Question:
Is anyone afraid that they will become shallow after losing weight?

My friend who was far from being obese, but still overweight by society's standards got stomach problems that prevented her from eating and lost 60#s 185 down to 125. Now she is totally shallow(only interested in shopping and her new boyfriend who told her if she hadn't lost weight he would not have been attracted to her) and completely rude and judgemental toward others. I am afraid that this will happen to me if I lose weight. I don't want to become self absorbed and insensitive. If I do decide to have surgery, it won't be for social acceptance reasons because I have a great family and a wonderful soulmate to share my life with. I simply want to be able to run or ride a rollercoaster or even fit in an airplane seat to enjoy the life that has been given to me to its fullest. I have been fat my entire life and it has molded me into an independent self confident woman who relies on her intelligence and wit rather than relying on my sexuality or powers of feminine persuasion. I worry that in finding the thin girl underneath I will lose what has made me compassionate and approachable. I am 23 330# and actively researching surgery. Please email me if you would like to at [email protected].    — S B. (posted on January 18, 2001)

January 19, 2001
Sounds like your friend may have some other issues (the boyfriend thing worries me!). What I have found that I don't let people walk over me like I did before I'd let things go because I was so afraid of being verbally attacked about my weight- from past experience. I am happier now so I think that I probably treat people even better than I did before, I am just more assertive- and I REALLY like that part. I feel that I am true to myself now. Good Luck on your research and take care.
   — [Anonymous]

January 23, 2001
In posting this question, I would venture to say that you won't become shallow... The fact that you are concerned about it tells me that you won't become that way!
   — Dhelynn

January 23, 2001
I just had to respond to this great question. Boy do you sound like a nice person and very self assured in many ways. I have to tell you that I am now at goal and have lost 165 pounds. Yes, I am proud of that, but I am also alot more humble I think than I was before surgery. I appreciate what every large person is going through and I vowed never to forget. I am definately an advocate for "fat" people's rights and inside, I still consider myself a large person due to the fact that I was for so long. Yes, it's wonderful to shop, to be able to do things again and so forth but, I never forget from whence I came. I sincerely doubt that you will change because of this and I think that your friend is probably going through some trials of her own. She is with a man who loves her only if she is thin. Think of the pressure that is on her not to gain weight! Bet she is young (21 or 22 maybe)? Sometimes, not always, (as in the case of yourself) people that age have different priorities and are easily influenced. I sincerely feel sorry for her if and when she gains this weight back. She will be eating her words and will probably feel very dumb for saying some of this stuff. I don't think that the basic person can change because of the weight loss. If you were shallow before, you will be after, but, if you are a person such as yourself, you will be a great person to help others in your same position. Good luck to you.
   — Barbara H.

January 24, 2001
Hey, sounds like you are on the right track, getting to know who you are before you have surgery. I would guess that, with your awareness, you will do just fine and remain true to yourself!
   — Elaine P.

January 24, 2001
I've read all the rrsponses to this and basically agree except for one thing. No one can tell ahead of time what their reaction to being thinner, or actually thin, might be. We all go into this for health reasons, but sometimes along the way, the attractiveness issue comes in. Suddenly we are getting way more attention from the opposite sex than we ever had before. Suddenly we can wear sizes that we never even imagined wearing. Suddenly we catch a glimpse of someone wearing an outfit that we own, and say to ourselves "I wish I looked that good in *my* outfit" ... only to realize we are looking in a mirror and that good-looking person *is* us! So, though there is no intention to become shallow or overly proud of ourselves, sometimes it happens that we get overinvolved with our appearance for a time. It's a part of accepting and understanding our new bodies. For most of us it is a process and not a destination, but it can happen. cheers, Ann RNY 9/10/99 260/128
   — [Deactivated Member]

January 25, 2001
First, I wanted to say how greatful I am that we have so many supportive members at this site! You sound like a very nice person, (As may of the responders to your question have mentioned). I would like to address the process of coming to be who we are as we lose our weight. I can only speak from my own experience; I have changed sooo much in just 7.5 months since surgery. Who I am has changed because the way I see myself has changed. Because not too many people mention this, I wonder if everyone goes through this...I was always so self conscious and self depreciating 120 pounds ago. Now, with about 60 pounds to go, I feel positive, and happy, about life. I am more curious about other people and I am constantly feeling my way around the world as though I was a new-born because I am in a new body. I think it is normal to transition mentally (because we have new,changing, bodies) and become more self confident. Some of us remember who we were (we could go back to being obese in the future if we do not follow "the plan"-after surgery") and try to remain modest and understanding because we have been there. I think there are others, though, that feel "weird" or "uncomfortable" being thin because they have never been there before, so they come off as cocky and overly confident. Especially if the opposite sex has been foreign to them in the past....personally, I think it is a mask, covering their insecurities! Anyway, that is just my two cents worth.
   — twenc

January 25, 2001
I couldn't have said it better than Toni's post. I echo her sentiments. Best wishes!
   — [Deactivated Member]

January 27, 2001
My boyfriend assured me that I would still be an obnoxious %itch even if I lost weight. And 132 pounds later, I am pleased to report that, in fact, I am even less concerned about what people think about me and am not so interested in being nice at all cost just so people will like me, in spite of my weight. Of course that could be the result of turning 42 and feeling free of a problem that has plagued me all my life. (I cannot begin to tell you how joyful it is to know that I can be satisfied eating like a normal person.) And I never cared for people as a 'vulgar herd', much prefering to take people one-by-one anyway. So put your concerns at ease...even if you do become a 'shallow person', I'd be willing to bet it won't last unless that is who you are naturally. And, given that you have sense enough to ask the question, I'd say it is a safe bet that you are going to be just fine....Good Luck!
   — merri B.