Question:
How do I stop feeling overwhelmed?
I want to have this surgery done so bad but I am a cautious, realistic, and pessimistic person. I've wanted to have this surgery done ever since I read the book "FAT NO MORE" during the year 1999, but there always seemed to be something that came up or someone that just made me doubt or discouraged me about having the surgery done. Now I don't get discouraged or doubt the fact that I want to have the surgery done but there are still things that occur that prevent me from pursuing my goal to have this done. I don't work in a high paying job, I work in a bookstore I barely make enough to pay my bills as it is. I live with my mother because I can't afford my own place. I know that there are others out there that are in similar situations, so what do we do about our pursuit for happiness (forgive the cliche)? All I have ever wanted is to have a good paying job, a nice apartment, a nice car and maybe even a nice man to fall in love with and most of all LOSE WEIGHT. This week I had a fight with my mother that makes me worry about our relationship and the lack of a place to live. It seems that every time I get close to my dream of losing weight I wind up having to deal with something else. I know I need to start looking for another job that pays more money so I can be totally independent. I just turned 32 yrs. old Jan. 4th and I feel like my time is running out in so many areas of my life. Just thinking about all the things that need to get accomplished depresses me even more than I already am. I have failed myself and my God. I think I am sinking into another really bad depression again (which sets me back even further from the things I want). Do I set aside my other obligations and keep pursuing the surgery or do I be responsible and put off my dream of losing weight again. I hate the fact that I even have to make the decision, I want to lose weight so badly. The depression is a horrible thing to endure the headaches are getting worse and my energy level seems to be lessening even more everyday. If I weren't afraid for my soul I would just end it and take away my misery. Forgive me for sounding morbid I am just so tired of this. — Nicole C. (posted on January 21, 2001)
January 21, 2001
Hi Nicole,
Truely you are not alone you how you are feeling. You only want what
everyone else wants. I don't know if you heard of Jack Canfield he co write
chicken soup for the soul. He also has cassette tapes on how to build self
esteem. I am into self help books. You see my life wasn't a bed of roses
either. But I had to learn to take it oneday at a time. Jesus said come
unto me all ye that labor and or heavy laden I will give you rest. You said
that you have fail God and yourself. GOD STILL LOVES YOU and He is not the
kind of God who would abandon you. Trust God and believe that he has a
purpose for your life. I am not trying to come off religious here but I
know what He can do for you. I don't know if you believe in affirmations
but I truely do and they work. Everytime you look in the mirror and you see
yourself; say to yourself I love and accept myself just as I am. I am a
beautiful person inside and out. Now it takes practice, and you may not
believe it at first but you will start to feel pretty good about yourself.
I had to do this for myself even when I didn't beleive sometimes. I started
to believe it. When you affirm positive things in your life positive things
happen in your life. When we think negative things in our life negative
things medifest itself in our lives. I know this is hard. Take care of
yourself first. When you love and accept yourself as you are people will
love and accept you as you are. NO prayers goes unanswered. God said he
will give you the desires of your heart if you would just trust Him. I know
there are people who don't believe this but I do. I have this poem it is
called THE POWER OF CHOICE, if you want it email me I will be glad to share
it with you. Take care of yourself. Sharon
— Sharon T.
January 21, 2001
Pay and God will show you the way!
— Trisch B.
January 22, 2001
Nicole, please hang in there sweetie. We are here for you. Your feelings
and situation are common to many, so don't feel you're alone. When I
started researching this surgery, I had a bout of but this.... and but
that....... My doubts ranged from would this really work to what to do I
do with my job to I don't want anyone to see me naked. Make an EXHAUSTIVE
list of every single one one of your doubts (this will be a long list so
cuddle up with a warm blankie and a strong cup of coffee!). Then think
about each doubt and ask yourself why this is a doubt. This will require
soul searching, and you must be very honest with yourself. Some of the
doubts will be very easy to dismiss, and you'll feel silly for even putting
it on the list. (For example, when I was doubtful about being naked in
front of so many people, my friend asked me whether or not I had a 3rd
breast. Naturally the answer is no, therefore the doctor has not seen any
body parts on me that he hadn't already seen a million times.) Other doubts
you have like finances and work are very real and require very careful
consideration. Tackle each "issue" methodically. This may take
time, but this is a way to perhaps get around work and living situation
issues. They may seem insurmountable but work it through. Don't give up
easily, and as one of my friends says "do what it takes to make it
happen". One of the reasons why you may be so hesitant is that this
process will bring on changes, and change (or our fear of it) can often be
scary. It's easier to be miserable and remain in the status quo instead of
taking a leap with a long process we're unsure about. Look at what obesity
is doing to you - to your physical health, emotional state, quality of
life. If you had to have a heart transplant to save your life would you do
it? WLS is no different. Don't misunderstand me though - there is no cure
for obesity (yet), and this is not a "wake up and you're thin"
type of deal. It's a process, and as long as you're willing, the process
will work for you. God bless, and I wish you the very best with your
future. I send many smiles and hugs to you.
