so much fun at this size that it can only get better from here . Good luck to you and don't let anyone dictate how much you should weigh.
   — cinnamongirl

February 15, 2004
I have had the same exact experience. Everybody saying I have lost too much, "you are not going to become anorexic are you?" I don't think it is a black or white thing, just a people thing. I am 5'7" and have lost 103 lbs. I am down to 153, and my goal is 135, but I am a size 12. It is the smallest I have ever been, and people just have to adapt to it. I am having trouble getting used to it myself! Congrats!!!
   — Monica B.

June 21, 2004
Loose all you want as long as you are healthy. I went from 340 to 165. I love being 165 even though people say I look 130 and bony. This is comfortable for me. My doc wanted me at 150 I never got there after 2 years and probably will never get there I am skin and bone and I need some of the skin removed which I am working on.
   — tlwlkr

June 22, 2004
I think women of all ethnicities hear this. I have found it better not to talk about where I want to be and if asked, I give a vague answer, sort of - I am waiting to see what my body wants to weigh. other wise I get just way more advice than I care to hear about how MY body should look. why is it others feel that it is ok to critically comment on our body size? I think answering question in too much detail only encourages them to be more intrusive.
   — **willow**

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