How do I stop feeling overwhelmed?

I want to have this surgery done so bad but I am a cautious, realistic, and pessimistic person. I've wanted to have this surgery done ever since I read the book "FAT NO MORE" during the year 1999, but there always seemed to be something that came up or someone that just made me doubt or discouraged me about having the surgery done. Now I don't get discouraged or doubt the fact that I want to have the surgery done but there are still things that occur that prevent me from pursuing my goal to have this done. I don't work in a high paying job, I work in a bookstore I barely make enough to pay my bills as it is. I live with my mother because I can't afford my own place. I know that there are others out there that are in similar situations, so what do we do about our pursuit for happiness (forgive the cliche)? All I have ever wanted is to have a good paying job, a nice apartment, a nice car and maybe even a nice man to fall in love with and most of all LOSE WEIGHT. This week I had a fight with my mother that makes me worry about our relationship and the lack of a place to live. It seems that every time I get close to my dream of losing weight I wind up having to deal with something else. I know I need to start looking for another job that pays more money so I can be totally independent. I just turned 32 yrs. old Jan. 4th and I feel like my time is running out in so many areas of my life. Just thinking about all the things that need to get accomplished depresses me even more than I already am. I have failed myself and my God. I think I am sinking into another really bad depression again (which sets me back even further from the things I want). Do I set aside my other obligations and keep pursuing the surgery or do I be responsible and put off my dream of losing weight again. I hate the fact that I even have to make the decision, I want to lose weight so badly. The depression is a horrible thing to endure the headaches are getting worse and my energy level seems to be lessening even more everyday. If I weren't afraid for my soul I would just end it and take away my misery. Forgive me for sounding morbid I am just so tired of this.

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