— Paula G.
January 22, 2001
Hi Nicole: I'm a single mom and I had surgery 6 months ago and I have been
overwhelmed (before and) since. I began my journey after being laid off of
a GREAT JOB that I held for five years. There was no going away party, no
pat on the back. The company went bankrupt, and I, one of the top
performers, was the first to go - and I had just bought a house following
my divorce. A week later, I tore the meniscus in my right knee and had to
start therapy. I was advised to have knee surgery (again). So I started
thinking, if I'm going to have surgery, it is going to be something that
changes my life. As a result, I put off looking for a new job, because I
didn't want to start a new position and then have to take several weeks off
- I just didn't think it would be fair to a new employer. And besides, my
COBRA covered the surgery. So I had the surgery, and finding a job was
more difficult than I anticipated because I do not have a four-year
degree...mind you, I was making well over $50k before I was laid off. I
knew I was going to take a hit financially. I finally settled on a job I
knew I didn't want, hated it and walked out. Thank God I have a great
relationship with my mother, but the ex is throwing me financial slings and
arrows left and right (I think he's just a little perturbed that I'm losing
weight). Right now, I'm temping and making less than 1/2 of what I did in
1999. The last of my retirement account is being used to live off of while
I'm living from paycheck to paycheck. It hasn't been easy...there are days
I have despised myself for being so selfish as to have this surgery and put
my daughters and mortgage at financial risk. There are days I feel like
I'm one step away from the welfare line. There are days I feel like a big,
fat loser. But more often than not, there are days that I see what I've
done for myself: I've lost 72 pounds, I'm healthier and I feel physically
fabulous. My knees have quit hurting. I just feel so much better. The
old saying goes: If it's worth having, it's worth working for. If you
take this plunge and find away to have surgery, your life will not get
instantly better. You will have more challenges than you were prepared
for. But what you need to do is determine your priority. My priority was
to lose weight - not to have fat bank account, and, with the Grace of God,
I welcome and will defeat any obstacles in my way. I've decided I've had
to humble myself, count my blessings and be thankful for what I do have
rather than regret what I don't. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger,
and I feel like I could lift a horse right now! Nicole, if you do have
WLS, YOU WILL FIND AWAY TO MAKE IT WORK OUT! Good luck to you...I'll say a
prayer!
— Allie B.
January 22, 2001
NIcole,
I have been where you are now with the same no where life and
wishing that when I went to bed at night I wouldn't wake up
But thank God that never happened
First you need a job with Benifits and not a HMO
I know its hard with no education and lack of motivation to
get a new job ...but this is your first step
and being obese it is hard to find a job
try the convelesent homes they always need help and ususally carry
health insurance for their employees
the work is hard but your only 32 you can do it
also look into health insurance for your self
try BlueCross
It might cost you most of your check but well worth it in the end
ask your Employer about benifits suggest them getting them and the
employeee paying for them
I own my own business and supply myself and my employee with health
insurance I needed insurance to have this surgery ..
make a appt at a Doctor and talk with them about depression
I have been there and a anti depressent saved my life lifted the
doom and gloom that had sat on my shoulders for 2 years
Life does get better
My life has taken a 180 degree turn
I had surgery open RNY distal on 11-1-00 and feel fantastic
good luck
Your in my prayers
now its time for you to get up and change your life
God can only show you the way
He can not make you go that way
and by showing you the Way here shows you were sort of listening
now open your ears for he is trying to tell you what to do
Kathy
— Kathleen M.
January 22, 2001
Nicole ... the first step is always the hardest. I gave the surgery to
myself as a birthday present--I turned 54 years old. I am 2 weeks post-op
(RNY proximal). I got tired of paying tons of money for weight loss
classes, books, equipment, etc. It's never too late!!! Most doctors
offices and hospitals will accept payment arrangements. Your health is
important. Do this while you're young and you won't regret it. Good luck
and keep us posted, OK?
— Betty Todd
January 22, 2001
I just wanted to take this time to thank all you wonderful people for
responding to my post. It makes me feel a lot better to know that I am not
alone. I get so scared sometimes and start to panic, but reading all of
your responses made me realize that there are people that understand. I was
going to cancel my appointment with the surgeon tomorrow but reading all of
your responses has convinced me to go after what I want and deal with the
consequences later. Thank you all for your support, Nicole
— Nicole C.
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